"Since you're a robot girl, how do you bear my children?" I asked Sophie something that had long been a lingering question in the back of my mind.
"Since Mira and I are both nanite colonies, I asked her for advice, and reformulated myself along the same pattern." Sophie answered nonchalantly.
"So when Mira dived into the realm of possibility to find her own solution, she ended up saving you too? That's pretty convenient!" I marveled at Mira's capabilities yet again.
"Mira risked her own life for the answer, so it's only efficient if we maximize the benefit like this." Sophie explained.
"So did you team up with Mira and MOMO for the Magic tournament?" I asked, having never come up against her team myself.
"No. Since you set our team number to five, and since exactly five of your waifus are voiced by Kana Hanazawa, we decided to team up together. It was Mikan, Rinoa, Kobato, Nadeko and me." Sophie smiled wryly.
"I love her voice so much, and she's just the perfect seiyuu for the type of girl I tend to like, so I loaded up on Kana Hanazawa waifus beyond all others. I hope you all don't resent me for not being unique enough?" I asked.
"Actually we treat it as a point of honor, that we have your favorite voice. It gives us a leg up on the competition, so we don't mind at all." Sophie smiled at me fondly to show there were no hard feelings.
"What do you do when you aren't hanging out with me?" I asked, wanting to learn more and more about my otherwise non-talkative wife.
"I was born with the desire to hunt down and destroy my archenemy Lambda, so mainly I fight, and fight, and fight. This planet is a little too peaceful for me, so I spend most of my time in the virtual worlds. Remakes of Tales games are my favorites, but anything will do. World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy -- I even beta playtest everything Aoba cooks up for us. Every day I go kill powerful monsters and hone my skills. It's incredibly satisfying whenever I take something big down with my own two fists." Sophie reported with a buoyant look just thinking about it.
"That must be discombobulating, since you work at the Hospital healing people all day." I smiled, patting her head. It's great that she'd found her own place in this vast world, that she could stay entertained even though I couldn't spend much time with her.
"It's fun helping people too. I was also a robot designed to help mankind. Thanks to Cute-sama warping us here with our full specs intact, I have miraculous healing powers, so I may as well put them to good use in the real world. Plus you keep getting me pregnant, so a lot of the time when you're away I'm taking care of our children. Between the three there's really no time left." Sophie pointed out.
"How do you think it's possible? Is there really a singular law of physics that can accommodate every single super power you waifus have? Sakura's cards, Rinoa's sorceress mode, the Silver Crystal, Dimension W and all the others?" I asked Sophie.
"It's obviously impossible. That's why I called it Cute's miracle. Only God can sustain this universe and all its contradictory rules. It would shatter without her forcefully holding it together. Every breath we take is Cute's gift to us. You didn't realize?" Sophie looked at me with her eyebrows raised curiously.
"I sort of suspected." I coughed, blushing. Was it possible that I still didn't love Cute-sama nearly as much as she deserved? How much more could I worship her before she received what was due?
"You would be Aoba's identical twin if not for the robot features. So have you two become fast friends?" I got back on track. I was spending tonight with Sophie, not Cute, it wouldn't do to be thinking of Cute right now.
"It wasn't because of our twintails. It's because she oversaw the VR remakes of the Tales franchise." Sophie rolled her eyes at me. "But yes, we're friends now. I spend more time with her than you."
"That's fine. I want everyone to be happy and I can't be everywhere at once, so hang out with anyone you like. Just please reserve the sex for me." I begged.
"You have nothing to fear. As a robot who would do back flips for you on command while you were still just a toddler, betrayal isn't a possibility." Sophie kissed me reassuringly.
Robot waifus for the win!
* * *
MOMO walked into the Mayor's office with a giant smile on her face. "There!" MOMO plopped an invisible object onto my oaken desk with a look of triumph, sitting in the guest chair across from me.
"I'm sorry, but my eyesight isn't good enough to really get what you're getting at. . ." I gave MOMO a supplicant look.
"I'm not just some toy for you to play around with -- I'm a bona fide member of the Research Institute!" MOMO pointed at the invisible object I was supposed to be amazed by.
"A cloaking device?" I guessed hopefully.
"What would we want that for? Its only purpose would be to assassinate the Mayor, i.e., you, which as your widow I am definitely hantai." MOMO said.
"Well that's a relief, but I'm still not sure what you're trying to show me." I gave a troubled look to my robot waifu.
"We reverse engineered the nanite swarms that make up Mira and Sophie, and invented programmable, all-purpose nanomachines. What I just placed on your table was the future of space colonization! I, MOMO, with a little help from the others, have made terraforming the galaxy as simple as giving the command! It took over 100 years but I did it -- I repaid your faith in me. I did something at work!" MOMO leapt over the oaken desk and into my arms, incapable of repressing her joy any longer.
"So these little critters are going to give other worlds oxygen atmospheres, topsoil, fresh water lakes and rivers and all the rest? So all humans have to do is step off the ship and start frolicking?" I smiled, hugging my precious synthetic Sakura clone back. Her small body still packed infinitely more strength than my arms could return, but I tried my best.
"That's right. Nanomachines are simple, so they can reproduce themselves endlessly from base materials that can be found anywhere in the cosmos. Then they follow simple, repetitive, easy tasks, in such enormous numbers, and with sunlight as their only needed fuel source -- because they're small they don't need much power -- that they can make life possible for everyone and everything else. Just like Cute-sama gave us a ready-made Eden full of life on day 1, these nanomachines can give everyone a hospitable environment with everything they need, because they'll have gone there first and tidied the place up a bit. All we need from our new planets is decent rocky ground, the right temperature and water. We can even create our own artificial atmospheres by churning the rocks up. Nanomachines can do anything." MOMO bragged, now sitting contentedly in my lap sidesaddle and beaming up at me.
"Can they be trained to identify cancer cells and kill them on sight?" I ventured.
"Yes, just like in that movie. We can create miniature submarines and zap all the viruses out of your body. People will never get colds again." MOMO nodded happily.
"Fantastic Voyage." I relied on Cute-sama's gift of a perfect memory.
"Mmhmm." MOMO nodded. "It can also be weaponized into invisible omnipresent killers that wipe out mankind, so we imprinted the nanites with a failsafe command that it couldn't hurt healthy living tissue."
"That was thoughtful of you." I took a deep breath. What was the use of gun control if our technology kept growing by leaps and bounds like this? Pretty soon even my 2 year old son Cress could just push a button and kill us all off.
"The hospital could use some high tech answers. The population keeps growing but the white mages don't, so I think Rinoa is going to be thrilled." I patted MOMO on the head, despite the fact that I still couldn't see anything actually present on my desk. "You did a great job. This was the final piece to the puzzle. Now we really can spread across the stars."
"First we'd have to spread to another town, but yes, in general, that's the idea." MOMO purred against me, trying to snuggle deeper.
"I guess it's our duty to have a ninth child, then." I gave in to her temptation.
"It can't be helped." MOMO agreed, turning her face up to look me in the eyes as I leaned down to kiss her on the lips. Our celebration took a decidedly sordid turn, as I was wont to turn every eventuality into.
Robot waifus for the win!
* * *
The starships launched with their cold sleep rebel cargo in tow. Six prison planets had been designated their targets, lining up with their ideological beefs with me. Each was attuned to violators of the various Commandments.
So if you didn't think crime was a big deal and it shouldn't be punished severely, if you felt no standards of human decency should be upheld at all, such that everyone could be uneducated, fat, tattooed, pierced thugs if they damn well pleased, that was one starship.
If you thought marriage wasn't necessary in life and relationships should be temporary consensual billiard-ball-like ricocheting encounters, that was one starship.
If you thought democracy was the way to go, that was one starship.
If you wanted to have deviant sex and take drugs all day, that was one starship.
If you wanted to be a rugged individualist and insisted everyone else sink or swim the same as you, that was one starship.
If you wanted to believe in anti-scientific nonsense or worship the devil instead of Cute-sama, that was one starship.
Farewell and good riddance, traitors.
With nanomachines who would descend to the surface and rearrange things to be comfortable first, the first moment they would wake up is once they had been deposited on the surface of a green and hospitable new world, the starships all long gone, with their course set back for Eden for their next load. They would get the exact same start we had when we landed on Eden. Given my opinion of their ideologies, I doubted things would go well, but that was for them to try out themselves. If they succeeded, more power to them. I still wasn't going to change my mind about how things worked on Eden.
If they could flower their civilizations to the point of space colonization, I wouldn't stop them. But I still intended to become Galactic Emperor before them, and if they tried to invade a star system I'd already claimed -- well, good look doing battle with my demigod children. They could have their Star Destroyers, I was going to bet on Yushis, Mizal and Dizzy when the time came.
The thorns in my side were gone. The constant reminder of my eight missing children was resolved. I had been true to my word and given them a new chance in a new world. My waifus would just have to accept that there was no retrieving them any longer, they had all gone to 'a better place,' as the phrase went. The sooner they were forgotten the better. I never liked their names anyway.
Chapter 52:
Girls' Side:
"If you're omniscient, omnipotent and omnibenevolent, why was there evil in the world?" Kagome, Cute-sama's miko, asked Cute-sama seated in her comfy throne in the shrine with a laptop out to type in the divine wisdom of her reply. This was necessary to compose a new Bible that actually consisted of God's word, which could then in turn be taught during theology lessons in school to all the children for the sake of a better moral upbringing. Kagome's role as God's first and final prophet was pretty heavy, all things considered, but it made for a more fulfilling job than just raking leaves on the shrine grounds.
"I think that should be broken down into multiple questions." Cute-sama replied, trying to be as helpful as possible. "'Why do bad people do bad things?' is obvious, it's because I gave mankind free will, so that they could express themselves in new and interesting ways, instead of merely being puppets dancing on my strings, which I would have grown bored with almost instantly."
"If you can't foresee the future because it isn't determined, yet you're the source of all our powers, how can Yume and Sakura Kinomoto have prophetic dreams?" Kagome sought clarification.
"Even in their source works their dreams weren't 100% accurate. Likewise, since I know everything about the present, I can make a reasonably accurate prediction of what's going to happen in the future, so I feed them my best estimate according to what they would have foreseen by their own power in their own stories. If it's wrong I can always blame it on their own faulty abilities." Cute-sama explained.
"Free will could still be free to make all sorts of different decisions without, say, the emotional capacity for envy, so why load us up with so much emotional baggage that only weighs us down and leads us astray?" Kagome pursued.
"Every feeling, every instinct, is a tool given to you by me at birth as your divine inheritance, a gift to navigate your lives. For every tool there is a proper function, a useful purpose. The mind is meant to choose which tool to wield for each task it comes across as appropriate. I gave you a toolkit varied enough to deal with any situation, so long as the mind chooses the right one for the job.
Good people are those who use the proper tool for each task. Evil people are those who fail to do so. There are no evil feelings nor evil instincts. There are only misapplied feelings and instincts to a given situation. Those whose minds fail them have only themselves to blame." Cute-sama answered.
"But don't you feel bad for the victims of other people's bad decisions?" Kagome asked.
"Those who are the victims of others' failed minds have only those others to blame." Cute absolved herself.
"Okay, so never mind people's actions, why was there death, pain, famine, disease and natural disasters?" Kagome asked.
"That too needs to be broken down into multiple questions. Pain is necessary as a feedback mechanism, an internal guide, telling you that whatever you're doing is wrong and you should change. It's actually a blessing to my lost sheep, both physically and emotionally." Cute-sama replied.
"But what if the pain is completely pointless and there's nothing you can do about it, like say if you have stomach cancer? There's no point being constantly informed of this situation and yet pain does so anyway." Kagome pointed out.
"That's why I had various crops evolve with painkilling properties, did I not?" Cute-sama gave Kagome a quizzical look.
"Okay, so what about famine, disease and natural disasters?" Kagome broke the question down for Cute-sama's convenience.
"Because the alternative is Rat Park." Cute-sama replied firmly.
"You mean that experiment where all the rats got everything they ever needed in life, effortlessly, and so they were reproducing willy-nilly, there was no natural selection weeding out the defectives, and eventually the whole population was so defective that even in the ideal circumstances of the Rat Park they still couldn't manage to survive and reproduce anymore, resulting in their total extinction?" Kagome relied on her perfect memory to summon up the old science class knowledge.
"Mothers ceased caring for their young, male rats ceased taking any interest in female rats and so there was no breeding to begin with, all relationships and skills broke down and eventually the rats just lay around waiting to die." Cute-sama summed up. "This is what happens to creatures built out of genes, via evolution. If you take the evolutionary pressures off, if you remove all adversity, the negative mutations proliferate and destroy the entire lineage. It's a necessary sacrifice for the weak to perish, for stress testing, so that the healthy, the successful, the fit, the strong, the superior inherit the future."
"So why rely on evolution at all? Why not create us as fully finished products with no flaws?" Kagome pursued.
