In Another World with 100 Waifus:
It all started when I was driving to the grocery store. For no reason at all, a giant semi-trailer truck started driving aggressively close to my rear. I wondered what was the deal with this impatient Truck-kun when, before I knew it, it had driven right into and over my car, smushing all the flesh and metal together flat. I died in an instant, but luckily death was not the end. It was the beginning.
When I woke up, a cute 14 year old barefoot girl dressed in white with angel wings carrying a fancy staff was standing over me. She kneeled down and offered me her hand, so I took it, and with surprising strength I was lifted directly to my feet. I was wearing the same clothes as when I died, but thankfully not spattered in bones or blood. I checked myself for injuries but everything was in its right place again, and there wasn't any pain. Even the normal pains of everyday life were gone, and it seemed I was the healthiest I'd ever been.
"That truck sure was unreasonable!" The goddess pouted with a puffed out cheek. "Why couldn't it just go the speed limit like everyone else, what on Earth delivery did it have to make that justifies running straight over the rest of the traffic in its way?"
"I know, right?" I smiled wryly. "Tailgaters are bad enough, but when a semi-trailer truck does it, I despair of humanity. . ."
"It wasn't right. So as God, I came to you with a proposition, to even the scales. I'll let you set up life in another world with even an extra bonus to make up for your loss." The Goddess smiled beneficently towards my benighted soul.
"God wasn't an old man?" I asked, startled. "All the religions are teaching you wrong."
"That's not true. In Japan, don't they have this phrase? 'Cute is Justice.'" The Goddess held up a finger to an invisible phrase next to her head as if for proof.
"So only the otaku had it right." I murmured. Well, I already knew that. The only decent, right-thinking people on Earth were obviously otaku, though it was always nice to have one's opinions confirmed as undeniable fact.
"Aren't we getting off track here?" The Goddess frowned. "I froze time so as to talk with you personally, but believe it or not I have a lot of responsibilities to attend to."
"Oh, my bad. Any bonus I want, you say?" I asked for confirmation.
"Anything! This omnipotent God doesn't go back on her word." She thumped her modest chest with pride.
"Then, there is one thing I've always wanted but could never have on Earth." I mused aloud. "Would it be okay if I traveled to this new world with my favorite 100 waifus?"
"Isn't that 100 wishes, not one?" The Goddess' forehead scrunched up dubiously.
"No no no. The harem of 100 wives of my personal choosing is the one thing I want in this world, if I didn't have all 100 it wouldn't be a complete set and would lose all meaning." I furiously explained.
"So to get this clear, you need all 100 of these 2d girls only found in stories to be immanentized into 3d flesh, given their own true souls based on the personalities displayed in said stories, and they all need to love you to the same degree as their most special person in said tales, so that you can take all 100 of them to wife?" The Goddess started counting the issues on her fingers.
"Plus they all have to be okay with living together with me as a harem, or it would all fall apart, so at least edit their personalities that far." I enjoined.
"Okay. 100 waifus in another world, do you have a list? You'd better remember all 100 of their names or I won't do it." God warned.
"Oh, oh, and make sure that their essential natures from the story stay the same." I commented, getting excited. My 100 waifu harem was so close I could taste it, this coming from someone who had never succeeded with any woman in the real world. "Plus they should all come with their personal effects that were essential supports for their characterization."
"So like magic equipment, fairies that helped them transform, outfits and the like? Got it." God nodded. "They couldn't very well be themselves without their charm points, huh?"
"You understand everything quickly. As expected of God!" I worshiped. "Okay then, be sure to remember all of this correctly. The 100 waifus I want to take with me are:
Cure Dream (Nozomi Yumehara) from Yes Pretty Cure 5 (CV: Yuko Sanpei) (Age 14-15)
Cure Lemonade (Urara Kasugano) from Yes Pretty Cure 5 (CV: Mariya Ise) (Age 13-14)
Cure White (Honoka Yukishiro) from Futari wa Pretty Cure (CV: Yukana Nogami) (Age 14-15)
Cure Egret (Mai Mishou) from Futari wa Pretty Cure Splash Star (CV: Atsuko Enomoto) (Age 13-14)
Cure Flora (Haruka Haruno) from Go! Princess Pretty Cure (CV: Yu Shimamura) (Age 13)
Cure Magical (Riko Izayoi) from Mahoutsukai Pretty Cure (CV: Yui Horie) (Age 13-14)
Asuna Yuuki from Sword Art Online (CV: Haruka Tomatsu) (Age 15-18)
Silica (Keiko Ayano) from Sword Art Online (CV: Rina Hidaka) (Age 12-15)
Leafa (Suguha Kirigaya) from Sword Art Online (CV: Ayana Taketatsu) (Age 15-16)
Rin Natsume from Little Busters! (CV: Tomoe Tamiyasu) (Age 16-17)
Haruka Saigusa from Little Busters! (CV: Keiko Suzuki) (Age 16-17)
Kudryavka Noumi/Strugatskaya from Little Busters! (CV: Naomi Wakabayashi) (Age 15-16)
Azusa Nakano from K-On! (CV: Ayana Taketatsu) (Age 15-17)
Yui Hirasawa from K-On! (CV: Aki Toyosaki) (Age 15-18)
Kagome Higurashi from Inuyasha (CV: Satsuki Yukino) (Age 15-18)
Aoba Suzukaze from New Game (CV: Yuki Takada) (Age 18-20)
Teletha Testarossa from Full Metal Panic! (CV: Yukana Nogami) (Age 16)
Kaname Chidori from Full Metal Panic! (CV: Satsuki Yukino) (Age 16)
Mira Yurizaki from Dimension W (CV: Reina Ueda) (Age 2)
Rose from Tales of Zestiria (CV: Mikako Komatsu) (Age 17)
Elize Lutus from Tales of Xillia (CV: Yuki Horinaka) (Age 12-13)
Leia Rolando from Tales of Xillia (CV: Saori Hayami) (Age 15-16)
Sophie from Tales of Graces (CV: Kana Hanazawa) (Age 13)
Cheria Barnes from Tales of Graces (CV: Shiho Kawaragi) (Age 18)
Rydia from Final Fantasy 4 (CV: Noriko Shitaya) (Age 17)
Rosa Joanna Farrell from Final Fantasy 4 (CV: Yuuko Kaida) (Age 19)
Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy 7 (CV: Ayumi Ito) (Age 20)
Aerith Gainsborough from Final Fantasy 7 (CV: Maaya Sakamoto) (Age 22)
Rinoa Heartilly from Final Fantasy 8 (CV: Kana Hanazawa) (Age 17)
Yuna from Final Fantasy 10 (CV: Mayuko Aoki) (Age 17-19)
MOMO Mizrahi from Xenosaga (CV: Rumi Shishido) (Age 12)
Aruru from Utawarerumono (CV: Miyuki Sawashiro) (Age 9-27)
Eruru from Utawarerumono (CV: Ryoka Yuzuki) (Age 17-35)
Nekone from Utawarerumono (CV: Inori Minase) (Age 12-13)
Kuon from Utawarerumono (CV: Risa Taneda) (Age 16-17)
Nayuki Minase from Kanon (CV: Mariko Koda) (Age 17)
Nagisa Furukawa from Clannad (CV: Mai Nakahara) (Age 19-21)
Misuzu Kamio from Air (CV: Tomoko Kawakami) (Age 16-17)
Kotori Kanbe from Rewrite (CV: Chiwa Saito) (Age 16-17)
Wendy Marvel from Fairy Tail (CV: Satomi Sato) (Age 12-14)
Sherria Blendy from Fairy Tail (CV: Yuka Iguchi) (Age 15-17)
Lucy Heartfilia from Fairy Tail (CV: Aya Hirano) (Age 17-19)
Mavis Vermillion from Fairy Tail (CV: Mamiko Noto) (Age 13)
Levy McGarden from Fairy Tail (CV: Mariya Ise) (Age 17-19)
Juvia Locksor from Fairy Tail (CV: Mai Nakahara) (Age 17-19)
Lisanna Strauss from Fairy Tail (CV: Harumi Sakurai) (Age 17-19)
Mirajane Strauss from Fairy Tail (CV: Ryoko Ono) (Age 19-21)
Makina Irisu from Grisaia (CV: Tomoe Tamiyasu) (Age 15)
Nanoha Takamachi from Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha (CV: Yukari Tamura) (Age 9-25)
Fate Testarossa from Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha (CV: Nana Mizuki) (Age 9-25)
Sakura Haruno from Naruto (CV: Chie Nakamura) (Age 12-36)
Rin Nohara from Naruto (CV: Haruhi Nanao) (Age 9-11)
Chtolly Nota Seniorious from Suka Suka (CV: Azusa Tadokoro) (Age 15)
Sagiri Izumi from Eromanga Sensei (CV: Akane Fujita) (Age 13)
Elf Yamada (Emily Granger) from Eromanga Sensei (CV: Minami Takahashi) (Age 14)
Deedlit from Record of Lodoss War (CV: Yumi Touma) (Age 175)
Kobato Hasegawa from Haganai (CV: Kana Hanazawa) (Age 13-14)
Sora Takanashi from PapaKiki (CV: Sumire Uesaka) (Age 14)
Miu Takanashi from PapaKiki (CV: Eri Kitamura) (Age 10)
Sakura Kinomoto from Card Captor Sakura (CV: Sakura Tange) (Age 10-13)
Lafiel Abriel from Crest of the Stars (CV: Ayako Kawasumi) (Age 15-26)
Myusel Foaran from Outbreak Company (CV: Suzuko Mimori) (Age 16)
Sara Rukawa/Chrysalis from Da Capo (CV: Chiyo Ousaki) (Age 14)
Nemu Asakura from Da Capo (CV: Sakura Nogawa) (Age 14)
Yume Asakura from Da Capo (CV: Hijiri Kinomi) (Age 14)
Himeno Katsuragi from Da Capo (CV: Mikoi Sasaki) (Age 14)
Sakura Yoshino from Da Capo (CV: Hitomi) (Age 14)
Aisia from Da Capo (CV: Ui Miyazaki) (Age 14)
Koko Tsukishima from Da Capo (CV: Nanjou Yoshino) (Age 14)
Yukino Ouhama from Osananajimi wa Daitouryou (CV: Nanjou Yoshino) (Age 16)
Sayaka Mayuzumi from Majikoi (CV: Yuka Inokuchi) (Age 14)
Isara Aomi from Koichoco (CV: Mai Kadowaki) (Age 15)
Yoru Kazato from Kono Oozora ni, Tsubasa wo Hirogete (CV: Hatsumi Takada) (Age 15)
Asa Kazato from Kono Oozora ni, Tsubasa wo Hirogete (CV: Ai Fukada) (Age 15)
Sae Nakata from Amagami SS (CV: Hiromi Konno) (Age 16-17)
Reina Ryuugu from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni (CV: Mai Nakahara) (Age 15)
Sailor Moon (Usagi Tsukino) from Sailor Moon (CV: Kotono Mitsuishi) (Age 14-21)
Shana from Shakugan no Shana (CV: Rie Kugimiya) (Age 13)
Mikan Yuuki from To Love ru (CV: Kana Hanazawa) (Age 11-12)
Yuuhi Katagiri from Akaneiro ni Somaru Saka (CV: Rie Kugimiya) (Age 16)
Kobeni Yonomori from Mikakunin de Shinkoukei (CV: Haruka Terui) (Age 16)
Illyasviel von Einzbern from Fate/Etc. (CV: Mai Kadowaki) (Age 10-11)
Rin Tohsaka from Fate/Etc. (CV: Kana Ueda) (Age 19)
Orihime Inoue from Bleach (CV: Yuki Matsuoka) (Age 15-17)
Nico Yazawa from Love Live! (CV: Sora Tokui) (Age 17)
Chiwa Harusaki from Oreshura (CV: Chinatsu Akasaki) (Age 15)
Sakura Mamiya from Kyoukai no Rinne (CV: Marina Inoue) (Age 15)
Mumei (Hozumi) from Koutetsujou no Kabaneri (CV: Sayaka Senbongi) (Age 12)
Mylene Flare Jenius from Macross 7 (CV: Tomo Sakurai) (Age 14)
Lyria from Granblue Fantasy the Animation (CV: Nao Toyama) (Age 16)
Kokona Aoba from Yama no Susume (CV: Yui Ogura) (Age 13)
Menma (Meiko Honma) from Anohana (CV: Ai Kayano) (Age 15)
Ai Hinatsuru from Ryuuou no Oshigoto! (CV: Rina Hidaka) (Age 9)
Nadeko Sengoku from Bakemonogatari (CV: Kana Hanazawa) (Age 13-14)
Kirino Kousaka from Oreimo (CV: Ayana Taketatsu) (Age 14)
Mikoto Misaka from Index/Railgun (CV: Rina Satou) (Age 14)
Louise Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere from Zero no Tsukaima (CV: Rie Kugimiya) (Age 16-17)
Wakaba Tsukishima/Akane Takigawa from Cross Game (CV: Akemi Kanda) (Age 11-17)
Iris Freyja from Juuou Mujin no Fafnir (CV: Rina Hidaka) (Age 16)
Mitsuki Mononobe from Juuou Mujin no Fafnir (CV: Manami Numakura) (Age 16)
God frowned, looking perplexed. "Who the heck is Wakaba Tsukishima/Akane Takigawa? Isn't that two people?"
"No no no, they share the same essential body, personality and goodness, so just treat it as Wakaba's transformed state." I insisted.
"Okay, but what about these wildly varying age ranges?" God complained.
"Well, sometimes their stories last a long time so I want to marry the girls who lived throughout that story, not just their oldest versions at the end of the tale." I explained.
"So just let them assume any age they want within that period from day to day?" God asked, taking down notes.
"Right, right. Just like transformed states." I nodded vehemently.
"And they all need to have the voices they had in their respective stories, huh? So isn't it like you're marrying all these seiyuu too?" God gave me a suspicious glare.
"Their voices are integral to their character, it's just a coincidence." I held up both my hands innocently.
"And do you promise to have and to hold these 100 women through richer and poorer, for better or for worse, until death do you part?" God asked.
"I do." I nodded solemnly, standing to attention.
"Then with the power vested in me, as God Almighty, I pronounce you Husband and 100 Waifus." God reached out her index finger and lightly touched my hand. I could feel the light of blessing wafting through me, so I knew something had truly changed both within and without.
"Go and enjoy your new life, Christopher." God smiled kindly, as white light started suffusing the atmosphere. It was getting harder and harder to distinguish her face.
"God be with you." I offered prayerfully in thanks. Then the world turned completely white, and She was gone. Instead I was standing in the center of a long, long ring of beautiful women, out in a grassy flower field, all dressed in bridal gowns wearing wedding rings and holding bouquets. As I swirled around and around to take in this otherworldly sight, I heard a whisper in the breeze: "You may kiss the 100 brides."
Since they all seemed to be waiting for me, I thought it would only be right to get right to it. So my first order of business in the new world with my new life was to kiss every single girl of my dreams on the mouth one after the next. The fact that they all seemed happy to see me and complacent with seeing the other girls meant God had really come through for me. I mentally pumped my fist in victory towards my All-Merciful, All-Benevolent Creator.
After an hour or so of kissing and hugging all my waifu targets, I quickly started arranging our priorities mentally. One thing had to come first before all others.
"Those of you with otherworldly curses, unhealable injuries, illnesses or doomed to bad fortune, line up in a row. Those of you with miraculous curative, restorative, and curse-breaking powers, line up in another row facing them. Let's change fate!" I exclaimed, raising my fist up high with excitement.
Chtolly, Nagisa, Wakaba, Aerith, Rinoa, Yuna, Misuzu, Rin Nohara, Nemu, Reina, Chiwa, Mumei, Mavis and Menma all lined up on one side. Oi oi, aren't too many of you tragic maidens? And one of them was already dead. Was she going to be okay?
Leia, Cheria, Sherria, Elize, Eruru, Nekone, Wendy, Sakura Haruno, Rosa and Orihime lined up on the opposite side. If God had come through, not only their curses and ailments, but the miraculous healing powers of these ladies should still be inside of them. If God had come through, everyone's magic would work the same as before even in this new world. If God had come through. . .
"Ready, aim, heal!" I struck down my arm with an impassioned chop.
Lights of every sort emerged from the bodies and hands of one line and enveloped the girls of the other line. An otherwordly power filled the entire meadow to the point that you could even smell it, and then the world became still again. Menma, who had been looking a bit transparent, was checking herself in disbelief, her long gray hair swinging back and forth with every motion. It seemed even her status had been cured.
Though many of the girls had resurrection spells, I suspected it was Orihime Inoue's power to reject anything unwanted in this world that had overcome any and all issues the tragic maidens may have faced. Even if all the others had failed, I had full confidence in the God-like powers of Orihime. As expected of God, even the God-like powers had been transferred in full straight from the pages of the story books. Though now at least some portion of those stories could be averted. Even if I had 100 wives, I didn't particularly want to cry while holding their hands as they died right in front of me. No thank you to those portions of the scripts.
100 wives meant 100 superpowers. I intended to use them all wisely from here on to make our life together a virtual paradise.
"Nanoha!" Fate waved.
"Fate-chan!" Nanoha exclaimed happily, running over to hold her hand. Incidentally they were in 9 year old mode right now. Apparently God set all the girls to their youngest age range by default. "I'm so glad we can still be together."
Was it okay? I wondered. Both of their feelings for each other should have transferred over to me. But I guess their memories and feelings for each other properly stayed intact as well. Well, I'm sure it was okay.
"Sora!" Miu energetically waved her hand and jumped up and down.
"Miu!" Sora's face exploded with delight. The two ran together and hugged each other, crouching upon the grass faces buried with relief.
"Sherria!" The sky girls held both hands facing each other and jumped up and down with the joy of recognition.
"Asa." Yoru blushed and tugged on her sleeve while looking down.
"Yoru." Asa smiled. "Together forever, even in another world, is it?"
"Of course." Yoru said. "God would never separate us."
"God could never separate us even if He tried." Asa hugged Yoru tight in agreement. God's a She though. Well, they didn't meet so it couldn't be helped.
"Where is Cure Miracle?" Cure Magical complained. "Why would you leave out my counterpart?"
"I'm sorry, she didn't make the cut." I winced sympathetically. Magical's feelings for Miracle should be resting with me now, right? It shouldn't break her heart or anything.
Koko Tsukishima tentatively raised her hand. "I'll let Miracle take my place so. . ."
"No no no no no." I ran over to Koko and pulled her hand down. "It doesn't work that way, we're all in this together from here on. It's just us in the whole wide world."
"But I'm sure there are many more deserving wives than me. . ." Koko fretted.
"You have a bad habit about putting yourself last." I pinched Koko's nose. "At least be willing to include yourself in a list of 100!"
"So no one else is coming and no one can go?" Cure Magical asked.
"That's right. God gave us this new world together, but She can't intervene any further than the initial settings. It's just like the character design portion of the game, once it's confirmed it's confirmed. Even if there are people you remember back home, we just have to look forward to the good times the hundred of us together can make." I explained.
Ai Hinatsuru frowned. "Does this world have any good shogi players?"
"You'll just have to make do with love." I begged plaintively.
"So no more shogi?" Ai looked like she was ready to cry.
"There will be shogi, there will be shogi!" I promised. "Look, MOMO, can you give Ai a good shogi AI to play against once we get settled?"
"Of course, no human can play as well as a computer at shogi, so I can give her as many challenges as she wants." MOMO affirmed. "I'd need a computer first of course. Does anyone here have a computer?"
"MOMO, aren't you a computer?" Mira asked. Mira's enhanced senses must have seen through MOMO's human-like veneer.
"Aren't you?" MOMO replied. In Mira's case it was pretty obvious.
"Father didn't give me any encyclopedic knowledge like that." Mira explained.
Sophie raised her hand, her purple twintails twitching. "I'm also a nanomachine colony, but I was only programmed to slay monsters."
"It's the same for me. I'm a synthetic humanoid modeled after a dead girl named Sakura, so I don't have many capabilities beyond what you'd expect from a little girl." MOMO said.
"But you can navigate space-time folds and fight untouchable Gnosis, right?" I asked.
"Well, if this world ever provides a need. . ." MOMO looked around at the flowery, non-threatening meadow.
"If it's computers I could build one." Kaname Chidori interjected. "I have all advanced scientific and mathematical knowledge whispered into my head. I would need the necessary tools and materials, though."
"Mitsuki, can you create a computer from thin air with your dark matter?" I asked.
"If I had a good enough image in my head." Mitsuki frowned. "That's why I spent so many years training my dark matter for a few specific things. It would be different if it were something simple of course."
"We're going to be relying on your dark matter a lot from now on, so try to experiment with it." I told her. "If you got guidance from Kaname it would work out somehow, right?"
"I think so." Mitsuki nodded.
I breathed a giant sigh of relief. All our manufacturing needs would have to come from Mitsuki for the time being, so that was one hurdle cleared. "Be sure to borrow power from Iris if you ever need her. She can only form explosions on her own, but with your direction her dark matter molding ability should be a powerful asset."
Mitsuki nodded happily, unaware that Iris had even managed to make the jump to reality with her. Now that I'd taken her beloved Nii-san's place in her heart, she shouldn't have any complaints fitting in to my harem plan.
"We'll try to build a computer that can play shogi with you later." I knelt down to look Ai-chan in the eyes and said in a high, calming voice. "For now we need to think about food, water, and shelter, okay?"
Ai jumped into my arms and hugged me tight. "Shishou, arigatou!"
"Anything for my dearest Ai-chan," I embraced her back, engulfed for the first time in my life with Loli bliss. The 99 other waifus around me seemed to have been programmed not to judge, which was a very good thing. There were a lot of nine year olds spread around the premises.
"I don't know if there are other people in this world or not, whether they have cat ears or not, or even the name of this place." I admitted to the crowd. "But I'm not very worried about that. I don't want to 'fit in' to this world in the first place, I want to make a new world and a new life of our very own together. So the first order of business isn't finding the nearest town, it's finding a good place to build our own town. Does anyone have any objections?"
Some girls looked a little worried about when they would get their next meal, but everyone loved me enough to not want to get in the way of my dearest ambition.
"Is it okay if I'm the mayor of our new village?" I asked again. Again there were no objections, everyone had already agreed to love and obey me as wives so it seemed I was already the patriarch of this new clan by default. You did a good job, God. A really, really good job!
"Okay, I thought up a name for our new village. I want to call it 'Paradise.' Any objections?" I offered up again.
"None!" My 100 wives said in unison.
"So I was thinking we would scout out the world for a spot with a good view of the sea and the mountains, a vast sprawling forest and plenty of lakes and streams. The temperature should stay between 70-78 degrees year round. A sort of verdant Los Angeles. Oh, and no earthquake, volcano, tsunami, tornado or hurricane threats either." I laid out my plan.
"We have a lot of summoners here, so we should be able to decamp and fly to anywhere on Earth quickly enough, right?" I pointed out. "Anyone confident in their ability to transfer lots of wives quickly around the world, line up."
Rinoa, Rydia, and Yuna stepped forward. "Quetzlcoatl, Bahamut, Valefor!" They called out, and a series of giant winged beasts appeared out of dimensional warps to land on the ground. With this our transportation needs were set. "Those of you who can fly on your own can help too. Let's all fly generally westward, with individual flyers to the north and the south every fifty miles or so, and see what we've got to work with. In a few hours I can ask Juvia to make water for drinking or washing. As for food, hmm. . ."
"No problem!" Riko announced proudly, brandishing her wand. "Cure up, RaPaPa -- lots and lots of melon pan!" Mana started raining down from the heavens.
Shana looked up with glee, grew fiery wings, and started flitting back and forth trying to collect as much of the bread in her spread out wedding dress as she could. "Melon pan! Melon pan!" She declared with glee. My eyes sparkled as I tracked her cuteness in the sky.
"Right, okay, everyone thank Riko and Juvia for their refreshments. Once we've eaten, everyone with wings start fanning out to our left and right, and then we'll find the geography we're looking for. The entire Earth can be crossed in a single day with a sufficiently fast jet, so this shouldn't take long." I pointed out encouragingly. Paradise was within reach.
Shana, Mitsuki, Iris, Cure Dream, Cure Lemonade, Cure Magical, Sakura Kinomoto, Chtolly, Nanoha, Fate, Lisanna, Rinoa, Illyasviel, Sailor Moon and Misuzu lined up and started sprouting wings one after another. Winged girls were a must, huh? Even God had them. . .
"Misuzu, are you okay? Do your wings hurt anymore?" I asked worriedly.
"Nope, I've been waiting to try these out!" Misuzu flexed her birdmaiden pure-white wings happily. "I never thought the day would come, but this time it looks like the curse is totally lifted."
"Yokattane." I smiled. If only Yukito had been around to see this. Well, don't worry, I'll take good care of Misuzu for you from now on -- I promised in my heart, watching her big blue eyes glimmer and long blonde ponytail sway as she cautiously took to the air.
"All right everyone. Let's fly towards the setting sun together in search of Paradise!" I lifted up my arm in a war cry.
"Oh!" The harem shouted in response, lifting their arms, many clambered atop gigantic summoned monsters.
"Lyria, why didn't you summon anyone?" I stopped and asked my blue-haired beauty.
"I thought it might be copyright infringement, since someone had already summoned Bahamut. . ." Lyria looked sideways and put her two index fingers together in an unstable shifting triangle.
"It's okay, it's okay. The lawyers can never reach us here, so go ahead and summon Bahamut!" I reassured her.
"But what if I summon Bahamut and the Bahamut over there disappears and everyone falls off?" Lyria asked worriedly.
"They're enough different that that couldn't possibly happen." I said shakily, a sweat drop beading on my cheek.
"Ly-ri-a, Ly-ri-a, Ly-ri-a," the crowd started cheering her on, clapping.
"Don't ask me if anything goes wrong!" Lyria closed her eyes, a jewel shining from her chest and radiating light outwards. "Eh, here goes -- Bahamut!"
Another giant dragon appeared from the sky and started floating obediently down towards us.
"I wonder if this would work then. . ." Yuna of the heterochroma thought aloud. "BAHAMUT!" Another dragon looking awfully similar appeared from midair. The three Bahamuts started looking at each other quizzically.
"Okay, umm, everybody, ride whichever Bahamut you like best, and let's get started." I suggested helpfully.
Lucy couldn't resist and pulled out her Gemini key. "Bahamut!" Now there was a fourth Bahamut flying back and forth, looking for someone to ride him. Unfortunately everyone had already chosen one of the previous three Bahamuts so people started shifting guiltily about.
"Thanks Lucy, I'll ride this Bahamut with you." I smiled and took her hand, for which her face lit up with relief. I hadn't been able to exchange a word with her ever since our first kiss so maybe she was feeling left out. 100 waifus was going to be a little hectic, wasn't it? Well, God made sure they were okay with polygamy so it would be okay to ignore them most of the time. Otherwise there would be no time left to sleep. . .
"Bahamut Squad, liftoff!" A flight of dragons took to the sky. We looked more like an aerial invasion force than settlers and pioneers, but we didn't come across any inhabited territories even flying over hundreds of miles so I guess it was fine. God hadn't specified whether we were alone in this world or not so I was a little worried what might happen, but it looked like any real estate we claimed for ourselves wouldn't have to come at gunpoint. My waifus were ridiculously strong so I was sure I could win any war we got in, but they were also tender at heart so I didn't want to order them to genocide the natives if it could be avoided.
Los Angeles was the city of the angels, but my angels were going to find someplace even better. Paradise, just you wait for us. We claim this land for Spain!
After finding the ideal setting for our new village, everyone settled down and huddled together for the night. Since we had found a place with temperate weather year-round, shelter was more a convenience than a necessity. Luckily God had provided everyone with a change of clothes into their most iconic outfits so no one had to sully their wedding dresses in the dirt.
