Gin no Guardian: A boring, empty, characterization-less show, typical of bad Chinese writers. They keep trying to make anime but it never works. The endless fighting against cg nobodies, with no mechanics and no sense of real danger, doesn't work at all. Fights should be like puzzles, or chess, full of maneuvers and tricks. When you're just pummeling people in a straightforward manner it's no different from watching a guy dig a well. Fail.
Alice to Zooroku: This story is stupid. The normal world doesn't include magic. Introducing magic users to the normal world therefore doesn't work. The old man has no place in this world and it's silly to think he could have any effect on it. He's totally out of his league. The villains are way too callous and monstrous to be taken seriously, especially since they work for the Japanese government, so we're to assume that the whole country is fine with torturing little girls. This 80+ year old guy drinks and smokes and has no health defects. What bullshit. The art style is awful too. Fail.
Tsugumomo: People are extremely frail and vulnerable. If you treat that lightly, you're scum. Hitting people for no reason, cock-teasing them for hours at a time without putting out, grabbing a girls' breasts without even apologizing, none of this is acceptable behavior. To treat these seriously painful incidents as 'slapstick humor' really doesn't cut it. Fail.
Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Kinki Kyouten: This show has good art and humor, but that's all that can be said for it. Supposedly it gets better, so we'll just have to wait and see. Eventually the teacher will evolve into a good guy and he'll no doubt save the world or something, I just wish they wouldn't start him off as a sexual predator. . . Pass.
Busou Shoujo Machiavellianism: The premise of this story is so absurd, and the characters so unrealistic, that there's really no 'there there.' I assume it was meant to be a comedy, but everyone just comes off as jerks, unpleasant people you'd never want to deal with, so why would you watch? I couldn't make it through the first ep. Fail.
Sagrada Reset: This show is hoighty-toighty, acting all pretentious and philosophical, while also having no 'there there.' After all the talk about the true nature of the self, what is righteousness and what is hypocrisy, laws of good behavior, obvious statements dressed up as penetrating insights, etc, etc, you realize that thirty minutes have elapsed and nothing has happened. Nor can anything ever happen in this series, because the power of time travel is so strong that nothing can possibly oppose it. IE, whatever does happen, will just be reset back to the status quo again, and thus nothing can ever happen in this show. If you're prepared for infinite boredom, then here's the place to be. Otherwise, leave the pseudo-intellectualism for something actually real -- like Guts cutting up skeletons in Berserk. Fail.
Sakura Quest: As expected this series is perfect so far. We have a good grasp of our wonderfully identifiable and relatable protagonist, a pink-haired beauty who wants an exciting job but isn't qualified for any. The production values to this show are top notch, as expected of P.A. Works. If you want a comic slice of life that also happens to feature god like levels of moe, this is your show. If this level of quality is maintained it's a shoe-in for my top anime rankings. The only series so far that's genuinely left a good impression, Sakura Quest was desperately needed to get this season rolling. Pass.
Tsuki ga Kirei: This show is mostly CG, so the production value is rock bottom. The plot is also rock bottom. A guy who likes Dazai's literature, who was just a drug using, alcoholic, insane guy who eventually committed suicide, is only going to be led to ruin by taking in influences like that. Meanwhile, the girl who likes him does so for no reason, and already liked him before the story even began, so it's just like he won the lottery. So he's just some bourgeoisie lucky inheritor of love who did nothing to earn it, making him the most hateful man imaginable to all men watching the show. Why him and not me? The only emotion this show produces is envy and despair. There's nothing you can do to get a girl, you just have to hope they randomly start liking you for no reason, before you even exchange your first words with them or even look their way. If they don't like you by then, there's nothing you can do to change their minds and you're already doomed, doomed, doomed to a life of eternal loneliness, just like Dazai's literature. Fail.
Clockwork Planet: This is a typical shonen action story. Girl falls from the sky and becomes hero's battle doll. They go on to stop various world wrecking disasters. Nudity and blushing ensues. Yaya was much prettier from Unbreakable Machine Doll. Heck, the protagonist was much cooler from that series too. Since I never managed to get through Unbreakable Machine Doll, I don't see much hope for this show either. But I guess it's serviceable as a first episode. Maybe it gets better down the line. . . Pass.