"I can't do that without erasing people's free will. Genes are responsible for 80% of human behavior, intelligence and personality. The remaining 20% comes from the souls I provide them with at birth, generally reincarnations of previous generations who I want to give another chance at life, who carry over their personality, likes and dislikes from their past lives. I can't decide what your genome will be ahead of time because that would defy the entire point. I want my creations to rise above my imagination and do something new and interesting, they can't do that if they're just off the shelf commodities, mass manufactured to serve a known purpose. Only the randomness of evolution, of mutation, can bring out the traits that make humanity shine." Cute-sama explained.
"So even God is bound by the parameters of Her own goals." Kagome noted.
"That's right, omnipotence isn't all it's cracked up to be!" Cute-sama complained heartily. "I suffer from the inability to intervene when problems crop up just like the rest of you!"
"What are souls?" Kagome asked, genuinely curious how they fit in to their biological carbon-based life forms.
"Souls are a spiritual substance that co-inhabits the body, experiencing everything the body and mind experience, and giving input into decision making processes that respond to said experiences. After death, they retain all the personality and memories of the dead body and mind and return to my domain from whence they originated, where I then judge them as I please.
Souls are that 20% of personality that can't be accounted for by genes or gene-environment interactions. They are the free will beyond anything else's control. And they make the crucial decisions that divide the moral from the immoral. If your mind cultivates good thoughts, your soul aspires towards the light, and will save you in moments of darkness. If your mind cultivates bad thoughts, your soul sinks into the darkness, and shuns the light. This is why identical twins can be gay or straight according to their own free will's decision. Nothing of import is decided ahead of time. The soul can always save you, if you let it." Cute-sama imparted.
"Plus, remember, if you really were an innocent who received a horrible, unjust fate from the world, it doesn't end there. I'd try to make it up to you in the afterlife. I want good people to be happy and bad people to suffer for their sins, so no matter how rough your life was things eventually work out, in the long run. Just look at Christopher -- if you had stopped measuring his karma at death you would've thought, wow, what a shitty Goddess, she just let that guy suffer and die before he could accomplish anything in life -- but there was life after death and now he's glad he was born!" Cute-sama passionately defended her record.
Kagome patted Cute-sama on the head conciliatorily. "No one's blaming you, I'm only asking so that people down the line can know these things. We're just hoping to learn from your perfect example."
"Plus if the world wasn't geologically active there would be no source of important metals close enough to the surface for humans to make use of, and then you'd really be in a pickle, right?" Cute asked plaintively.
Kagome nodded. "Without volcanoes and earthquakes there's no iron age. Okay, that only leaves death. Let's grant that it's a good thing that the weak perish and the strong inherit the Earth. Why don't we at least all live forever, though, like we do here?"
"The human mind is too finite to live forever. That finite mind staying active over an infinite time would just be hell." Cute-sama replied.
"Okay, let me rephrase that, why don't we all have eternal youth until we're tired of it and set down the burden of life, like the elves?" Kagome asked again.
"I needed more iteration. The planet is only so big, so if you fill it up with the previous generations, no new generations are born. Plus, the culture stagnates as the elderly amass all the power and prevent anything new from challenging them. The answer is already in your own myths, miko. What happens when people live forever? -- Cronos starts devouring his own young to keep them from taking over his divine seat. Then you never get Zeus, Hades, Hera, Poseidon, Demeter or Hestia and then where would you be? I want the world to be interesting and new, with new people doing new things, trying things out in new ways, with new genetic mixtures producing new results. If people just live and live and live it chokes out the world's potential, its chance at a brighter future. At some point people have to exit stage right. The performance, and the performers, need to change, or it's indistinguishable from a repeating decimal." Cute-sama explained.
"But what of all the people who died before they could ever express themselves, the people undergoing menopause before they were financially stable enough to start a family? If they'd just had fifty more years wouldn't that have profited you as much as them?" Kagome asked.
"It's not my fault! Originally humans were perfectly capable of maintaining themselves and starting families as teenagers. They had all the time in the world to do anything they dreamed of. But then you humans chose to randomly lock yourselves into 'learning institutions,' debt, internships and God knows what and then, lo and behold, suddenly you didn't have enough time. I apportioned any sensible human enough time to do anything they could imaginably need to do, and then you went and mucked it all up by locking away your own potential for the sake of pursuing endlessly more difficult minutiae." Cute-sama complained.
"So modernity was unnatural and unsustainable, and never should have been entered?" Kagome asked.
"Certainly not the way you managed it." Cute-sama agreed. "You were better off farming your own 1 acre plots of land. If you die of old age before you can land a career or start a family obviously that's a good time to start questioning your social arrangements. Don't blame me! History shows I gave you all the tools you needed to support yourself and start a family -- that's why people got by for thousands of years without a problem. Blame your love of credentials, or I guess overpopulation if you prefer."
"Then why us? Why do we get to live as long as we like?" Kagome followed up.
"Because I love you guys. I don't want to iterate you away. Is that so wrong?" Cute-sama looked at Kagome plaintively.
"No, it isn't wrong. We all love you too, Cute-sama. You have our eternal gratitude." Kagome bowed deeply to the floor, pressing her forehead to the polished wood in deference to the girl she respected most in the world.
Chapter 53:
"Eruruu, Aruruu, is there anything you need?" I lay in my giant bed with the two of them to either side of me, engulfed in fuzzy heaven.
"Honey." Aruruu laconically replied.
"With the new nanomachines my hospital shifts are easy, so I have no complaints." Eruruu replied.
"It's precisely because you have no complaints that I can never make you happy." I sighed, stymied by Eruruu's perfection yet again. "You always back away at the first sign of competition, you always put yourself behind the other wives and stay out of sight. The end result is we never get a chance to talk."
"I figure that if you love me, you'll come to me." Eruruu remorselessly replied.
"Oto-san, honey." Aruruu pulled on my arm.
I sighed and got up out of bed, leading Aruruu by the hand down to the basement where Siri kept our storehouses of food. Raw honey was not a difficult demand, but she wanted me to give it to her, not just to have it, so to the basement we went.
"Oto-san, Onee-san, kenka?" Aruruu looked up into my eyes as we walked through the long mansion corridors.
"What do you think, Aruruu? Is there anything I could do to make Eruruu happy?" I asked the girl who knew her sister better than anyone.
Aruruu tilted her head and looked at me quizzically. Apparently she had never once in her life thought how to please her older sister. Even if she had, she'd never manage to speak in enough words to explain it to me. I should have known better than to ask her. These two!
* * *
"I'm not a very smart person." Yui told me as we lay in bed together listening to the soundtrack of Chrono Trigger with the lights off. "So I don't have as many intellectual hobbies as you do. I can't find as much fun in things as you do."
"Aren't you sociable enough to make up the difference? There's always more gossip to be had, with all the children and sister wives running around." I replied, squeezing her hand.
"If my children didn't need me, if you didn't need me, I would have asked to be put into cold sleep long ago. I might have asked to die." Yui said frankly.
I gulped. "Have I let you down?"
"I really loved life, but that's because everything was so fresh and new. I love this music, but do you know how many times I've heard it now?" Yui asked.
I shook my head. "3,000 times. And now I have a perfect memory, so I can replay the songs whenever I want, even when I'm away from any devices." Yui answered.
"There comes a point where you wonder if hearing Schala's theme for the 3,001st time really has any use." Yui continued.
"What about your own music, that you produce for the studio?" I asked.
"I'm not a very bright or imaginative person. I can't churn out endless new hits. I'm exhausted. I've already done my best. I already composed my best. Extra years can't replenish my mental reserves. I have no idea what to write next. Hasn't it all been said before?" Yui asked.
"Mayuri is only two years old. She'll be new and refreshing for you." I promised Yui.
"And when she grows up?" Yui asked me.
"Before then I'll give you a ninth child. We need to fill up the stars and become a Galactic Empire, after all, and for that I need you by my side." I hugged Yui's beautiful, eternally young nude body tight against mine.
"Loving you was once a fresh new experience too." Yui held me back. "It was so much fun back then, trying out all sorts of new things, my first time with a boy."
"I love our time together even now." I replied. "If you want to change the soundtrack to Xenogears or Chrono Cross you're free to do so."
Yui laughed and bit my neck. "I've probably listened to them more than Chrono Trigger, you dolt. You always have those soundtracks on."
"It's still too soon for any of you to go. I haven't experienced any of you enough. It's been 112 years since we got here, but we've only spent a year of that time together. If you left me after a single year I'd be heartbroken." I insisted.
"Okay, Christopher. I'll try and have more fun with my friends and family. When hobbies fail, when work fails, there's always interpersonal drama. There's an unending fount of that." Yui surrendered to my embrace.
"You'll stand beside me as Empress of the Universe." I promised.
"It's funny, isn't it? I'm sure so many people have killed and died for that kind of power, prestige and fortune. But now that I have it, I only feel emptiness. I can't imagine how Cute-sama does it. She's been here all fourteen billion years." Yui marveled.
"Apparently she slept through most of it." I quickly corrected her.
"I'd love to sleep too, but Mayuri needs me. Maybe I'll ask Cute-sama for some advice. I have everything money can buy and everything money can't buy, power, love, time -- why can't I be happy like her? What's the difference between us?" Yui asked me frustratedly.
"I think it's a vision. Cute-sama has a vision for the future, something she wants to see manifested. She lives for hope for that day. I have my own vision too, a place I want to take things. I want to see that reality come true before I die. I want to see my culture fill the stars, for it to win out against all competition, and for everyone in the universe to admit I was right all along. From the start. From the days of doomed Earth." I answered sincerely.
"My only vision for the future is tomorrow's strawberry cake with tea." Yui pouted.
"Do they still taste good?" I asked.
"Yesssssssss." Yui smiled happily, thinking back to her latest cake. "But I can't eat too many and stay your beautiful waifu."
"What about in virtual reality?" I asked.
"Part of the deliciousness of food is that feeling of becoming full again, of the sinfulness of how much you're consuming. I can't get that in virtual reality. When it's the taste alone, when you feel the same sensation continuously, it becomes deadening." Yui reported.
"I was so sure that would work, too." I sighed in frustration.
"It's great for dieting, don't get me wrong. But as a reason for living it's a bit much." Yui elaborated.
"So your reason for living is the real strawberry shortcake you really get to eat tomorrow, that really fills you up and becomes your belly." I summed up.
"For so long, I thought that was enough." Yui started to cry in my arms.
"Try a blueberry tart tomorrow." I offered.
"Dork." Yui laughed between her sobs.
"Fight-o, Yui. Maybe there's a vision meant for you, that's still waiting out there for you. If you keep searching long enough I'm sure you'll find it. Until then, will you live for me?" I asked.
"Unn." Yui tried to squelch her tears, wrapping both her legs and arms around me in an attempt to replace the pain with pleasure. "I said it from the beginning; So long as people need me, I'll stay for their sake."
For now that would have to suffice.
* * *
Pleasing my most neglected wives wasn't going very well, but surely the third time would be the charm. I would place all my bets on Kobeni!
"Kobeni, I'm here to visit!" I knocked on her door. Seven year old Akane answered, looking up and up at my strange grizzled face, one of the few non-anime featured persons on Eden, with a sense of awe.
"Choudo ii." Kobeni came to greet me at the door with a smile, an apron over her clothes and a bandanna over her hair. "I'm cleaning up the mess she's made of the place, so will you help Akane with her studies and be sure she gets a bath and brushes her teeth before she goes to bed?"
"Kobeni, is there anything I could do for you?" I asked helplessly, watching my chance slip away.
"What are you talking about? I just told you." Kobeni gave me a harried look and then descended back into the interior of her apartment without a second thought.
I knelt down in front of Akane #5, with my augmented vision a darling chibi version of Akane Tendo.
"What can Papa help you with, Akane?" I looked her in the eye and asked in a gentle voice, being sure not to put #5 after her name.
"Decimals and fractions." Akane replied nervously, not used to talking to me.
Luckily, with my perfect memory, I'd already learned math up to polynomials, so this would be a cinch.
I guess there were wives like these, too.
* * *
"Sou iu wake de, I'd like for everyone to have another child." I said over the dinner table.
"A ninth?!" Cheria Barnes spluttered.
"I just had a prophetic dream, this time twenty years from now he's going to say 'At this point we may as well make it a tenth. . .'" Yume whispered to her nearest sister wives, and they started giggling in response.
"Listen! There's a good reason for this!" I got out in front of the protests. "We just colonized six planets. Let's call them Thugville, Modernity, The People's Republic, Opium Den, Anarchy Park and Sheol. All six of these planets are peopled by our enemies. From here on it's a race to the stars. If we fall behind, by the time we get out there, it might all belong to them. It's like I just threw our galaxy into a Master of Orion simulator, even though Cute-sama was kind enough to give us the entire universe to ourselves. I threw that good fortune away! I did it so that our descendants could have free will, just like Cute gave us. I think it was a good idea, but nevertheless, the games have definitely begun. Currently I'm mayor of the small village of Paradise. I can't become Galactic Emperor with eight children! We aren't going to be Masters of Orion at this rate! So, for the sake of the stars, will you join me?" I gave my speech. I definitely intended to play the Sakkra faction. He with the highest fertility always wins.