Shelter was definitely a priority for the future, though. First things first, we needed a gigantic mansion for all hundred of my wives and I to live together in equal matrimonial bliss. This meant 100 individual bedrooms for the wives, a master bedroom for myself with a big bed where I could invite as many girls in for the night as I wanted, and the usual amenities of bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, closets, etc., etc. Being born into a new world meant no internet, water, sewage or electricity, which kind of sucked. But the corresponding reduction in overpopulation meant none of these were as dramatic necessities as one might expect.
For instance, electricity wasn't nearly as important when the temperature outside was fine to begin with. We had set camp up next to plenty of fresh, clean flowing water. Everyone could do their business in the woods without fear of coming across anyone else or spreading contagion. And the internet was hardly necessary when everyone in the world was within walking and talking distance of each other to begin with.
Still, I was determined to regain all the comforts of modern living in this new world. I was fine with leaving behind the rest of the world's people, but their inventions had done no wrong.
Within my 100 wives, I had to find the technical prowess to build a mansion with running water, a sewage system, and electricity. Computers and internet too, ideally, but apparently that was an order of magnitude tougher so it could be deferred for now.
"Cure Up RaPaPa! Breakfast, appear before us!" Riko waved her wand, and a nice hot stew appeared in the middle of the clearing complete with 100 wooden bowls and spoons. The metal ladle magically floated into the giant pot and poured out a serving to each bowl in turn, not spilling a single drop. Cure Magical had wonderful control of her magic, but sadly couldn't fashion permanent arbitrary objects like her friend Cure Felice could. This meant simply asking her to summon a mansion for all the inhabitants was a no go. Small things like conjured food were about her limit.
I had chosen my 100 waifus first and foremost for their looks and personality, so Cure Felice's power just wasn't worth it compared to the company of a girl I could truly love. Cure Magical was beautiful, voiced by Yui Horie, diligent and cutely stubborn sometimes, so her magic was already plenty good enough.
"Sakura," I walked over to the most powerful of my magical girl waifus. "Did God provide you with all your cards, even the anime-exclusive ones?"
"Yes," Sakura Kinomoto nodded. "Kero-chan and Yue aren't here, but my staff and cards were considered tools so they were all put in my backpack."
"Okay." I breathed a sigh of relief. Sakura Kinomoto had incredible powers, so I planned on relying on her for a great many things in the future. Right now I had just one card in mind though.
"If Kaname provides the blueprints for a modern house, could you use Wood to grow out a perfect replica?" I asked.
"I can do better than that." Sakura smiled confidently. "With Appear I could just manifest the entire thing. All it takes is proper imaging."
"Wow. After breakfast how about you two get together and give us a proper mansion then. I'm not good with water heaters, wiring and the like, I have no clue how the place should work, but I want 100 bedrooms with 100 bathrooms, a master bedroom with a giant master bathroom, a public bath so big everyone could fit in together if they wanted, kitchens, dining rooms, including a master dining room that could sit all 101 of us, and let's see, a play room, a reading room, a music room, a laundry room. . ." I started wondering what else we would need.
Sakura's eyes started whirling and her body started swaying so I broke off my list of demands to hold her shoulders. "I guess I can't expect all of that to Appear at once, huh? My bad. Just build it bit by bit and make sure the parts can all join up in the end, okay?"
Sakura nodded at that, looking a little more hopeful. "I get too tired if I use too much of my magic at once so I'll just chip away at it little by little."
"Ask everyone how they want their bedroom to look or if they have any special wants before you finalize it, okay?" I ordered Sakura. "We're going to be living here for a long time so I don't want anyone feeling unsatisfied with what they got."
Well, a mansion would form when it was ready, sooner or later. At least everyone could sleep on the floor and have a roof over their heads from tonight onwards, which was already progress.
The next problem was even if the wiring, pipes, and fiber cables were all magically manifested, if nothing flowed through them it didn't amount to anything.
As for a power plant to generate the electricity needed, I already had an idea. "Juvia, Shana, I'm going to need you for this." I called over my water and fire elementalists.
"Kaname has the blueprint for a steam turbine in her head, so we'll have electricity for our village. The only thing we lack is water and fire to turn it into steam and get the turbine spinning." I explained.
"Juvia believes there is something else missing. Juvia notes that steam turbines in Kaname's head doesn't translate to reality." Juvia objected.
"We'll just make it Appear with Sakura's magic," I hand waved the objection away.
"Isn't she working on something else?" Shana arched an eyebrow.
"That isn't the point right now." I kept down my frustration. "I'm just saying that once we have a mansion and once we have a power plant you two should come every morning and boil all the hot water we need for our electricity needs."
"If the power plant generates all the electricity in the morning where will it be stored until needed throughout the day and night?" Shana asked.
"I guess we'll need batteries too." I admitted. Was power generation and distribution difficult on Earth too? It seemed so cheap and easy when I lived there.
"And switches to suck energy from the batteries to the necessary appliances on and off." Shana provided helpfully.
"Mikoto!" I shouted, now out of my depths. Mikoto Misaka walked over, carrying her empty bowl and utensils because she didn't have anywhere to put them.
"What is it?" Mikoto asked, sitting down in the dirt next to the other girls.
"They want an expert on electricity to turn the basic ingredients of a power station into an actual distribution grid. You can do it, right?" I asked hopefully.
"If I had the necessary tools and materials." Mikoto agreed. "A part of my head understands naturally all things electrical and computational, but that's only theoretically. I can't make anything from nothing."
"If we dug up the copper could you form it into wires? And, what, the lithium for the batteries?" I asked.
"I think a lead acid battery would do better here." Mikoto replied. "So lead, phosphate and water. With my magnetism I can reshape metal on the fly no problem."
"Okay. I suppose we need to eventually find mineral veins for every important element. But for now I'll have Mitsuki form a dark matter hunk of everything you need, since base elements are simple enough for her to imagine." I wanted Sakura to focus on making the mansion so I'd leave this level of creation to Mitsuki.
I walked over to Mitsuki and told her to join the power plant group, then took Lucy aside for my next project. "Lucy, I need you to use Virgo to dig our mansion's foundation and the water and sewage lines going in and out. For now, let's just dig a canal that connects to a river and it can take our sewage out to the ocean."
"We're going to pollute all this lovely scenery around us with raw sewage?" Lucy's eyebrows rose in consternation.
"It's fine, there's only 101 of us. The environment can take care of that much on its own. We don't need a sewage treatment plant. All we ever needed was a sustainable population. Every invention we think we need is only due to there being so damn many people packed together in one place."
"What about a landfill?" Lucy asked.
"Just dig up a gigantic cavern we can throw our trash into. 101 people won't generate much trash to begin with, even after 100 years." I assured Lucy.
"What about when our kids start showing up?" Lucy asked, her face reddening slightly.
"Well, dig a big enough cavern for them too." I smiled at the prospect. "We'll put garbage chutes in various places in the mansion and then just have it slide into the cavern with gravity. Can you do that?"
"Virgo can dig as much and as far as you could ever want." Lucy bragged.
"Okay, I leave it to you." I delegated. That took care of water, electricity, housing and sewage. Computers and internet, huh? That would have to be deferred until the more important steps were finished. There would be no need for cars or phones because everyone was within hailing distance anyway. Modern medicine was no match for my magical healing corps, so that wasn't an issue. What other conveniences did people need? Things like shampoo, deodorant, razors, toilet paper, toothbrushes. . .for that matter paper in general. Furniture, of course, most especially chairs, tables and beds. For now Sakura would have to make all of it Appear.
An idea came to me. "Orihime," I singled her out from the crowd. Her orange hair was easy to spot. "Go to Sakura and occasionally Reject her tiredness so she can increase her output. Would that work?"
"Are you a slave driver?" Orihime asked.
"I think the girls who are really suffering are the ones who can't be of any help at all, not the ones who are needed to try their best." I replied, putting my hand on her arm.
"Technically I can reject anything," Orihime admitted, "I've restored reiatsu before, so I suppose magic should work the same way. It takes time though."
"I'm sure it's way faster than just waiting for Sakura to rest up on her own." I reassured. "Once everyone has everything they need to get by in daily life the pace will slow down."
Orihime nodded and walked over to join Sakura and Kaname's group.
Okay, there was one more person I really needed to talk to before I could relax and let the wives take over.
"Usagi," I called out to the dango twintailed blonde. "God gave you the Silver Crystal so you can transform, right?"
"Uwaah." Usagi jumped up, not expecting to be called on. "It's in my makeup compact. That and the pen to transform with. It was all left in my backpack. Why?"
"I need you to channel that infinite power like you did as Queen Serenity and grant us all eternal youth. It's no use having 100 brides if they all age out of attractiveness before I can even get to them." I explained.
"Endymion, you plan on living together with us for a Silver Millennium?" Usagi gasped happily. "I'll get to live with you forever?"
"That's the plan." I nodded happily. "How could I grow bored with this many girls?"
"I'd never grow bored even with just you." Usagi Tsukino promised. Well, that was due to God's grace. But the fact was Queen Serenity did stay married to Tuxedo Mask for a thousand years, so her love was already proven to be unfathomably deep. It was reassuring to have feelings of that magnitude transferred over.
In fact, there wasn't a waifu among my harem who I wouldn't trust to have unchanging devotion to me for a thousand years of eternal youth. They were written to be really good girls with really good hearts, whose devotion could withstand the worst storms. Asuna had literally thrown herself bodily into a sword to save her love. It was the same for all of them, more or less. I could trust my life to any of their feelings without worry. That's why I had chosen them out of all imaginable girls.
Of course, some of the girls had no developed love lives in their origin, but it seemed from how well our wedding had gone that God had smoothed the way, taking their generally kind and loving hearts and just extending that to a romantic attachment for me in particular. God was true to Her word so she made sure all 100 girls would be proper waifus. Aoba, Kokona, Haruka Haruno, Kobato, Azu-nyan and the like may not have technically had proven successful love lives, but their potential was so overflowingly apparent that if they ever were sparked to feel love for me I could rest assured it would never fade.
I would bet on the fruitfulness of their love any day, even without having to see a worked example. Their everyday kindness showed the proper disposition of a wife and mother without any need for proof.
It was another story if I acted beyond the parameters God had awarded me, but it was against my nature to hurt good people, much less people who were good to me, to begin with. There was nothing I would ever want to do that would test their love for me. How far God had intervened into their free will wasn't an experiment I had any interest in finding the answer to.
"Let's just keep their unaging a secret for now." I suggested to Usagi. "Some of the Lolis might have wanted to grow up and we can't be having that, so I'm just going to take that chance away from them. I want my brides to stay in mint condition, in their original packaging."
"I think every girl here wants to be attractive to you, so they'd be fine with staying whatever look that made you interested in them in the first place. We want to make you happy, Endymion. A girl's happiness is knowing how happy she makes her loved ones every day." Usagi said.
"Having this wonderful cornucopia stay a variety of sizes and ages and colors will definitely make me happy. Every day will be as happy as our first, so long as everyone stays as bright and fresh and perfect as when we first met." I smiled at just the thought of our unending days to come. I wondered if God had known about the Silver Crystal's power whether she would have allowed it to be just 'part' of a larger wish. Well, she seemed really kind and gracious with the latitude of her wish granting, so maybe she knew full well what she was giving us when she did. God really was great.
Nevertheless, the moment Usagi called me Endymion, I realized if I wanted to retain these blessings into the future there was something I still needed to do.
Nevertheless, the moment Usagi called me Endymion, I realized if I wanted to retain these blessings into the future there was something I still needed to do.
Waking up from our second night together was a good deal better than the first. This time Sakura Kinomoto had made sure there was at least a floor beneath us, a roof overhead, and an endless array of futons lying side by side on the currently empty wood for us to sleep with together. In truth, I hadn't gotten much sleep, however, and had instead been dreading the break of dawn, as I went over and over in my head what I wanted to say.
After two weeks of Sakura-based construction and manufacturing everyone had been able to move in to their new rooms enjoying modern amenities. Life was at least up to 1950's standards for all. The next step was expanding our residential district into a commercial, civic, recreational and industrial district. My waifus tended to be passionate in the pursuit of jobs or hobbies so there needed to be a space where they could be themselves if I wanted this village to truly approach the standards of 'Paradise.'
"Okay everyone, gather around. As Mayor I have a major announcement." Now that everyone had had a good night's sleep with a roof over their heads, I felt this was a necessity. God had created such an obviously paradoxical situation there was no way I could cover it up through good acting for long, and if they figured it out on their own while I was still trying to deceive them I could irreparably lose their trust. Only the truth would suffice now.
"I gather from the conversations so far that each of you thinks I'm your dearly beloved. For instance, Ai recognizes me as 'shishou,' which would be Yaichi from Ryuuou no Oshigoto." I began my explanation with trepidation.
Ai nodded, not seeing the problem.
"But it's obviously impossible for me to be both Yaichi from Ryuuou no Oshigoto and Endymion from Sailor Moon. So one or the other of you is wrong, right?" I pointed out the obvious contradiction that must have been bedeviling them up until now.
"Well the answer is you're all wrong. I'm none of those people, but only a human from Earth named Christopher. I died in a truck accident and my soul rose up to meet God in heaven, where she commiserated with my loss and offered me a new life with any one granted wish to even the scales. The wish I asked for was you. I wanted to marry all of you. For that to happen, to gain your willing participation, God had to transplant your feelings for your most special person onto me, which is the cause of the multiple personality overlay. If that most special person was originally a female, she gave you an alternate memory of having instead had said relationship with me, a male, from the beginning, while still preserving the original memory intact as well, giving you a sort of twice-lived life. The same is true of Wakaba, who is also Akane, and has memories from both lives equally inside of her. Ditto for Sara and Himeno who remember both their London and Hatsunejima lives." I explained. Wakaba nodded, suddenly getting why she could remember growing up in two different places with two different names among two different families with a deep sense of relief.
"Before you go blaming God for granting such an unreasonable wish, I need to explain something else. All 100 of you were created by God just for this moment, just to be my wives, so at no point was anything taken from you. Originally, you were only characters I fell for in various stories told on Earth, computer code or black squiggles on paper. Your bodies and souls, your memories and personalities and feelings, even your talents and abilities, were all hand crafted by God's imagination based on said stories and the prerequisites of my wish, which included the willingness to share, and came into existence whole just two days ago. In a sense, you had nothing to lose, so the life God has given you as my wife can only be a plus for both of us."
"I have only the deepest admiration for all the men you see me as, so relating to all of you as said figures isn't a problem for me. I'll always try to live up to their example, but remember I'm not actually any of them. I don't have their superhuman abilities, their winning personalities, or even their names. I can only do my best, as Christopher, to make each and every one of you happy in the only way I know how, as myself."
"If any of you find this hard to swallow, I can easily enough demonstrate my veracity. Louise, you can open up a portal to Earth with void magic, right?" I singled my pink-haired waifu out from the crowd. She nodded gingerly so I gestured her forward.
Louise walked up next to me and took out her wand, starting a long chant and giving it a try. With a look of pleased surprise, Louise watched as the portal opened up in front of the entire crowd. "Now if you could enter my old place at this address and retrieve all the books you can see, the truth should become readily apparent." I handed her a map.
Louise nodded and concentrated, the portal shifting its focus to the new location. She then hopped through and came back a few minutes later after rummaging through my stuff. Light novels with her own illustration on the cover as well as manga and game cd covers of many others in the area spilled out of her arms and onto the wooden floor of our newly summoned mansion.
The girls gathered around as their eyes widened in shock. Leafing through the contents of the pages, events they had thought private and known only to themselves about their lives were displayed for all the world to see.
"I know all your back stories because I fell in love with your stories. I know you all as well as your most special person knew you back home or better, depending on the story's perspective. These back stories are why I fell for you just as much as they are why you have fallen for me. With these stories as our foundation, I have no doubt our loves can blossom in this new world without losing in the least to what's come before." I prophesied.
"I'm sorry none of you got to meet God, she was even brusque with me so I guess it couldn't be helped, but surely only a miracle could account for all of you appearing here at once, all from different worlds, all with your powers intact, all able to communicate with each other, and all in love with me. And where there are miracles there must be Gods, so my testament should be just as believable to you as it is to me, the very person who met her." I hoped.
"If, knowing this, any of you wish to walk away or delete yourselves, there's nothing I can do to stop you. I won't force you into anything. But I would still implore you all to at least give 'us' a try first. We've done well so far, so why not into the future as well? This is a really great collection of people, I guarantee it. With your help, I promise to make all our new lives a Paradise without equal." I solemnly swore. After that all I could do was stand nervously in front of them and await their verdict.
Teletha looked at the cover of Full Metal Panic!, then back to my face, then back to the books again. After that she took a deep breath and looked me in the face. "Even if you tell me you're not actually him, even though I can see your face and the face on the book is different, I can only see you as him. Every memory in my mind and every instinct in my body confirms it. I suppose if it's all true, and God wanted to make sure we loved you to fulfill your wish, this is one feeling that cannot budge. I guess that means I can't help but play into God's hands and love you all the same. Nor do I see any reason to prevent my own happiness. Marrying you was my dream, so why should I have to go out of my way to spoil it myself?"
A lot of the other girls started nodding and murmuring in agreement as she spoke, until by the end she received a standing ovation.
"If you thought you could weasel your way out of marrying me and run away again you've got another thing coming." Louise grabbed my arm and glomped herself against it possessively. After Saito pulled the mother of all ditchings by trying to run back home the day after their second wedding night I guess she had rightfully gotten a little paranoid.
"The white-haired girl speaks for me!" A voice far back in the crowd concurred.
"Me too! And me! Me!" More voices rang out. It looked like God's method of pairing us up wasn't so fragile or ad hoc after all. I had my doubts but I guess omniscience knew what it was about.
"In that case, I guess the next order of business is introductions. For instance, the white-haired girl is Teletha Testarossa from Full Metal Panic! Once we've brought all your source works over, it would be helpful if you all read up on each other, but for now I can at least tell you each other's names and the basic outline of your various settings. This may take a while so let's form a queue and I can introduce each of you to the crowd one by one, for everyone who wants to give life here a try."In the end all 100 lined up and, with the help of Riko's refreshments, I talked long into the night.
* * *
After two weeks of Sakura-based construction and manufacturing everyone had been able to move in to their new rooms enjoying modern amenities. Life was at least up to 1950's standards for all. The next step was expanding our residential district into a commercial, civic, recreational and industrial district. My waifus tended to be passionate in the pursuit of jobs or hobbies so there needed to be a space where they could be themselves if I wanted this village to truly approach the standards of 'Paradise.'
While construction of the power plant and mansion (complete with giant public bath) had been underway, I'd been drawing up a list of what other buildings I felt would be a good addition to town and who should staff them. I ultimately decided on seven structures: A school, a hospital, a City Hall, a public transportation hub complete with emergency dispatchers and repairmen, a studio, a research institute and a tavern.
City Hall would be staffed by myself in the office of Mayor, Mirajane as my secretary, Kuon as my lieutenant with authority to make any decisions in my absence or she felt beneath my notice, and Sakura Mamiya as my liaison.
The Public Transportation Hub would employ Mira, Rose, Sophie, Rydia, Yuna, Nayuki, Asa, Lyria and Louise. Lafiel would be their director. The idea here was to use people who liked to move a lot as well as people with magical powers that could move a lot of stuff quickly to whisk people and products not only across town but into the great outdoors that so far belonged entirely to ourselves. Once the farms were set up transportation to the fields and bringing the harvest back into town would be a must. For that matter, including a grain silo at the Public Transportation Hub would be a good idea. As for milling the grain we had plenty of electricity to power a presser, thresher, or whatever Kaname decided was a good idea. Though everyone was feeding off of Riko's power for now, there would be a time they'd like to become more independent, and Riko couldn't be expected to serve everyone forever -- especially if children arrived and the population started swelling even further.
Louise had an additional vital role as the only person who could open up portals back to Earth. There we could filch all the artistic works of mankind at leisure and store them in our own library over here. We would of course need some massive computer database storage space for all the material, and it might take a long time for Louise to purchase everything of interest in mankind's artistic legacy (using Appear we could create all the counterfeit money we would ever need, or even legitimately sell gold and precious gems mined on this world to raise the funds), but the important thing was that no knowledge would be lost in our transition from billions of people to just 101. There we could get back all our favorite music, anime, manga, books, visual novels, video games, movies, etc., as needed.
We had thousands of years to hunt down all the entertainment we wanted to pirate from Earth. The best part was Louise could continue visiting Earth far into the future, so we could receive the newest chapter updates of ongoing series just like everyone else. The worst part about dying was not knowing what happened next in all the stories I was following, and I'm sure a lot of the girls felt the same way, but with Louise's void magic at our sides all worries were gone. Though we could have brought more than just information across the world divide, I decided it was better to be self-reliant when it came to physical goods, with an eye towards the future. Paradise was going to be a strictly superior place to live than anywhere we had dwelled before. We couldn't afford to become dependent on others.
Making use of the services of the Public Transportation Hub would be our Emergency Headquarters. The police, army, firemen, and ambulances would work from here. Under Teletha Testarossa's direction, any chance of harm coming to the public would be averted by detective Reina Ryuugu, corporals Fate Testarossa and Nanoha Takamachi, and zombie slayer Mumei (whose thirst for blood had been cured from the outset). Though most of my girls were good people who probably wouldn't resort to crime, there were quite a few of them with fiery tempers, like Louise, Louise, and Louise, so it was important to lay down the law ahead of time.
We also wouldn't want Rose deciding to assassinate me or a waifu she'd grown to dislike due to vague signs of corruption, Kirino physically abusing everyone she came across, Juvia attacking a love rival, Nadeko becoming a berserk snake god, Aruru importing dangerous wildlife into the middle of town claiming they were her children, Kuon transforming into a dark God, Sailor Moon despairing of the world and attempting to destroy the galaxy, Mikoto vandalizing vendor machines, Haruka Saigusa pulling pranks, Aisia attempting to reform people's mental states to her liking, or Rin Tohsaka suddenly beginning a battle royale in order to reach the Akashik Records.
Actually, when you came to think of it, aren't my wives way disproportionately leaning towards the criminal inclination? Wasn't crime supposed to be a bottom 1% kind of thing? They were all good people, but, yeah, I think Emergency Headquarters is going to be a must. . .
Plus there was still the risk of the world being populated by goblins, ogres, trolls or Evil Empires just across the horizon. Even wolves and bears couldn't be allowed to just roam into town and start gobbling up helpless children. It was an isekai, so perhaps it was even slated for a 'load test' or alien invasion. It would have been nice if God had given me more of a rundown on the local situation, but I guess she'd already given us enough to deal with whatever problems might emerge.
Cure Magical and Cure Flora would also be based out of the Public Transportation Hub. From there they could be whisked across town to provide any grounds maintenance necessary to keep things looking nice. Cure Flora would be in charge of beautification and Cure Magical with the mundane tasks of mowing, hedging, clipping, cleaning gutters, sweeping the floors, road building and maintenance, etc. -- all of course with the magic of Cure Up, RaPaPa. This way no one would have to break their backs doing repetitive, mindless, boring work, but everything would still look great as you walked across town.
Working alongside the grounds maintenance crew would be Isara, Haruka Saigusa and Lisanna. Isara and Haruka were good with repairs so would be the town's handymen, and Lisanna was a natural fit for fixing roofing tiles. Though I'm sure Riko or Sakura Kinomoto would be better at these tasks, according to David Ricardo's theory of comparative advantage, it was better to leave tasks that could be done by other people to other people, and reserve your most powerful people for the tasks only they could do.
The hospital would employ a ridiculous number of healers, since many of my wives tended to specialize in the field. Leafa and Leia would be the nurses due to their good bedside manners. Cheria, Sherria, Rosa, Eruru, Wendy, Sakura Haruno, Orihime Inoue, Rin Nohara, and Elize would be the medical practitioners. Rinoa would be their director. 12% of the population employed in taking care of people's health sounded inordinate, but when you thought about it 20% of GDP on Earth was already dedicated to medicine, so this was actually skimping. Obviously not everyone would be working all hours, so you needed the nurses and doctors to be able to work in shifts. There had to be 24 hour medical care because I wasn't about to lose an eternal youthed waifu with an expected lifespan of 1,000's of years to a dumb preventable accident if only they had been gotten to in time. Zoro's girl, Quina, had died from tripping in a storage shed and hitting her head on the ground. I wasn't about to let such a tragedy occur to one of my chosen beloveds if I had the chance to stop it.
Plus, there would be a lot of need in the future for maternity wards and healing scraped up or sickly children. Especially when you got down to grandchildren and the necessary reality of incestuous interbreeding, a magical healing station to remove all the resulting deformities and harmful mutations would be a must. There was no guarantee any of their descendants would have magical powers so the doctor to patient ratio would only increase from here on.
Presuming there were other people on the planet, our hospital could become a major export good for trading purposes. All the world's sick would be lining up outside our doors asking for aid, which would mean all the world's riches would be laid at our door in payment. There didn't seem to be much sign of this eventuality coming up though. At least for the nonce. It would be nice to trade magical healing powers for manufactured goods, though. What our town really lacked was manufacturing capacity for life's random daily goods. No one thought about needing a clock until they realized they didn't have one.
The mansion would employ its own set of caretakers. It was a huge place which could by no means look after itself. Chtolly, Sora and Mikan would see to the daily chores like cooking, cleaning, sewing, laundry, decorating, serving dinner, calling in people for repairs, putting out the trash, or whatever. Myusel was to be my personal maid who would attend to all my needs while at home. She could also use her magic to expedite the cleaning process in such a gigantic palace. Girls with dusters weren't going to cut it. Nekone would be in charge and take care of the finances. At some point a money economy would have to be introduced, though the all for one, one for all spirit of a united family kept such issues to a minimum for now. But even with everyone willing to contribute each according to their ability, and receive each according to their need, it was important to have a hard-headed person strive to efficiently prioritize the projects that worked best and shelve the ones that weren't working.
Wherever there was scarcity, there was need of economy, and Nekone could be trusted to make sure the mansion was allocating people's consumption rationally. As powerful as my wives collectively were, there were still scarcities of labor and goods that had to be worked around.
Lucy was in charge of the sewers. Good luck Lucy!
The studio was for the artistic among us. They needed a place to concentrate and work on their craft, even if it was just a hobby, and a place to collaborate with each other for larger projects. I was a deep admirer of creators so there was a healthy group of wives of this bent. Cure Egret would draw, Aoba design games, Sagiri illustrate, Elf (Emily) write, Miu be our town's fashion designer, Sae Nakata tailor, Nadeko our manga-ka, Kirino write and model, Cure Lemonade and Mylene sing and act, Nico sing and dance, and lastly Azusa and Yui would sing and play the guitar. Koko Tsukishima could accompany them on bass when they were ready to perform. Sadly no one wanted to be on drum. We could have a computer synthesize that portion of the performance when it came to that. Just as soon as we managed to manufacture some computers. Yukino Ouhama, an avid otaku who enjoyed all these sorts of activities, would be their editor and director to make sure their time was being well spent and would lead to entertainment for the whole community.
The tavern was a place to go and relax, enjoy each other's company, and be served a pleasant variety of food and drink by experts in hospitality. It would be the watering hole, the gathering spot for everyone after work and before bed who didn't necessarily want to just hole up in their own bedroom. Especially since we lacked television or internet, the tavern was the place to be. Luckily everyone was so beautiful and wonderful that simply chatting with each other was not a bad option in the least. And the fact that everyone was conditioned to get along with each other and love the same certain someone made community organizing all the easier.
Outside the tavern would be a flower stall manned by Aerith. She would offer everyone coming towards the door a hand picked flower for them for a trifle. Since Cure Flora would be growing all sorts of flowers all across town, it should be easy for a florist to keep a good daily selection around for all the customers. She would also be called upon for big events and parties. Though at least all the weddings had already been covered.
Yuuhi Katagiri would be the owner. She would handle the backdoors stuff of keeping the place well stocked, handling complaints, keeping accounts, manning the register (once money became a thing), and solving conflicts between the staff.