Hinako Note: Moe. Pretty girls act cute and clumsy, every man's dream. There's also a good level of humor, great voice acting, and a decent plot (ripped off from Clannad, of a shy girl wanting to overcome her weaknesses by joining the theater club, only to discover the theater club has disbanded, so she has to make a new one herself.) In a season that hasn't really lit things up, this is one of the best shows available, despite its heavy reliance on tropes. Pass.
Re:creators: A sort of riff on Toy Story combined with Fast and the Furious. It's an overly westernized anime, but watcha gonna do. The premise is interesting -- what if the characters we made up in stories were actually real people really living out their lives just as the stories narrated? What would be our responsibility to them? Would all stories require happy endings, etc? Should stories be banned? Well, apparently one character from a story didn't much like us for our meddling and plans vengeance upon our world, and she comes equipped with all the powers given to her by the story, even now that she's on Earth. Only equally overpowered storybook characters can possibly save us now. Pass.
Eromanga Sensei: Welcome to the god tier of storytelling. Eromanga Sensei may actually be better than Oreimo. We won't know unless all the books are translated and/or animated, but that's the level we're talking about here. It's been five years since a new franchise really shook up the rankings, with the introduction of Sword Art Online. In 2017, there will finally be a new challenger for the top. Eromanga Sensei is basically the fusion of Bakuman with Oreimo. If Goku is Bakuman and Vegeta is Oreimo, Eromanga Sensei is Vegeto -- and we all know how much of a powerup that entails.
The only question is whether this series will be given enough episodes to tell its story in full, like Bakuman and Oreimo were allowed to do. If it doesn't, it'll just be another travesty like so many other promising gems (like PapaKiki or Haganai). If it does, the sky's the limit. Pass.
Zero Kara Hajimaru Mahou no Sho: I already watched Guin saga. I don't need a crappy imitation. But no, seriously, neither main character is in the least attractive. We have a giant beast man thing who is always angry, super immature, and a bigot. Then we have a pretentious cocktease. (A cocktease, if you need to know, is a girl who arouses men by being overly familiar with them, while simultaneously becoming indignant and outraged and pressing criminal charges against guys who take their cues seriously and try to relieve said arousals, or jeer, mock, and shame those who become emotionally engaged/dependent upon them as a result, because they never meant a moment of any of their flirting. It's just another form of torture which only despicable girls who delight in lording their power over men engage in.) This show is a waste of White Fox's talent. The name is also a complete ripoff of the actually good series Re:Zero and thus should die in a fire. Fail.
Shuumatsu Nani Shitemasu ka? Isogashii desu ka? Sukutte Moratte Ii desu ka?: Seriously, isn't this name too long? And using Scarborough fair for your introduction is just cheat-mode. Of course I'll fall in love with this show. Why furries? Is this a trend now? Zero Kara and now Shuumatsu? Is it furries from here on out? But okay, how do I gather up my scattered thoughts for this show? In short, it's wonderful. Beautiful. Fantastic. This was a nigh-perfect first episode. If it continues in this vein it's a shoe-in for my top anime rankings. Unlike Zero Kara, both the male and female mains acted in an admirable and attractive manner, earning my respect. The setting is interesting and the characters are deep and multi-faceted. I bet the plot's great too, though of course we haven't gotten to it yet, this being just the first episode. If not for eromanga sensei, this would be the highlight of the spring season. Even though it's got annoying furries and a stupid troll joking about cannibalism. Despite all that it's amazing. The art is supreme and the animation constant and fluid. What a promising way to end the spring debuts. Who knew there was still such great art still waiting in the wings? I'd never even heard of this series until now, and it's this good? Wow. Pass.
Granblue Fantasy the Animation and Danmachi Sword Oratoria are continuations, not spring debuts, so they don't get any first impressions, but I'm looking forward to them both receiving new content for the first time this week as well. All in all the current shows worth watching, of course always subject to change, are most highly anticipated in this order:
1. Eromanga Sensei
2. Shuumatsu Nani Shitemasu ka? Isogashii desu ka? Sukutte Moratte Ii desu ka?
3. Sakura Quest
4. Shingeki no Kyojin 2
5. BanG Dream!
6. Berserk 2
7. Granblue Fantasy the Animation
8. Hinako Note
9. Kira Kira Precure a la mode
10. Dragon Ball Super
12. Kyoukai no Rinne S3
13. Danmachi Sword Oratoria
14. Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Kinki Kyouten
16. One Piece
17. Clockwork Planet
This sums up the spring season. From here on I'll be dropping shows, not adding any, until we reach the restoration and renewal of the summer 2017 debuts.