"Isn't it more like join with you?" Mikoto raised her eyebrow scornfully. Well yes, I was soliciting them for sex, but there was a deeper meaning behind it all!
"To be your wife is to have your children." Deedlit came in to my support.
"For love of you." Yui softly mouthed to me, knowing exactly why I was so eager to get a roll on, and also knowing why I couldn't tell that to anyone else. I didn't intend to leave her alone for as long as I could help it.
"Cute-sama is always monitoring our thoughts, and we're all here, not Opium Den or Thugville. Nor Sheol nor Anarchy Park. Not even The People's Republic or Modernity." Sara stood up and met the eyes of her fellow wives. "We all know Christopher is right. We can't give the galaxy over to people who will turn it into another tragedy like Earth's writ large. I for one would like to become Galactic Empress and stand at his side as we rule over all space and time. I was born into a distinguished family. This is my chance to show my caliber, to preserve that heritage and history of success. I want my children to be born into a distinguished family too. We can't be the failed experiment in this game of Civilization. We can't let the people who hate us overtake us. There's no future for us short of victory. Let space ring with the name of Chrysalis!"
"Mishou!" Cure Egret stood up with a rallying cry of her own.
"Lockhart!" Tifa stood up, liking the sound of that.
"Irisu!" Makina staked her claim to the galaxy.
"Ryuugu! Tohsaka! Sengoku! Kousaka! Freyja! Takanashi! Mayuzumi!" The wives rose and shouted in an ever rising chorus.
The stars were waiting for us. Noble lines that, like the Abh, would strive for glory, competing with each other for their family's legacy of goodness, for the rest of time. Co-inheritors of heaven ranging out into the heavens.
"Nine! Nine! Nine!" A new chant rose, and the poor girls in the minority who weren't caught up with war fever surrendered to their fates and stood up too.
* * *
The results were as follows:
Year 1 (113 E.T.):
Cute's daughter was named Eustia Amsynth.
Asuna's son was named Madmartigan Yuuki.
Rin Natsume's son was named Kengo Natsume.
Rose's son was named Rokurou Dagger.
Deedlit's daughter was named Frieren Glade.
Yume's son was named Jin Asakura.
Koko's daughter was named Elina Tsukishima.
Yukino's daughter was named Primula Ouhama.
Isara's son was named Rentarou Aomi.
Yoru's son was named Byleth Kazato.
Asa's son was named Serenoa Kazato.
Year 2 (114 E.T.):
Chiwa's son was named Ferdinand Harusaki.
Rosa's son was named Aquamarine Farrell, or 'Aqua.'
Eruruu's daughter was named Leviathan Green.
Sherria's daughter was named Shizuka Blendy.
Lisanna's daughter was named Alice Strauss.
Emily's daughter was named Ruby Granger.
Usagi's son was named Peter Tsukino.
Nadeko's son was named Anakin Sengoku.
Haruka Haruno's daughter was named Mia Haruno.
Riko's daughter was named Chiyu Izayoi.
Year 3 (115 E.T.):
Aoba's son was named Rhodry Suzukaze.
Kudryavka's daughter was named Yuiko Noumi.
Kagome's son was named Ryo Higurashi.
Nekone's son was named Chopper Gold.
Sagiri's daughter was named Kukuru Izumi.
Kobato's daughter was named Liliruca Hasegawa, or 'Lili.'
Myusel's son was named Matthias Foaran.
Nemu's daughter was named Shinku Asakura.
Aisia's daughter was named Megumin Snow.
Sakura Mamiya's son was named Kyon Mamiya.
Year 4 (116 E.T.):
Hozumi's daughter was named Botan Schmetterling.
Kirino's daughter was named Padme Kousaka.
Mylene's daughter was named Yuuri Jenius.
Nico's daughter was named Chika Yazawa.
Rin Tohsaka's son was named Willow Tohsaka.
Kobeni's daughter was named Natsuno Yonomori.
Mavis' daughter was named Leia Vermillion.
Levy's daughter was named Mitsuri McGarden.
Yuna's son was named Wakka Sea.
MOMO's daughter was named Yuki Nagato Mizrahi.
Year 5 (117 E.T.):
Urara's daughter was named Komachi Kasugano.
Keiko's son was named Mark Ayano.
Teletha's son was named Anthony Testarossa, or 'Tony.'
Kaname's daughter was named Micaiah Chidori.
Kotori's son was named Franky Kanbe.
Makina's son was named Martin Irisu.
Sora's son was named Frodo Takanashi.
Sara's son was named Battler Chrysalis.
Sayaka's son was named Tadakatsu Mayuzumi, or 'Gen.'
Meiko's daughter was named Shiona Honma.
Year 6 (118 E.T.):
Mitsuki's son was named Tsukasa Mononobe.
Haruka Saigusa's daughter was named Mio Saigusa.
Cheria's son was named Seiya Barnes.
Juvia's daughter was named Kuro Locksor.
Mirajane's son was named Caim Strauss.
Nanoha's daughter was named Fuka Takamachi.
Rin Nohara's son was named T-800 Nohara.
Lafiel's daughter was named Run Abriel.
Himeno's daughter was named Otomi Katsuragi.
Yuuhi's son was named Benno Katagiri.
Year 7 (119 E.T.):
Akane's daughter was named Haruka Tsukishima.
Suguha's son was named Boromir Kirigaya.
Elize's daughter was named Magilou Lutus.
Tifa's son was named Snow Lockhart.
Aerith's son was named Noel Gainsborough.
Fate's daughter was named Rinne Testarossa.
Chtolly's son was named Shinji Ikari Seniorious.
Sakura Kinomoto's son was named Gandalf Kinomoto.
Sae's son was named Claude Nakata.
Reina's daughter was named Mion Ryuugu.
Year 8 (120 E.T.):
Ai's son was named Pete Hinatsuru, or 'Maverick.'
Rydia's daughter was named Aya Mist, or 'Murasame.'
Aruruu's daughter was named Bahamut Green.
Kuon's daughter was named Fran Black.
Lucy's son was named Lutz Heartfilia.
Sakura Haruno's daughter was named Eowyn Haruno.
Shana's son was named Inigo Blaze.
Mikan's daughter was named Haruna Yuuki.
Illyasviel's son was named Thor von Einzbern.
Lyria's daughter was named Rin Jewel.
Year 9 (121 E.T.):
Louise's daughter was named Iori Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere.
Honoka's daughter was named Yonagi Yukishiro.
Mai's daughter was named Manatsu Mishou.
Azusa's daughter was named Veronica Nakano.
Yui's daughter was named Mirai Hirasawa.
Sophie's daughter was named Pascal Lamb.
Rinoa's daughter was named Lightning Heartilly.
Nayuki's daughter was named Akiko Minase.
Misuzu's son was named Guts Kamio.
Orihime's son was named Gin Inoue.
Year 10 (122 E.T.):
Iris' daughter was named Rin Freyja.
Nozomi's daughter was named Hinata Yumehara.
Mira's daughter was named Framme Yurizaki.
Leia's son was named Diamant Rolando.
Nagisa's daughter was named Sanae Furukawa.
Wendy's daughter was named Nausicaa Marvel.
Miu's son was named Samwise Takanashi, or 'Sam.'
Sakura Yoshino's daughter was named Licia Yoshino.
Kokona's son was named Logan Aoba.
Mikoto's son was named Obi-Wan Misaka.
Naming my children was always the funnest part of my parenting. As usual, the FF's gave birth to FF's, the Tales to Tales, the Precure to Precure, etc. Mion finally got to join the rest of the crew from Higurashi. The remaining Little Busters! were born to my three Little Busters! waifus. Nagisa and Nayuki gave birth to their respective mothers in their works, Sanae and Akiko. Their mothers were such central characters to their lives I thought it might please the two to get to rejoin them in Eden. Haruka Tsukishima and Otomi Katsuragi were named after the heroines from Mix.
Lyria's Rin was from Kodomo no Jikan, while Iris' Rin was from Sore ga Seiyuu!, for a record breaking 7 different Rin's running around Eden.
The naming well was running thin, though, so I had to get creative and pull more often from fiction outside of Japan. For example, the sniper Makina giving birth to the sniper Martin from Lethal Weapon was ingenious.
I know it seems strange, but even this deep in I didn't feel like the quality of the fictional characters I was naming my kids after was dropping. Sure, it had taken a long time to get to these boys and girls, but they were still famous, iconic and beloved characters, true heroes admired by all. When you're giving birth to Wolverine, Iron Man, Spider Man and Gandalf, is quality control seriously an issue?
Was someone going to complain about Darth freaking Vader? Yeah, I thought not.
Eustia may have considered her wings a curse, but she was a blessing to me because it meant I had another winged child's name ready for Cute-sama. Thanks to Kagome's hard work, the Book of Cute was being taught in our theology classes daily now. Our ninthborns would be the first to fully benefit from divine wisdom straight from the source. I had hopes this would make them the most moral generation yet. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither would Eden be, but the progress was visible and gratifying every step of the way.
In summation, my ninthborns were called as such:
Cute's daughter was named Eustia Amsynth.
Asuna's son was named Madmartigan Yuuki.
Rin Natsume's son was named Kengo Natsume.
Rose's son was named Rokurou Dagger.
Deedlit's daughter was named Frieren Glade.
Yume's son was named Jin Asakura.
Koko's daughter was named Elina Tsukishima.
Yukino's daughter was named Primula Ouhama.
Isara's son was named Rentarou Aomi.
Yoru's son was named Byleth Kazato.
Asa's son was named Serenoa Kazato.
Chiwa's son was named Ferdinand Harusaki.
Rosa's son was named Aquamarine Farrell, or 'Aqua.'
Eruruu's daughter was named Leviathan Green.
Sherria's daughter was named Shizuka Blendy.
Lisanna's daughter was named Alice Strauss.
Emily's daughter was named Ruby Granger.
Usagi's son was named Peter Tsukino.
Nadeko's son was named Anakin Sengoku.
Haruka Haruno's daughter was named Mia Haruno.
Riko's daughter was named Chiyu Izayoi.
Aoba's son was named Rhodry Suzukaze.
Kudryavka's daughter was named Yuiko Noumi.
Kagome's son was named Ryo Higurashi.
Nekone's son was named Chopper Gold.
Sagiri's daughter was named Kukuru Izumi.
Kobato's daughter was named Liliruca Hasegawa, or 'Lili.'
Myusel's son was named Matthias Foaran.
Nemu's daughter was named Shinku Asakura.
Aisia's daughter was named Megumin Snow.
Sakura Mamiya's son was named Kyon Mamiya.
Hozumi's daughter was named Botan Schmetterling.
Kirino's daughter was named Padme Kousaka.
Mylene's daughter was named Yuuri Jenius.
Nico's daughter was named Chika Yazawa.
Rin Tohsaka's son was named Willow Tohsaka.
Kobeni's daughter was named Natsuno Yonomori.
Mavis' daughter was named Leia Vermillion.
Levy's daughter was named Mitsuri McGarden.
Yuna's son was named Wakka Sea.
MOMO's daughter was named Yuki Nagato Mizrahi.
Urara's daughter was named Komachi Kasugano.
Keiko's son was named Mark Ayano.
Teletha's son was named Anthony Testarossa, or 'Tony.'
Kaname's daughter was named Micaiah Chidori.
Kotori's son was named Franky Kanbe.
Makina's son was named Martin Irisu.
Sora's son was named Frodo Takanashi.
Sara's son was named Battler Chrysalis.
Sayaka's son was named Tadakatsu Mayuzumi, or 'Gen.'
Meiko's daughter was named Shiona Honma.
Mitsuki's son was named Tsukasa Mononobe.
Haruka Saigusa's daughter was named Mio Saigusa.
Cheria's son was named Seiya Barnes.
Juvia's daughter was named Kuro Locksor.
Mirajane's son was named Caim Strauss.
Nanoha's daughter was named Fuka Takamachi.
Rin Nohara's son was named T-800 Nohara.
Lafiel's daughter was named Run Abriel.
Himeno's daughter was named Otomi Katsuragi.
Yuuhi's son was named Benno Katagiri.
Akane's daughter was named Haruka Tsukishima.
Suguha's son was named Boromir Kirigaya.
Elize's daughter was named Magilou Lutus.
Tifa's son was named Snow Lockhart.
Aerith's son was named Noel Gainsborough.
Fate's daughter was named Rinne Testarossa.
Chtolly's son was named Shinji Ikari Seniorious.
Sakura Kinomoto's son was named Gandalf Kinomoto.