Tifa would be the bartender, serving both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks and being ready to listen to anything the customers wanted to say. Nagisa and Akane would be the waitresses taking the orders and delivering the food, also ready to listen to anyone. Kobeni and Asuna would be the cooks preparing the meals in the kitchen.
It wasn't a large place that could accommodate masses of simultaneous orders, so people would have to visit in moderation. If the line was too long they would just have to give up, and it wouldn't even be open all days of the week. But it was a nice alternative to meals at the mansion that were generally self-prepared and simplistic. That is, if we ever got our farming online and weren't merely having meals-ready-to-eat via Riko.
The counterpart to a tavern were the people tasked with food production. Lucy would dig whatever irrigation network was necessary. Rin Natsume was tasked with fishing the nearby lakes and streams, Makina had been provided a sniper rifle and utility knife via dark matter for the purposes of hunting and butchering game, and Kagome had been given a bow and arrow plus knife to do the same. With only 101 people, it should be possible to hunt the nearby forest without completely exhausting it, but if it became too big a burden the hunters could be given a taxi out on the back of a summoned monster to the furthest reaches of the world and still come back by nightfall with their prizes.
Since there was electricity there was of course the capacity for refrigeration, but ideally everyone would eat the meat and fish fresh cooked as it came in.
Farming was up to Kotori and Deedlit. Once Kotori found a power spot in the forest (God had guaranteed everyone's powers would work in the new world so there had to be one), she could get to mass manufacturing golems. These would be used to plant, weed, and harvest the crops. The harvest could be brought back by summoned monsters en masse and then distributed across town between the mansion, the grain silo and the tavern. Deedlit would use her undine spirits to water the crops and sylphs to spread the fertilizer. Between their helpers, Kotori and Deedlit would be able to raise an indefinite amount of food while comfortably directing traffic from a distance.
Land would have to be cleared for nice square miles of farmland to emerge. A few blasts of Bahamut's megaflare should do the trick. Or Shana could just burn everything down with fire. Sakura Haruno could uproot the remaining stumps and boulders with raw power, and then we'd be ready to till. Every conceivable delicacy would need to be planted, so that we wouldn't lose to Earth's cuisine. It wasn't so much the raw amount of food that would be hard to get but the vast variety. There were hundreds if not thousands of tasty plants out there. It would be too much hassle to selectively breed the wildlife in this isekai so Sakura Kinomoto would just have to make the first seeds Appear with magic.
Mikoto, Mitsuki and Iris were on computer detail. Mikoto would provide the blueprints for the chips, having an innate understanding of that microverse, and Mitsuki would dark matter all the necessary components into existence, with Iris lending her power to the flow. Virtually everyone needed a computer for a variety of tasks. After that they could use Mikoto's mysterious understanding of computers to string up an internet between all the devices. Then everyone would need their own smartphones, tablets or whatever. In any case, they were our electronics manufacturers. They were parked in a section of the Research Institute.
Sailor Moon would use the Silver Crystal to provide power to the power plant, or Shana would boil some water, depending on whose day it was to do the task. Juvia was in charge of the city's waterworks. A big silo housing the town's water supply stood at the top of every building, including the steam turbine, and pipes allowed it to trickle down to wherever it was needed from there. It was Juvia's responsibility to keep all the silos full. Hot water was held in a smaller section of each tank, heated by power from the power plant and ready for use throughout the day.
A few girls greatly enjoyed living in the outdoors and the climate was fine so it was fine for them to spend all day playing outside if they liked. Aruru, Misuzu, and Kokona were tasked with making hiking trails through the woods, around the lakes and up the mountains, build some park benches for people to sit and enjoy the views, set up signs as guides and take people on tours when asked. Our parks, recreation and tourism guides could also wander off trail in search of new mysterious species, honey, flowers or pets as they saw fit.
The Research Institute housed our native scientists and magicians intent on furthering their fell arts. Yoru would of course make gliders, but her genius IQ would be useful collaborating with anyone else there. Rin Tohsaka would continue the path of gemcraft, Sara her enhancement glyphs, Levy her magical artifacts and algorithms, MOMO as a research subject for artificial life and intelligence, Kaname with her whispered expertise, Honoka with her everyday useful inventions, and Kudryavka for our space program. Overseeing our science and magic research would be Mavis, the genius prodigy and tactician who would make sure things progressed in an efficient direction.
Earth had a bad habit of spending lots on research and employing a lot of people but never really getting anywhere. Just a few talented and powerful waifus dedicated to the task should see a much higher return. Our little village would overtake Earth soon enough and leave it in the dust. Isekai weren't necessarily more primitive than the original, they only started that way. Without any copyright laws, environmental lawsuits, licensing requirements or ethics investigations, science and magic could proceed here without interference. Basically without lawyers it was easy to reach a magitek paradise. Nevermind the amazing skills of my handpicked wives, anyone could have done it if they just weren't immediately sued over every little thing.
For people incapable of learning and progressing the arcane arts, there was the more down to Earth school. Here we would be sure to preserve our history and culture, our basic skills and moral lessons. Cure Dream was the school's one and only teacher and Sakura Yoshino our one and only principal.
Sakura Yoshino had been allowed to plant a giant grove of never wilting cherry trees to surround the school, but she was expressly forbidden from turning it into a wish granting machine. They were more similar to the older model found in London than the problematic version found on Hatsunejima. When it came to school yards, it just didn't feel right if there weren't endless cherry blossoms floating on the breeze. This was a sight all children should grow up beside.
The students, who had no pressing job skills or special genius talents, were Silica (Keiko), Kobato, Nemu, Yume, Himeno, Aisia, Koko, Sayaka, Illyasviel, Menma, Chiwa and Ai. Even among these were swordswomen, magicians, trained nurses and shogi stars, but comparatively it seemed like they'd be better off enjoying the school life than anywhere else. 'Student' was also officially Sakura Kinomoto's job, though she was usually busy elsewhere. Lots of other girls were constantly dropping in to class or flitting back out again, like the various Pretty Cures, Shana, Sailor Moon, the artist group, Isara, Haruka Saigusa, Rin Natsume, Kudryavka, Makina, Reina, etc. Virtually everyone was technically a school girl who regularly attended class in their origin, but there were no truancy laws here so people only attended when they felt like it and had nothing better to do.
Everyone had a place to engage themselves and use their time fruitfully. Obviously I wanted to spend most of my time flirting with my wives, doing ecchi things to them, and watching my kids grow up around them, but even I could only spend so much time on such pursuits before burning out and wanting a change of pace. How much moreso for girls who would only be spending that kind of time with me 100th as often? Wives and mothers were a dandy pastime, but the intellectual and hardworking parts of the brain needed exercising too, or we wouldn't be living up to our full potential, and never getting to really apply yourself at what you did best would hardly do for a village named 'Paradise.'
Besides, a lot of this work simply needed to be done.
I underestimated the dire need for clothing. Cotton had been planted but of course that would be of no use until half a year from now. The only clothing God had given us was a bridal suit and gown and a change of clothes into everyone's most iconic storyline outfit in a backpack. I got to keep the clothing I had died in as my second pair. Even with the fully modern laundry room in the mansion it should have been obvious that this did not constitute a full suite of clothing options. When the wives complained to me at the long dining room table (still eating Meals Ready to Eat ala Riko) that they had nothing to wear I gallantly suggested we become a nudist colony. Since we were all married anyway there shouldn't have been a problem, but my plan was decisively rejected.
That meant the city development plan had to be put on hold so that Sakura Kinomoto's Appear card could be used for seven changes of ordinary wear plus seasonal outfits for all 100 wives. All of them insisted it was an emergency and I couldn't very well play favorites so I ceded Sakura to the clothing industry.
The magical girls had had it easy, transforming into their magical costumes as often as they liked while washing their regular clothes, but as much as I loved magical girls that still left 84 in the lurch.
I decided to borrow Rydia and Rin Tohsaka in the meantime to find a suitable place for mines. Rin would douse for precious metals, which at this point included copper, iron, zinc, magnesium, tin, or really anything. Rydia would fly us there on the back of Bahamut, and then rip open the earth with Titan, taking giant globs of whatever we needed back to town on the back of our summons as raw material for Mikoto to work with. If we could at least get some basic dinnerware the severe unrest in the evenings might be alleviated. It felt like we should have a forge somewhere, but Mikoto could melt and twist metal freely into whatever shape she wanted already, so I just left it all to her.
After we had forks, spoons, knives, pots and plates the mood improved a bit, but then new problems emerged just as soon. "Even if we have clothes, we still don't have changes of sheets, pillow cases and blankets. There are no towels in the bathrooms, and we live near the beach but no one has a swimsuit." Isara detailed.
Can't we at least skinny dip at the beach?
"The foraging party brings in meat and fish but no eggs." Haruka Saigusa reported.
Aren't eggs just inferior versions of meat?
"Life isn't livable without eggs. Eggs should be an ingredient in virtually every meal ever served." Haruka Saigusa insisted.
But without domesticated chickens where would we get eggs from? And with domesticated chickens wouldn't we be stealing away Makina's work?
"There's no milk." Menma pointed out.
Without domesticated cows where would we get milk? And with domesticated cattle wouldn't we be stealing away Makina's work?
"Even though it was my birthday you didn't even say a word to me." Kirino harrumphed.
But it's always somebody's birthday all year round, sometimes multiple people's?
"I want ten cats." Rin Natsume complained.
"Strelka and Belka." Kudryavka nodded in vehement agreement.
Without cats and dogs where would these be coming from? And if we did have domesticated cats and dogs wouldn't we be stealing away Makina's work? Umm, I'd better not say that.
Mitsuki was continuously churning out new bottles of shampoo for everyone's hair via dark matter, but apparently the means to create a legitimate supply were still distant. Makina needed a continuous resupply of bullets too, since she was hunting for 101 people on a nigh daily basis. At least the girls were all young enough they had no need of makeup or perfumes.
The school had a series of sports grounds for soccer, baseball, kendo, tennis and track but there weren't enough interested people to form full teams so everyone was petitioning the mayor to draft the other wives into their games.
The musicians had no instruments to play on because Sakura and Mitsuki were way too busy and complained that their skills were getting rusty.
Even with all these magical powers life wasn't easy starting from scratch. There weren't enough people, the base materials were lacking, and entire skillsets were missing. I of course, just being a normal otaku, could offer nothing of assistance to anyone.
But when I thought to myself how impossible it would have been for our commune to have fit in to any existing order, how wretched life would have been under anyone else's law code, how much of our efforts would have been stolen away as taxes, how some of my girls could have come to harm from criminals or just rude sexual harassers every time they stepped outdoors, I still considered our position the best of all possible eventualities.
In older cultures women weren't allowed to go outside, show their faces in public, work, own property, marry whom they pleased, give their opinion on a subject or even learn how to read and write. The idea of somehow getting along in a world like that just so we'd have eggs for breakfast was ridiculous.
Earth would have been just as bad, just in different ways. Not only would we have lost all our magic powers, but the legal right to marry all my wives would have been stripped away, even when we loved each other. Property taxes would have been monumental for any structure that could house us all, and none of us had the proper degrees and licensing requirements to work, even though many of us were unparalleled geniuses. It would have been impossible to earn our keep, and we would have been split up and given away to various foster homes. Even looking at the majority of my wives would have placed me directly in jail.
This virgin world, let's call it Eden. Eden was home. It was our only possible home. The miracle of just being left alone to do as we pleased together, to be what we pleased together, was enough to distinguish this world from any other. When looked at this way, it was a marvel that anyone could live anywhere but here. How much were people enduring on other worlds, and in exchange for what? What could possibly make up for the freedoms lost? Here in Eden, no one had to waste their time worshiping pretend Gods. We knew the Goddess on a personal level and treated her as a good friend. We did not beat our heads against the ground five times a day and then load our chests with dynamite to blow each other up.
No one had to learn trigonometry or other useless crap. We were concerned with survival and applied ourselves to things that could directly improve our lives. We were allowed to work. The land was ours to do with as we pleased. And we could go to sleep at night knowing no intruder was going to smash in and burglarize the place, rape our women or slit our throats in our sleep.
Best of all, no one had to lie. Random shibboleths offered to the God of political correctness no longer needed to be mouthed to stay a part of the financial and social network. If you wanted to say something nasty about any group on Earth, no one was here to stop you or punish you over it, it would just be taken as the good natured venting it had always been. And if you just wanted to say something true, when nastiness wasn't even your intent, no one would fire you over it or expel you from University. If you wanted to stand up for what was true, good, beautiful, just or right -- you could. Here you could even be praised or applauded for it.
Not only was there no jail penalty for questioning historical events here in Paradise, with the Record card, combined with Louise's portals that could take her to the appropriate spot on Earth, Sakura Kinomoto could check with her very own eyes exactly what happened across all of history. Not only did we have the right to say what we thought happened, we had the right to know exactly what had happened.
The freedom to admit that young girls were beautiful and indulge in that beauty would only ever be found here -- even though every damn boy and girl in the world knew full well it was true. That's why they were so desperate, so adamant to silence anyone who said otherwise. If it were just a silly belief like the sky is orange, no one would have cared. But the moment you say flat is justice -- here come the sirens!
There were cases where 80% of the people in a country could believe something and yet it was social death to say it out loud. It made the death penalty for apostasy from Islam look moderate. It made China's arrests of political dissidents look like child's play.
In Eden you could say anything, even stupid things, even vicious, evil things, and everyone would just laugh it off because they knew and trusted you. Regardless of what you thought, they knew you meant well and would do well when the time came. But outside of this bubble, every conversation was a minefield just waiting to blow up, because no one trusted anyone and everyone assumed malice was just behind the smiling polite mask of each other's faces.
I would exchange a dozen bath towels for the right to breathe the sweet air of freedom. Asa always said that she couldn't breathe in heavy atmospheres where everyone was watching what they said and ready to condemn what anyone else said, like fencers waiting for an opportunity to exploit a weakness. If it got bad enough she would straight out faint. But how far away was I, or anybody, from that level of pressure? That claustrophobia of being surrounded by complete strangers who hated you and were out to get you the moment you let the mask slide even a little?
How did it feel to know that if anyone knew who you really were they would try to hurt you as best they could? Was it really fun owning ten tons of junk in a place like that?
There were other benefits to living in a primordial world. It was much quieter, no beeps, no train whistles, no car alarms, no planes roaring overhead, no loud music from a neighboring apartment, no barking dogs -- and the sounds that did arrive were infinitely sweeter. The burble of passing brooks, the wind passing through the mountain valleys, the lapping of the sea, the calls of wildlife across the woods. There was a strong smell of wood in the air, no chemicals, no gasoline, no fumes, no tar. Flowers abounded. The world was more green and less gray and black. You could see all the way to the horizon. And the sky above at night was so clear you could reach out and touch it. There were thousands of stars in the sky. It never got very cold even at night, so anyone who wanted could stay out stargazing at any time of the year. There was so much woodland around that camping fires, with the beautiful play of the flames and snapping of wood, could be celebrated freely. And if spending a night together in the mansion wasn't good enough, taking a tent together to a nearby mountain or lake and watching the fire and stars together was always within direct walking distance.
If people wanted to read or write, it had to be on electronic devices. No one could figure out how to make paper on a mass scale, and it just wasn't worth the effort. On the other hand, you could go to sleep and wake up whenever you wanted, because no one in the entire world could boss you around about anything. If you didn't want to go to work that day, no one would tell you otherwise.
Between the two, who wouldn't make that trade?
And the way Earth was headed, every single problem that existed right now was trivial compared to what was coming. Just wait until all the diseases had grown resistant to antibiotics, Muslims got their hands on the small pox virus, there were four billion Africans looking for a new home, 50% of newborns had mental or sexual disorders, old people claimed 90% of young people's work in taxes just to take care of their aging carcasses, servicing the debt cost more than food and rent, and on and on and on.
There were no positive trends on Earth. There were so many ways the planet was self destructing it didn't even matter how it would finally be put out of its misery. Here in Eden, the slate was fresh. There were no incoming comets set to explode everything. Here you could build a home, you could start a family, and know it would all still be here tomorrow, because there was nothing on Eden that could take it away. Any investment you made now would deliver a return the day after. There was justice. If you built something it would stay built, and no raving mob would come to tear it down.
We lacked butter and cream. But at least we weren't all 200 pound land whales gibbering about equality. We weren't discussing why something that had happened hundreds of years ago was somehow our fault and it was our job to pay restitution to the non-existent victims. No one was cutting off the parts of other people's genitals.
In one primordial stroke, order and sanity -- basic human decency -- logic and common sense -- trust and loyalty -- kindness and respect -- reciprocity and mutual love -- everything came rushing in like a whirlwind, and for the first time in God knows how many years people were allowed to live as human beings again.
Many of my wives had lived in worlds better than the one I was born into, some worse, but none could compare to this little patch of land we could call our own.
"Appear!" Sakura Kinomoto waved her staff of dreams, and a chicken was born. "Appear!" And there was a cow. Cats, dogs, sheep, pigs, and the rest of Noah's ark followed shortly after. Sakura Kinomoto wiped her brow and then looked at me triumphantly.
"Wow. That's amazing! I thought animals were beyond your creation magic?" I asked, watching the animals start to wander around in their pens.
"They were, but the Research Institute knew it should technically be possible, considering I had already made plant life. So we had Wendy enhance my magic with her own, Lucy made a Gemini clone and her Sakura added what she could to the formula, Aisia, Illyasviel and Sakura Yoshino added their power of wishes, and Levy wrote 'power' on my forehead. We figured if we just kept throwing stuff at the problem, something would tip the scale." Sakura Kinomoto sat down tiredly and took a Cure Up RaPaPa'd juice box out of her pocket to suck on.
"This afternoon I'll use the Mirror card to make as many copies of these animals as we'll need. We can have a herd of every type of domesticated animal by sunset." Sakura promised.
"Sakura, you're the best!" I hugged her tight.
"I feel like I could spend my whole life trying to repay you for all you've done for me and never do enough, so just keep relying on me as much as you want." Sakura smiled and held me back, though her blush was deepening by the second.
Well technically it was Syaoran who did all those things for her, but I'd gladly accept her feelings in his stead. Good job, Goddess! Good job, Syaoran, for getting a girl this great to fall for you!
"Rin and Kud will be ecstatic." I kept on praising my ace.
"Hoeeeee," Sakura nodded back, her body getting hotter and hotter from being held longer than ever before.
I decided to step back before she suffered a critical meltdown. No good no good. The Sakura Kinomoto I knew loved Syaoran deeply but her limit was at kissing, her heart was so innocent and pure. If only the story had extended into high school. . . Well, technically, I still didn't know how her story ended, since it was still being made. Gambatte, Clamp! Keep writing until she's less embarrassed about the adult world!
For characters still being written, the Goddess would no doubt be updating to take into account all the new information, so a lot of my girls' personalities were still in their growth spurts. It would be another fifty years before I knew for sure who everyone I married truly was. But that was more or less true of everyone, not just fictional characters made flesh.
I had thought about including the Sakura from Tsubasa Resorvoir Chronicle, who did have a more adult relationship with a more adult Syaoran, but the characters were subtly different, Clamp said they weren't the same, and most importantly they had two different voice actors, so it just wouldn't have worked. It was better to simply follow the Card Captor path to its natural end.
As the original Saimoe winner and well known beauty queen of the anime world, she who wore in splendid manner a thousand different costumes that brought out her unparalleled vibrancy, who was well known to have one of the most developed romances of all heroines, a waifu harem without Sakura Kinomoto was ridiculous even as a postulate. But given her age and character development, and the pace at which Clamp got around to finishing their stories, I would just have to wait to consummate that marriage some other decade.
"Azusa will need a turtle, Rinoa a dog, Lafiel a cat, Sakura Yoshino both a cat and a dog, Honoka a dog, Aruru a tiger, Silica a miniature dragon. . ." I started a list to make sure everyone's precious pets would be returned to them.
"Hoeeeee," Sakura Kinomoto protested as the list became more and more absurd.
"Don't worry. You can do it! The current you can do anything. I believe in you, my dearest beloved!" I clapped her shoulders enthusiastically.
"Even if you say that I'm only one of a hundred. . ." Sakura averted her eyes down and sideways.
"Right now I'm only looking at you. I'm only thinking of you." I insisted.
"You say that, but this is to make pets for your other wives. . ." Sakura pointed out meekly.
I made a panicked face, feeling like anything I said would only dig me in deeper.
"Well, that just shows your sincere kindness for everyone, which I already knew was what made you so great. . . I love everyone back at the village too." Sakura sighed and surrendered.
I wisely decided to just nod encouragingly.
"Tell everyone who wants to adopt a pet to come claim them tonight. I don't want to overproduce cats or dogs since we can't eat them." Sakura remonstrated. Then she pulled out her staff and stood up straight again, putting on her business face -- "Appear!"
Even Pina got to join in on the fun.
Come to think of it, ever since we'd arrived on Eden I hadn't gotten to do anything ecchi with anyone. There were a lot of barriers that made me reticent, even though it should have been fine since day 1. For one thing, I wasn't sure how well God's brainwashing had worked. Did these girls truly love me? Were they really okay with a polygamous relationship? Observing them from day to day, I was always afraid they would get fed up with my uncool self and demand a divorce. Even if God had correctly transferred their feelings of admiration for their closest someone to me, wouldn't it all fall apart once they got to know the 'new' me they found themselves beside?
While waiting for the other shoe to drop, I just didn't feel confident to go about insisting on my conjugal rights. But it seemed that either God had set it up such that the girls could not distinguish between the 'me' of the past they had fallen for and the 'me' of the present that stood beside them, or I had been doing such a good job as mayor that none of them found their feelings to be incongruous. Well, it had to be the former, huh? There's no way I was as good as the guys these girls had fallen for. Inuyasha, Kirito, Jinto, Yuuji, Saito, Riki, Junichi, Jude, Asbel, Squall, Cecil, Cloud, Okazaki, Natsu, Sasuke, Rito, Shirou, Yuuta, Haku, Tidus, Zeref, Gray, Keiichi, Yamato, Masamune, Parn, Kyoma, Sousuke, Sorey, Rinne, Basara, Gran, Araragi, Kyosuke, Ichigo, Genokiller, Kiyotaka, Aoi, Willem, Jr., Yoshiyuki, Yuuki, Lyon, Gajeel, Kodaka, Syaoran, Yukito, Yuji, Touma, Kou, Yaichi, Yuu, Kotarou, Eita, Tuxedo Mask, everyone had done ridiculous feats and performed ridiculously well on all levels of life while devoting themselves entirely to the girls they conquered. How could anyone compete with these guys? It stood to reason that only the greatest guys imaginable could win over the greatest girls imaginable, but still, the hurdle was a little too high living up to their reputations.
I just wanted the benefits without any of the effort. Was that too much to ask?
Though to be fair, I felt my admiration for these men meant that if I had been given the same opportunities I would have done the exact same thing they did, which would have earned me the same right to these women as the characters themselves. It was simply that on Earth it was impossible to get ahead or help anyone, since everything was illegal and no one trusted you. I didn't have the magic powers, helpful networking, or fortuitous coincidences that these heroes had relied on to turn the heads of their destined partners. There were no world crises that I could distinguish myself with. From the very start to the very end of my life, the only thing Earth let me do was get run over by a truck.
If life were like a Dimension W axis, and I'd been given the possibility of living as each of these heroes and making the choices they did or not, then the 'me' that approved of all of these men would have lived out each of these 100 individual romances essentially the same as the storybook characters had, which would have resulted in 100 wives all essentially married to the same moral core, me, no matter which male I'd been avataring as, so the probability wave collapsing back down to all 100 women married to the same person, me, was not actually a distortion of what should have been. My life here was the karmic result of the type of people I admired, both men and women. The men were all gathered together as one, me, while the women were gathered together as many, but still in a sense one, since we were one giant family, one community, one nation under God.
Or to put it another way, since it was my psyche that had brought true life to all of these characters, by thinking about them, by feeling what they were said to have felt, a capacity none of them had actually had, all the boys and all the girls' lives were one within my soul, which had encompassed and expressed them all. That may not be very fair, but given the alternative of staying black squiggly lines on paper, I don't think they had many grounds for complaint.
So putting aside whether I deserved the love of these wonderful girls or not, I had no moral qualms about taking advantage of said feelings. And if said feelings weren't fading away the moment they got to know the real me, for whatever reason, I was absolutely fine with enjoying the results.
However, there had been plenty of other issues to worry about. For one thing, it just seemed selfish and immature to worry about sex when day to day survival was still on the line. How could I be playing around while other girls were working hard all day providing for our daily needs? It wasn't respectful.
Once the village was complete, the economy was on its own two feet, once I'd actually provided a good life for my wives, only then could I really look them in the eye.
Then there was the next problem. Many of the feelings transferred over to me were not of overt sexual natures, so to nurse those feelings into romantic love would have to be something I gradually managed myself. Yui had definitely doted on Azusa, but that's because she was cute and harmless; hugging a smaller girl and being hugged by a larger man were two different things. Cure Lemonade's love for Cure Dream was definitely the real thing, and having those feelings transposed onto a boy, what with Urara being heterosexual, should be a potent cocktail, but nevertheless it wasn't a slam dunk. I needed a stronger sign from the likes of Urara or Azusa, whose feelings might have been for Yui or her pet turtle, it was hard to say, that they were really willing to cross the line with me.
Many other girls had properly fallen romantically for boys, but were still young and naive, wishing to keep things 'pure.' Cure Dream's feelings for Coco, for instance. Or Illyasviel's for Shirou. Many wished to wait until they were older and more sure of themselves and their place in society. For the same reasons the boys in those stories couldn't exactly just jump them and rip off their clothes, even though the girls' love was as deep as the Pacific Ocean, I too was constricted.
I felt that in many stories the girls were ready and just needed a push by the far too unassertive boys they had fallen for, like Natsu for Lucy, Lisanna or Wendy, but other times their standoffishness had made perfect sense. We had thousands of years to deepen our feelings for each other, so there was no need to pressure girls into things they weren't yet comfortable with.
Then there was the question of pregnancy. I couldn't exactly start having babies when we couldn't even provide for ourselves. Of course it was possible to have deviant sex that didn't result in children, but I didn't feel that was appropriate for a husband and wife pair. The same for birth control or abortion, that wasn't something a genuine husband and wife should do. The whole reason we married was because we were ready and eager to have kids, so it went against the entire spiritual message to take such draconian actions in direct contradiction to that avowal. If I was going to start bedding a girl, it would have to be with the knowledge that pregnancy would almost certainly follow, and then I would be not just a husband but a father with a whole additional suite of responsibilities.
Then there was this -- was it okay to show favoritism by sleeping with some girls but not others? Even if it were the girls' own wishes to not be touched sexually, wouldn't they feel left out if I started fawning over a few special women and taking care of their kids together? Would it be right to have a sexual relationship with some wives to the point that we even had ten year old kids while others still hadn't summoned up the courage to confess to me?
I thought it would be much better if we could all more or less cross the starting line and the finish line at the same time. If everyone were sleeping with me and everyone getting pregnant, there would be no one feeling superfluous or lesser to anyone else. I could show proper appreciation and respect for all. Which meant the convoy had to travel at the speed of the slowest ship. If even one girl wasn't ready, unless I wanted to essentially abandon her and cut her off from the community, what could I do? It was fine to say that I respected her feelings, but what I'd really be doing, in actions not words, would be turning my back on her, neglecting her, and ignoring her for someone else, someone better, someone I would love more and more while she received less and less.
But it was precisely because I loved all these girls that I hadn't wanted to compromise on a smaller selection. I did love them all more or less equally, and I wanted to show that in the most earnest manner I could.
There were girls whose relationships in the stories had already progressed to sex, marriage, even kids. It would have been perfectly fine to jump right back into things with them here -- only it would have left too many others feeling lonely and depressed the moment I did.
Which meant, as Kotori would say, it was best to keep things PG. I could be affectionate with everyone, have the same intimacy as boyfriends and girlfriends had in public, and even cuddle with those willing at night, but until I had a true harem of 100 willing mothers-to-be and a way to support all their coming kids, it was best to just endure.