Sae's son was named Claude Nakata.
Reina's daughter was named Mion Ryuugu.
Ai's son was named Pete Hinatsuru, or 'Maverick.'
Rydia's daughter was named Aya Mist, or 'Murasame.'
Aruruu's daughter was named Bahamut Green.
Kuon's daughter was named Fran Black.
Lucy's son was named Lutz Heartfilia.
Sakura Haruno's daughter was named Eowyn Haruno.
Shana's son was named Inigo Blaze.
Mikan's daughter was named Haruna Yuuki.
Illyasviel's son was named Thor von Einzbern.
Lyria's daughter was named Rin Jewel.
Louise's daughter was named Iori Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere.
Honoka's daughter was named Yonagi Yukishiro.
Mai's daughter was named Manatsu Mishou.
Azusa's daughter was named Veronica Nakano.
Yui's daughter was named Mirai Hirasawa.
Sophie's daughter was named Pascal Lamb.
Rinoa's daughter was named Lightning Heartilly.
Nayuki's daughter was named Akiko Minase.
Misuzu's son was named Guts Kamio.
Orihime's son was named Gin Inoue.
Iris' daughter was named Rin Freyja.
Nozomi's daughter was named Hinata Yumehara.
Mira's daughter was named Framme Yurizaki.
Leia's son was named Diamant Rolando.
Nagisa's daughter was named Sanae Furukawa.
Wendy's daughter was named Nausicaa Marvel.
Miu's son was named Samwise Takanashi, or 'Sam.'
Sakura Yoshino's daughter was named Licia Yoshino.
Kokona's son was named Logan Aoba.
Mikoto's son was named Obi-Wan Misaka.
Chapter 54:
Girls' Side:
Yume Asakura had another busy day ahead. It started after breakfast, when she took detective Reina aside with a whisper before everyone could disperse. "If nothing is done, Carson and Villette are going to assassinate Nii-san in ten days. You can check their conspiracy together with the Record card, they've talked it all out. 'Sic semper tyrannis' and all that. Once you have that evidence throw them off the cliff. Anyone who threatens my love doesn't deserve mere exile."
"How is it possible? With Kuon sitting in the room before Christopher's office, isn't he in the safest place on Eden?" Detective Reina took in a sharp breath.
"They built a gun from scratch. Even though Siri is forbidden from manufacturing it, they were dedicated enough to learn the whole process themselves. Then they'll snipe him on his walk between City Hall and home, easy as pie. There's no protection on the public streets." Yume detailed.
"Where is Cute-sama?" Reina complained bitterly. "Hasn't she been reading their minds?"
"Cute-sama was instructed to put people plotting violation of the Ten Commandments into cold sleep only after a full year of continuous mental rebellion. They only came to this decision in the past month, so her hands are tied. Besides, she's a strict non-interventionist when it comes to mankind's sins." Yume sighed bitterly. Due to Cute's fastidiousness, Yume's prophetic dreams were Nii-sama's first and only line of defense. Her lover had already died on her once, until the power of her love had overcome the laws of magic and forced reality to give him back to her. She would be damned if some pissant kids took him away from her again. Christopher was back from the dead, back from even being erased from all memory of ever existing, so that they could be together again. She would never, ever let him go.
"If what you say is true, if the Record card proves your prophecy. . .death isn't good enough for these ingrates. Who the hell are they? Great-grandchildren? Great-great-grandchildren? I don't even know their faces and they dare to kill the best man who's ever lived? The last hope of mankind? I'll dissect them myself." Reina swore.
"Great-great-grandchildren. Complete nobodies born of complete nobodies. Absolute nobodies are going to end our timeline for no reason at all. They don't even have any grievances." Yume's anger burned through to the point of matching Reina's tiger eyes.
"I'll inform Fate to arrest them immediately. Even if they're armed and dangerous with her sonic move and barrier jacket it won't be a problem. We can gather the evidence once they've been secured. And then I'll deal with them myself. There's no need to bring this sort of stuff up to Christopher." Reina said, and Yume nodded.
This wasn't her only nightmare needing addressing, though. Her next stop was the sewers.
"Lucy." Yume called out in a cheerful voice as she walked through the long echoing subterranean tunnel.
Lucy turned and looked at Yume in startlement, quickly hiding her hands behind her back.
"I was just taking a walk, fancy meeting you here!" Yume said, approaching with a wide smile. "What's that you're holding?"
Lucy blushed and gave Yume a panicked look. Of course Yume knew what she was holding. She also knew that in a year, if nothing was done, Lucy was going to drown herself down in these sewers out of emotional exhaustion.
"Well, you know, I've dug everything I needed to any time soon, so I've had a lot of free time recently, so I was just. . ." Lucy sighed and revealed her notebook and pencil.
"You were writing a story? May I see it?" Yume asked excitedly.
"It's not done yet." Lucy held the notebook to her ample bosom, shielding it with both her arms embarrassedly.
"If I don't like the first five pages I'll hand it back to you." Yume promised, holding out her hands entreatingly.
Lucy looked for some escape route, and then her shoulders sank and she handed the notebook obediently over.
Yume sat down on the cold wet stone floor and flipped over the cover. Then she let the world slip away and concentrated solely on Lucy's new adventure romance story. She read silently, only noticing peripherally when Lucy summoned Leo to provide lighting and Aries to give them both nice cushions to sit on.
Yume finally read the last word and closed the book. "Lucy, this is really good. Thank you for lending it to me." Then she handed the notebook back into Lucy's trembling arms.
"You really think so?" Lucy asked in a quavering voice.
"That does it. There's no way you're needed for digging duty year round. I'm going to petition the Mayor for your reassignment to the studio. Not only should your books be published to the wider public, they should be making an anime adaption of it by now. They're always in search of new material, your talents are going to waste!" Yume put her hand on Lucy's arm.
"An an-anime?" Lucy stuttered, having never hoped for even a readership.
"Why not? We're out of stories we can wring from Earth. We need you!" Yume said brightly.
"Well, if you could change Christopher's mind. . .that would. . .be really great." Lucy tried to fight back tears.
"We wives need to stick together. When it comes to Christopher we will always have each other's backs." Yume promised.
"Yeah." Lucy laughed, seeing a bright new future open up in front of her. "I think I'll go show Levy the story next. I'll leave Christopher to you."
As Lucy walked away full of nervous energy towards the surface, Yume whispered an encouraging word to her receding back. "Fight-o."
Yume's next stop was the pet cafe. The store had opened up as a recent competitor to the taverns and saloons. Rather than a beautiful girl's personal touch as a magnet, it was cute kittens, puppies, rabbits and the like that took center stage alongside your meal. Of course if people wanted to take a pet home instead of just visit the store for an hour that was also available. She picked out the cutest Dalmatian puppy she could find and bought it, placing her cargo in an open bag. Then she walked back to the mansion and knocked on Yui's apartment door.
"Come in." Yui's voice came from inside, so Yume turned the doorknob and entered.
Yui was listlessly sitting on her couch, strumming the strings of her guitar in no particular pattern, looking down at her instrument with a lost expression.
"Yui, I have something for you." Yume said.
"Yume?" Yui looked at her in puzzlement. "What is it?"
"I thought it might be a good change of pace, so I bought you a puppy." Yume sprung her surprise forthrightly and immediately, pulling the soft small furry animal from her bag.
"You. . .without even asking. . .?" Yui stood up, carefully putting Gita down on the couch cushions.
"If you hate him, I could take care of him myself." Yume gave a despondent look that her gift was being rejected.
"I didn't say I hated him." Yui quickly corrected Yume, rushing forward, and Yume quickly offloaded her gift into Yui's hands. The puppy gave a mew of confusion and restlessly kicked its legs floating in the air.
"What's his name?" Yume asked with excited curiosity.
"His name?" Yui twitched, wrestling with the puppy and trying to keep it in her arms. "Umm, umm. . ." She panicked as her mind froze. "It's a puppy. . .so. . .instead of TonTon. . .WanWan?" Yui looked up desperately in search of approval.
Yume smiled and kissed the puppy on the lips. "Hello WanWan. Take good care of Yui, okay?"
WanWan yipped in a way that seemed to say "okay!" So Yume put down her bag full of essential puppy care tools and quietly left the apartment to Yui's wrestling match.
From the shadows, Yume navigated every nightmare away.
* * *
Kirino got down onto her hands and knees, and then she planted her forehead onto the carpet. "Christopher, I'm sorry for dumping you. I don't want to be ignored any longer, so can you please forgive me?"
It had been over one hundred years so I thought I had hidden my scorn for Kirino effectively, but I guess not.
"If I didn't love you, there's no way I would have wished for you to be my wife." I replied soothingly.
Kirino's only reply was to sob into the carpet, still not lifting her head. "I blew it. I know I blew it. We had the greatest love ever and I blew it. I chickened out. No one could have stopped us. It isn't illegal for siblings to live together or have sex together. It doesn't matter in the least whether there was an official piece of paper declaring us married or not. My royalties were already enough to support us for life even if, somehow, the secret got out and we were blackballed by employers. There was absolutely nothing in our way. All I had to do was take your outstretched hand and we could have lived happily ever after. I know. I knew it then too. But when I thought of Father's angry face, at the idea of him shouting at us for being degenerates, of him banishing us from his world, I panicked. I panicked, and I betrayed you. I betrayed us. I betrayed my own heart and I ran away. Even though you gave up everyone else in your life for me, I couldn't stand up to one old man shouting and threw it all away. I threw your heart away and I'm so very sorry. Please, please, forgive me. I'll never betray you again. So love me like you used to, won't you? Give me another chance. I'll be your incomprehensibly cute little sister, and we both know little sisters are already the cutest possible, so I'll. . .I'll even be cuter than Cute-sama. . .just give me one more chance."
I hadn't known until now, but I'd been waiting for this moment. A gush of pent up emotions ran through me as I stared at my blonde imouto in dogeza, the position I once took for her sake and she was now giving back to me. She of the little protruding fang, my jitsuwa imouto who was as big an otaku as me, the beautiful model who relied on me for everything -- she had been the perfect girl, the perfect match, up until that last episode. I would've given anything to have that girl, the girl of every episode prior to the last. And now here she was, Kirino was finally telling me the last episode was a mistake. That she was going to be the girl I fell in love with, and only the girl I fell in love with, from here on.
"I hated you." I honestly confessed to her prostrate form.
"After seeing what I gave up, after seeing how great a life with you would have been, I hate myself." Kirino sobbed.
". . . But I've always loved you more." I said, kneeling down and putting my hand tenderly on her head.
"I always, always loved you too. From the first moment I could think, I loved my perfect Onii-chan. When I became a middle schooler I still loved my Onii-chan, even though I was ridiculed for it. And then you rescued me time and again, and I loved you more than life itself. Then I suddenly appeared here, in a wedding dress, and the city was gone, the laws were gone, Father and Mother were gone, all those judgmental eyes were gone, everything was gone except you, and you kissed me, and I dared to love you again. But there's always been a wall between us. That tender look you give the others. . .Onii-chan never gave it to me. . .and I knew. . .it was all my fault. . .but I was just too proud. . ." Kirino tried to explain.
"Kirino, look up." I instructed my waifu.
She tentatively raised her blurry eyes to look into mine.
"Is this the face you wanted? I can't tell, because I've tried to look as loving as I could with you from the start." I asked her honestly.
". . ." Kirino nodded wordlessly, liking what she saw. "I'll do my best, so come play visual novels with me again. Let's go on another date together. Buy me another pair of earrings. Counsel me at night when I straddle you. And. . pat my head again. . .Onii-chan!" Kirino burst into tears again and collapsed her face into my chest.
* * *
"Kobato, let's go out for karaoke." I suggested happily at the dinner table. I suddenly felt a great upwelling of warmth for all jitsuwa imoutos in my midst.
"Ku ku ku, long have the masses waited for the siren's howl." Kobato spread her index and middle finger to either side of her red-contacted eye.
That was an understatement. Due to the low population, attractions like a karaoke parlour had been completely neglected. But now Paradise not only had multiple of them scattered across town, but even its own amusement park. It was appropriately called Amagi Brilliant Park and overseen by Latifah, who had been inspired by the origin of her name. Between all the new amenities and the everlasting cherry tree groves surrounding every school, we were approaching a respectable tourist trap status.
When you thought about it reasonably, it would have been cheaper and easier to have all these attractions in virtual reality. But people weren't reasonable. Laying down in a dark room all alone and pretending to be together at a karaoke parlour was different from actually joining someone under the bright sun and walking hand in hand to your actual destination together. It was something virtual reality couldn't copy, and that was the feeling of genuineness. Why settle for a phony simulation when you could have the real thing?
With that in mind, I held Kobato's hand as we walked through the busy streets racing against the setting sun that basked her goth-loli dress in madder red. We could have taken an automated helicopter, but walking together, anticipating the date to come, was another part of what made genuine life fun. If you skipped over everything what would be left?