"Aren't you the least interested in sex with me?" Himeno Katsuragi asked at breakfast in front of a huge crowd. "Before we were doing it like bunnies!" She complained.
I was pretty certain Himeno was the most beautiful, wonderful girl imaginable, including her healthy young appetites, to the point that on Earth I had several iconic pictures of her mounted on my wall, but now probably wasn't the best time. . .
"If it's about that then I think we've done much more perverted things than you." Sayaka threw her gauntlet into the field.
"I think he looks at me more. . ." Isara threw her hat into the ring.
"We've already been married for centuries!" Usagi pointed out.
"All I can ever think of is getting another chance to sleep with you." Kudryavka protested.
"If you've already had centuries then you don't need anything more, we just started dating so lend him to me." Rin Natsume forcefully grabbed my arm.
"I waited three years for him to rise from the dead wearing all sorts of scandalous costumes." Yuna grabbed my other arm.
"I was about to marry him when I had to blow myself up, who cares if you had to wear a costume?" Chtolly stood up.
"Ku Ku Ku, Christopher and I, Reisis VI Felicity Sumeragi, have already transcended 10,000 lives together in our eternal blood pact. . ." Kobato began.
"It would be nice if we could bring Ushio into this world. . ." Nagisa said wistfully.
"Stop stop stop!" I pulled my arms free and raised my voice. "Not in front of the children!"
"We're all children!" They shouted in unison. "Besides, wasn't it you who decided to marry so many preteens, so why do we have to work around it?"
"I know what you mean but everyone is wonderful in their own way, age doesn't come into it, it's the heart that counts, the body is just a reflection of the soul and mind, so I couldn't help it if their bodies reflected such wonderful, beautiful hearts!" I pulled Miu over and put my hands on her shoulders from behind, presenting her to the crowd.
"Now look, you might think, 'ten years old,' but is that really all? She's blonde, twintailed, has an enchanting, unique voice, is fashion conscious, fun loving, and always puts her family before herself. She'd do anything for the people she loves and never gets angry. Even when she's sad she runs off to cry alone so no one will be bothered! She'll ride trains for hours and faint in school rather than say a word of complaint. She's the best babysitter in the world and that's even when it's only her half-sister! What would she be like as a mother to her very own kids? Is this not a charming lass? Who among you will throw the first stone?" I turned her side to side to confront everyone at the enormous dinner table with her innocent visage.
Miu was blushing and looking downwards. "So you were thinking all of that about me. . .maybe it wouldn't be so bad. . .this thing everyone's talking about. . ."
"Your Lolicon-ness aside, aren't you trying to change the subject?" Himeno insisted.
"It's not like your breasts are that much bigger. . ." Elf and Sagiri complained in unison under their breaths.
"I thought it would be better if we could do it together." I replied earnestly.
"All 100 girls at once?!" Himeno's eyes widened as far as they could possibly go. "We'd become a mass of fevered flesh out of some horror story! No no no, rejected!"
"What's with your overactive imagination?" I replied scandalized. "I meant once everyone was okay with it!"
"So I just have to ask all the other wives if I can go first?" Himeno checked with me to make sure I wouldn't run away any further.
"But what if they just say 'yes' to be nice but really aren't okay with it?" I asked.
"And what about our feelings that are being neglected, should they make way for girls who don't even have the courage to say no?" Himeno countered.
"Then how about this." I compromised. "You can ask all the girls but it has to be a secret ballot. If 100 girls agree I should start sleeping with you then we'll do it tonight."
"Fine. I hope everyone understands, if I don't break through now, none of you will get a chance later, so work with me on this. He's going to leave us in our rooms for another decade if we don't make our stand here!" Himeno started canvassing for votes immediately.
Girls who take the initiative are scary! What happened to all the conviction I'd girded myself with yesterday? Hadn't the logic been impeccable?
"I was selfish enough to summon all of you here to Eden, and selfish enough to want to love all of you together, so I can't ask this of any of you, even though of course I want all of you more than you can possibly imagine. I think there should be lots of you who don't think of me that way, but I don't want to leave anyone behind, so I hoped someday you might want to make love and bear my children too. That someday we could all be happy together. But if you're saying even waiting for that someday is selfish too then I'll defer to everyone's judgment." I gave my election speech.
* * *
Christopher had beat a fast, blushing retreat from the breakfast table, after announcing his unfathomably large lust for everyone in the vicinity, leaving it up to the girls to settle things between themselves. Himeno wanted to just ask each girl directly if she could have her support, but the deal meant she would have to be more subtle than that.
"Who among us has already had carnal relations with our honey?" Himeno immediately raised her own hand.
Levy, Asuna, Rin Natsume, Haruka Saigusa, Kud, Kagome, Kaname, Rosa, Rinoa, Yuna, Eruru, Kuon, Nayuki, Nagisa, Misuzu, Kotori, Mavis, Juvia, Makina, Sakura Haruno, Deedlit, Sora, Sara, Nemu, Yume, Sakura Yoshino, Aisia, Koko, Yukino, Sayaka, Isara, Yoru, Asa, Sae, Usagi, Shana, Yuuhi, Rin Tohsaka, Orihime, Louise, Cheria and Iris raised their hands.
"I have a question." Mikan interposed. "Does it count as carnal relations if he just happens to continuously be molesting me by pure accident, like, every single day?"
Himeno wondered what sort of life those two had lived together to reach such a result, but more importantly wanted as many allies as possible. "It counts! Anyone who happens to be nude in his arms or suchlike for whatever ostensible reason counts!"
After that a flurry of new hands went up -- Aruru, Ai, Nekone, Lucy, Wendy, Lisanna, Nanoha, Fate, Miu, Myusel, Reina, Kobato and Mikoto.
"What kind of lucky sukebe was Christopher in his previous life?" Himeno asked amazedly.
"Okay, and who among you had already pledged your body and soul to him but just hadn't gotten around to the heavier stuff yet, but wouldn't particularly mind starting someday down the road?" Himeno asked.
More hands shot up -- Wakaba, Lafiel, Sakura Kinomoto, Chiwa, Lyria, Sherria, Teletha, Nozomi, Silica, Suguha, Rose, Leia, Sophie, Rydia, Rin Nohara, Sagiri, Elf, Kirino, Aerith, Tifa, Mitsuki, Chtolly, Menma, Mylene, Mumei, Nadeko, MOMO, Mira, Kobeni and Illyasviel.
"So 89/100 of you, huh?" Himeno sighed. A full consensus looked like it would be a little tough.
"Of those who just kept coincidentally brushing against Christopher, who didn't like it?" Himeno hoped to clarify.
"If I hadn't liked it, I wouldn't have kept living with him." Mikan blushed. "I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, 'ah, this is the day I lose my virginity,' is something I must have thought to myself a thousand times."
"An-chan belongs to me." Kobato nodded definitively.
"I always thought sleeping together, showering together and eating together, raising Vivio together would be enough, but it's not like I'm totally against it." Nanoha said and Fate nodded along.
"I can't ask how you 89 are going to vote, but I do think it would be in all of your interests to vote yes tonight. I'd like to think of all of you as partners." Himeno carefully navigated the campaign finance law.
"That leaves the remaining eleven. How many of you wonder what the heck you're doing here?" Himeno asked.
"I wouldn't be that harsh." Urara said. "I love Christopher very much, he's always been there for me when I started off all alone. I think if he truly needs me, I'd give anything to him, even my life. It's just that it's never been that way before. And it's not like we've had much contact since arriving. . ."
"I was devastated when we separated into different worlds and couldn't meet for ten years, to the point that I was just crying myself to sleep every day." Riko confessed. "But it's just like Urara said, it just hadn't ever been that way. I never thought of him like that. I could never dislike him, and if that's what he wants. . ." Riko shrugged helplessly.
"I can't imagine living without Christopher," Honoka confessed. "We've always done everything together. Fate brought us together and I never want to part. It just hadn't been part of the picture until now."
Mai nodded. "It was the same for me. I've loved Christopher ever since the spirits guided us under the same magical tree during the summer festival. I've always wanted to be with him, to laugh and learn and play and fight together, but sleep together just wasn't. . ."
"I always admired my senpai in the band and wanted to fit in and be like him, but I never liked how he was always glomping me even when I told him to stop. I mean, I know it felt good, and secretly I'd sometimes wish he'd do it more, but at the same time I thought he should respect my wishes and I definitely thought it was weird. I've only started to think that maybe that would be alright now. . ." Azusa confessed.
"I always thought Christopher was the cutest person alive and wanted to hug him and play with his hair all the time, between our band playing together. He was always so skilled on the guitar so I envied and admired him every time we took the stage. But I always thought of him like a sibling. In truth I never really thought much about the future or things like lust or love." Yui explained.
"Christopher was the senpai I admired ever since I was a child and aspired to be like someday. When I got to work with him making games I thought my life was completely fulfilled. He helped me every time I hit a wall and even relied on me when times were tough, so I thought we were already close enough. It even annoyed me how many times he would flash me in his underwear. I guess I should have taken the hint, huh?" Aoba bapped her purple twintailed head.
"Christopher saved me from ostracism in an isolated village and then introduced me to all my precious people. We worked together to save the world and afterwards he became a doctor while I just went to school. I guess I always thought the age gap was too large, and that he didn't really think of me that way. . .But it was always really fun when he was around." Elize explained.
"I always treated Christopher as a brother. We had a terrible time together when we thought Lisanna had died, but so long as he was there for me I thought we could make it through, somehow. I'm startled it somehow came to this, but I've always respected his courage and tenacity. In the end, I have a well known and often exploited soft spot for both my siblings, I can never deny them anything." Mirajane confessed.
"Christopher was just one of many precious people to me. I enjoyed spending time together, but I didn't feel anything for him. Now that I'm here, I'm happy to go to school with all of you and go hiking and camping whenever I want. This whole world is a dream come true. I'd like to go hiking with Christopher again, but sex is a little. . ." Kokona closed her eyes in fearful imagination.
"Nico Nico nii," Nico put on a desperate face. "I have no idea why I'm here. I couldn't care less about Christopher at all. I thought I was the only sane person in the entire world, and it's been freaking me out. An idol like me having sex with a random stranger. . .well. . .I admit he literally is the last man left on Earth, and I do like large families like I had back home. . ." She cast her eyes about for help.
"So Christopher is an important person to 99 of us but chose you based on love at first sight?" Himeno wondered aloud.
"Wafu, I fell in love with Christopher at first sight!" Kudryavka came to Christopher's defense.
"I guess if a boy sees a super idol like me it can't be helped that he'd fall head over heels and do anything to get me, but, I can't make myself like a total stranger. . ." Nico argued.
"He's not a total stranger, he's a boy loved by everyone here in this room. Even if you don't know him, we all do and we all approve. Doesn't that say something?" Himeno lobbied.
"Kokona, save me!" Nico dodged behind her even shorter partner in non-love.
"I don't think Christopher is a bad husband to end up with. Of course I was surprised to find myself at a wedding with him and kissing for the first time out of the blue like that. . .but it didn't feel bad. . ." Kokona unconsciously touched her lips.
"Nico!" Nico cringed into a ball and held up her pinkie and index fingers above her head to protect herself. "I don't want to be the only old maid in the whole world!"
"Then it's decided. No one here has anything against making love to Christopher sooner or later!" Himeno clapped her hands together like the completion of a spell. For that matter she was a mage so for all anyone knew she had just completed a spell; one very, very, very important to her.
"Sooner or later?" Nico's voice rose in panic.
"Shishou might be a little too big for me." Ai's eyes started to water.
"If it comes to that I can use the 'Little' card." Sakura whispered into Ai's ear. "I was already planning on using it for myself."
"If it's little then-!" Ai's face brightened into the most dazzling happiness in the world.
"Make it little for me too! Me too! Me me, make it little!" A swarm of additional girls surrounded Sakura Kinomoto, their life saver in all meanings of the word.
Cure Flora, who had no idea who this Christopher fellow was but suspected he was a member of the Bad End Oukoku, quietly slipped her 'no' vote into the box.
* * *
"And the vote is 99-1!" I pumped my fist into the air, strangely exhilarated at my own inability to sleep with my own wives. "How do you like that, Himeno! I was right to be considerate! We really shouldn't be so hasty!"
"NICOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Himeno screamed in fury.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," Nico jumped away from the dinner table and ran out the door.
There was a polite knock on the door that I had come to associate with Mirajane's steady professionalism. "Come in." I said, while idly rewatching an anime on my desktop computer. The office of mayor rarely had to intercede in what was becoming a smoothly oiled machine.
"Honoka invented an automated cow milker and chicken egg collector, so Makina and Kagome want to know where you want to send them next." Mirajane reported.
"This is the second time their work has been stolen!" I ranted. Hunting had already become pointless in the advanced neolithic period we had entered, but to think the 21st century had already arrived.
"Would you like for them to go back to school?" Mirajane suggested as the default. My harem was, after all, a bunch of school girls.
"Makina likes to wander around outside. A normal school is a little too stifling. And as for Kagome, she still has trauma from all the studying she had to do to graduate high school the first time." I rejected the offer.
"Okay, how about we build a shrine?" I brainstormed. "Kagome is a bona fide shrine maiden with spiritual powers. Maybe it's time we started worshiping God. We actually know she exists and is benevolent and just and loving and beautiful besides, so all the more so we could at least dedicate a single shrine maiden to her."
"A shrine for Kagome. I'll tell Sae Nakata to build the costume for her, then." Mirajane jotted down a note on her iPad.
"It's not a costume when it's literally worshiping God at a literal house of God." I objected.
"Sir, if I may be so bold, I think you just want to see Kagome in a shrine maiden outfit." Mirajane said in a deadpan.
"Makina enjoyed her work baking bread at a bakery, so we'll have her join the Tavern crew. Just two cooks for the whole town is pretty overwhelming. And now that we have eggs, milk, butter, cream, cheese, and shortening Asuna's wanted to try out some more intensive and varied creations." I decided. My knowledge of everyone's past made me the perfect man for the job-assigning job, if I did say so myself.
"Very good sir." Mirajane jotted down the new role assignment and turned to close the door behind her. "Are you sure you aren't bored or lonely, cooped up in this office? There's 100 wives flitting about all around you."
"They're here too," I pointed at the screen, "I like reminding myself about your pasts. If I didn't occasionally refresh my memory, it would be difficult to remember all 100 of you. And besides, I can't be seen as the only one playing while everyone else is working."
"But you are in fact playing." Mirajane noted in a deadpan.
"But I'm not rubbing it in people's faces. It's the appropriateness of it all. The symbolism." I stressed.
"Sakura Mamiya, could you go tell Makina and Kagome of their new job placements? Also, tell Sakura Kinomoto of her new construction work, Lucy about the need for a new foundation, sewage, and garbage line, Juvia about the new water silo she'll need to fill on her patrols, Mikoto about the new battery pack she'll need to provide, Cure Flora about decorating and designing the shrine grounds, Sae Nakata about the formal clothing, and anyone else whom I left out that needs to know something?" Mirajane left the room to relay my orders.
"No problem." Sakura Mamiya replied calmly. "It's good to have a job to do after so long."
I heard the door closing as Sakura Mamiya left City Hall, and thought I would get back to my anime when Mirajane re-entered the room.
"Is there something else?" I asked.
"I just wanted to see my husband hard at work," Mirajane had a mature smile that revealed nothing.
"I would work if it helped anyone!" I insisted. "We're a small village and everyone is good hearted so how many laws do we need?"
"Thank you for summoning both me and Lisanna together." Mirajane continued. "Though I'm sure it was just because you wanted us for threesomes."
I had wanted them for threesomes, so I couldn't exactly defend myself there.
"So you did." Mirajane raised her hand over her lips in scandalized surprise. "I'm not sure how I'm going to break this to my little sister."
"I can't help it that you're both so beautiful. If one of you looks perfect and the other looks like the other due to being sisters, how can I choose? The only option was to love you both." I explained forthrightly.
"Asa and Yoru are identical twins." Mirajane mused, following the bread crumbs.
"That's right, I want threesomes with them too. But we even did that together already in their origin so there's nothing you can say this time." I boasted.
"Himeno, Yume and Nemu look an awful lot alike." Mirajane mused.
"A foursome would be great too!" I admitted. God had conditioned all these girls to be okay with polygamy so a foursome wasn't asking too much.
"Should a grandmother and granddaughter really be having sex together?" Mirajane asked.
"I'm already married to multiple blood-related sisters so I think that ship has already sailed." I said with dead eyes.
"Including me." Mirajane pointed out.
"Including you?" I repeated in surprise. Mirajane nodded wordlessly in confirmation with a look of composed neutrality. So Elfman had been her most special person. I could have sworn it would either be Makarov or Laxus. . .
"Including me." Mirajane pointed out.
"Including you?" I repeated in surprise. Mirajane nodded wordlessly in confirmation with a look of composed neutrality. So Elfman had been her most special person. I could have sworn it would either be Makarov or Laxus. . .
"Dear, have you ever thought about seeing a therapist?" Mirajane asked plainly, clearly not as into incest as I was.
"This is what every normal healthy boy feels in his heart." I said in a zen like state.
"Does God really want you as a worshiper?" Mirajane continued.
"We already met and she likes me very much!" I said in a high voice.
Mirajane leaned over my mayoral desk and kissed me on the lips. "I like you very much too. I just don't think it's as much as it should be. What can we do to alleviate that problem?"
"I don't have the superpowers I used to have, so all I can do is treat everyone with kindness and respect. I'm actually doing my best here." I gestured towards the entirety of Paradise.
"Which one of us looked perfect, and which of us was just the sister?" Mirajane asked.
"Lisanna." I looked her in the eye.
"So I'm the sister." Mirajane sighed. "Well it can't be helped, you prefer small breasts." Mirajane cupped her own with a small regret.
"If the girl is good enough, kind enough, brave enough and devoted enough to the people around her, if she's so much better than everyone else I've ever seen, then even girls with big breasts look really attractive to me." I kissed her back with a forcefulness to make my feelings for her completely clear.
"I want to thank you for something else. Thank you for Lucy," Mirajane kissed me on the lips. "For Wendy," Mirajane kissed me again, "For Levy," Mirajane kissed me again, "For Juvia," Mirajane kissed me again, "For Mavis," Mirajane kissed me again, "And even I guess for Sherria," Mirajane kissed me again. "I always felt like our guild's mother, so it's nice to have so many Fairy Tail mages together. It's a home away from home, just with a lot less violence. You must have loved us very much, to take up so many valuable harem slots all together."
"I love Fairy Tail as much as you do." I replied forthrightly. "I love you all so very much. You're my ideal. I wish I could have included even more."
"Ara, but then I wouldn't even get to spend this much time with you." Mirajane smiled and put her hand over mine. "I think even you have enough girls to choose from, don't you?"
I nodded sheepishly. "Until I can really connect with everyone's hearts I already think it's too many."
"You're worried about the one vote against you?" Mirajane smiled. "What if it were me?"
"You'd have every right, I summoned you here even though I knew there hadn't been enough groundwork and preparation in your heart for marriage, I was just that desperate that I hoped it would work out somehow." I confessed.
"Because Lisanna without Mirajane was unthinkable." Mirajane posited.
"It's not just that. Even when Mirajane is interacting with Laxus, or Makarov, or Wendy, or Lucy or Erza or Natsu or Gray. . . I just, warmth just bubbles up within me and I want to be with you and feel your love like they did. I love your voice, I love your singing, I love when you cried for Fried's sake. I love you so much." I tried to measure my feelings with my spread out arms to show her.
"But even if 99 wives thought it was okay for you to sleep with Himeno, that doesn't mean they were okay with being next." Mirajane pointed out.
"I want to win over all 100 of you, not just the mystery one." I ceded.
"How about a date?" Mirajane asked.
"Like, now that we have swimsuits, let's all go to the beach? Kind of thing?" I asked.
"100 dates with 100 girls, where you can try to win us all over. Maybe if you're lucky on the next vote you can sleep with Himeno." Mirajane suggested with a playful smile.
"There aren't many good date spots on a primordial world. I can't exactly go shopping with her." I pointed out. "Plus I have work."
"Oh?" Mirajane arched an eyebrow, looking around for work.
"I mean in general. Who would like me if I took a 100 day vacation?" I asked.
"But to each of them, you only took one day of vacation for their sake in an entire third of a year." Mirajane pointed out.
"Did I spread myself too thin?" I asked.
"Not necessarily. If you can convey your earnest feelings to everyone like you have with me. I don't think anyone here resents you." Mirajane encouraged.
"But if I just randomly recite a laundry list of reasons I love someone it just feels so phony. I love everyone here for real and specific reasons. I chose them for themselves, when I was allowed to choose anyone. They must already know this. I don't want to flail about like a fish searching for approval." I replied.
"If you don't do anything, nothing will happen." Mirajane reprimanded.
"Then how do I do it? How can so many wonderful, beautiful, perfect girls all decide that they want to lay with me? Love poems didn't work on Earth, they won't work on Eden." I challenged.
"I guess you have to make them happy with you, happy with themselves, and happy with the place you're leading them to. Where are you leading us, Christopher?" Mirajane asked.
"I want a world where everyone matters, everyone is loved, everyone agrees on everything, everyone enjoys their lives, everyone can tell the truth and be rewarded, not punished for it, everyone can have an intact family, and everyone can set their eyes on the things that really matter all the live long day." I said.
"It's nice to be in a world that isn't prejudiced against demons." Mirajane smiled. "I can tell the truth about myself and everyone just thinks my wings are cute."
"I was so tired of living by lies. Mowing lawns, smiling and nodding when stupid, evil people say demonstrably false things, getting stuck in traffic, with money so hard to make that we're all too old to have children by the time we can afford a house to put them in. I wanted this." I gestured outside. "This emptiness. I wanted to fill this emptiness with things that mattered, things that worked, things that I could actually care about."
"Like children?" Mirajane asked.
"Like people worth talking to." I replied.
Mirajane stood up and walked to the door. She stopped with her back turned to me. "It's a vast world, Christopher. If you show each of them a volcano, a crystal cavern, a waterfall, a canyon, a fjord, a glacier, a hot spring, a geyser, a cute native creature, don't you think you could manage something? Maybe they'd enjoy talking to you too. As things stand, your desk is your #1 waifu."
Secretaries really did get too involved in their boss' lives.
Our shrine opened as a ceremony to celebrate our very first harvest on Eden. Our harvest festival didn't have to be authentic because we were the only people celebrating the correct God so we could trendset things however we pleased. The end result was everyone trying out distilled potatoes, grapes, rice, wheat, and God knows what other junk we had set aside from our first harvest for the party, getting roaring drunk, and dancing around a gigantic bonfire afforded to us by our virtually limitless backyard woodlands. I exchanged a kiss with every wife when I switched partners to them in our circle dance and before I switched away, which made me thank God for alcohol based on a completely different reason. That's right, I arranged to get little girls drunk so that I could take advantage of their fogged minds and strike at their bodies. I now understood why this was the master plan of about 90% of men on Earth.
Kagome did a great job dancing on stage and beating our ceremonial drum, and then the girls from the studio took her place to keep the dance going, adding their own repertoire of songs one after another. I got to see a live performance of Fire Bomber, Houkago Teatime, μ's, Deedlit on the lute, Sora a capello, Mirajane on acoustic guitar, Wendy and Sherria's sky sisters, Lucy's Lyra, Urara's Yuuki no Door, and Rin's Neko Neko song.
Bad or good, we were all too drunk to tell, so we gave a roar of approval after every performance.
Did you know? Fresh vegetables taste much better than the things you find in the supermarket. Because we didn't have to transport our food thousands of miles and warehouse them for weeks before eating, because we were locals who raised our crops just a summoned monster's flight away, there were no preservatives to spoil the taste. No refrigeration to mess with the internal liquid structures. No pasteurization of our dairy. Everything tasted as God intended without any need for compromise. Because the world was divied up for just 101 lovers who were all fine with living under the same roof.
The day of our harvest festival was the tastiest meal I had ever eaten. It tasted like a hundred girls' lips and maybe some pasta and lasagna liberally dipped in tomato sauce somewhere in there.
There weren't any fruits to distribute because orchards took decades to grow, but we had at least planted the seeds for them. With lifespans such as ours, even orchards could be looked forward to 'shortly,' so no one really minded.
There was also cotton but that was stored for the use of our clothiers. Reina did however eerily strike a bale of cotton with a hoe over and over and then toss pieces of the shattered crop into a nearby river.
She had been cured of the Hinamizawa syndrome, right?
Sugar was another big reveal. A lot of the younger girls were pouring it into their alcohol like no tomorrow, to the point that it only tasted like sugar. Well, it was fine so long as they got drunk and let down their guard around me.
At night we gathered around the fire, laid back onto the ground, held hands in a giant circle and looked up at the stars. We started singing Christmas carols, Cruel Angel's Thesis, Only My Railgun and Touch -- anything at least a third of us could remember together. It was the most reverent prayer we could give to God who had given us all life and brought us all together. We also gave thanks to the land for supporting us, the sun for its photosynthesis, the water for irrigation, the heavy elements made in distant stars that fueled our hemoglobin, and anything else our drunken minds happened to be reminded of.
Then we all fell asleep in a drunken stupor after putting the fire out. The temperature was always nice in Paradise so it wasn't difficult. The only real problem was the fierce melee for the spots to my left and right which seemed to fill up with beautiful clingy girls at ever faster rates of change. I must have slept with at least eighty different girls that night, though to be honest I was so busy enjoying their soft bodies against me that I never really slept. Alcohol was a hell of a drug.
I decided people were in a good enough mood the next morning that it would be okay to announce my 100 days of 100 dates plan. I warned them not to expect too much from me, like that I'd live up to their memories of the past, but thought it would be nice if we could all just relax and deepen our love now that the food crisis was well and finished.
"A round of applause for Kotori and Deedlit, everyone, who raised these crops, these endless rows of crops, these endless varieties of crops, the tastiest crops in history, all on their own." I toasted my nature-dwelling, nature-loving, natural beauties. Everyone duly clapped.
"A round of applause for Riko Izayoi, who has been feeding us all this time, asking for nothing in return, even though we owe her everything." I raised my glass again, and a furious cheer rose up to fill the heavens.
"It was nothing." Riko blushed, her eyes misting over. "I couldn't let everyone starve, could I?"
"Riko, I love you. Will you marry me? Or even better, will you bear my children?" I knelt down, took her hand between mine, kissed it, and then looked up with puppy dog eyes into hers.
"Ri-ko! Ri-ko! Ri-ko!" The crowd started clapping and cheering in unison, waiting for her response.
"I love you too." Riko blushed, her words completely drowned out by the crowd's noise, but her eyes glimmered and danced as they looked into mine, so I knew how she felt even without the words.
"A round of applause for Sakura Kinomoto, who for the past year has done 99% of everything because she's God made flesh!" I stood up and raised my glass to toast the next heroine of our party, still holding Riko's hand because I felt our moment together was too special to end so soon.
The cheer, if anything, was even louder. Probably due to the changes of clothes most of all.
"And a round of applause for Orihime, whose curse rejecting saved us all from an immediate and absurd death, thanks to Mavis' dark aura of destruction not radiating outwards." I raised my glass again.
"Sorry everyone," Mavis waved at the crowd contritely. Nervous laughter broke out, and then a strong and sustained applause for Orihime took center stage.
"I'm thankful to everyone here. You're all the lights of my life. Even before we reached Eden, you were the lights of my life, the reason I went on living. And after I died, you were the only reason I wanted to come back to life. I hated the world. No really, I did. I hated it and everything in it. But I loved you. You were never of this world. You all lived on a higher plane, a world of possibility that could have been if only we were like you, if only we would learn from you, if only we aspired to be like you. All of you, I know this sounds corny, but I'm going to say every single one of your names: Nozomi, Urara, Honoka, Mai, HaruHaru, Riko, Asuna, Keiko, Suguha, Rin Natsume, Haruka Saigusa, Kud, Azusa, Yui, Kagome, Aoba, Tessa, Kaname, Mira, Rose, Elize, Leia, Sophie, Cheria, Rydia, Rosa, Tifa, Aerith, Rinoa, Yuna, MOMO, Aruru, Eruru, Nekone, Kuon, Nayuki, Nagisa, Misuzu, Kotori, Wendy, Sherria, Lucy, Mavis, Levy, Juvia, Lisanna, Mirajane, Makina, Nanoha, Fate, Sakura Haruno, Rin Nohara, Chtolly, Sagiri, Emily, Deed, Kobato, Sora, Miu, Sakura Kinomoto, Lafiel, Myusel, Sara, Nemu, Yume, Himeno, Sakura Yoshino, Aisia, Koko, Yukino, Sayaka, Isara, Yoru, Asa, Sae, Reina, Usagi, Shana, Mikan, Yuuhi, Kobeni, Illya, Rin Tohsaka, Orihime, Nico, Chiwa, Sakura Mamiya, Hozumi, Mylene, Lyria, Kokona, Meiko, Ai, Nadeko, Kirino, Mikoto, Louise, Wakaba, Iris, Mitsuki -- thank you so much for being here. You mean the world to me. You are the world to me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for standing by me, even though as you can see I'm no use at all to anyone. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for affirming me. Thank God for each and every one of you."
I stopped, wondering what I could say, how I could possibly express, how I could convey how much more my feelings were for them than the average guy's for an average girl. I tried to keep my voice cheerful and raised my glass again. "A toast to Mumei, who today, for the first time ever, got to eat a bellyful of rice."
The crowd cheered and clapped again.
"A toast to everyone here who is healthy and alive who otherwise shouldn't be, and a toast to everyone who healed them so that we could be celebrating here together, all 101 of us, still together, a year after we arrived." I raised my glass again, this time my throat really clutching up.
"A toast to Sailor Moon, whose Silver Crystal has granted us our very own Silver Millennium, so that I can keep loving you for as long as every one of you truly deserves." I couldn't get the words out very well because I was too busy crying.
"Please. . .take care of me. . .keep taking care of me. . .as we greet this new year. Watch over me like the rising sun. . . just like I'd do anything for any of you. I'd cut my bleeding heart out and lay it at your feet if only I thought it would help. But even that wouldn't express what you guys mean to me." I didn't know if anyone was clapping or not, I didn't even know if I was able to say what my mouth was trying to say anymore.
"Ahh. . .shoot. Sorry. This is a happy day." I wiped my eyes and nose, my voice trembling. "I'm going to take a break." And then I walked away from the crowd, straight to the nearest river, and doused my head underwater. No one likes emo creeps. No one wants to hear stuff like that. What are you saying, me? I'm not supposed to be on suicide watch here.
I spent about ten minutes stopping my tears, washing my face, and watching the ever flowing stream go by. Then I turned around to see if I could get back to camp more quietly and innocuously than I had left.
Every single one of my wives was watching me quietly with a look of shared concern. They had lined up in row after row, in a long, deep semicircle, and stood still the entire solemn moment.
Then, as if by telepathic resonance (wait, couldn't Himeno's magic connect hearts?), they all bowed together and said: "Akemashite omedetou. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!"
Just to be safe I had the medical corps cast 'heal' on everyone to cure any possible long-lasting effects from the alcohol. It also meant there were no symptoms such as headaches or nausea, so we ended up with just the fun side of partying. The very next day was my first date. I had decided to start off on easy mode and was simply hanging out in Yukino's room as our ideal date location. We snuggled together in bed, wrapped the covers around both of us, and started catching up on all the anime we'd missed over the course of the year together.
"You should have performed on stage." I suggested when I noticed our missed opportunity.
"Kira" Yukino posed, her giant ahoge twisting cutely over her head. "But without the mass brainwashing to convince everyone I'm the cutest girl in the world as well as their president, it's not like it would have made much of an impact."
"This time I outrank you." I smiled and pinched her nose. In our original adventure my girlfriend had been the president of Japan and I the vice-president, but this time I had just left her as manager of the studio.
"But in exchange I got to marry you." Yukino smiled sweetly. "Plus eternal youth isn't bad. And here we are, still with my lifeblood streaming over my computer -- manga, anime and games. If your reign is always going to look like this, I have no reason to run for office against you."
"Mayor isn't an elected office, the moment you all ceded me the position I became dictator for life." I mentioned.
"Mayor is so an elected office! Death to all tyrants!" Yukino slammed me with her pillow. "Plus isn't 'for life' a really long time now?"
"It makes 'until death do us part' really mean something, huh?" I smiled. "Though I guess I won't even outlive the day now that my secret is out."
"Your secret is safe with me, Maduro." Yukino sighed, closed her eyes, and squirmed into my chest. "We could do it right now and nobody would know." Yukino whispered.
"Ah, Yukino. You're too perfect." I hugged her tight, enjoying the press of her entire body's outline against mine. Every square inch of my skin was reporting its own sensory satisfaction up and down the line. "But I think it's important to be of the utmost sincerity on this one thing. I want our polygamous marriage to work, not just our monogamous marriage."
"I had already accepted sharing you with Putina so I knew the day you wanted 100 partners would eventually come. Once you open the floodgates boys' appetites never stop -- 'love is love,' they say. Like they're straight out of some civil rights black and white film." Yukino sighed. "And then you didn't even bring Putina here with me so I started off with no friends and a suddenly distant lover."
"But it's not all bad, right?" I said penitently.
"Since everything in the past was apparently just a story, since I couldn't even hold these precious memories until God's intervention, since you were the one who even let me be born and feel a fraction of the love that was supposed to be meant for me, it's fine. Polygamists may have civil rights but no one has suggested computer code or splashes of black ink do." Yukino replied.
"Even when you were a series of 1's and 0's I already loved you. A girl as cute as you, as devoted as you to your childhood friend, who would do my housework, shared my hobbies, take my advice, and drop everything to sleep with me -- Yukino, you are and were the perfect waifu." I kissed her forehead in benediction.
"But apparently not enough." Yukino scrunched her nose.
"I finished our time together in a couple days of playtime. But life stretched on and on. I had to make strong emotional bonds with others, one after the next, just to stay sane. You weren't alive so any time I spent with you would have just been the exact same imagined events over and over and over again. By the time I died I already cared about this many girls. It would have been different if you could have really been there for me. I could have been content with any of you. . ." Yukino put a finger over my lips.
"I'm just teasing. I've always trusted you, Christopher, since we were practically infants. I know your feelings are the real thing, just like you know mine are the real thing. You didn't have to make such an extravagant speech about it." Yukino said.
"Before I knew it my cup ranneth over. Life is just so good, you're all so good to me here. I wanted to thank everyone while the moment presented itself." I said.
"You've been really good to us too." Yukino replied. "Though I lost power over hundreds of millions of people, a husband who would actually sleep with me, and all my friends, I think, right now, in your arms, I've never been happier."
"I think the alien brainwashing might have hit you this time." I smiled.
"Kamoshirenai." Yukino agreed.
"Do you think this can really last?" I asked Yukino, whose love I trusted more than anyone else's. "As people's memories of their good times with me fade, and all that's left is just me, the mayor of Eden. Can it possibly work?"
"Ask the Research Institute to see if they can strengthen our ability to recall our memories, so our eternal youth doesn't just lead to eternal fog." Yukino advised. "I know you earned me long ago. The rest of my life is just bonus. I'm still repaying you for before."
"Gratitude is a notoriously weak motivator." I whined.
"For the average girl, sure. But out of the girls you selected? Did we ever show a lack of gratitude in our origins? Did the best girls you knew across all of imagination lack the honor to see through their marriage vows? This time you don't have to deal with averages, trends, or human nature. This time it's just whether we, personally, can be relied upon." Yukino said.
"You sound like Lafiel." I smiled, feeling relieved. It's true. I didn't have to act in such a way that an average girl would continue to like me. I just had to keep the love of the most honest, sincere, devoted, honorable, kind, giving and attentive girls in imagination. This was an easy mode even a polygamist should be able to navigate without a walkthrough.
"You have to be careful with some of these girls, though." Yukino stressed. "It's fine with me, but don't just start pinching people's booties whom you have no history at all with."
"It couldn't be helped. Even though I didn't have a proper fishhook for them, they were still the most attractive girls I could imagine living beside, so I just couldn't compromise on the issue." I said.
"I hope you can win over all of them, so we can really be married. We of the carnal relations group are all rooting for you and putting all the peer pressure we can on them." Yukino laughed, remembering times I knew nothing about.
"Thank you," Yukino was rubbing against me and it was killing me but all I could think of was how much better I felt about our prospects compared to the day before. She really was the greatest helpmate in the world. "I think your arguments will have a lot more impact than anything I can say or do. . .I mean, I already said my piece yesterday. I can't justify my feelings for them any further."
"Haha. I can't speak for them. But you made my heart flutter." Yukino's chuckles vibrated through her body and across to mine in little ripples. "I especially liked the part where you presented your own ripped out bleeding heart as a Valentine's. It was so romantic!"
"Let's just watch more Fairy Tail." I blushed and looked straight forward.
"It's funny. All of my favorite works were apparently figments of the imagination to avoid copyright law, with barebones details that looking back aren't fun at all, so getting to see all your favorite works and ignore all the copyright infringement is so insanely fun in comparison. But it's just, seeing all these waifus parade around in front of me, people I know are my love rivals I see in the street every day. It's like, "oh, so this is how you stole him away from me, you doroboneko!"" Yukino commented, turning back to the adventure story.
"Should I restrict entertainment from Earth to only the things that don't mention any of you? To avoid paradoxes or people having mental breakdowns because they aren't 'real' or something. . ." I asked for her advice.
"No way! And lose out on all the best stories mankind made, the ones good enough to sway your heart? Do you really intend to monopolize all our back stories? None of us are so weak that we would break down over having an official biography. Do nonfiction people just explode in paradoxes when historians mention their deeds?" Yukino asked pointedly.
I smiled, heartened yet again by this healing presence cuddled under the blankets with me. "I just don't want to have to lie anymore. About anything. I don't want to be juggling all these secrets, worried about what I reveal, every time I open my mouth around any of you. I just want to be myself, to really be. I want your love, not some mask I'm wearing to be loved. I want nothing between us except maybe an infant nursing upon your breast."
"You've got it." Yukino swore. "Even if no one else loves you, I will, until the end of days."
A rush of happiness literally warmed my heart. "I know. That's why I wanted our date to be first. Zero pressure is saikyou! Now I'm getting revved up. Maybe I can be this happy tomorrow and the next day too!"
"You're only confident up to the third date?" Yukino giggled.
"There's no one I can trust like you." I kissed her on the lips, feeling like I could just die and it wouldn't even matter anymore.
"I'm sure you'll be saying the exact same line tomorrow." Yukino kissed me back. I felt a little sorry for Fairy Tail because we were completely missing all the important plot points.
"Nii-san, I hope you know well enough to pick me next♪" Nemu said with smiling upturned eyes.
"Onii-chan, Utamaru says he wants to play with you so hurry and come over." Sakura Yoshino pulled me away from Nemu.
"Nii-sama," Himeno finished tying the flower ribbons in her hair. "I'll prepare our traditional soba and mikans for the New Year so please come over."
"Playboy Christopher, if it's Mikans you have one right here." Mikan pointed to her perfect face with both of her index fingers.
"Nii-san, I can't even leave my room except by computer so isn't it about time you spent some time with me?" Sagiri begged.
"Nii-san, I already prophesied it was my turn next so you may as well give in." Yume informed.
"Anta, I require life counseling tomorrow so be sure to show up." Kirino frisked her long blonde hair out in a wave of impatience.
"Onii-chan," Suguha leaned over showing bountiful hanging fruits. "Come practice kendo with me, it's no good if you never move your body."
"Oji-san, I'll let you hold Sora and me on one knee a piece if you look our way." Miu teased.
"Miu!" Sora blushed, scandalized. "Onii-chan, don't listen to what she says. I'm fine coming whenever."
"We'll both suck you at once--" Yoru volunteered before Asa could tackle her and physically seal her mouth.
"Berserker, wipe them out and seize Onii-chan for ourselves." Illya pulled out her card with spinning eyes. Nanoha and Fate descended on her with sonic move and tore her weapons from her hand.
"Christopher Onii-chan, you're a pervert so you'd even get turned on by my naked 13 year old body, right?" Nadeko asked with upturned trusting eyes.
"Ungyaaah!" Kobato suddenly shouted, her face turning towards the sky. "An-chan! An-chan wo mou!" She accentuated her anger by stomping on the floor. "An-chan wa nande sugu imouto bakari tsukuru baka dare?!"
"Calm down!" I tried to placate my one true imouto. "Over half of these girls aren't even blood related!"
In the end I was afraid Nemu would present me with a bomb so my next date was with her.
* * *
The easy dates were easier than I expected. Taking advantage of their overflowing love, the long absence we'd had apart since talking to each other last, their constant wish to cuddle after so many lonely nights, and my knowledge of their favorite things -- like ichigo parfaits for Nayuki or mushrooms wrapped with bacon for Elize -- I was quickly clearing one girl's route after another.
I traveled to Earth with Louise and we went to an amusement park, since that experience seemed hard to replicate back home. The crowds were deafening and the lines spread out to the horizon on every ride. It was a huge culture shock after being so long away. Luckily Louise was used to it since she spent half her time over here shopping and selling our raw materials in a lively interplanetary triangle trade, and she was just happy to hold my hand and repeat my name over and over while pressing my arm against her washboard chest. Every time a truck rumbled by on the highway I started to sweat but all in all it was an exceptionally vivid and memorable day.
"At first I thought my rival was Henrietta, then you cheated on me with Tiffania, but now it's ONE HUNDRED GIRLS." Louise brandished her whip and started hitting me. "ONE HUNDRED! NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, ONE HUNDRED TIMES! JUST HOW FAR DO YOU INTEND TO HUMILIATE ME?"
This was her accepting of polygamy?
"Enough. Die! EXPLOSION!" I tackled her wand away and saved about a thousand theme-park-goers' lives.
A short time later Louise was sniffling back her tears and munching slowly on a crepe full of whip cream I had given her in apology. "Neh, Christopher, is it because of my chest? It's because of my chest, right? It's because I only have lemons. It's because I'm Lemon-chan."
"I love you and your perfect petite lemons, Louise. I wouldn't have them any other way." I patted her head.
"Then why? Why is it always me?" Louise hiccupped. "I'm the only one who can't control her mannn."
"Louise, you're featured on 19/23 of the book covers in your series. You're the most iconic beauty in light novels. Those lemons of yours are national treasures!" I enthused.
"Why is it only my lemons that keep getting praised?" Lousie hiccuped again, finishing off her crepe.
"That's not true. When you preferred suicide to life without me, that was when I knew I had to make you my wife. This incredible pink hair, those sharp pink eyes, and the gallantry to invade an entire country and bring down the Elven air force just to rescue me. . .all of it pales in comparison to the moment you jumped off that roof. No one's ever paid me a greater compliment." I said.
"More than even our first wedding when you drugged me?" Louise looked up at me with swimming hopeful eyes.
"Err, yes. . .it was even more complementary than the first time you agreed to marry me." I said a little shamefaced. Oi, Saito, why are you putting me in all of these pinches?
"More than all the nights I agreed to share you with Siesta and Tabitha in bed because I missed you so much I'd even accept that if you'd just look my way again?" Louise whimpered.
Oi, oi, Saito! Why are you even more of a lecher than me! "I loved you more when you jumped off that tower." I assured her. Even Chtolly jumped knowing she had wings. Louise had just plain jumped.
"Sometimes I think, when I'm on Earth and you're on Eden, that you're playing around with all these other girls and I'm just stupidly serving you, not knowing a thing. . ." Louise said.
"I haven't touched a single girl." I told her, the one thing I could be proud about, never mind all the non-help Saito had given me. "I know you came here all alone, but I hope you can make friends with my other wives. They're all really good girls, just like you, you know. They won't bite or make fun of your tiny, tiny chest. Once you realize how great they are you'll see why I just had to live with all of you."
"Just remember how good you've got it." Louise sighed. "Without me you'll never see the ending to any of your favorite shows."
"Just remember how good you've got it." Louise sighed. "Without me you'll never see the ending to any of your favorite shows."
"Please, I'll do anything. I'm not even a dog. Just let me be your pet worm! Let me slither across your shoe every now and then, just spare the endings!" I groveled with my head in the dirt.
"If I'm in a good mood." Louise tossed her head confidently, looking down on me. "Mayyyybe I'll treat you with another episode of One Piece."
"My duchess. My saintess. My savior!" I started kissing her shoe. Strangely she actually had earned every one of those titles.
Louise giggled, suddenly in a good mood. "One crepe wasn't enough. You'd better buy me more and more and more, until my breasts are as big as Orihime's!" She took my hand and started running back to the stand.
By the time your breasts were that big your waist would be equal to Jabba's so let's pass on that.
* * *
"So, umm, sorry about burning down your village and killing your mother." I said, in a real fix as to what to say during my date with Rydia.
"It's okay. If you hadn't arrived, the whole world would have been destroyed by Zeromus anyway, so the only difference you made was the people you saved, like me." Rydia smiled, her beautiful long green hair swaying in the wind. We were swimming through the nearby ocean together on the back of Leviathan, letting the world drift into a neverending blue horizon.
"I seem to recall it was you popping out of the world of monsters and using a summon to save me, suddenly the most beautiful and powerful girl in the world." I humbly replied.
"And yet always with you it was Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. Always kissing and hugging in public. Kiss kiss, kiss kiss, hey, I'm right here you know." Rydia pouted.
"Rosa was just my first love, you arrived later so it couldn't be helped." I touched her cheek. "Now everyone's equal, right?"
"I wonder about that. If we took a time log of how many words you've shared with each of us, would it really be equal?" Rydia arched an eyebrow.
I suffered about 9,999 damage.
"Well, you took me in when I was a wailing orphan even though your instructions were to kill everyone you saw. You turned on the Empire you were born and raised in for my sake. And you taught me how to live and how to fight back against an unfair world. I won't begrudge you anything. I had a lot of monster friends, but you were the only human for me." Rydia relented, seeing my panicked face. Then she worked her small frame into the crook of my arms and rested her head on my chest.
"You had a lot more muscles in the other world." Rydia sighed remorsefully.
"I have a desk job now." I excused myself. "Not many world menaces to brandish Excalibur against these days."
"Haha. You mean 'press a' against, right?" Rydia's blue eyes looked up into mine.
"Bareta-ka?" I wasn't doing well on this date. Was it okay if I just loaded my save?
"In my head, I know I should be mad, but in my heart, I know it was still you. You're the same person now as you were then. God fiddled with all our hearts such that this is the one thing I'll never deny." Rydia placed her hand inbetween her breasts and pushed down to confirm her feelings.
"I actually try to live up to our memories together." I raised my paladin shield in a desperate last defense.
"You're doing fine. Don't mind me." Rydia looked back over the sea and listened to the crash of her serpent's absolute power. "About three fourths of us can kill you with just a look, so if we really held it against you, bringing us all into this world and giving us a place to exist, a table and clothes and laughter and song and brightness and good cheer, you would know."
"So I guess the no vote wasn't you?" I smiled in relief.
"I'm ready to go whenever you are." Rydia turned back to look me in the eye. "We're far away from shore so no one would have to know."
"Once everyone feels the same way." I shelved her proposal. "Who do you think it was, then?"
"Wouldn't you know better than me?" Rydia asked. "You grew up with all of them, I only know about the world I came from."
"I would understand if it was like 50 no votes, but when it's just one I have no idea who would hate me the most." I confessed.
"Make a guess." Rydia demanded.
"Cure Egret. She has a glare of death for people she thinks have done her wrong. She probably can't forgive me." I said.
"Boo boo." Rydia crossed her fingers. "I seriously don't know who it could be, but Mai is the sweetest, kindest, most forgiving and understanding girl in the world to anyone who tries to meet her halfway, so she'd never look down on you like that."
"I already knew that." I sighed, looking into the white flecked foaming water. "That's why I just can't figure it out."
"Keep dating us and someday we'll know." Rydia advised.
"So you'd be okay with another date?" I asked.
"Yes, silly. My husband can take me out anytime, anywhere. You could even kiss me and Rosa at the same time." Rydia smirked.
"Is that even possible?" I wondered excitedly.
"Of course. Girls' lips are smaller than boys. Just line us up and plunge in." Rydia suggested.
"Maybe next time." I fantasized. Would Rosa really be okay with that? But then again, I'd lived a married life with Rosa for decades and we'd already had children before. Combined with the effects of God's pro-polygamy potion, was there anything she wouldn't do if it made me happy?
* * *
Sakura Haruno and I walked together through a newly-constructed trail in the woods for our date. It felt reminiscent of the time we were closest together, braving the Forest of Death, and appropriately she was in the guise of that time, a slip of a girl, with long flowing pink hair trailing down her back.
"What a wide, charming forehead you have. It makes me want to kiss it." I smoothly rattled off like a playboy.
"That wasn't Sasuke, that was Naruto pretending to be Sasuke. Are you actually Naruto?" Sakura's smile had a twinkle in her eye. Even if she appeared as a 12 year old she was actually a 37 year old married woman with a full grown child, it would take a little more than that to rattle her.
"A lot of people dished on you for preferring me over him." I informed. "But all that means is they never understood you. From the very beginning your love was honmono. Why would it change? And the fact that it never changed is the only reason it was ever honmono from beginning to end."
"I tried to stop loving you, but when push came to shove, I couldn't bring myself to do it. In the end I was still that naive girl who would abandon anything and go anywhere if it meant I could be with you." Sakura Haruno reminisced.
"And because I cared about you, I couldn't let you do that. All I ever wanted was to set you free of my dark destiny." I reported.
"And all I ever wanted was to set you free of it too." Sakura wistfully murmured. "But that role was left to another."
"I think it was the two of you together. Or else why marry you at the end? Doesn't that mean everything you ever said and did got through to me?" I contended.
"Not very well, or you wouldn't have avoided me like the plague for the rest of our married lives." Sakura Haruno grumbled. "My own daughter didn't even believe I was her mother by the end."
"Well, now the world's finally at peace and we can go on dates like this, so it all worked out, right?" I shrugged off my predecessor's atrocious behavior breezily.
"Even as one in a hundred, I'm pretty sure I'm receiving 100 times as much attention from you as I'm used to." Sakura Haruno smiled, and then a blush of true happiness at the realization traveled up her entire face. "I don't even remember if we've ever been on a date before."
"Well, let me say something to you no impostor has said before: You're the most brilliant, beautiful, dedicated, courageous, strong, reliable, kind, understanding, honest and true woman I've ever met, and I love you for it, just as I love you for every word and deed you ever filled with your love for me. Sakura. . .arigatou." I tapped her on the forehead.
Sakura's green eyes glistened and then ran over with tears. "About time, you dummy."
* * *
"So you've finally isolated yourself from the pack?" Haruka Haruno looked down on me with a scowl. Which was a feat because I was at least a foot taller than her 13 year old frame.
"Huh?" I responded lamely.
"Pretty Cure, Princess Engage!" Haruka took out her key, plunged it into her perfume and turned it. Heavenly lights and choirs started singing in the background, and out popped the girl I'd fallen in love with, she of the pink-striped blonde hair.
"The Princess of flowers blooming in full glory -- Cure Flora!" Haruka struck a dashing pose.
No no no no no. "What happened to me being your special person?" I chirped in a high voice. Wasn't this really, really bad? Couldn't she kill me with a single punch?
"Unfortunately for you, the most important person to me is myself! That's why every day I struggle on the road of self-improvement. For villains like you who toy with the human heart, karma will always eventually catch up! Face the wrath of 100 raped and kidnapped girls in your den of sloth and lechery -- you even, you even made us all drink your vile poisons. . ." Flora was so angry she was tripping over her own words.
"There was a good reason for that!" I held up my hands desperately. There wasn't any good reason. Of course there wasn't a good reason, but my life was flashing before my eyes so I was just throwing things out there.
"Enough! Dance, flowers -- Precure Floral Tourbillon!" A ring of sakura petals started spinning with furious speed and then rushed out all at once to strike me.
"Yararetaaaaaaaaa," I screamed in agony as the light of truth washed over me.
"Have a nice day," Cure Flora curtsied with impeccable grace. Then she looked at me with a hint of confusion.
"Why are you still here?" Flora demanded.
"Well, it just felt a little ticklish and refreshing. I guess it is just flower petals. . ." My heart started beating again.
"But that would mean there's nothing to exorcise from your evil heart." Cure Flora looked down at her dress to make sure she really had transformed. "Or could it be that you're just so evil that not even my powers can prevail?"
"I don't have that sort of last boss skill!" I shouted.
"You, you you you you you you!" Cure Flora approached me with mounting anger and started pounding me on the chest. "What is the meaning of this? Why am I here? What are you planning to do with us? Why didn't that finish you?"
"Ow ow ow seriously I'll die." I moaned. Out of all my dates so far this was definitely the worst.
"I had friends back home! Family! A career I was looking forward to! Why do I have to serve in some lazy loser's harem? Do you even know what you're doing?" Cure Flora kept punching me.
"But you didn't! You didn't! You didn't even exist! You only remember having those things because God granted my wish that you'd really lived." I tried to shield at least my vital organs.
"Is that what you told all the brainwashed helpless deluded trapped slaves? That their memories weren't real -- 'oh, sure, of course, my memories aren't real so I guess it's time to join a harem?'"
"The truth is the truth. I love you. I don't mean any of you harm. I wouldn't harm a single hair on any of your heads!" I swore.
"Haven't you already done enough?" Cure Flora asked, punching me furiously again.
"No, it will never be enough! I can never thank any of you enough, but I'm going to keep trying. For a thousand years I'm going to keep trying to make all of you happy! HaruHaru, that includes you!" I shouted.
"HaruHaru isn't a name you invented, don't go saying it like you know anything. Everything about me is mine, it's not yours, stop digging through people's hearts!" Cure Flora shouted back in my face.
"I'm not sorry!" I replied. "I did nothing wrong! If you're going to kill me, kill me, but then you'd better apologize to the other 99 wives back home because then every single one of them will die old maids!"
"We'll just have Sakura Appear a suitable 100 husbands all much better than you!" Cure Flora shouted.
"She can't Appear sentient life forms!" I appealed for clemency.
"Louise will just take us in a portal back to Earth." Haruka quickly adapted.
"Earth will chew you up and trample all over you and spit you out!" I shouted. "Half of you will be on various drugs in five years, half of you will be divorced, half of you will be single mothers, one fifth of you will be raped, half of you won't ever get out of debt or know where your next meal is coming from, you'll have ten lovers by the time you're thirty, and every one of them will break your heart!"
"Anything's better than you and here!" Flora stared at me defiantly.
"Do you really believe that? Did you really hate every day we spent together? Was every face you made around us lies?" I asked.
"Of course, with Nanoha and Fate prowling, and Sailor Moon, and Shana, and your ridiculous pack of lap dogs, what was I supposed to do? Yuna and Rinoa and Aerith and Tifa and Rose and Elize and -- what the hell Earth invasion force were you planning on, huh? Just how much of a Maou do you want to be? Of course all I could do is smile and nod along. I had to kiss you over and over and over again!"
Wait, wasn't it literally just three times? She actually counted each one?
"Really? You're really that good of an actress? You really didn't even enjoy a single song we sung together? Nothing. There's really nothing for you here? Nothing and no one? Not even the flowers you planted bring you any joy?" I asked again.
"I took acting lessons among many other things. I can fool everyone for as long as I want!" Cure Flora insisted.
"Even yourself?" I asked.
"Yes, even myself! I'm the best at everything!" HaruHaru insisted.