"Mr. Mayor!" The young man at the desk gave a flustered bow as I walked in.
"My brethren is shown proper respect. I commend you, geboku. Your lord and master has come calling. Prepare us sacrifices." Kobato told the clerk.
"Kobato, we just had dinner, you'll get a tummy ache." I warned her as we continued holding hands.
"Nnnn. An-chan! Don't interfere!" Kobato gave me a frustrated glare and stomped, slipping into kansai-jin without noticing.
I gave the clerk an apologetic look. "A plate of karaage and two glasses of orange juice, then." I tried to hand over some money to pay for the room and food but he waved it away with a panicked expression, so I pocketed my change again.
When the karaoke door closed behind us I couldn't resist and kissed her on the lips. Who wouldn't want to do it, at least once, in the small enclosed space of the karaoke parlour?
Kobato closed her eyes blissfully and wrapped her tongue around mine. After diving into Kodaka's arms naked, stripping multiple times in front of him, and creeping into his bed at night to sleep together, Kodaka really should have taken the hint and returned her affections sooner. The moment I laid my hands on her, all those years ago, she had pressed herself against me urgently, uninhibitedly, with a built up lust that poured over me like a tsunami. Ever since then we had been more than siblings, like we always should have been from the beginning. Eden was a land of second chances, where all the mistaken decisions were replaced with absolute and total affection. The kiss that had been forbidden in Japan was encouraged and celebrated in Eden, and so the love between us blossomed to its natural fulness. Earth was dead, so the bastards could never get between us or take this kiss away again.
My mind was totally lost in the euphoria of French kissing my little sister, so I was startled when a timid knock was heard on the door. The two of us smiled a secret smile to each other and then I detached from her momentarily to open the door.
"Courtesy of the establishment, your free drinks and karaage." The cute waitress girl managed a professional smile as she put our order down on the table. "Please enjoy yourselves as long as you like, esteemed ancestors." She bowed deeply and then backed away without turning her back to us until she was out the door.
"Ku ku ku, to notice that I was a vampire of the dawn age, that magi will go far." Kobato commented on the worker approvingly.
"Of course she's descended from me, but do you think she's descended from you too?" I wondered curiously.
"My servants are so legion, twould amount to counting the grains of sand." Kobato happily started digging into the fried chicken. Even though she'd just eaten half an hour ago.
"So you don't know either." I was used to interpreting her. I took up the microphone since she had settled in with the chicken and input my first song.
"Be my friend, even if I pretend not to care. Be my Side, I am aware of everything. One more step, let us walk next to you. Because it seems like I could reach those hand." I sang with gusto, the lyrics scrolling down on a helpful video screen as the tune played through the speakers.
"Beyond our imaginations, a jet coaster-like everyday. Advancing forward desperately, always arrived by rushing through. Like a scene in the movies, everything files past in an instant. But it is also shining brightly."
"Surely, our times together won't continue forever. So there's only today, let's engrave this moment."
"Be my Friend, I just looked up. Be my Side, this is what I've been longing for, even today. One more time, it seems I can reach out my hand any number of times. Because it seems that I could reach for that star."
"Becoming more frank may have been important. Somehow, I think being happy is good enough."
"But your heart moves towards your true desires. As our gazes rest upon each other. From here onwards, let's begin."
Kobato stared intently at the plate of chicken in front of her, motionless and still as tears dropped from her eyes. An-chan hadn't forgotten her. She was still his precious, irreplaceable imouto, to this day. And for all the days to come.
Chapter 55:
"Juvia, now that the water supply is automatic, would you mind being our fireman? The Emergency Headquarters has lots more duties now that the city has grown in size." When Lucy had petitioned for a reassignment I realized my mistake and decided to go ahead and re-evaluate some other positions as well.
"Juvia is your eternal slave, Christopher-sama." Juvia responded while hugging my arm to her breasts.
"I'm sorry we haven't talked much, my schedule is just so busy." I patted her head, returning her overwhelming feelings.
"Not at all. Christopher-sama has always ignored me, neglected me, and avoided me. Compared to the times you nearly killed me in battle, tossed my hand-woven scarf onto the ground and abandoned me to join an evil cult, this is nothing!" Juvia said with hearts in her eyes.
Thank you, Gray, for lowering the bar so far that even I look great in comparison. . .
* * *
"Nadeko, being a kami yourself, perhaps you'd like to work at the shrine?" I offered. Though right now she wasn't in her divine form but sporting pleasant normal middle school brown hair.
"I became a great many different things over a short period of time." Nadeko admitted. "A scared cursed girl, a shy (or maybe not so shy) girl in love, a brokenhearted (and maybe a little angry) girl still in love, a berserk snake God, a manga-ka in training, then a specialist in training, and finally a successful manga-ka and specialist. And because you wished for me to be able to change freely between all those periods of my life, I can choose to be whichever Nadeko suits me at the moment, here in this new world, where I became yet another Nadeko, the Nadeko whose heart was never broken but instead fulfilled."
"It was stupid of me to choose anyone but you, so I went ahead and corrected that decision. How could anyone turn down a beautiful, devoted, intrepid, intelligent, impassioned girl like you?" I explained. I had deserved every single snakebite she had given me in retribution and more for favoring that crazy abusive crab over her.
Nadeko smiled happily to hear acceptance from the lips that had rejected her so many times. "I have no reason to become an evil deity here, in this world you answered my pleas, except that you enjoy all my different forms, so I do like to flirt with you as the full variety. With my drawing talent I could even flirt with you as all the Nadeko's at once, though they might be a little one dimensional -- or should I say two dimensional -- though of course they are three dimensional."
"That sounds like the best date plan ever." I vociferously endorsed her offer. "I only thought of people changing ages to change their looks, but does it really change your minds too?"
"I'm an anomaly, my unique situation led to unique results, you could call it my superpower." Nadeko reassured me.
"Are there other anomalies roaming about requiring your attention?" I thought back to Shana's insistence that she was still fighting on the frontlines with a smile.
"We were transported here with our powers intact, not our problems." Nadeko mocked my concern.
"Good. Heiwa ga ichiban." I squeezed her hands between mine in relief. If anyone deserved peace after all the turmoil she'd had to go through, it was Nadeko.
Nadeko beamed at my loving gesture. "I was right to want this. Everyone belittled me for caring about love so much, but if they actually experienced a love like ours, they wouldn't have. This is the most amazing life I could have ever led, the best I could ever feel, literal eternal bliss! It's not wrong to be desperate for treasures like this. The real sin is to let a dream like that pass you by, to let a guy you know really is that good slip through your fingers. Knowing what I have now, I'm so proud of who I was then. I'm so proud I was loving enough to finally get your attention, that I was desperate enough to earn my ticket to Paradise, as one of your favorite 100. If I hadn't valued love as I had then, I never would have experienced it as I have now." Nadeko bragged.
"Besides, more people read my manga here than they ever did back there, so love doesn't interfere with my career, it empowers it. I can write better romances because I've experienced a romance myself. Shoujo manga are romances for a reason. I'm a shoujo manga-ka for a reason. Romances really are the best experiences, the most interesting, the most compelling moments in life. My instincts were right -- even if I only ever wanted to be the best manga-ka I could be, I still should have aimed for you as my first step down that path of creation. All stories, in the end, are autobiographical."
"After all these years you still have new romances you can write about based on the small amount of attention I can spare you?" I raised my eyebrows, impressed.
"No, but thanks to our love I also have access to the lives of my nine children and their children and their children -- so it never really ends. I get to know people a lot better when they live in the same apartment as me, and you keep providing person after person to live with, so the inspiration never runs out." Nadeko gave a mercenary grin of appreciation for motherhood.
Obviously this was one girl who didn't need a job change.
* * *
"Mavis, originally you were a war commander, not a scientist, so would you like to be reassigned to the military? Now that I've created all these rival planets we might need you." I inquired.
"If you're so certain we're going to end up at war with them, why did you choose such nearby star systems? MOMO could have used spacetime folds to put them on the other side of the universe." Mavis interrogated me in return.
"I guess there's a naive reason and a cynical reason." I replied.
"How very Zeref of you, always of two minds." Mavis giggled.
"The cynical reason is I can't rely on MOMO's powers forever, sooner or later we'll all die of old age, but there will always be more people we need to exile, so their communities have to be within arm's reach. But I like the naive reason more: Someday I hope the people of those planets will apologize and admit we were right, and on that day I want to be near enough to hear their honest pleas and bring all my lost children back into the Galactic Empire, as proud colonies no different from the others." I explained.
"I miss August too." Mavis looked at her bare feet despondently. "I'm sorry I let you down, I never noticed anything the entire time he was growing up."
"People change. The man you loved turned into a world menace, the son you gave birth to tried to kill you, it doesn't always turn out the way one hopes, and it's nobody's fault but the people who changed themselves. Everyone ultimately chooses their own course in life. Look at our eight other children, they're nothing like August chose to be, so how can it be our fault?" I reached out to hold her hand and stroked my finger back and forth over her wedding ring.
"If people can change, they can always change again." Mavis let her green eyes meet mine with a hopeful quiet smile. "So let's bet on your naive reason. However long it takes, however long a history of failure they need to learn life's lessons the hard way, since we couldn't impart it to them the easy way, we'll always be here waiting for them. We're immortals, before and now, so waiting is nothing new for us."
"If we're going with naivety, I guess you don't want to prepare for war." I smiled back at her.
"I consider this our afterlife. After we died in each other's arms, we showed up here together out of the blue, celebrating the wedding we never got to share, starting the life we should have started long ago. God put us through a lot our first time together so she felt sorry and reunited us in heaven. Every day we've spent together on this aptly named planet, in this aptly named town, has reaffirmed my initial premise. This is heaven, and there are no wars in heaven." Mavis squeezed my hand confidently.
Like usual my suggestion went unheeded.
* * *
"Sae, now that Siri can make all our clothes automatically, are you still making do as a tailor?" I asked.
Sae smiled and looked down at her hands in her lap. "Hai, okage-sama."
"Due to me?" I repeated, perplexed.
"Because God wore my personally tailored wedding dress in front of everyone in Paradise, with her inner light shining through the filmy white, now every girl in the world wants to look like that on their wedding day, so the orders for Sae Nakata brand dresses never stop." Sae looked embarrassed at her own success.
"So you deal exclusively in bridal gowns now?" I asked.
"That would get too dull, so I make dresses for all sorts of occasions, like Prom, funerals or Christmas. Anything I make flies off the shelves." Sae smiled self-consciously while looking gingerly up into my eyes to gauge my reaction.
When we first arrived I had no interest in celebrating Christmas, since I viewed Christianity with contempt. But when Nozomi had become mayor for a week, the first thing she had done is reinstate it with a concise "Christmas is back on, kettei!", later telling me Christmas for Japanese had never been about Christ anyway. Thinking back, I was thankful for her intervention. Christmas was the anniversary of when Sae and I became a couple. Now every year I got to hold her hand while lighting up City Hall's enormous Christmas tree.
"If bourgeoisie strivers want to enrich my wife, they're more than welcome!" I declared encouragingly. "But no matter how beautiful you make their dresses, we'll always be 'best couple.'"
Sae's face lit up into a heartfelt smile. "Hai!" She nodded in vehement agreement.
* * *
"Nekone, given your magical healing powers that could easily fit in at the hospital, do you really want to keep the despised role of tax collector?" As the head of the entire State's finances, which was the organic outgrowth of her role as the head of the household's finances, Nekone was both the procurer of funds and the paymaster of them to all the beneficiaries of the citizen's dividend as well as State employees like the military, the mansion's staff, city hall, park rangers, the research institute, emergency responders and police. She also had to order everything necessary to keep the mansion supplied, as well as track the inflow and outflow of money and set the tax rates to make sure everything stayed in the black. The money had to come from somewhere. An entire Commandment out of the ten was dedicated to people paying their taxes so that the citizen's dividend could exist. It was truly my imposition on the people, but as Nekone was the face of that Commandment she received all the hostility for it.
"It's true that I'm a great healer, but the hospital is already overstocked with miracle workers. I served during Anii'sama's regency of Anju's restoration to the throne, so I'm uniquely suited for this. I like that you entrusted me with such an important role. Isn't it reassuring for the finances to be handled by an incorruptible, intelligent, hardworking and responsible waifu like me?" Nekone smiled confidently across the Mayor's oaken desk from me in the guest of honor's chair.
Indeed, Nekone had been the youngest person to ever pass the Imperial Exams necessary to join the government, and had been taking care of her brother's estate, one of the highest nobility in the land, even before then. It's like she had skipped childhood entirely and been born full grown like Athena. My own personal goddess of wisdom -- complete with kemonomimi, a tail, a mole under one of her eyes, the most beautiful voice imaginable, and a tsundere personality. You couldn't custom order a model with more moe points per cubic centimeter to fit inside her adorably cute small frame.
The only thing more beautiful than Nekone's body was her heart. Even at her tender age, she'd been brave enough to support me through every trying day, on the battlefield or off, and only cry herself to sleep alone at night over the loss of her brother.
"My regency has stretched on rather long this time, huh?" I smiled nostalgically.
"Mattaku-desu." Nekone agreed tartly. "Anii-sama asked me to support you as his dying wish, but isn't it a little unfair to rope me in for eternity?"
"You're the government's heart and lungs. I couldn't rule without you. It's a thankless task, but if you're willing to keep at it, let me thank you in everyone else's stead." I bowed solemnly.
"The day you died, leaving me forlorn twice over, was the worst day of my life. For us to be reunited here as husband and wife is a miracle I'll gladly repay forever." Nekone responded, wrapping both of her small hands around one of mine while looking into my eyes as a sign of her not-often-exposed sincerity.
* * *
"Rin, I'd like you to become the baseball coach. With Siri trawling the oceans for food you don't have to fish anymore." I told Rin Natsume.
"Unnya?" Rin responded, her cat ears showing now that something interesting had been said. "Isn't Chiwa already the baseball coach?"
"I'm reassigning her to be our kendo instructor, since she's more skilled in that field anyway." I mentally kicked myself for not realizing this a century ago.
"Baseball, huh. . ?" Rin Natsume looked wistfully out the window. She couldn't see the school grounds from here, but it was clear she could still see the past.
"I can't feed my cats fresh caught fish anymore. Yosh! I'll teach all the kids my specialty rising nyaat ball instead!" Rin Natsume slapped her cheeks to rev herself up. I didn't worry about Rin Natsume getting lonely. Between her ten cats, Kud, Haruka, and the resilience Komari and Kyousuke had taught her I was practically a third wheel.
* * *
"Shana, aside from your gallant work protecting us from the Guze no Tomogare, is there anything you'd like to do?" I asked with a carefully kept straight face. While Kotori and Deedlit had happily enough joined the national park ranger service when Siri came online, Shana had been left completely out to hang.
"I've been training my children with the sword, so I guess I could turn that into a full blown dojo." Shana thought out loud, wearing a black shirt with a diagonal slash of embers that only began well beneath her collar bones except for a small hook of cloth around her neck in order to hold it up. The sentient gem Alastor she wore as a necklace shimmered with eternal flame against her bared cleavage.
"Excellent. I'd love to see swordsmen wandering around everywhere. Unlike guns, swordsmen have to engage in fair fights, which means they can't turn into spree killers. Actually, the type of training that goes into swordsmanship probably calms people down and makes them less likely to murder overall. Plus I bet people would speak a lot more politely around each other if they all had swords at their hips." I fully endorsed her plan.
* * *
"Mumei, you've worked at Police Headquarters for a long time now without solving a single crime. Would you prefer to be reassigned, for instance to the studio as a dancer?" I offered my condolences.
"Police are foremost deterrents to crime, only secondarily punishers of it." Hozumi defended her honor. "And it's not like I'm doing nothing at all. I patrol the streets, mediate arguments, fetch kittens from trees, return lost items to their owners and lost children to their parents, and put in a lot of training to stay in top condition."
I loved Mumei so much. She was graceful either in battle or while dancing with twintails in a completely peaceful setting, totally in love and totally embarrassed about it, ready to do anything for her friends and ready to rain judgment down upon her enemies. A perfect blend of femininity and masculinity, she was capable of crying and killing in the same day. Combined with her insane beauty of face and form. . .how could anyone ever get enough of her? But if she was content where I'd stationed her, I guess getting to see her regularly as a Yosakoi performer was an idle dream.
"When you were cured of your negative status effects, did it also weaken your physical abilities?" I asked with a different concern. If she wasn't superhuman anymore, she was just a little girl who should be the last person on patrol.
Mumei let the red leylines of energy emerge across her face and picked up my prided oaken desk with one hand. "This really isn't my forte, I have more stats in agility than strength, but your office is too small to really show that off." She grumbled through labored breath.
My desk! My poor desk! My closest companion for over 100 years was in a pinch! "Point taken!" I yelped in a high voice.
"Orihime's power can reject anything. It doesn't have to revert me to my original human state, it can reject only the bad side effects and leave the good ones. Aizen said it, didn't he?: 'Orihime's power is the power of God.'" Mumei carefully set the desk back down with a triumphant grin.
Some girls were so critical to Paradise's functioning that I worried what we would do without them, like Orihime, Usagi and Sakura Kinomoto. I didn't want to pressure them into unending servitude, but I prayed to Cute-sama they'd stay happy for as long as possible. They were irreplaceable existences.
"Well if you're ideal for policing, at least let me offer you a promotion. As one of the original policemen, you should lord it over the latecomers like Lafiel." I enticed.
"Are you trying to create friction between your waifus?" Mumei glared death at me.
"Okay, final offer, can I buy you a scoop of ice cream?" I surrendered entirely.
Hozumi's youjo face lit up excitedly as she ran over to embrace my arm and pull me out of my chair. "Finally something sensible!"
* * *
"Yui, you once debated between a musical career and a teaching career, so why not become a music teacher?" I proffered. If she couldn't do any more, why not teach? As the proverbial phrase went.
"Does my experience with the guitar really help me conduct a school band?" Yui questioned her credentials.
"With perfect memories, anyone can become skilled with an instrument quickly, even me. What you can impart is something more important, your musical sense. Or maybe even your ability to pull people together and perform as one. Playing well is one thing, but children will need your leadership to go beyond that, to making music and friends they'll remember forever." I pitched.
"A vision of my very own. . ." Yui repeated my advice to herself. "Getting children excited and happy with music, generation after generation, so that they can write the songs I can't anymore. . ."
"Maybe this is what you've been waiting for." I encouraged.
"Maybe." Yui echoed breathlessly in agreement, looking out upon a whole new vista of possibilities.
* * *
"Suguha, you were the only girl without magical healing powers I assigned to the Hospital. How have you fared?" I asked solicitously.
"Actually, all the others were relieved I was there. It meant while they could focus on healing, I handled the paperwork, payment processing, reception at the front desk, and all the other nuts and bolts that kept things running. Plus, a lot of patient care is staying by their bedside and giving them someone to talk to. Even without magic, a good nurse can heal hearts." Suguha defended her career.
"I assigned you to patient care because I remembered how well you looked after me and Asuna while we were hospitalized. I guess my hunch was right. So you're fine staying on?" I asked.
"By now I've practically forgotten any other skill, if Onii-chan fires me my only remaining resort will be to beg on the street." Suguha put on a sad face.
"It feels like I've given you the short end of the stick a lot of times, but you didn't sign that petition or ask me for anything. If you have any complaints, anything at all, I'll try my best to fix them." I encouraged.
"You already gave me the happiest moment in my life, on our wedding day, when I realized I got to share you with Asuna and Keiko. Compared to the spurning that was originally slated for me, how could I ever complain?" Suguha retorted.
"Let me at least do something for you to show my love." I exhorted.
After a few moments of silent contemplation on this impossible challenge, a blush crept up her face. "Well, there is one thing I'd like."
"Anything!" I promised.
"Could you call me 'Sugu' again?" She begged almost inaudibly while looking down at her lap.
* * *
"Louise, it's come to my attention that the Earth exploded, which left you without a job. How would you like to open portals and, together with Sakura Kinomoto, who will use the Record and Illusion spells, discover the present and past of the other 1,000 realms instead? Maybe there's some knowledge or wisdom we could glean from them." I offered.
Louise looked at me with astonished eyes. "I'd never thought of that. I could use my portals to get to Earth because I summoned you from there, so my magic was able to pinpoint your starting location from then on. But I would need the coordinates for the other 1,000."
I brandished a computer file on my Kindle that I then emailed over to her account. "When I asked Cute-sama for permission to invade her other gardens she predicted you would need them so she wrote them all down for you."
"She said it was okay?" Louise went from astonished to bedazzled.
"She even agreed to unfreeze time all across the multiverse so you'd have people to talk to. It increases her workload as she has to start monitoring and judging all their activities again, but apparently omniscient beings can multitask pretty well. She only asked you two to stay safe." I continued breezily.
"I would love to. I mean, not to invade Cute's other creations. Just to get to know them. It sounds like a neverending journey." Louise's eyes sparkled.
"You'll beat Ibn Batuta's record for sure." I agreed, happy to see her happier than I'd seen her in a long time. I could do it if I tried.
* * *
"Aisia, do you have any complaints or concerns?" I interviewed her over my Mayor's desk.
"I always thought Master should love everyone equally and make everyone happy, and now you have. I knew it from the beginning, you're the greatest magician in the world. What could I possibly complain about?" Aisia looked up at me with worshipful puppy eyes. She too had lived a double life, once as Aisia from Da Capo S.S. and once as Mysterious Girl from Da Capo II, but it seemed like her memories from S.S. predominated.
"So you don't mind staying a cafeteria lady? Maybe your magic could do more." I wasn't sure what, but that's why I was asking her for advice. I didn't want more girls to waste away doing something they didn't enjoy like Lucy had simply because I'd forgotten about them.
"I've always enjoyed the school life. The smiles on the kids' faces energize me. I still put on the fireworks show every midsummer festival with my magic, so it's not like my skills are losing their edge." Aisia reported confidently.
"Well, the Mayor's office is always open. Don't feel intimidated and talk to me whenever you need." I surrendered to her cheerful optimism.
"The same for you, Master. If you're ever feeling down, come see me and I'll use my magic to cheer you up again. I'm a mage just like Sakura Yoshino, so I've been trained in how to keep the right state of mind to match my immortality. I'll never tire and never fade. I'll stick with you to the very end." Aisia puffed out her chest reassuringly.
I knew there would come a time when I could no longer be with everyone. I had already arranged with Cute-sama what to do at a time like that. It hurt to think that I couldn't make everyone happy forever, that life wasn't truly infinitely enjoyable, but I had to make my peace with it. That just made it all the more important that we enjoyed the time we did have together as much as we could while we still could. While there were still 101 of us.
"I will definitely hold you to that promise." I gave an infinitely tender look to my apprentice.
* * *
"I never thought the day would come." Lisanna leaned her head onto my shoulder as we watched the sun set over the beach.
"Hmm?" I said, my arm wrapped gently around her bare waist as she rocked a bodacious albino tiger striped bikini in our shared hammock, complete with all eight of the anniversary bracelets I'd gifted her sparkling halfway up both her arms.
"When I asked to be your wife, you were too young and shy, so you just blushed and looked away. Then the next time we met, some blonde bimbo was hanging all over you, so I was sure my unexpected trip to Edolas had been a dealbreaker. I buried my love for you as deep as I could and resolved to live on with my family and friends in graceful resignation. I thought my childhood dream, my first love, was lost forever. Until I warped into a flowery meadow with a wedding dress on and you were hugging and kissing me." Lisanna recounted joyously.
"I hadn't forgotten your proposal, or your feelings. I returned them the first chance I could. We even had Happy together." I smiled back at her.
"Yes, this time out of my womb instead of an egg. I thought that was a nice improvement." Lisanna snuggled against me approvingly. "I even get to see you every day at work, albeit I'm stuck with the pre-schoolers while you're with the grade schoolers. Breakfast together, working together, dinner together, date nights together, sleeping together, sex together, sex together with Mira-nee. . ." Lisanna blushed a bit and trailed off.
"You're saying I got one waifu right?" I helpfully prodded her onwards.
"You even said I was hotter than Mira-nee. Than Mirajane! Earthland's idol! The model on the cover of Sorcerer Weekly. That Mirajane!" Lisanna's smile could no longer be contained.
"If only Sorcerer Weekly could see you in this getup, they'd be begging you to be their next model." I promised her. Her gemstones were shining with all the sunset's captured brilliance.
"Flattery will get you nowhere. I'm already head over heels for you. I'm already eternally grateful to you. I'll already do anything for you. The gap between what I thought my future had in store -- death on some distant battlefield a forgotten childless virgin -- and what you gave me here instead, is the widest gap in the universe. For that, I'm yours forever." Lisanna swore.
* * *
Tifa watched over her children approvingly as they practiced her path of the monk. Cloud and Zack had been swordsmen, so she had left them be. Eiko and Tina were summoners, so she had left them be. Barret had been, well, Barret, so she had left him be. Sabin, Yang, Galuf and Snow were martial artists, so she had drilled them, and drilled them, and drilled them, to an inch of their lives, down the path of the monk.
I watched quietly as she put her sons through their paces. She would do her punch or kick, and they were all required to do the same, in synchrony, two seconds after her, as she observed their forms.
"Beat rush!" Tifa called out.
"Somersault!" Tifa continued.
"Waterkick!" Tifa's combo effortlessly flowed onwards.
"Meteodive!" Tifa called out.