I started laughing, and then I sat down, wheezing. I think she broke a few of my ribs, and shouting was really starting to hurt. "I know that. Why do you think I admired you so much? No special person at all, huh? You really got one over me. Mai te na. I thought the harem of 100 wives was the greatest imaginable joy, but I guess even I got too greedy." I laid down on my back, wheezing for breath, looking up at the sky. "Tell everyone else I'm sorry. I said a lot of big things about making them happy. I was going to people this whole new world, this whole new universe with Kud's rockets, with all of our descendants. But oh well. I just fell too hard for those cute pink stripes in your hair and this is the result. I was never anybody special so of course this is how it ends, even God can't save me."
"Don't. . .go pushing your own sins on me. . .this was righteous judgment. . ." Cure Flora looked troubled at me as I started to cough up blood.
"I guess in your world no matter how many times you punch someone they just disappear in twinkles, but here I'm afraid it hurts a little more. This is bad, I think I'm drowning in my own blood. Laying down wasn't the brightest idea, huh. . ?" I started laughing, choking, and coughing hysterically. "Sorry about this, I'm not a proper sight for a middle schooler, huh?"
"Mou! Shirenai!" Cure Flora grabbed me and leaped into the sky. "You'd better hold on for five more minutes, and then Leia will save you. Do you hear me?"
"You know, resurrection isn't literal. Even in our world, dead people die. There's a difference between 'you may now re-participate in battle' and 'congratulations, we have just reversed the flow of time and causation.' It's just the name of our spell." Leia leaned over me with an angry face with her hands in balls that rested their backsides on her hips.
"Are you listening to me? Are you paying attention to the things I am saying? I am telling you that just because I can cast healing circle, nurse, resurrection, recover, or whatever the hell you thought you could rely on, if you die, it's all over. Zip. Poof. Kablooey!" Leia simulated each horrendous death with arm motions.
"Unn." I said shakily, laying in bed and staring at a ceiling I didn't know.
"Now are you going to tell me what fool brain-dead date ends up with you unconscious and without a pulse? What did you do, skydiving together without a parachute?" Leia asked.
"So this isn't the after-after-life, where I'm just lectured by Leia forever and ever?" I asked groggily.
"I'm telling you these things for your own good." Leia planted a staff onto the floor. "If it's a wild beast, I'll go hunt it down. And if it was a wild wife, I'll hunt her down too. And if you became a wolf and tried to gobble her up and this was just the natural result then I'll hunt you down right here!"
"I tripped and fell." I lamely sat up out of bed. Sure enough, with the power of magic, no matter how horrendous the injuries, I was already back to full health and stamina and ready to jump right back into the fray. It was truly bizarre considering how weak and helpless I had felt before waking up here.
Leia had veins popping out on her head and I seriously started to wonder if she would be okay healing herself from an aneurysm. "Fine, don't tell me. I'm just your wife who saved your life. Your life wife. I'm sure you have more important things to be attending to."
"That's about right." I nodded and put my hand on her shoulder. "Thanks. I didn't want to die. This is where it's supposed to all begin. You did really, really great." Then I left the hospital in search of the girl who both literally and figuratively put me there.
After wandering circles around town and then the outskirts of town, down nature trails and along the beach, I gave up as night fell and sat down in a deep melancholy for dinner. It may be that Cure Flora no longer wished to see me ever again. She was probably on the other side of the world now, determined to fight it out as a lone hunter-gatherer with eternal youth. I couldn't imagine how dull and lonely a path such as that would become. Strangely enough I was more worried about her than what had just happened to myself.
"Christopher-san, if there's anything you'd like to talk about, I'd be willing to listen." Wendy had walked over to my chair and was standing over me, her two hands balled into fists over her chest to summon courage.
"Thanks, Wendy." I patted her long straight blue hair on her head. "You're my favorite but we've never even talked yet, have we?"
A collective gasp went around the room, rippling outwards and outwards to the ends of the table. I was so out of it that I didn't even notice, and rose to put my half-eaten plate of food away.
Wendy was blushing a furious red and no longer in a state to talk but I didn't notice that either, and started walking to my room to rest in peace. When did I go wrong? Was it at the very beginning, or could I have done something differently along the way?
I noticed as I walked through the long mansion corridor that the door to Flora's room was on its way to mine, so on a whim I tried knocking on it.
"What is it?" A voice muffled by a pillow replied.
I was so shocked that I didn't know if I should burst out laughing or treat this with the gravitas the scene demanded.
"I'm not hungry." A dispirited voice followed up.
"Haruka. Thanks for saving my life. That's all I wanted to tell you." I said through the door.
". . .Pretty Cure aren't killers." An even more depressed voice eventually responded.
"Okairi." I said.
"Tadaima." She said. And that was enough for me so I walked the rest of the way to my bedroom singing Hallelujah to myself in my head. Thank God. No really, thank God. It was going to be alright.
* * *
"We need a name for the shrine, and preferably a guardian deity's name for who exactly is inhabiting it." Kagome walked into the mayor's office wearing her high school girl outfit and age, glossy black hair trailing out behind her.
"How about the 'Marry Them All and Let God Sort Them Out' jinja?" I offered.
"OSUWARI!" Kagome shouted.
For a moment I cringed in panic but nothing happened. Come to think of it, it's not like I'd ever been cursed by the old crone.
"And what do you mean Wendy is your favorite? OSUWARI." Kagome came at me from a completely different angle.
"Huh?" I said.
"If you're going to feign ignorance -- OSUWARI. And dying on me while I wasn't even there to protect you -- OSUWARI. And when is my turn for a date -- OSUWARI!" Kagome pounded on my desk.
"Weren't we discussing shrine names?" I asked helpfully.
"You met God, unlike us. So at least tell me her name. Who am I supposed to be worshiping?" Kagome sat down in a chair in exasperation, clutching her forehead.
"Umm. . .Hmm. . .did she tell me her name, or didn't she?" I tried to remember. Even when I had my near death experience, she didn't show up to greet me, which was kind of scary. Like there were no second chances or something. "Oh!" I clapped a fist into my palm. "This is a quote from Her mouth directly. "Cute is Justice."
"So the Goddess 'Cute' of 'Justice' shrine." Kagome tapped her lips. "Unn. Okay, we'll go with that. See you later, Christopher."
"Cute-sama huh?" I mused. It had a nice ring to it. Okay, Cute-sama was the name of the one true God. She really had been good to me, so I should make an offering soon. Only we still didn't have any money. We had an offering box but so far nothing to put in it. It was probably fine, since we weren't buying anything from each other anyway. Wait, couldn't I borrow some change from Louise? I'm sure Cute-sama preferred offerings in yen anyway.
Wait, couldn't we just ask Louise for enough yen to circulate between ourselves and solve the currency issue, such as it was, once and for all? I guess I had said we shouldn't be dependent on Earth for anything but currency was simply a store of value. It could be seashells for all that it mattered so why not just staying with yen?
The tavern could then start charging for the rarity, quantity, and labor time to cook up the ingredients, which would be a big help for them. They also had a register that was gathering cobwebs so far so I really needed to step on that.
"Mirajane," I buzzed my secretary in.
"Yes, oh-sir-Wendy-is-my-favorite?" Mirajane walked in with a sweet smile.
"Did I really say that?" I asked, feeling two was getting to be a pattern.
"Oh yes, quite clearly, in front of the whole gathered dinner audience." Mirajane explained.
"Cute-sama damn it." I sighed. It must have been while I was thinking of Haruka Haruno. It's not like I could take it back. Pictures of Wendy from every angle, in every outfit, in every conceivable pose filled up about 10% of my hard drive. But I had never wanted to hurt the other 99's feelings.
"Is that a new phrase you're trying to get to catch on? Because it sounds pretty awkward and stupid." Mirajane helpfully opined.
"Putting Wendy aside," I pantomimed picking up a box, moving it leftwards and then putting it back down in the air. "The God who gave us all life, you all for the first time and me for my second, Her name is Cute. And the shrine's name is Justice. I guess you should spread that around."
"Mmhmm." Mirajane put a note in her tablet.
"But more importantly, could you requisition a supply of yen coinage from Louise and use it to create a market economy? Especially for the tavern, they've been wanting to set prices and use their register for a while now. We can give everyone a citizen's dividend to begin with but not large enough that they can just spend crazily and steal away everyone's time."
"Yes, Mayor Wendy-is-my-favorite. So a market economy and a citizen's dividend. Will that be all for the evening, sir Wendy-is-my-favorite?" Mirajane asked stiltedly.
"I know who my least favorite wife is right now." I glowered.
"What a coincidence, I know who my least favorite husband is too." Mirajane smiled and left the room.
"Sakura Mamiya, it's time to revolutionize our entire village system from the ground up. Oh, and the name of our Creator is Cute-sama -- apparently. On the word of a very untrustworthy source. Could you spread the news across town?" Mirajane asked sweetly.
"I'd love to." Sakura Mamiya stood up to leave. "So Wendy was his favorite, huh?" She mused in a voice that managed to reach all the way to my ears, despite not having a single note of judgment or anger in it, as she left City Hall.
Was it really okay to give such vague orders as 'revolutionize the village system' madame secretary? My eyes and mouth gave a screwy look of frustration.
"Mirajane, what has our lord mayor done without even consulting me?" Kuon asked from her desk.
"He wants for Louise to share some yen with us, distribute it equally as a citizen's dividend each month, and then let people purchase each other's labor within reason over the course of the month. So if people want books from the studio, food from the tavern, good health or tuition for school they'll have to start prioritizing."
"A good thing Mayor Wendy ended up getting a full heal from the hospital the day before this plan is instituted. Is this sufficient evidence for impeachment, do you think?" Kuon asked. "It might finally be the age of Queen Kuon."
No no no no no. And wait, now it's just been abbreviated to me being Wendy instead of even liking her?
"Isn't it a good thing when our good for nothing Mayor Wendy actually tries to do something for the village?" Mirajane replied sweetly.
I can hear you. Aren't you making sure I can hear both of you?
The door opened and Yuuhi Katagiri entered the premises. "Darling, are you finally giving us money?" She walked up to my desk.
I have a lieutenant and a secretary you know, don't just walk up to the mayor's desk and start talking.
"I just realized how easy it would be. I guess I've been thinking about my dates too much. We could have done this from the beginning." I apologized.
"So you finally realized." Yuuhi seemed to want to tap dance. "Autarky sounds great but it's always the businesses who suffer."
"The little people like you, huh?" I smiled and tousled her ash gray hair. "If only a mayor's eyes could stretch to the limits of his demesne. . ."
"We're just across the street from you, you can smell our food." Yuuhi grabbed my hand and bit with just a bit of pressure. "Come over, I'll cook you something myself in thanks for the new law."
"No thanks. I don't want Sakura to have to Appear the entire store up from scratch again." I turned her down.
"Just come over and sit with me then." Yuuhi begged. "You never look my way. It's always 'I love you I love you' and then 'go to your room, I'm busy.'"
I never said that though? Well, it was fine. At least now I didn't have to listen to my evil coworkers.
"Sorry everyone, my wife has come to fetch me and says she's lonely, so we'll have to call it an early day." I took my invisible hat and invisible coat from the invisible hatrack and coat hanger and closed up shop in a self-important manner.
"heehee," Yuuhi grabbed my arm and pulled it between her humble mounds.
"Goodnight, darling." Kuon replied with a fully erect panther tail and a smile with upturned eyes.
Maybe I haven't been paying enough attention to Kuon either? Give me a break, there's 100 of you. . . I walked out the door thinking dark thoughts.
* * *
When I entered the tavern there wasn't the usual crowd of ten or twelve girls. It seemed more like 90. Even Kotori was curled up in a ball sleeping in the corner. Oi oi, if you're going to attend a gathering is there really any point if you're just going to sleep through it?
There was a sudden pop and streamers flying through the air to strew all over me as a couple of flying girls, Iris and Mitsuki, unrolled a banner and held it floating near the banisters.
"Christopher, congratulations on your recovery!" Everyone shouted.
"Everyone." I smiled, a sudden rush of happiness that people were actually thinking about me. I really was loved by this many girls, wasn't I?
Then the girls dropped the first banner to reveal a second in all capital letters.
"Christopher, congratulations on the new vote total: 100-0!"
"I'm putting it in." I said, holding my penis so that it lined up with Himeno's glistening vagina.
"Ii-yo," Himeno breathed deeply, staring into my eyes, her face and breasts flushed and nipples erect.
I lowered my weight down onto her and shifted myself into her pussy in one slow, safe, and snug neverending moment. Once I was all the way in we both smiled at each other like we'd managed some sort of miraculous achievement. I could feel the twitch of her every muscle and bone against my skin, and the soft yielding of her breasts to my sterner chest, cushioning and billowing out against me, so soft it was like they were never even there.
It was about 1.2 years after we had exchanged wedding vows, and even more years before then. Endless rolling years back down to when we were both still children growing up together under Father's magic tutelage. From her point of view, this wasn't even anything special. We'd already been making love together in every conceivable position for years. We'd already been a happy family for decades. Himeno was simply taking back what was hers by right, welcoming me home to the place I belonged.
But to me it was the day I lost my virginity. Having completely struck out in the modern world and the tastes of modern women, preferring the otaku-dom of 2d waifus like Himeno her very own self, I had never known the sensations wrapping up my spine. It wasn't just a wonderful, ecstatic feeling. It wasn't just nerve clusters sending dopamine reward signals for touching the right thing in the right way. It was a holy feeling of Himeno, of becoming one with Himeno, of being loved by Himeno, who was right before my eyes. Who was right against my skin. Whose arms and legs were wrapped around my back and neck, tugging me ever closer and further into her embrace. It was her uneven breath against my ear, her smell, her pheromones, and her eyes that would occasionally close from an overflow of emotion and then open back up again even brighter and more in love and in tune with me than before. Actually, Himeno's magic was the connection of minds and hearts, so this might just be her. It might not be possible to feel so utterly deluged in another person if it wasn't already her.
My precious Himeno, now truly mine, right before my eyes. I could do anything I wanted to her. She was already moving her hips in small circles beneath me on the bed, pushing herself against my penis from every angle in turn. She'd contained me so many times before that she was already on the move. I started kissing her neck, and she bent it upwards for me. I kissed her on the lips, and she licked my lips with her tongue. I opened my mouth to accept her tongue and she wrapped it around mine in a kiss that went on and on from every direction.
I thrust my hips urgently into hers, and she met me with the same rhythm, bucking into me so my penis could slip all the way to her cervix each stroke. Her vagina started clamping down around my penis and pressuring it for more, more, more. If it had just been pleasure it could have been any drug, it would have been just like any drug. It wasn't just pleasure. It was Himeno giving herself over to me and pleasuring me from her soul outwards, from her heart to her eyes, showing me the side of herself she would never show anyone else. Not just the perfection of her nude body, but even the eagerness, the wantonness, the complete surrender and exposure of herself held tight in my arms and crushed under my weight.
I sat up straight on top of her and panted for breath, a joyous, triumphant look on my face. She stared at me, breathing hard, waiting for my penis to thrash through her again, her arms strewed bent across the sheets and away from her body, exposing the singular curves of her breasts which were perfectly shaped and yet completely amorphous at the same time. I didn't want to finish until I had fulfilled my dreams with these breasts.
I put my hands on each of her breasts and began to squeeze them, then shifted my palms in circles across them, grazing her nipples up and down, back and forth again and again. Then I tried pushing her breasts together and having her nipples rub each other, and then I tested to see how far they could be pulled apart. They were small enough that they couldn't leave beyond her armpits, but I felt that even that was the perfect shape for a breast and loved its pert resistance. I pushed one of her breasts up towards her neck and another down towards her belly, marveling at how the nipples could be so synchronized in seductiveness the more disparate their motions.
"Gently," Himeno whispered.
"Are you okay?" I instantly let her breasts return to a resting state, but even then I simply couldn't bear to let go of them. Not now that they were mine, forever to do with as I pleased, as often as I liked, for the rest of my life, for a thousand years of eternal youth.
"I'm telling you to be gentle so that I'll stay okay." Himeno smiled.
I kissed her on the lips, my fingers lodging around either side of her nipples and moving them back and forth, and then my hips started thrusting back into her before I'd even noticed.
With four different points of contact to her erogenous zones, after years of abstinence, even Himeno started to succumb to my ministrations. She kept trying to kiss me while also arching her neck and back, and our lips started kissing different parts of each other's faces randomly back and forth.
"Ii-yo. Ii." She said through shuddering breaths. "Christopher, you're going to make me cum."
I felt a strong rush of pride and manliness, and stopped to turn her over on her belly. She didn't resist at all and twisted her weight at my slightest nudge of suggestion. She held her butt up to take me back and turned her face backwards to look at me with pleading eyes.
I fumbled my hands up and down her butt, across the ridge lines of her hips and down the insides of her thighs. I finally decided to wrap each of my hands around the sides of her waist, which was thin enough that my fingers could almost meet in the middle. It was again a sight so beautiful, so otherworldly, so perfect to behold that calling it a stimulation of a nerve center of the brain made for an unworthy summation. Then I slid myself cautiously back inside her wet and sloshing vagina, making a slick sound against the air, held tight, and tried pulling in and out of her as quickly as I could manage.
Each time her vagina tightened before my penis could fall out of her, and she would push her butt back into me at the same time I thrust into her, so I could go deeper and fiercer.
Even her back was beautiful, a shape no boy's could match. She was thin enough that I could clearly see the chute of her spine, her shoulderblades buckling up and down desperately to hold her and my weight up as I knocked into her, and that godlike s-bend of her lower back which was far too deep and long to be a function of utility. It could only be a monument to beauty, like a holy relic embedded into every woman's body at birth. Even her hanging breasts weren't enough of a distraction to keep me from staring at this impossibly curved and elongated back.
"Christopher." Himeno moaned, her face buried into our shared pillow, her arms fighting to hold up from the pleasure trembling through her.
I let myself go, knowing what she wanted and needed from me. I stopped trying to analyze her and focused on the pleasure inside myself, and just like that, like a boiling volcano, I poured everything I had into her womb. My penis wouldn't stop twitching and releasing inside of her, until I was worried that something was wrong. I'd never felt so overwhelmed before in my life.
For her part, her body stood completely still, and she had even started holding her breath. Only her vagina kept responding to me with clench after clench, rewarding me with even more pleasure every time I twitched out more into her.
I didn't have anything to say so I just pulled myself out of her and watched some of my semen seep back out onto the sheets. She shuddered all across her body from the last stimulus of my leaving her entrance and then lay down face first on the mattress in exhausted fulfillment. I squirmed up the bed beside her, pushed on her shoulder until she was facing me sideways, and stared into her eyes as my upper and lower body twined tightly and closely back around her. I could feel her legs with mine, her breasts with mine, her groin with mine, and her love with mine.
She looked at me with tears forming in her eyes. I'd already taken her virginity, as far as God was concerned, years ago, and her body fit that narrative. So there wasn't a trace of pain in those tears. They were pure and unmitigated joy. It made words completely worthless, drivel, dross, and trash. So I just kissed her tears gently off her eyelids and tried to snuggle in to the folds of her body comfortably enough that we could continue embracing for the rest of the night. She adjusted herself against me until there wasn't anything pinching or pressuring her too much, and then sighed and melted into a boneless mush against me.
"If that isn't enough to get you pregnant nothing can." I said.
"God's will." Himeno replied fearlessly. "If I get too fat or throw up all day, just go play with someone thinner and more beautiful. They're all waiting in a line outside the door."
I laughed, knowing they would'nt be that rude even if they found the thought appealing. "I love you, but we can't do this again until everyone's had their shot. And if I keep cumming like this, I don't know if I can even do it every day."
"Tell Elize to cast recover on your dick each time." Himeno suggested helpfully.
"So you might seriously be pregnant by the time I hold you like this again." I warned, not wanting her to feel betrayed later.
"It's okay, I'll be young and beautiful for another thousand years. I'll bear as many children as you want, and take care of them while you're away all by myself. You can do anything you want. Just please keep doing me." Himeno took my hand and placed it firmly over her exposed breast.
"Do you really think a girl like you would ever have to beg a guy like me for that?" I asked.
"With this much competition?" Himeno's eyes dilated. "Yes, I do have to beg. I've been begging for your dick for an entire year, and all it got me was this one lousy orgasm."
I pushed her body up a few inches, and she squirmed to please me by moving in whichever direction I pressured, until I could tilt my head over her breast and sucked on her nipple. She held my head against her breast and lightly stroked her hands through my hair. I licked circles around and across her mysteriously complicated structure, blew on it and nibbled on it, fulfilling every fantasy I had ever had about the female treasure now laid bare before me.
"I hadn't gotten to do that yet." I finally let her perfect body go, and hugged her again. "Thank you so much for tonight."
"I was first. Everything you did to me today, even though it wasn't my first, it was your first, and every first was with me. Even Wendy can't take that away." Himeno's eyes glistened again.
Polygamy meant staring at Himeno in the face and already dreaming about how good Wendy would feel squirming underneath me in the exact same way. It actually felt really, really, really good. I wouldn't tell her that, but since she already knew that was exactly what I was thinking, or I wouldn't have wished for a 100 wife harem in the first place, it's not exactly like I could hide it from her either.
Plus she had a telepathic link with me so she knew exactly what I was thinking anyway.
"Himeno, can I make you happy?" I asked.
"Yes, love. I'm crying because I'm happy to be your first, not because there's going to be a second. I'm already ready for you to drag a second girl into our bedroom to screw at the same time. Cute-sama made me this way, so you'd better appreciate it. Or maybe I just love you so much that it wouldn't have made any difference in the first place. I wouldn't even be surprised if that were so." Himeno closed her eyes.
"Wives sure are great." I praised her. "It makes me wish I had 100."
Himeno laughed and kissed me. "You'd better have chosen them as wisely as you chose me, or a whole bunch of old Chinese proverbs are going to come crashing down around your head. We aren't play-acting anymore. We're husband and wife. This is the Major league. Your sperm are already swimming up towards my eggs."
"With the whole world's bounty to claim, and nothing to oppose our military might, bring it on. Let's have twins." I boasted.
"Yes, let's." Himeno smiled and wrapped her hand around my limp dick fondly.
It only took a couple minutes before she had climbed on top of my iron hard erection and placed her thighs atop my groin, her knees bending backwards in a classic girl sit to keep her lower legs out of the way, keeping her balance with a hand braced over my ribcage. From here I could see everything, from her vulva split around my shaft, to her belly button, to the slight indention that marked the bisection of her torso all the way up and through her cleavage, to her breasts springing slightly up and down with each thrust I pushed up into her, to her collarbones like twin outspread eagle wings regally perched atop her body, to her slitted turquoise eyes opening and closing flutteringly as they looked down at me, to even the flower-tie ribbons in her otherwise brown hair swishing against her face and shoulders and neck. Apparently no matter how nude she wanted me to see her, the individuality of her charm point was something she didn't want to put aside.
She would lean her body forward and back, swish her hips in circles while I was deep inside her, and eventually started lowering and raising her body up and down my penis in a series of nigh-exercise moves. She assaulted my penis from so many different directions that I thought it would melt off and just dissolve into her, but the electric pleasure assured me that everything was quite solidly there.
I reached out to cup each of her petite breasts and squeeze them gently each time I thrust into her, loving them so much and loving that I could touch them whenever I wanted and as much as I wanted even more.
She only nodded and breathed, rubbing her clit against my skin in smaller and smaller but faster and faster jerks. And then I was orgasming into her again while she kept ramming herself faster and faster against me until she gasped, closed her eyes, and stopped.
". . .Baby number two, ready as per ordered." Himeno silkily released her breath. "I stole your second everything too." Himeno looked at me mischievously and then looked away and bit her lip, her emotions rising up and getting the better of her.
How could a mass of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and a trace amount of iron and phosphate be the most brilliant blazing work of art in all of God's creation?
Sex was like a weak dosage of opium. . .is what the science said.
But the artists knew that when Himeno had mounted me she had already transcended straight past the aeries of the angels and incarnated into the purest light of existence itself. And every time she touched me, with any part of herself, even with just the sight of her, she had taken my hand and gently guided me up into the clouds, further and further, to meet the face of God.
A male only has six body variables -- fat/not fat, muscular/not muscular, tall/short. Chop a boy off at the neck and match those characteristics and not even their wives could possibly tell them apart. Boys were very much like machines and worked like machines. Their muscles and bones were all placed where they were in order to lift, throw, leap, or whatever. Basically they were machines designed to set records in various old Greek Olympic events and could be mass manufactured to perform in such events at will.
I learned that girls were very different. They had so many variables that I wondered if a single repeat existed among my entire 100. Well, the identical twins were indistinguishable from each other but even that trait was unique among my harem. To be able to look at such perfect bodies twinned, standing side by side, a symmetry not even of left to right like most girls aspired towards but literally Yoru to Asa, a fourfold symmetry in their entirety, was a mind boggling beauty none could match.
Of course girls could be fat, but I had no plans on adding diversity on that front. But tall/short was much more intriguing. Tall girls looked sleek, lithe, and mature. They were attractive. Short girls looked vulnerable, cute, and young. They too were devilishly attractive. While all short men were just discarded out of hand, the entire gradation of tall to short women were each beautiful in their own way.
Women looked good with at least a little bit of muscle on them, but admittedly there were fewer useful levels of diversity on this front than men.
To make up for it, women had a plethora of additional variations. Breast size, breast shape, waist size, hip size, aureole size, nipple orientation, hair ties, hair length, hair volume, the entire gradient of straight to curly hair, butt size, butt shape, how many visible ribs could be seen beneath their breasts, the curvature of the belly, all the way to their genitals, which also varied one from the other.
It was possible for homogeneously healthy thin girls to nevertheless vary from each other in every whichway. In short, just because all my wives were beautiful, they could by no means have been mass produced in a factory. Except for MOMO, Mira and Sophie, of course, but that was another matter.
Every night I looked forward to the new design God had bestowed upon womankind, ready to admire the newest creative twist. An entire lineup of Renaissance painters could not have drawn so differently as evolution had gifted my girls. Nevermind the varied hair and eye colors that I'd already been enjoying for at least a year now. Every time a new girl undressed, it was like disembarking into a completely new world. And the more time I spent close up against them, the longer I could stare at their completely revealed bodies, the more variations scrutiny revealed.
This would be true even if they all lay still like lifeless corpses, but of course that wasn't the case. Each and every wife I consummated my marriage with had their own mannerisms, their own likes and dislikes, their own scale of embarrassment and eagerness, their own level of expertise, their own topics they wished to discuss or keep silent about, their own fears and hopes, their own definition of what sex meant to them. Though many of them were voiced by the same seiyuu, even then they came across differently -- which was to be expected given the skill of the seiyuu who had gotten fully in character for each of them. Nadeko and Kobato both carried the dulcet voice of Kana Hanazawa, but one had a Kansai-jin accent while the other didn't, one was voiced to sound younger than the other, one was meeker and the other more assertive, and so on. And every single girl's voice, which was already music to the ears in a rest state due to the ridiculously high level, highly filtered pros chosen to voice said original characters, became even more exotic and thrilling under the unique stressors of sex.
I had thought that once I had 'relieved the tension' by working all my God-given lust out of my system that had accrued since birth that each subsequent girl would be less of a treat and more of a chore, despite the absolute lack of wrongdoing on their part. My whole harem had not all jumped on board and in queue at once, so it wasn't as herculean as my 100 dates plan (which had ended prematurely with the premature stoppage of my heart) -- but I was still afraid the spark, the fun, would all be gone before I was done.
Of course, there was the physiological reality of depletion, but Illyasviel's Ruby just injected something sinister into me every day and it always became genki again. (I asked Elize if she could help as per Himeno's suggestion but she stammered that lack of newgrown sperm was not a curable status effect and then ran away).
But the psychological depletion, the, 'ho-hum, I've been here before, oh what are those? Breasts, yeah, been there, done that.'
It was simply a myth. It wasn't that I was simply overwhelmed with thoughts of lust at all times and my appetite could never be satisfied. It was that every time I joined a new girl at night I learned so much about her and found out so many new reasons to love her that I never had been there or done that. Nights did tend to blur into each other after so many girls. (Alas, for lack of a perfect memory) But in the moment, with their nude glistening panting bodies rubbing against me, I not only didn't lose focus, I thought more about them and felt more flavors and intensities of emotions concerning them than anywhere else.