"Dolphin Blow!" Crouching from the floor she did a rising kick with water elemental magic pouring up around her.
Wait, wait, wait, this was bad. If all four of her sons did their full combo. . .
"Meteor Strike!" Tifa jumped nearly to the ceiling and came crashing back down.
"Wait, this isn't virtual reality, if you do this here-!" I tried to stop Tifa desperately.
"FINAL HEAVEN!" A brilliant shining light surrounded Tifa's fist, and then all four of her sons started shining like suns of their own.
"FINAL HEAVEN!" The stupid muscle bound freaks all shouted in unison, and I gave up my last prayer to Cute-sama for forgiveness at the stupid way I died. Why oh why didn't I go with the obvious Ferris wheel date plan instead?
"Papa!" Yushis warped to my location at the last moment and wrapped my body with her angel wings. Then an ungodly explosion ripped through the dojo room and blasted up into the air. The only things left standing were the overpowered bodies of my children which could withstand solar system destroying meteors and a Tifa who gave me an apologetic look, stuck her tongue out and bapped her head. Rubble fell all around us as suddenly the sun shone down upon our location.
"I got a little excited because you were watching, so I wanted to show off the results of all our hard work and training. Teehee!" Tifa winked.
"Tifa!" Yushis remonstrated with her step-mother in an exasperated tone, trying to be respectful and angry simultaneously. "It's fine when it's around people like you, but Papa is a completely ordinary human who will die from a feather!"
"Suman, suman. I keep forgetting because he's totally Cloud in my mind." Tifa bowed to Yushis apologetically.
"If I weren't clairvoyant, indestructible and capable of instantaneous motion--!" Yushis tried desperately to stress the gravity of the situation.
"You're right. You're pretty tough! How about we give it a go? I've taken down a God before with the help of two others, so a demigod is probably the perfect rival!" Tifa started punching the air back and forth excitedly.
I decided to leave the rest of the date to Yushis and escape with my life while I still could.
* * *
Sora sang me a lullaby as I lay my head on her lap trembling uncontrollably.
"Don't let the bad men near me. Don't let the shining fists. . .I don't want to go back to heaven for the final time. . .not the final heaven. . .not the final heaven. . .death was scary enough the first time. . ." I whimpered.
"shhh. Hush little baby don't you cry, Mama's gonna bake you an apple pie." Sora sang to me until my whimpers quieted. Then she patted my head soothingly until I closed my eyes. She petted me for a minute in silence before taking in another deep breath:
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are! Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are." Sora's choir-trained voice sang the song most precious to us in the entire world.
I cried into her lap for a different reason.
Chapter 56:
The year was 132 E.T. Sora was too good for me. They were all too good for me. I couldn't be with any of them remotely as much as they deserved. But I had come up with a brilliant stratagem to alleviate the concern. That morning at the breakfast table I stood up energetically to make my announcement: "At this point we may as well make it a tenth!"
"You remembered!" Mitsuki clapped her hands together, equally surprised and overjoyed. Indeed I had. Back in the Fafnir days that had been her stated child target with me, and now I was finally able to grant her wish. Her love for me had always been that red hot, to the point that it had taken me 132 years to match it, one of infinite reasons I had picked her in the first place, but all 132 years were worth it for the instant I glimpsed that heartfelt smile.
Of course, not everyone was as enthusiastic, but observing Mitsuki's reaction no one had the heart to object, so the motion was passed without further ado. Sae gave me a tired smile while Nekone beat her forehead against the varnished tabletop repeatedly.
The results were as follows:
Year 1 (133 E.T.):
Cute's daughter was named Setsuna Amsynth.
Asuna's daughter was named Shampoo Yuuki.
Rin Natsume's son was named Hairi Natsume.
Rose's daughter was named Akari Dagger, or 'Kaede.'
Deedlit's son was named Ashram Glade.
Yume's son was named Humfrey Asakura.
Koko's son was named Suzumaru Tsukishima.
Yukino's daughter was named Lucia Ouhama.
Isara's son was named Shichimi Aomi.
Yoru's son was named Junichi Kazato.
Asa's daughter was named Ai Kazato.
Year 2 (134 E.T.):
Chiwa's daughter was named Haruhi Suzumiya Harusaki.
Rosa's daughter was named Izumi Farrell.
Eruruu's son was named Edward Green, or 'Whitebeard.'
Sherria's daughter was named Kagura Blendy.
Lisanna's daughter was named Haruka Strauss.
Emily's daughter was named Hermione Granger.
Usagi's daughter was named Hestia Tsukino.
Nadeko's son was named Raistlin Sengoku.
Haruka Haruno's daughter was named Kitana Haruno.
Riko's son was named Natsu Izayoi, or 'Hermit.'
Year 3 (135 E.T.):
Aoba's daughter was named Ko Suzukaze.
Kudryavka's daughter was named Surprise Noumi.
Kagome's son was named Hiro Higurashi.
Nekone's daughter was named Myuri Gold.
Sagiri's daughter was named Mayaka Izumi.
Kobato's daughter was named Yuzuyu Hasegawa.
Myusel's daughter was named Sumi Foaran, or 'Washi.'
Nemu's daughter was named Jade Asakura.
Aisia's son was named Kurapika Snow.
Sakura Mamiya's son was named Marco Mamiya.
Year 4 (136 E.T.):
Hozumi's daughter was named Shouko Schmetterling.
Kirino's daughter was named Chisato Kousaka.
Mylene's son was named Hayate Jenius.
Nico's daughter was named Kasumi Yazawa.
Rin Tohsaka's son was named Siegfried Tohsaka, or 'Sieg.'
Kobeni's daughter was named Suzu Yonomori.
Mavis' son was named Hyobu Vermillion.
Levy's daughter was named Myne McGarden.
Yuna's daughter was named Ichigo Sea.
MOMO's son was named Youta Mizrahi.
Year 5 (137 E.T.):
Urara's son was named Shichika Kasugano.
Keiko's daughter was named Hiyori Ayano.
Teletha's daughter was named Shiho Testarossa.
Kaname's daughter was named Chisame Chidori.
Kotori's daughter was named Suzume Kanbe.
Makina's daughter was named Aya Irisu.
Sora's daughter was named Mitsuki Takanashi.
Sara's son was named Danlo Chrysalis.
Sayaka's daughter was named Yoshitsune Mayuzumi.
Meiko's son was named Welkin Honma.
Year 6 (138 E.T.):
Mitsuki's daughter was named Elizabeth Mononobe.
Haruka Saigusa's son was named Cid Saigusa, or 'Shadow.'
Cheria's daughter was named Soi Fon Barnes.
Juvia's daughter was named Futaba Locksor.
Mirajane's daughter was named Hina Strauss, or 'Odin.'
Nanoha's son was named Touta Takamachi.
Rin Nohara's son was named Guy Nohara.
Lafiel's son was named Naoya Abriel.
Himeno's son was named Hisame Katsuragi.
Yuuhi's son was named Keigo Katagiri.
Year 7 (139 E.T.):
Akane's daughter was named Ume Tsukishima.
Suguha's daughter was named Natane Kirigaya.
Elize's son was named Valashu Lutus.
Tifa's daughter was named Moka Lockhart.
Aerith's daughter was named Konoka Gainsborough.
Fate's son was named Thorfinn Testarossa.
Chtolly's son was named Orcbolg Seniorious.
Sakura Kinomoto's son was named Loid Kinomoto.
Sae's son was named Stark Nakata.
Reina's son was named Simon Ryuugu.
Year 8 (140 E.T.):
Ai's son was named Alex Hinatsuru.
Rydia's son was named Rygart Mist.
Aruruu's daughter was named Chocola Green.
Kuon's daughter was named Uriko Black.
Lucy's son was named Yakuto Heartfilia.
Sakura Haruno's daughter was named Chun-Li Haruno.
Shana's son was named Shunsui Blaze.
Mikan's daughter was named Kyouko Yuuki.
Illyasviel's daughter was named Nezuko von Einzbern.
Lyria's daughter was named Io Jewel.
Year 9 (141 E.T.):
Louise's daughter was named Umi Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere.
Honoka's son was named Mao Yukishiro.
Mai's daughter was named Hinowa Mishou.
Azusa's daughter was named Hilda Nakano.
Yui's daughter was named Yuri Hirasawa.
Sophie's daughter was named Cammy Lamb.
Rinoa's daughter was named Egwene Heartilly.
Nayuki's son was named Rayleigh Minase.
Misuzu's daughter was named Lorelai Kamio, or 'Rory.'
Orihime's daughter was named Yuzu Inoue.
Year 10 (142 E.T.):
Iris' son was named Liu Kang Freyja.
Nozomi's son was named Li Xingke Yumehara.
Mira's daughter was named Chao Yurizaki.
Leia's son was named Kanata Rolando.
Nagisa's daughter was named Mei Furukawa.
Wendy's son was named Jellal Marvel.
Miu's son was named Erik Takanashi.
Sakura Yoshino's daughter was named Aries Yoshino.
Kokona's daughter was named Kaoru Aoba.
Mikoto's son was named Genichiro Misaka.
Not only did I desire a round number of children, not only did I want to keep Yui feeling needed for as long as I could, not only did I want to conquer the galaxy, not only did I believe children to be a genuinely enjoyable blessing for all involved, I also wanted to incarnate some more wonderful fictional characters into this world who had every right to be here.
This time around I concentrated on manga, movie, book and video game characters who may never have gotten a good anime adaption but were nevertheless memorable people deserving of recognition.
For example, I felt Ai and Junichi from Junai Sensation were perfectly placed as the children of Asa and Yoru. Both were examples of 'isshin doutai.'
Zettai Karen Children, Prince of Tennis, Hinowa ga Yuku, Negima, Honzuki no Gekokujou, Xanth and even Niji-iro Tohgarashi received some love.
On the tenth try Cheria finally gave birth to her first daughter. Maybe that's why she'd been so grumpy up until now?
Haruka #5 was from Idolm@ster. Aya #3 was from Parasite Eve. Yuri #3 was from Alien Nine. Chisato #3 was from Major. Hiro #2 and Lucia #2 were from Lunar 2. Elizabeth #2 was from Freezing. Mitsuki #2 was from Full Moon O Sagashite. Simon #2 was from Firefly. You try naming 1,000 kids without doubling up.
In summation, my 10th borns were as such:
Cute's daughter was named Setsuna Amsynth.
Asuna's daughter was named Shampoo Yuuki.
Rin Natsume's son was named Hairi Natsume.
Rose's daughter was named Akari Dagger, or 'Kaede.'
Deedlit's son was named Ashram Glade.
Yume's son was named Humfrey Asakura.
Koko's son was named Suzumaru Tsukishima.
Yukino's daughter was named Lucia Ouhama.
Isara's son was named Shichimi Aomi.
Yoru's son was named Junichi Kazato.
Asa's daughter was named Ai Kazato.
Chiwa's daughter was named Haruhi Suzumiya Harusaki.
Rosa's daughter was named Izumi Farrell.
Eruruu's son was named Edward Green, or 'Whitebeard.'
Sherria's daughter was named Kagura Blendy.
Lisanna's daughter was named Haruka Strauss.
Emily's daughter was named Hermione Granger.
Usagi's daughter was named Hestia Tsukino.
Nadeko's son was named Raistlin Sengoku.
Haruka Haruno's daughter was named Kitana Haruno.
Riko's son was named Natsu Izayoi, or 'Hermit.'
Aoba's daughter was named Ko Suzukaze.
Kudryavka's daughter was named Surprise Noumi.
Kagome's son was named Hiro Higurashi.
Nekone's daughter was named Myuri Gold.
Sagiri's daughter was named Mayaka Izumi.
Kobato's daughter was named Yuzuyu Hasegawa.
Myusel's daughter was named Sumi Foaran, or 'Washi.'
Nemu's daughter was named Jade Asakura.
Aisia's son was named Kurapika Snow.
Sakura Mamiya's son was named Marco Mamiya.
Hozumi's daughter was named Shouko Schmetterling.
Kirino's daughter was named Chisato Kousaka.
Mylene's son was named Hayate Jenius.
Nico's daughter was named Kasumi Yazawa.
Rin Tohsaka's son was named Siegfried Tohsaka, or 'Sieg.'
Kobeni's daughter was named Suzu Yonomori.
Mavis' son was named Hyobu Vermillion.
Levy's daughter was named Myne McGarden.
Yuna's daughter was named Ichigo Sea.
MOMO's son was named Youta Mizrahi.
Urara's son was named Shichika Kasugano.
Keiko's daughter was named Hiyori Ayano.
Teletha's daughter was named Shiho Testarossa.
Kaname's daughter was named Chisame Chidori.
Kotori's daughter was named Suzume Kanbe.
Makina's daughter was named Aya Irisu.
Sora's daughter was named Mitsuki Takanashi.
Sara's son was named Danlo Chrysalis.