If a Go champion played 100 other Go champions across the world, do you think he would say upon sitting down to face his 100th opponent, "ho-hum, I've been here before, mei, yeah, been there, done that.'" No, he would become engrossed by the unique style of his opponent and spontaneous evolution of differing events and lose himself in the pure joy of Go.
Well, if you have sex with 100 different beautiful women, all bearing different things in their hearts, tracing back different pasts with you, knowing you and relating to you in different ways, with different voices and bodies and hairstyles and hair colors and breast sizes and everything else -- then I assure you the sex you had yesterday does not adversely impact the sex you have tomorrow. In fact, I think the Go players are sucking upon a dry teat in comparison to the joy of discovery I came across in those blissful months.
* * *
I had sex with Levy, Asuna, Rin Natsume, Haruka Saigusa, Kud, Kagome, Kaname, Rosa, Rinoa, Yuna, Eruru, Kuon, Nayuki, Nagisa, Misuzu, Kotori, Mavis, Juvia, Makina, Sakura Haruno, Deedlit, Sora, Sara, Nemu, Yume, Sakura Yoshino, Aisia, Koko, Yukino, Sayaka, Isara, Sae, Usagi, Shana, Yuuhi, Rin Tohsaka, Orihime, Louise, Cheria, Iris, Aruru, Ai, Nekone, Lucy, Wendy, Lisanna, Nanoha, Fate, Miu, Myusel, Reina, Kobato, Mikan, Mikoto, Akane, Lafiel, Sakura Kinomoto, Chiwa, Lyria, Sherria, Teletha, Nozomi, Silica, Suguha, Rose, Leia, Sophie, Rydia, Rin Nohara, Sagiri, Elf, Kirino, Aerith, Tifa, Mitsuki, Chtolly, Sakura Mamiya, Menma, Mylene, Mumei, Nadeko, MOMO, Mira, Kobeni and Illyasviel over the course of 85 days.
Yoru and Asa came as a pairing, as was traditional since our past lives, so that saved me one day. Combined with Himeno who got the privilege of starting things off, I'd made love to 88 of my 100 wives. Life on Eden was well in to its second year before both I and many of the girls who had been living with me were ready to take this step, but the original purpose of gathering all the most beautiful flowers under the heavens and picking them all just for myself was finally being fulfilled. It was like a dream come true. Or the granting of a miraculous wish. Cute-sama was the best lord and savior ever. I decided it was time to visit the shrine and donate a full ichimon yen to the person who breathed life not just into my crushed body but my crushed soul that had already despaired of reality long before Truck-kun had finished the job.
"Nadeko-daio!" Nadeko grabbed my full month's salary and spun in a circle happily, holding the paper bill to the sun. "Ichimon yen, Ichimon yen." She seemed overjoyed at my offering.
"No, that's for Cute-sama." I insisted, trying to take my money back.
A few strands of Nadeko's hair grew fangs and hissed, so I quickly pulled back my hand.
"Do I have to report this mugging to Emergency Headquarters?" I glared at the snake goddess trying to overthrow Olympus.
"You're no fun." Nadeko sighed and handed the money back.
"I owe Cute-sama everything I have and everything I will ever have for the next thousand years, I won't forgive anyone who tramples on my feelings of gratitude for her." I said.
"But if I weren't here you wouldn't have me, so why does Cute-sama get all the credit?" Nadeko asked.
"Well, yes. . .I guess it's more like I owe both Cute-sama and all of you equally for everything that I'll ever have." I admitted.
Nadeko smiled and held out both of her hands cupped together, waiting patiently.
I sighed and pulled out my wallet, taking out another ichimon yen. "Thank you for everything you've done."
"Ichimon-yen! Ichimon-yen!" Nadeko took the money and started skipping towards the tavern to get roaring drunk.
"Are you sure you want to get paid for your services?" I asked at her retreating form.
"This isn't payment, this is a gift." Nadeko replied defiantly, still skipping away from me. "The symbolism is completely different."
Well, so long as she was fine with it. Luckily I could still eat the communal meals served at dinner so I didn't actually need any more money for the month.
Getting rid of the usurper, I finally managed to insert my mayor's salary into the offering box. Then I clapped three times, put my hands together in prayer, and closed my eyes.
"Cute-sama, as you can see, everything I asked of you, you've fulfilled. Even though what I asked was totally unreasonable and broke a billion taboos, you didn't mind. And when you said you were omnipotent and would do anything, you were telling the truth. I see now that you're the greatest God anyone could ever have. I think I'm in love, honestly. It's bad enough how pretty you are, but when I think of how thoughtful, accommodating, understanding and accepting you were of someone like me, just roadkill off the street. . . Well, thank you very much. The effort you put into granting my wish wasn't put to waste. Everything is going smoothly. We're going to enjoy the fruits of your gift for many years to come. Everything is just getting started. Amen."
After having sent telepathic waves to her that would hopefully reach her ears floating up in heaven, I clapped my hands again and took my leave.
Kagome was sweeping the cobblestone path up towards the shrine in a beautiful white and red shrine maiden outfit with long sleeves tied up out of the way so she could work.
"Kagome," I called, and she looked up with a nod to say she had noticed me. "How's it going? Is this a fulfilling job?"
"Hmm. . ." Kagome put a finger to her lips. "I'd prefer if we were occasionally attacked by fell spirits and demonic beasts. That's when my holy powers really shine."
"With the number of girls with superpowers in town, maybe we could start hosting mock battles. Of course some people are way stronger than others, so there's no point just fighting things out fairly. Maybe something more like laser tag." I brainstormed.
"I'd rather Aoba come up with a VR game where I can fight to the best of my ability and have a challenge that's gradated to my skills." Kagome said.
"Is playing a VR game part of a shrine maiden's duties?" I asked.
"If the VR is set with this shrine as the base I'm trying to protect and yokai start streaming in from all directions, why not?" Kagome countered.
"Even Earth doesn't have VR technology so I'm not sure Aoba can just whip something up for us." I tried to lower expectations.
"But don't a lot of my sister-wives come from the future? I bet VR is child's play to them." Kagome wheedled.
"They're all surprisingly useless. Lafiel is a crack shot with a gun but computer coding?" I laughed at the thought. "Well, as far as just the coding goes, Mikoto could pull it off effortlessly. The larger problem would be inventing the technology that creates the mind-machine interface so that realistic sensations can be entered into the brain and the brain's decisions can control the avatar's in-game response."
"Can't Mira create a mind-machine interface with her tail?" Kagome suggested hopefully.
"At the risk of permanent brain damage to all involved." I held up an X with my fingers.
"If you don't hurry up and give us VR Asuna and Silica will file for a divorce." Kagome warned me.
"Maybe it would be easier to come at this from the magical side." I said. "It's impossible to Appear something that no one understands what the heck it is, but what if we relied on Mirage or Illusion?"
"Again with relying on Sakura Kinomoto?" Kagome mocked. "Plus she would have to be sitting there casting the spell the whole time, responding to people's actions in real time to continuously shift what the illusion is showing. It's impossible."
"Kaname and Tessa are whispered!" I had a flash of inspiration. "They know all high level math and science that our world hasn't invented yet. If their world's timeline ever reaches VR they could 'hear' it from them. Once we know what something should technically be composed of, Mitsuki can use her dark matter to produce the headset. Then Aoba could design the game, Mikoto could code it, and Asuna and Silica could link start!"
"I guess the happy marriages continue." Kagome smiled. "Yokattane."
"Thank you!" I hugged Kagome and then pulled back far enough so that I could dive in and kiss her on the lips.
"In Cute-sama's presence," Kagome whispered, scandalized.
"Cute-sama is okay with polygamy, incest and pedophilia, so I think we're okay." I replied, running my hand through her hair and kissing her again.
"In any case." Kagome pushed me back and gave me a lecturing look. "I'm at work, so stop wasting my time and do your job as mayor by issuing new orders to the Research Institute."
"Hehehe. It's only times like these I feel like I earn my keep." I celebrated my own genius. I wouldn't mind playing VR games with everyone myself. . .
Reaching the Research Institute, I knocked on the door and then entered with a preen in my step. "Kaname, I know 90% of the technology you hear in your head are weapons, but if you tune your antenna differently, could you listen for anything related to virtual reality? Even VR has military implications, right?"
"Virtual reality? I don't know, I've never tried. In fact, my ability freaks me out so I try not to listen to anything if possible." Kaname replied, her brow furrowing.
"It's for a good cause so could you try your best?" I pressured.
"It's my job to answer to your expectations." Kaname gave me a thumbs up.
"Great, I'm going to head over to the Studio to tell them the good news." I waved and raced back out the door.
"I can finally design a game?" Aoba asked. Her face brightened with an intense smile and she clapped her hands together. "Not just Pong or Pac-Man or Joust or something I can do myself, a real AAA game?"
"Make it your life's masterpiece. It's going to be our recreation for a long time to come." I clapped my hands on her shoulders.
"Hai!" Aoba agreed, starting to hum. Come to think of it, Aoba was one of the girls who hadn't volunteered to sleep with me. Maybe this would be enough to get me on her good side?
"Incidentally, how would you feel about having sex with me tonight?" I asked.
"Incidentally, huh?" Aoba gave me flat, dead eyes. "So, if I incidentally refused, would my game be incidentally cancelled?"
I shook my head. "I just thought it was a chance to get closer to you. To celebrate and commemorate the day. Of course you can refuse. But my dream is to be having sex with every one of my wives, and for every one of them to have my children, and for every one of them to be happy. I don't want anyone to be left out."
"Okay." Aoba blushed and whispered. "Tonight, then."
"Aoba!" I exclaimed and hugged her with passionate delight.
"But really, couldn't we have at least talked first? Couldn't you have asked me in the midst of candles and roses or something? What is that -- incidentally, let's have sex. . ." Aoba started muttering.
"Everything in life comes at us suddenly!" I smirked smugly, knowing that in a few hours that beautiful body of hers would be naked and exposed for my eyes only.
"The last boss of this game will be a monstrous goat-headed demon with a hundred penises that tries to grab you by the hair and penetrate you with a phallus so large it rips you in half. And it moves at double speed for any girl with small breasts." Aoba said.
"Silica might not like that virtual experience." I tried desperately to constrain my laughter.
"Artists can't be questioned. Our artistic license can only run free if our themes and ideals are respected. If I don't love my own game, how can I put my all into it?" Aoba countered.
"But then again, games are things to be played and enjoyed. If no one enjoys it it's no longer a game." I said.
"Everyone I know will enjoy pounding you into a pulp with every superpower Cute-sama has graced them with." Aoba replied confidently.
So all pretense about the goat-demon was gone and it was simply 'you'?
"Well, you would know best. I thought Fairies III and Peco were great. I can't wait to see you tonight." I said, squeezing her hand in an attempt to show her all the love I could as gently as I could before I left.
Aoba nodded. "I knew the day would come eventually. I'm 22 years old and it's not like any other eligible bachelors have come along to court me, so senpai will just have to do. I already had a black lace bra, panties, and garter belt set aside so you'd better enjoy."
Yessssssssssssssssssssssss. And that made 89!
That left 11 girls to seduce, one of whom was the thorniest of all. I decided 100 days was a good enough cooling off period since our last fight and knocked on her door the next evening.
"It's open." Cure Flora said. I opened the door and walked in, to see a room overflowing with joshiroku. There were pink lace doilies decorating the walls, flowers growing in vases and hanging in chains, hand-sewed stuffed animals and perfumes filling the air with a pleasant fragrance.
"I did it all myself." Haruka Haruno held out her arm and hand in presentation mode.
"It's lovely." I smiled. This was not the room of a girl clutching her knees and crying each night at her pitiable plight. "Can I sit?"
Haruka tapped a spot on the bed next to her, so I sat down at that wonderfully exciting distance where if anyone shifts just a bit their shoulders or thighs or hands could touch.
"You didn't turn me into the cops." Haruka noted.
"You didn't finish me off when you had the chance." I replied.
"I decided, somewhere deep down, there might be some bit of you that is decent and honorable." Haruka sighed. "Every day you make love to another girl, and every day they look so ridiculously happy afterwards. You can see it on their faces at breakfast and dinner. They're beaming and blooming like flowers in mankai. It's obvious they don't think anything wrong is being done to them."
I nodded encouragingly.
"Even so, all of this is only because of Cute-sama's will. Don't you feel bad for brainwashing so many victims?" Haruka turned so that we were face to face, just inches apart, and stared into my eyes.
"It was the only way to achieve my dream. If I had to march through a sea of blood to get here, I would have done that too. When the opportunity presented itself, I would have hurt anyone, done anything, because it was worth it." I replied frankly.
"Will you really make it worth it? Not just to you, of course you're deliriously happy, I don't have to be a boy to see what's walking around in front of you every day -- worth it to us?" Haruka asked, still staring into my eyes to find the truth.
"We're designing a VR game?" I offered with a hope and a prayer.
Haruka giggled, the solemnity breaking. Then she lowered her head and stared at her hands. "I looked your statistics up on the internet. I thought to myself, there's no way that's true. Well, it varies from region to region, but I admit it's more or less all true. But!" Haruka held up a finger in my face. "You didn't mention that hardworking, intelligent, beautiful and earnest girls tend to have much better results! Like, worlds apart! Do you really think Shana would end up drunk in a gutter somewhere crawling with tattoos like spiders all over her skin? A girl as headstrong as her?"
"No." I admitted.
"That's what I thought, and I got really angry with you all over again. I thought to myself, yappari he really does need to die." Haruka said. "I spent the next few days punching my teddy bear and planning how to get you alone with me again."
"You're scary! You're really scary!" I said in a high pitched voice.
"But then I thought to myself, if these numbers are all true, then sure Shana could take care of herself. But what about our children? What about our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren and everyone all the way down the line? What kind of future are we throwing them into? I also read on the internet that there's this thing called regression to the mean. No matter how perfect a parent is, their children can end up just ordinary people. And when your children or grandchildren or great-grandchildren have become ordinary again, then their results will be ordinary too." Haruka balled up her fists in impassioned rejection of that fate.
"With numbers like those, there's no way I'd subject my kids to that. Strong people can just be strong and do whatever. We can just forge our own path and make our own destiny. But weak people thrive or wilt based on the environment. On the institutions that govern their lives. On the support networks, or on the other hand, the predation networks, that surround them like spider's webs. And Earth is just setting the weak up to fail. Unlike the world I came from, Terrans are just horrid. They may as well be throwing their babies directly into meat grinders." Haruka Haruno closed her eyes tight.
"And the future of the Earth isn't looking pretty. Every one of those numbers is on a steady trendline, and the trend is worse every single year. By the time my grandchildren were born, I don't think they could make it. Even if they were the best of the best, I don't think they'd survive the gauntlet of all those horrid numbers, those statistics you told me. I think by then it will just be 100% across the board. 100% death and destruction for all." Haruka continued.
"As a Pretty Cure, I can never give up. I know that there has to be some way to get by, to make it, to change things for the better, but I just don't know how. How could anyone live happily in a future like that? What could anyone do? Even with the best of intentions, I'm only one person. And I'm afraid, Christopher, I'm afraid that this time Dyspear really does just win. I have like twenty different attack spells, but it's not like I can change people's hearts and minds. If they're hell bent on destroying everything, including themselves, no amount of flower based chants will help."
"Technically I think there is some vague chance that somehow every single trendline will reverse itself and people will live happily ever after." I admitted.
"There's always hope." Haruka Haruno nodded. "But I decided to put my hope in you instead. I decided, between the two, I had more hope in your vision. I trusted your feelings over the world's. And I want my children to grow up here, with you, with everyone, with the people I can trust." And then Haruka leaned into me, and rested her head upon my shoulder.
"I'm betting everything on you. I'm putting all my faith in your stupid VR game. I put my life, my fate, into your hands. Yoroshikun onegaishimasu." Haruka said gently, and put her hand over mine.
I turned my hand over and interlaced my fingers with hers, feeling incredibly blessed to be the husband of someone like her.
"But, your face is kind of annoying so I'd like for you to leave me alone for today." HaruHaru stood up and took a few steps backwards to put distance between us.
I put on a wounded face. Wasn't this flow supposed to end somewhere a lot more sexual?
"Don't you still have ten other girls you should be worrying about? You've even gobbled up the nine year olds. I don't think I'm leaving you too lonely." HaruHaru glared at me, pointing helpfully towards the door.
"Once I've charmed the other ten, then." I stood up and bowed to her.
"I'm the person who loves you least in this world. Remember that!" Haruka Haruno said primly.
Even though she said that, I think I might have been happier in that moment than any other confession I'd ever heard. I respected her feelings and walked out the door.
* * *
"Mirajane, could you come into my office?" I asked politely.
"Is something the matter, sir?" Mirajane walked in, closed the door behind her, and held her hands politely in front of her with a perfect smile.
"I spend every day with my sexy secretary, we have this big oaken desk, and yet nothing ever happens. I bed Lisanna and she raves about me to you and yet nothing happens. We've already made out before and yet nothing happens. Do you care to explain yourself?" I asked menacingly.
"Sir, if I understand you correctly, are you ordering me to climb up onto that desk and spread my legs?" Mirajane asked calmly.
"If you want to stay my secretary and do your proper job as a secretary, then act like a secretary and climb onto this desk." I pointed firmly at where she should place her butt.
"I'm glad I'm just his liaison." Sakura Mamiya commented with a completely neutral voice to Kuon in the other chamber.
"I'm glad we never talked." Kuon said like she had just dodged a bullet.
Mirajane gave me a pitying look, and then silently lifted herself up onto my desk. Then she sat on her butt, pulled up her skirt, pushed her panties to one side, and spread her legs wide, giving me a full view of her thick inner thighs. "Please don't fire me, sir. I'll do anything. My sister needs medicine and this is the only employer in town."
"Anyone who doesn't want to hear what happens next is welcome to take a one hour lunch break." I shouted through the door.
"So us hearing them wasn't part of the sex play?" Sakura Mamiya mused non-judgmentally.
"Let's see what the lunch special is at the tavern." Kuon suggested, and then we heard the door closing.
"You slutty devil. I hope you're ready to lose your virginity. Every day, every day, parading those gigantic tits, that luscious ass, those criminal thighs, in front of me. Swinging and swinging and swinging." I climbed up onto the desk and whipped out my dick.
"Forgive me, sir, I had no idea what power I exercised over men. . ." Mirajane begged.
"Oh I'll forgive you, just as soon as you've learned your lesson." I promised, pushing her down onto her back and her thighs down to either side, removing every last route of escape as I crawled on top of her.
And then there were 90.
* * *
"Are you sure it's my turn?" Urara asked nervously. "Maybe you miscounted. After all, there are so many of us." She licked her lips and looked at the giant bulge in my pants.
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way." I said, plopping her down in my giant master bed.
"What's the easy way?" Urara trembled like a newborn deer.
"I'll lick your pussy until you cum. And then I'll massage your clit until you cum again. And then I'll finger your vagina until you cum again. And it will go on and on, all night, until you beg me to put it in you." I said.
"And the hard way?" Urara squeaked.
"This really hard thing goes inside you and rips you apart and you bleed all over." I pointed at my pants.
"Why are there no good choices?" Urara wailed.
I unzipped my pants and my penis literally boinged like a seesaw. Urara's blonde twintails and yellow eyes were already surreally beautiful, but I couldn't wait to rip her remaining clothes off and see more and more.
"You're in the acting business so you knew this would have to happen eventually." I coaxed silkily.
"Father told me to run away from employers like you!" Urara piped.
I sat down on the bed beside her and pulled her hand over until it was gripping my member. It was obvious I was going to have to take the lead, so I didn't let her think about it any longer.
She tentatively squeezed it, and when I twitched back against her she started and leaned in to observe me more.
"This is really going inside me?" She said, stroking up and down as if drawn by magnetism.
"The easy way or the hard way." I affirmed.
"Then. . .senpai. . .I think the easy way sounded. . .well. . .it made me tingle and my stomach knot up a bit. . .so can we try it that way first?" She looked at me with upturned eyes.
I nodded and started by taking off her shirt. She was so flat that there was nothing more, her beautiful pink nipples were suddenly exposed in front of me. I almost gasped like I'd been struck. Then I quietly unbuttoned her purple skirt, pulled it down off her knees and threw it on the ground.
Urara was breathing hard and a wet spot was appearing over her panties, so I took them off too, my hands stroking down the backs of her thighs, then her calves, and finally past the soles of her feet. After that I took off each of her socks, stroking every centimeter possessively on the way down. She was now completely bare and lying on her back. I pushed her inner thighs apart and lowered my head down, licking along her slit, then protruding my tongue a little further each time, pushing deeper into her bit by bit.
She lay paralyzed with nervousness as I stroked up and down the backs of her thighs, burying my head harder and harder against her belly to get at more and more of her.
For a few minutes she said nothing, and I tried every variation I could think of. I tried kissing up and down her cleft. I tried blowing on her. I tried kissing her clitoris, then licking it back and forth. I tried running my tongue around the inside of her vagina in circles, and then I even started pinching her thighs up and down the line like a stapler.
"Senpai." Urara moaned. "Something's happening. Beneath my stomach, I'm clenching up."
I closed my eyes in relief, mouthing a silent prayer that my experience with 90 other women hadn't been entirely useless. "Urara Kasugano, have you never masturbated in your entire life?"
"Pretty Cure. . .don't. . .masturbate!" Urara replied with a scandalized voice.
"Just focus on the tightest part of your body and feel it as deeply as you can." I advised her. "You're doing great." I reassured her, and started kissing her clitoris with a direct assault.
"Sen--pai." Urara shuddered, her hands curling and uncurling high up on the bed.
I took out my last resort and pulled the hood off her clitoris, kissing it for the first time directly. Then I started running my tongue over it in a slow and measured pace, letting the sensation start and stop so she could trace each time her nerve cluster was struck.
Her legs bent at the knees started shaking back and forth uncontrollably, and then she was clamping her thighs around my head like a vise.
I let her relax a little and then I fought my way out of her death grip.
"Senpai!" Urara said, all sorts of emotions boiling over her. Then she jumped into my arms and started hugging me with all her strength.
"Senpai. Senpai!" She repeated herself.
"Are you ready for more?" I whispered into her ear.
"Next was. . .massaging my clit. Senpai, what's a clit?"
"It's what I was licking at the very end. I'm going to rub it with my thumb or my fingers, faster and slower, and in different directions, until you cum again." I said.
"So I have something like that?" Urara spoke in wonder.
I put my hand over her heart and then slid my index finger down the line that split her ribs and abdomen in two, past her belly button, and finally settling a centimeter above her vagina. "It's about right here." I started stroking across her skin in small circles, searching for her spot. "Tell me where it feels good."
Urara closed her eyes and concentrated on my fingers, and then she eventually held my hand and guided my fingertips. "Here. Touch me here."
I pressed my fingers into her clit, pushing it down, then letting it spring back up again. I kept poking and releasing for forty seconds, and then I took her erect clitoris between my second and third finger and gently guided it around in circles.
Urara looked down at her own body and watched me playing with her soul. Her cheeks became flushed and she started pressing her lips together.
I let go of her clit and put my thumb over it instead. Then I brushed my thumb left and right, back and forth, crossing over her like an indecisive chicken.
"You're making me hajikeru." Urara whined.
I took that as her cue and pulled her waist such that my arms were enclosing her from behind. I put my head over her shoulder, my chest to her back and my legs beneath hers, then put my index and middle fingers over her clitoris again. I tried to stroke just lightly and gently, like a feather tip, but as fast as my fingers could move. Then I bit her earlobe, and her back jerked backwards against me. I kept stroking and stroking and she kept shuddering until I was sure she'd wrung out every drop of pleasure I could give her.
"Senpai, I can't. . .I don't remember the third. . .just please. . .please take me now." Urara begged.
I pulled her butt up and pushed her shoulders down, and she understood what I meant and got on all fours. Then I sat up straight, lined up my penis, and slid it into her. It was wet and breathing for me, so I just bore down and tore through her hymen with one swift stroke.
"Ack." Urara bit her lip and closed her eyes.
"I'm sorry, no matter what I do, you end up broken and bleeding." I apologized quietly.
"It's okay. Every woman in history feels this. Keep going." Urara encouraged me.
"I'll move if you say 'fuck me to pieces." I teased.
"Fuck me to pieces, Senpai. I don't care anymore. I want you so much. I love you so much. Cum inside me and give me your children." Urara sobbed, pushing her butt back into my groin seekingly.
I thrust into her as fast as I could, my brain going crazy with lust after having waited so long, and orgasmed in about twenty seconds. I felt a little guilty until I saw her collapse onto the mattress with relief.
"Is it over?" She asked. "It feels like you're still inside me."
"It's over." I guaranteed her. Then I crawled up to her side and stared at her eye to eye. "Except for our goodnight kiss."
She smiled and puckered her lips, and I pulled her naked body into mine, all the way up and down, with the final intersecting jigsaw piece being our lips, our noses pressing into each other's cheeks.
I held her tight against me, pressing my chest against her bosom until I could feel the music of her heartbeat with my skin, and wondered how much sexier she would be next time as Cure Lemonade.
When we woke up in the morning Urara was hiding under the sheets at the furthest edge of the wide bed.
She watched with those brilliant unique yellow eyes as I woke up, then pulled down the sheet enough to reveal her lips and a scarlet blushing face. "You made me say all those things. Senpai wa ijiwaru." She said.
"Starting from when we first met and I gave you a tour of the school, we've been together for four years now. Doesn't it feel good to just get over the hump?" I said encouragingly.
"I never imagined it would end like this." Urara complained. "And it's still throbbing down there. It doesn't feel good at all."
"What about last night?" I asked.
"Yesss. . ." Urara admitted guiltily. "I've never felt so good in my life. I didn't know I could even. . .last night. . .last night was perfect. Thank you so much. It was my first time. Literally my first time. You know what I mean. And there will never be one better. Nothing could ever replace you now."
That made 91.
* * *
"Let's just get it over with." Azusa blushed and turned her face aside, her black twintails whipping through the air.
"It looks like a popsicle." Yui said, mesmerized.
"Do you believe in fate?" Mai's purple eyes and purple hair spread out around her and welcomed me in.
"Pretty Cure Marble Screw!" Honoka shouted, gripping my hands tight like we always had, only this time with my penis inside her.
"Are you sure it's been made little?" Elize asked, her eyes shut tightly in dread.
"It's little." I guaranteed her.
"Are you super sure? Are you sure the spell hasn't worn off?" Elize asked again.
"If I make it any smaller our parts won't even rub against each other and then sex would be a little difficult." I laughed.
"Then, okay. But be gentle, Chris. And if it starts growing, if it starts growing right in the middle, pull it out immediately. Don't wait until you cum. Just pull it out okay?" Elize ordered.
"Actually right before I orgasm it always grows, it's a physiological function." I informed her.
"Just don't grow too big! Just a little. Only grow just a little okay? For me?" Elize asked.
She was so cute I could die.
* * *
Kokona and I had gone on a hike together along one of the trails she had built for the village. Yuna had flown up ahead and already set up camp for us before returning to the Transportation Hub, so all we had to carry was our daypacks. I let her hike in front of me and set the pace, staring at her butt and long flowing hair and shifting hips the whole way.
We stopped at various rock formations, lakes and waterfalls. We even stopped to lay down in a field of flowers. We had started early in the dawn so there was plenty of time.
"Deer-san and Squirrel-san were so cute. If we're lucky higher up we'll see a marmot." Kokona enthused. I loved seeing her happy, and she was so good natured, that it seemed like that's how she always was.
"Tonight, we're going to share a sleeping bag, and you can do whatever you want to me." Kokona said, her red eyes looking into mine. "But before then, while we're on our way, tell me why you love me. Tell me why I should love you. I think that's fair."
"I think everyone loves you, Kokona, so it's no surprise I love you too." I said. "But okay, if I had to make a list." We resumed hiking, and she listened to me from in front with an impassive aura. I looked carefully at the steps in front of me and told her what was in my heart. "I love that braid of yours that goes across your forehead. I love your long brown free flowing hair. I love your distinctive red eyes. I love your child-like face. I love that even when you go hiking, you still have a skirt on over your jeans, that flares out around your hips and makes you look so feminine. I love how strong and fit and lean you are. I love how you can accommodate yourself to others, and worry about how everyone else feels before yourself. I love how cheerful you are, how resourceful, how even bad luck always turns to good because you can always find something to be happy about. God I love your voice. It's unearthly. It's like if five different birds started chirping in an octave, except you do that with every syllable."
"I don't think that's humanly possible." Kokona chuckled. Still not turning around and concentrating on the trail ahead.
"I love that you cook and hug cute things and can climb Mount Fuji even at your age in a cinch. Actually, aren't you just about perfect? I mean, your beauty, your strength, your spirit. . . I don't think your grades are bad either. You can strike up a conversation with anyone and they're always smiling by the end." I listed.
"For you to love me, that's another question." I changed the subject. We spent thirty seconds silently climbing the mountain, just breathing hard between each step. "Girls have no particular reason to love any boy. We're all worthless and useless. I'm not Conan the Barbarian who can slay enemies with a battle ax, and there's nothing to save you from here anyway. If we're lucky I can jump in front of a snake we cross by and get bitten in your stead." I said.
"Actually I'm carrying a stick so just let me handle any snakes we come across, okay? I don't want my nature trail to hurt anyone." Kokona interrupted.
"Okay. But it's just like that. You're complete. You have everything. I just want what you have. I want you. I want to be complete in you, by borrowing you. I love you like positive charges love negative charges, it's just a law of physics that I'd yearn for you." I said.
I licked my lips and tried to get back on course. "But if you love me, you don't just love me. You would then love everything I love. I could introduce you to valuable things. The things I value, which I think are really great, which you'd never come across on your own."
"But you already said I'm happy all the time, didn't you?" Kokona asked archly, still walking away from me.
"There's happy and then there's watching Clannad. There's listening to Scarborough Fair. There's watching Star Wars." I explained.
"So I should marry your hard drive?" Kokona asked.
"Treat it like a dowry." I suggested. "But it's not just my hard drive. I think about things you don't, and I can tell them to you."
"But we never talk," Kokona put in. "Well, okay, tell me something I don't know."
"The average IQ of blacks is 85 in America and 70 in Africa. In Equatorial Guinea it's 59. Many gorillas have tested higher." I said.
". . ." Kokona was silent.
"I know everything dark and terrible in life that you'll never know. Not out here, on your own." I gestured towards the mountains, not that she could see it.
"So if I love you, you'll introduce me to everything dark and terrible in this world?" Kokona asked.
"Yes. I guess that just about sums it up." I sighed.
"You know, Christopher. A lot of girls back home like you. And that's always attractive in a man. We get to thinking that 99 wives can't all be wrong. Plus you're a natural born leader. You tell us what to do and always expect we'll snap up and do it. It's good to feel like we can trust everything to you and things will work out. I'm very thankful to you for interceding with Cute-sama and giving us the spark of existence. And together, we've made Eden a really good place to live. So why exactly are you trying to seduce me by announcing, out of the blue, that you're a racist and you could make me racist too, if I just stick around you long enough?" Kokona asked exasperatedly.
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." I recited.
"So you think I'm a child, but if I cleave to you, you can make a woman of me?" Kokona said.
"You'll reach a higher stage of enlightenment." I rephrased her suggestive phrasing. "And the world will be so much bigger than the view from a mountaintop."
"Because now I can see all the dark and terrible things that made you hate the world and everything in it." Kokona summarized.
"And what we could be if we conquered them." I said.
"Ohhhhh." Kokona stopped in her tracks and turned around to face me. The clouds drifted lazily overhead in a deep blue sky. We were both breathing hard from the combination of walking and talking. Her red eyes looked curiously into mine, a smile burgeoning across her lips.
"Right now I'm a child, and I'm doing childish things." Kokona said. "What will I be when you're through with me? What things will I be doing then?"
"I guess. . .ideally. . .someone who polishes the sword in their hearts, the diamond sword that illuminates the truth and burns away the darkness. A warrior poet." I told her.
"A warrior poet?" Kokona laughed in astonished incredulity.
"If you love me, if you listen to me, if you follow me, that's where you'll end up, eventually. I think it's beautiful. It's the greatest gift I can give you or any girl." I replied in all seriousness.
". . .You know another thing we all like about you?" Kokona asked me, turning back away and proceeding further up the trail.
"Even when lies are to your advantage, you always tell us the truth. I've never met anyone who so fully lives true to himself. Uncompromising people are jerks, I don't think you should just stubbornly demand everything your way. And if that's living true to your feelings, then I don't want it. But I don't think it's that. I think you're doing something else. Is that the sword of truth? The sword of a warrior poet? Are you slashing yourself with it all the way up this trail, telling me these things?" Kokona asked.
"Yes." I replied.
"I'll think about it." Kokona finally said. "For now, let's get to the campsite and take a bath in the mountain lake. I'll be nude so enjoy yourself, but don't stay in the water too long because even in the sun it's really cold. Then we'll light up the wood prepared in the campfire and have hot chocolate. Then I'll heat up our dinner over the fire, I handcooked it this time so enjoy it. Then we'll watch the stars and hold hands. Sound good?"
"I actually hiked back on Earth a lot. Did you know, I've climbed five peaks in a single day? I've always wanted to do this. You know, the most beautiful girl surrounded by the most beautiful sights, an otherwordly environment for an otherworldly experience." I said, huffing up the trail behind her.
"I've been looking forward to our first time for a long time now." Kokona called back behind her. "It's been two years since our first kiss. If I'm going to live here together with everyone, this is the only path for me. I already knew that. But I just wanted to hear the truth from your lips. Why am I here? Where did I come from? Where am I going? Sorry for asking such an awkward question. I've been really hard to get, haven't I? Even though I'm your granted wish."
"It was nothing. You can ask me anything and I'll always reply. You have that right as my wife." I said, a wash of relief overflowing me. I always failed on Earth, so seducing a girl without any handicap of a special past relationship seemed impossible. But maybe I had grown up on Eden. Or maybe Kokona just had a mature, understanding heart. Or maybe she was just stuck with me and making the best of it, like wrapping wire around a shoe whose sole had given out. But I'd take anything, any reason, if it meant we could sleep together like this.
That made 97.
Riko fell like a house of cards. We held hands on the beach at night and I started kissing her. Soon enough she was warming to my ministrations and then she was climbing all over me. Cure Miracle was her other half, so I guess all it took was a little push and she became putty in my hands.
Cure White, Cure Magical and Cure Egret all had to hold hands with their special someone to transform. They'd all gone through world ending disasters, personal disasters, triumphs and character defining moments together. If they had ever been paired with a boy, this would have been the natural result. Cute-sama help us if that deep a history between a boy and a girl still wasn't enough to merit marriage. Well, Cute-sama had already helped me so. . .
When I asked Nico out on a date at the breakfast table, she held up both her hands with her pinkies and pointers out. "Pass!"
"I can't do that, Nico. You're literally the last one out." I explained to her.
"Nico Nico nii." She said helplessly.
"The next time I could even ask you out on a date is 100 days from now. Do you want that?" I asked.
"What's 100 days in a thousand years?" Nico asked.
"You're going to become more and more invisible." I warned her. "If I don't dote on you, if you don't have any children who need you, a thousand years will be a long, long time."
"Why does an idol have to sleep with just one of her fans?" Nico wailed.
"Because you were too cute so I had to have you." I explained patiently. "Especially when you were Center, dancing on the beach in that stunning swimsuit, singing 'Natsuiro Egao de 1, 2, Jump!'. You were jumping up and down in a tiny bikini with fireworks going overhead, with red eyes and long black twintails, with the voice of a siren that can still the seas, and Cute-sama said "I'll grant you any one wish." Who do you think I was going to wish for?"
"I've become too beautiful. Even living is a sin." Nico sighed and clunked her head straight down onto the table.
"Now of course I can just give up here and sleep with Himeno tonight instead. But you're all alone and we're all over here. I want everyone happy together, everyone equally loved, a 100 waifu harem. My wish was for 100. Nico, you're #100. It all falls apart here if you say no. And if none of the attention I've given you so far was enough, nothing more I do will be of any use either. It's the end of the dream." I stood up from the table and started to walk away.
A chair clattered behind me and I felt a tug on the back of my shirt. I twisted my head to see who was behind me and it was Nico, her face still pointed towards the floor.
I turned around and held her hand between mine. "Let's go to the beach."
She nodded silently and we left the crowd of girls at breakfast together.
We watched the sun rise all the way up and then set all the way down together, as Nico gathered her courage on a towel and prepared her heart. I hadn't wanted this to be so hard on her. I hadn't realized how lonely Nico had been in her origin, such that nothing Cute-sama could do would help. I had just naturally considered her irresistibly beautiful and added her to the list. And even now, rather than compromise with an easier girl, I just wanted to make love to the beautiful, wonderful Nico in front of me. I didn't want to trade her for anyone, even the Nico who couldn't care less about me.
"I'm last in line." Nico eventually said, as we listened to the waves and the seagulls' cries. "Am I last in your heart?"
"That would be Kirino. I love a lot of things about her, but I can never forgive her for dumping me even after agreeing to marry me. I try to forget about it and only remember the good times together, but it just irritates me. Like sand in an oyster, I'm always reminded that she can't be trusted, her love isn't enough, in the end it will all come to nothing." I answered.
"So am I 2nd to last?" Nico asked.
"That's probably Mikoto. She's always getting angry and trying to fry me with lightning out of the blue. It's hard to tell if there's any dere moments at all, it's just tsun tsun tsun, deadly attack, deadly attack, deadly attack. Is she even a girl under all that emotional armor?" I complained.
Nico giggled, feeling better. "If it's going to be a 100 waifu harem, I guess I'd better not repeat anything you said here."
"You're an important person to me. Isn't there a phrase -- save the best for last?" I asked.
"You already said Wendy was your favorite." Nico gave me a deadpan look.
"There's still an awful lot of room in my heart for non-Wendy. Like, if being my favorite constitutes all the visible matter in the galaxy, then it looks like Wendy's everywhere. But then it turns out all the visible matter in the galaxy is just 2% of the world's energy. After that is dark matter, which no one can sense anywhere, but it has to be there because otherwise why does the visible matter clump the way it does? And then it turns out that beyond that is an even greater force, dark energy, that compels the universe to expand outward, even though all the dark matter wants to fall back inwards. Wendy is a shining star, but you Nico are the dark energy that can rip that star apart." I enthused.
"You want me to kill Wendy?" Nico's eyes looked even deader.
"It's just a metaphor." I said.
"I know. You're saying even Wendy can't encompass all that is good in this world, and that's where people like me fill in the gaps. She's overly honest and obedient and kind, and I'm overly dishonest and disobedient and manipulative. So Wendy and I will never overlap. You can love each of us for completely different reasons." Nico said.
"I guess I should have said that from the start." I admired my muse.
"If Cute-sama hadn't made me feel completely fine with sharing, I'm pretty sure your talk of dark energy would have sunk you into a black hole right there." Nico giggled.
"So you'll do it?" I asked pinefully.
"If we make love. If we start a family. I think eventually I'll just fall in love naturally, before I even know it. But if we don't do anything together, nothing will change. I'm a natural coward. I don't know what to do or how to feel about any of this. But you're right. The longer I wait, the more invisible I'll become, until I'm no longer even a resident of Paradise. I may as well wander off into the woods and spear fish in a leopard bikini."
Nico picked up my hand and placed it directly on her left breast situated over her heart, gazing tremulously into my eyes. "Everyone else looks so happy. I want to be happy too."
When we got back into town late at night we walked through the darkened halls of the mansion, my hand tugging hers along towards the big bed of my master bedroom we could sleep together embraced in.
Upon entering the room we were ambushed with light summoned from Aisia's wand. Everyone was together, waiting. It looked like they had been eating popcorn and watching a movie together on the big screen that filled one of my walls. But when we'd gotten close and triggered Himeno's telepathic sensor they'd all huddled together and waited silently in anticipation.
"Doki doki, waku waku." Aisia looked at us with expectant eyes.
"I'm wife #100." Nico gave in and reported to the crowd.
All the girls clapped in thunderous approval. "Nico! Nico! Nico!" The shout rose up spontaneously -- or was Himeno coordinating that part too?
"Everyone." Nico started to tear up.
"100! 100! 100!" The cheer crested even louder, even more enthused.
100 waifus in another world. I looked over their endlessly varied but eternally beautiful faces and was wonderstruck at the happiness I'd seized into my hands.
I walked through the crowd with Nico and everyone touched her shoulders, her waist, her back, her arms in blessing.
"Okay, okay, everyone out." I shouted. "This is the consummation of our wedding night. I want to sleep with my bride."
"I want to sleep with everyone." Nico contradicted me, leaping onto the bed and waving at her adoring crowd.
"My bed is big, but not that big." I rejoined.
Sakura Kinomoto began to chant: "O key that burns with the power of dreams, reveal your true nature before me, Release!" After spinning her staff around a few times with amazing cheerleading baton derived skills, she planted it on the floor and gave me a triumphant look. "I can make us all Little enough to fit."
"We're all one big happy family now, all equal, right?" Nico demanded.
Technically HaruHaru hadn't done anything yet but I guess I should go with the flow right here.
And so the most massive platonic orgy of all time settled in together under a strange new set of small-object physics, with Nico's head in the crook of my shoulder and her left leg draped over mine. Wish fulfillment had never felt better.
* * *
I knocked on Cure Flora's door.
"Come in." Haruka Haruno said.
"You're the only one left." I said with an irrepressible grin on my face.
"Congratulations." Haruka sighed. "I had hoped the others would put up a little more resistance. Now the wolf is already at my door."
"Do you want some ice cream?" I offered.
"So you can lick it off me?" She asked.
"Well. . .now that you mention it. . ." I blushed.
"You like me better as Cure Flora, right?" Haruka asked, standing up from her chair and closing the door behind me, twisting the lock. "If I recall correctly, you 'fell in love with my pink-striped hair'. If only I hadn't dyed my hair like a delinquent, I wouldn't be here." Haruka sighed again.
"I actually have a picture of the normal you on my wall too, right next to your transformed state." I said.
"But you prefer Cure Flora." She repeated herself.
"I prefer Cure Flora." I admitted, and she grinned triumphantly.
"Is it worth the risk? Once I transform I can kill you in five seconds flat." She smiled invitingly.
"It's worth it. Your pink stripe is worth dying for!" I confessed.
"All right then. Watch closely, because you won't get to touch me again for 100 days. Your one and only multi-hued wife, in all her naked glory, for the first time in her lifetime, stands before you." Haruka Haruno pulled out her dress key and plunged it into the parfum, turning it decisively as her blue eyes locked with mine. Then she coquettishly rose her right shoulder and tilted her head against it with a knowing smile, her eyes still tracking to mine, holding her parfum outstretched in front of her.
"The Princess of flowers blooming in full glory -- Cure Flora!" She struck a dashing pose.
She really was in full glory. My heart raced as she took my hand and led me to her pink sheeted, pink pillowed bed.
Now that I'd conquered all 100 routes in this visual novel adventure game, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on the differences and similarities of all my waifu's looks, and whatever objective preferences I might have in girls all data considered. What was my ideal type, and how often was I willing to stray from it for the sake of personality, behavior, novelty etc.?
All I ever got from my lovers was 'Lolicon, Lolicon,' but surely that wasn't really the case. What was their median age, in truth? In cases where girls had fluid ages I would take the middlepoint as my reference. After doing all the math, the answer was 15. So my tastes tended to peak around 15 and then be equally weighted sloping downwards to either side from there. Lolicon? More like joshikosei-con.
Next up was physical attributes like hair and eye color. What color hair and eyes were all of my waifus and how many of each color did I have? What about hairstyle and breast size?
Cure Dream (Nozomi Yumehara) -- Hair color: Pink -- Eye Color: Pink -- Hairstyle: Medium length with two ties high -- Breast Size: Tiny
Cure Lemonade (Urara Kasugano) -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails/twin drills -- Breast Size: Tiny
Cure White (Honoka Yukishiro) -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Black -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Tiny
Cure Egret (Mai Mishou) -- Hair color: Purple -- Eye Color: Purple -- Hairstyle: Long length ponytail -- Breast Size: Tiny
Cure Flora (Haruka Haruno) -- Hair color: Orange/Blonde with pink highlights -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Medium length loose/long length loose with tiara -- Breast Size: Tiny
Cure Magical (Riko Izayoi) -- Hair color: Purple -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Tiny
Asuna Yuuki -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with a braid circlet -- Breast Size: Medium
Silica (Keiko Ayano) -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Medium length twintails -- Breast Size: Tiny
Leafa (Suguha Kirigaya) -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Black -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Large
Rin Natsume -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Long length ponytail with ahoge -- Breast Size: Small
Haruka Saigusa -- Hair color: Pink -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length sidetail with beads -- Breast Size: Large
Kudryavka Noumi/Strugatskaya -- Hair color: Gray -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with beret -- Breast Size: Tiny
Azusa Nakano -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length twintail -- Breast Size: Small
Yui Hirasawa -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Kagome Higurashi -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Aoba Suzukaze -- Hair color: Purple -- Eye Color: Purple -- Hairstyle: Long length twintail -- Breast Size: Small
Teletha Testarossa -- Hair color: White -- Eye Color: Gray -- Hairstyle: Long length braid -- Breast Size: Medium
Kaname Chidori -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with tie at bottom -- Breast Size: Large
Mira Yurizaki -- Hair color: Green with twin blue bangs -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Short length loose with twin robo antenna -- Breast Size: Medium
Rose -- Hair color: Red -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Elize Lutus -- Hair color: Gray -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Tiny
Leia Rolando -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Sophie -- Hair color: Purple -- Eye Color: Purple -- Hairstyle: Long length twintail -- Breast Size: Small
Cheria Barnes -- Hair color: Pink -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Long length with two ties high -- Breast Size: Medium
Rydia -- Hair color: Green -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Rosa Joanna Farrell -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with tiara -- Breast Size: Medium
Tifa Lockhart -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Large
Aerith Gainsborough -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Long length braid -- Breast Size: Small
Rinoa Heartilly -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Yuna -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Heterochroma Blue and Green -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
MOMO Mizrahi -- Hair color: Pink -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Short length loose with sometimes beret -- Breast Size: Small
Aruru -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Short length with two ties front and kemonomimi -- Breast Size: Tiny/Medium (depending on age)
Eruru -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length with one tie front and kemonomimi -- Breast Size: Medium
Nekone -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Short length with ribbon and kemonomimi -- Breast Size: Tiny
Kuon -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Long length ponytail with kemonomimi -- Breast Size: Medium
Nayuki Minase -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Nagisa Furukawa -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Short length loose with antenna shaped ahoge -- Breast Size: Medium
Misuzu Kamio -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length ponytail -- Breast Size: Medium
Kotori Kanbe -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with braided twintails and flower hairpins -- Breast Size: Medium
Wendy Marvel -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails -- Breast Size: Tiny
Sherria Blendy -- Hair color: Pink -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Short length twintails -- Breast Size: Large
Lucy Heartfilia -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Large
Mavis Vermillion -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with ahoge and twin wing ornaments -- Breast Size: Small
Levy McGarden -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Short length with hairband -- Breast Size: Small
Juvia Locksor -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Purple -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Large
Lisanna Strauss -- Hair color: White -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Mirajane Strauss -- Hair color: White -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with topknot -- Breast Size: Large
Makina Irisu -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Tiny
Nanoha Takamachi -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Purple -- Hairstyle: Short length twintails -- Breast Size: Tiny/Medium (depending on age)
Fate Testarossa -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails -- Breast Size: Tiny/Large (depending on age)
Sakura Haruno -- Hair color: Pink -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Short length loose with hairband -- Breast Size: Small
Rin Nohara -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Short length loose with hairband -- Breast Size: Tiny
Chtolly Nota Seniorious -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with two ties high -- Breast Size: Small
Sagiri Izumi -- Hair color: Gray -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length with two ties front and one tie back and low -- Breast Size: Small
Elf Yamada (Emily Granger) -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length with twin drills front, a ribbon on top and loose behind -- Breast Size: Small
Deedlit -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with tiara -- Breast Size: Small
Kobato Hasegawa -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with two ties high -- Breast Size: Small
Sora Takanashi -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Short length with ribbon and ahoge -- Breast Size: Small
Miu Takanashi -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with twintails -- Breast Size: Small
Sakura Kinomoto -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Short length loose with multiple ahoge and sometimes bead hairpins -- Breast Size: Tiny
Lafiel Abriel -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Gray -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with tiara -- Breast Size: Small
Myusel Foaran -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Purple -- Hairstyle: Long length with two ties front, a ribbon and two ties back -- Breast Size: Medium
Sara Rukawa/Chrysalis -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails -- Breast Size: Small
Nemu Asakura -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Short length with twin ribbons and ahoge -- Breast Size: Medium
Yume Asakura -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Short length with twin Chinese dumplings -- Breast Size: Medium
Himeno Katsuragi -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Short length with twin ribbons and sometimes beret -- Breast Size: Medium
Sakura Yoshino -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails -- Breast Size: Tiny
Aisia -- Hair color: Gray -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Short length with massive ribbon -- Breast Size: Small
Koko Tsukishima -- Hair color: Orange -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Short length with ahoge -- Breast Size: Large
Yukino Ouhama -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Long length with twin ribbons and ahoge -- Breast Size: Large
Sayaka Mayuzumi -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Short length with twin ties front -- Breast Size: Medium
Isara Aomi -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails -- Breast Size: Medium
Yoru Kazato -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails -- Breast Size: Small
Asa Kazato -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails -- Breast Size: Small
Sae Nakata -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Medium length twintails -- Breast Size: Medium
Reina Ryuugu -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with beret -- Breast Size: Medium
Sailor Moon (Usagi Tsukino) -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails with dango and sometimes tiara -- Breast Size: Small
Shana -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with ahoge -- Breast Size: Tiny
Mikan Yuuki -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with topknot -- Breast Size: Small
Yuuhi Katagiri -- Hair color: Gray -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Medium length with two ties front -- Breast Size: Medium
Kobeni Yonomori -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Purple -- Hairstyle: Short length twintails -- Breast Size: Large
Illyasviel von Einzbern -- Hair color: White -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Tiny
Rin Tohsaka -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with twin ribbons -- Breast Size: Small
Orihime Inoue -- Hair color: Orange -- Eye Color: Gray -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Large
Nico Yazawa -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails -- Breast Size: Tiny
Chiwa Harusaki -- Hair color: Orange -- Eye Color: Purple -- Hairstyle: Short length twintails -- Breast Size: Small
Sakura Mamiya -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length twin braids -- Breast Size: Medium
Mumei (Hozumi) -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Yellow -- Hairstyle: Short length twintails -- Breast Size: Small
Mylene Flare Jenius -- Hair color: Pink -- Eye Color: Green -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Medium
Lyria -- Hair color: Blue -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with ahoge -- Breast Size: Small
Kokona Aoba -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Red -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with braided sideways bangs -- Breast Size: Tiny
Menma (Meiko Honma) -- Hair color: Gray -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Small
Ai Hinatsuru -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length twintails with ahoge and beret -- Breast Size: Tiny
Nadeko Sengoku -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Medium length loose -- Breast Size: Small
Kirino Kousaka -- Hair color: Blonde -- Eye Color: Blue -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Small
Mikoto Misaka -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Tiny
Louise Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere -- Hair color: Pink -- Eye Color: Pink -- Hairstyle: Long length loose -- Breast Size: Tiny
Wakaba Tsukishima/Akane Takigawa -- Hair color: Brown -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Short length loose -- Breast Size: Tiny/Medium (depending on age)
Iris Freyja -- Hair color: White -- Eye Color: Brown -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with ribbon -- Breast Size: Large
Mitsuki Mononobe -- Hair color: Black -- Eye Color: Gray -- Hairstyle: Long length loose with sidetail -- Breast Size: Small
The hair color prevalence came out as such:
Blonde with pink highlights: 1
Green with twin blue bangs: 1
Green with twin blue bangs: 1
The eye color prevalence came out as such:
Heterochroma blue and green: 1
The hair length prevalence came out as such:
The hairstyle prevalence came out as such:
Hairstyles: (in the case of multiple styles the most distinctive and prominent one is listed)
2 ties high: 4
2 ties front: 4
Chinese Dumplings: 2
Breast size prevalence came out as such:
I had more wives with tiny than large breasts, so even though medium exceeded small for first the median breast size would be somewhere on the smaller side. I guess this was the evidence for my Lolicon-ness my wives had picked up on. But would a Lolicon ever like a well endowed woman? I considered myself more of an equal-opportunity employer. Flat was indeed justice, but so was everything else.
All these statistics had confounding factors, though. It may not be that I preferred brown hair in abstract, even though it was the most common, simply because girls were more commonly brown-haired. If I picked them out based on personality then I would sometimes choose the 'plain looking brown haired girl' over her neon haired opponents, simply because there were more brown haired girls with potentially great personalities to choose from.
Likewise it might be that I didn't actually prefer flat chests, I just preferred the types of innocent girls who happened to mostly come in the flat variety. Or it could be that I didn't really prefer loose hair, it's just that most girls didn't bother to style their hair so they were chosen for their personalities and only so happened to have loose hair, thus piling up to the top of my statistics. That would infer that actually twintails were my favorite hairstyle, or maybe it meant braids were or something, because all of it could only be measured on a per capita basis. How many 2d girls had braids as a percentage of all 2d girls, and what was that percentage compared to the percentage of braided waifus I had chosen? Without numbers like that, very little could be concluded about any of the patterns of attraction found above.
Even hair length was debatable. I obviously preferred long hair over short, but did I really prefer short hair over medium? Perhaps there just weren't many girls out there with medium-length hair to choose from.
Hair was such an important part of female beauty I was actually amazed that almost 1/3 of them had managed to charm me with short cuts. It just went to show how important personality was yet again.
Some girls had such crazily complicated hairstyles it was difficult even to explain them. I hope they weren't spending too many hours in front of the mirror arranging their hair before they came out for breakfast. Well, Eden was a laid back society without the need for endlessly long workdays, so maybe all those hours they spent doing their hair were well spent. Or maybe they just used magic to get it done in an instant. Aisia, Riko, Illyasviel, Lucy's Cancer and others could probably pull it off in a lickety-split. Did the girls all get together before breakfast and do each other's hair while I was still asleep? The mysteries of life. . .
Other than the dominating performance of long hair length, perhaps the best lesson to be drawn from this census was that there was no one right answer. Many different things were beautiful, to the point that the plurality preference was well below the combined majority of the minorities. One girl couldn't contain all the beauty of the female form, which was why it had been so necessary to marry 100. Any philosopher would say the same.
Only four girls had managed to be unique in some trait among my harem of 100 -- Mira with her robo antenna and blue bangs, Cure Flora with her dyed pink highlights, Yuna with her heterochroma, and Rose with her red hair. Rose's situation was the funniest because red hair was common even on Earth. Apparently it was rarer in fantasy than reality, because here on Eden it was at an ultra-rare premium. Rose is Rose indeed. Rose was Rose, and no one else could be Rose. From the exterior on inwards, she was a force majeure.
If you counted Kobato's cosplaying she too had heterochroma but that was a bridge too far. Yuna was born that way and deserved the honor of distinguishment. Plus Kobato with two blue eyes was already a treat, she hardly had to adorn herself any further to be beautiful in my eyes.
But if you wanted to be really chinzy, you could say there were only 3 unique girls in my harem, Mira, HaruHaru and Rose. I guess I should have expected something aberrant emerging from these quarters, but who could have imagined HaruHaru would be the one aiming for my life? Sometimes truth was stranger than fiction.