Sayaka's daughter was named Yoshitsune Mayuzumi.
Meiko's son was named Welkin Honma.
Mitsuki's daughter was named Elizabeth Mononobe.
Haruka Saigusa's son was named Cid Saigusa, or 'Shadow.'
Cheria's daughter was named Soi Fon Barnes.
Juvia's daughter was named Futaba Locksor.
Mirajane's daughter was named Hina Strauss, or 'Odin.'
Nanoha's son was named Touta Takamachi.
Rin Nohara's son was named Guy Nohara.
Lafiel's son was named Naoya Abriel.
Himeno's son was named Hisame Katsuragi.
Yuuhi's son was named Keigo Katagiri.
Akane's daughter was named Ume Tsukishima.
Suguha's daughter was named Natane Kirigaya.
Elize's son was named Valashu Lutus.
Tifa's daughter was named Moka Lockhart.
Aerith's daughter was named Konoka Gainsborough.
Fate's son was named Thorfinn Testarossa.
Chtolly's son was named Orcbolg Seniorious.
Sakura Kinomoto's son was named Loid Kinomoto.
Sae's son was named Stark Nakata.
Reina's son was named Simon Ryuugu.
Ai's son was named Alex Hinatsuru.
Rydia's son was named Rygart Mist.
Aruruu's daughter was named Chocola Green.
Kuon's daughter was named Uriko Black.
Lucy's son was named Yakuto Heartfilia.
Sakura Haruno's daughter was named Chun-Li Haruno.
Shana's son was named Shunsui Blaze.
Mikan's daughter was named Kyouko Yuuki.
Illyasviel's daughter was named Nezuko von Einzbern.
Lyria's daughter was named Io Jewel.
Louise's daughter was named Umi Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere.
Honoka's son was named Mao Yukishiro.
Mai's daughter was named Hinowa Mishou.
Azusa's daughter was named Hilda Nakano.
Yui's daughter was named Yuri Hirasawa.
Sophie's daughter was named Cammy Lamb.
Rinoa's daughter was named Egwene Heartilly.
Nayuki's son was named Rayleigh Minase.
Misuzu's daughter was named Lorelai Kamio, or 'Rory.'
Orihime's daughter was named Yuzu Inoue.
Iris' son was named Liu Kang Freyja.
Nozomi's son was named Li Xingke Yumehara.
Mira's daughter was named Chao Yurizaki.
Leia's son was named Kanata Rolando.
Nagisa's daughter was named Mei Furukawa.
Wendy's son was named Jellal Marvel.
Miu's son was named Erik Takanashi.
Sakura Yoshino's daughter was named Aries Yoshino.
Kokona's daughter was named Kaoru Aoba.
Mikoto's son was named Genichiro Misaka.
To arrange things another way, the 10 surviving children of all my 101 wives were as such:
Cute-sama (Amsynth) begat Yushis, Mizal, Dizzy, Eustia and Setsuna.
Cure Dream (Nozomi Yumehara) begat Coco, Rin, Aguri, Tsubomi, Erika, Hikaru, Madoka, Megumi, Hinata and Li.
Cure Lemonade (Urara Kasugano) begat Nuts, Kanade, Goku, Gohan, Mana, Alice, Mayu, Yuko, Komachi and Shichika.
Cure White (Honoka Yukishiro) begat Nagisa, Veyle, Ako, Haruhiko, Miyuki, Lala, Eunie, Laura, Yonagi and Mao.
Cure Egret/Windy (Mai Mishou) begat Shou, Saki, Seiren, Aoshi, Regina, Yayoi, Elena, Love, Manatsu and Hinowa.
Cure Flora (Haruka Haruno) begat Akito, Kirara, Hibiki, Hayate, Inori, Nao, Haruhi, Himelda, Mia and Kitana.
Cure Magical (Riko Izayoi) begat Moritaka, Lucius, Jiraiya, Mirai, Rikka, Reika, Kotoha, Nodoka, Chiyu and Natsu.
Asuna Yuuki begat Yui, Sora, Ryoutarou, Yuuki, Akihiko, Akito, Yuka, Leicester, Madmartigan and Shampoo.
Silica (Keiko Ayano) begat Wesley, Shino, Eugeo, Karen, Sera, Alear, Chihiro, San, Mark and Hiyori.
Leafa (Suguha Kirigaya) begat Rika, Alice, Yoko, Touko, Kazuto, Shimako, Ronie, Chise, Boromir and Natane.
Rin Natsume begat Komari, Saya, Sasami, Iori, Kyousuke, Eru, Dark, Mutsuko, Kengo and Hairi.
Haruka Saigusa begat Kanata, Masato, Han, Kanako, Yumemi, Emilia, Masaomi, Uta, Mio and Cid.
Kudryavka Noumi/Strugatskaya begat Kaya, Riki, Ryouta, Itsuki, Chihiro, Mizuki, Genjuurou, Kurisu, Yuiko and Surprise.
Azusa Nakano begat Kenichi, Mio, Tsumugi, Suzaku, Vivi, Miu, Wakana, Kirie, Veronica and Hilda.
Yui Hirasawa begat Takashi, Ui, Ritsu, Ryoma, Ace, Kintaro, Yuu, Mayuri, Mirai and Yuri.
Kagome Higurashi begat Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, Miroku, Shippou, Sango, Reimi, Chiho, Rin, Ryo and Hiro.
Aoba Suzukaze begat Subaru, Hiraku, Gaara, Nene, Yun, Aoi, Akeno, Tomochika, Rhodry and Ko.
Teletha Testarossa begat Cethleann, Moiraine, Ryou, Matrim, Leonard, Perrin, Luna, Tanya, Anthony and Shiho.
Kaname Chidori begat Nami, Sousuke, Rand, Shirley, Yasuto, Yurika, L-elf, Yukina, Micaiah and Chisame.
Mira Yurizaki begat Kyoma, Elizabeth, Miyuki, Tatsuya, Izetta, Minami, Multi, Juuhachigo, Framme and Chao.
Rose begat Edna, Sorey, Dezel, Zaveid, Lailah, Eizen, Primrose, Mikleo, Rokurou and Akari.
Elize Lutus begat Milla, Teepo, Lloyd, Rowan, Gaius, Velvet, Arche, Anise, Magilou and Valashu.
Leia Rolando begat Jude, Alvin, Eleanor, Colette, Farah, Meredy, Reid, Rinwell, Diamant and Kanata.
Sophie begat Lelouch, Law, Estellise, Marta, Sheena, Presea, Laphicet, Cress, Pascal and Cammy.
Cheria Barnes begat Asbel, Hubert, Yuri, Alphen, Zelos, Flynn, Chester, Emil, Seiya and Soi.
Rydia begat Cecil, Edge, Cyan, Vanille, Shadow, Vivi, Serah, Kaoru, Aya and Rygart.
Rosa Joanna Farrell begat Io, Noeri, Celes, Kain, Locke, Zidane, Ceodore, Buttercup, Aquamarine and Izumi.
Tifa Lockhart begat Cloud, Zack, Eiko, Tina, Sabin, Barret, Yang, Galuf, Snow and Moka.
Aerith Gainsborough begat Yuffie, Relm, Vincent, Garnet, Edgar, Ramza, Cid, Sannosuke, Noel and Konoka.
Rinoa Heartilly begat Selphie, Lenna, Squall, Yuri, Yona, Anya, Nanami, Koharu, Lightning and Egwene.
Yuna begat Hasumi, Tidus, Rikku, Frederica, Auron, Noctis, Clive, Himmel, Wakka and Ichigo.
MOMO Mizrahi begat Sakura, KOS-MOS, Shion, Rubedo, Schwi, Yor, Beta, Mio, Yuki and Youta.
Aruruu begat Kurou, Benawi, Yuzuha, Touka, Paul, Tama, Satano, Carrot, Bahamut and Chocola.
Eruruu begat Hakuowlo, Oboro, Camyu, Izuru, Kimball, Pochi, Yasha, Karura, Leviathan and Edward.
Nekone begat Izuku, Ougi, Oshtor, Piccolo, Nia, Ochette, Holo, Teio, Chopper and Myuri.
Kuon begat Anju, Haku, Hikaru, Nosuri, Rulutieh, Kitasan, Light, Rice, Fran and Uriko.
Nayuki Minase begat Yuichi, Ayu, Sanji, Sayuri, Shiori, Noboru, Makoto, Mai, Akiko and Rayleigh.
Nagisa Furukawa begat Tomoya, Akio, Youhei, Yusuke, Ushio, Kyou, Tomoyo, Fuko, Sanae and Mei.
Misuzu Kamio begat Yukito, Kanna, Latifah, Ryuya, Misao, Edge, Lise, Rei, Guts and Lorelai.
Kotori Kanbe begat Shizuru, Kagari, Kotarou, Haruhiko, Chihaya, Claude, Akane, Lucia, Franky and Suzume.
Wendy Marvel begat Natsu, Charles, Agnes, Saki, Pacifica, Tenri, Eila, Hermit, Nausicaa and Jellal.
Sherria Blendy begat Minette, Lyon, Meredy, Rogue, Itsuki, Sansa, Madoka, Anji, Shizuka and Kagura.
Lucy Heartfilia begat Yukino, Brandish, Leo, Sting, Cana, Kanon, Akari, Videl, Lutz and Yakuto.
Mavis Vermillion begat Zera, Erza, Zeref, August, Kiki, Shiori, Kenji, Robin, Leia and Hyobu.
Levy McGarden begat Gajeel, Laxus, Shiki, Perona, Arisa, Kaya, Kyou, Bulma, Mitsuri and Myne.
Juvia Locksor begat Gray, Rebecca, Ultear, Makarov, Keima, Elucia, Kotonoha, Beatrice, Kuro and Futaba.
Lisanna Strauss begat Spike, Happy, Shino, Gildarts, Haru, Arya, Terry, Karen, Alice and Haruka.
Mirajane Strauss begat Hisui, Elie, Sorsha, Fried, Elfman, Ruri, Kennosuke, Charlotte, Caim and Hina.
Makina Irisu begat Michiru, Yuuji, Ranma, Amane, Sachi, Alicia, Nathaniel, Naoe, Martin and Aya.
Nanoha Takamachi begat Vivio, Yuuno, Teana, Chrono, Vita, Subaru, Rio, Noah, Fuka and Touta.
Fate Testarossa begat Caro, Alicia, Einhart, Erio, Hayate, Corona, Kyrie, Rolf, Rinne and Thorfinn.
Sakura Haruno begat Sasuke, Salad, Naruto, Ino, Tenten, Bell, Victorique, Adell, Eowyn and Chun-Li.
Rin Nohara begat Kakashi, Obito, Hinata, Minato, Itachi, Riley, Oboro, Mai, T-800 and Guy.
Chtolly Nota Seniorious begat Willem, Nephren, Ithea, Kuririn, Saki, Anri, Mugen, Adlet, Shinji and Orcbolg.
Sagiri Izumi begat Masamune, Alain, Hak, Megumi, Yui, Himawari, Hinako, Shuri, Kukuru and Mayaka.
Elf Yamada (Emily Granger) begat Lawrence, Aragorn, Simon, Carina, Euphemia, Meguru, James, Harry, Ruby and Hermione.
Deedlit begat Eltolinde, Pirotess, Ringo, Shierke, Parn, Rosalinde, Ashitaka, Taichi, Frieren and Ashram.
Kobato Hasegawa begat Sena, Kodaka, Yozora, Rika, Yuuna, Chinami, Shushou, Mikuru, Liliruca and Yuzuyu.
Sora Takanashi begat Hina, Yuuta, Vegeta, Yoshika, Shiro, Kurama, Nagisa, Tanjiro, Frodo and Mitsuki.
Miu Takanashi begat Nodoka, Kouichi, Evangeline, Hajime, Tomoka, Minori, Chitose, Rebecca, Samwise and Erik.
Sakura Kinomoto begat Nunnaly, Melisandre, Kobato, Hatoko, Syaoran, Kiyokazu, Lapis, Misaki, Gandalf and Loid.
Lafiel Abriel begat Jinto, Marle, Hiro, Boa, Nagi, Meia, Ange, Suzuha, Run and Naoya.
Myusel Foaran begat Shinichi, Ryu, Petralka, Legolas, Kallen, Kanata, Mahoro, Yura, Matthias and Sumi.
Sara Rukawa/Chrysalis begat Ricca, Theoden, Toma, Valentine, Andrew, Soichiro, Tiara, Lucca, Battler and Danlo.
Nemu Asakura begat Alice, Miharu, Shannon, Otome, Akame, Tatsumi, Nanako, Sandtiger, Shinku and Jade.
Yume Asakura begat Crono, Soo-Won, Neji, Haruhiro, Kurome, Mine, Shinobu, Ohana, Jin and Humfrey.
Himeno Katsuragi begat Kiyotaka, Emeralda, Aoi, Charles, Hinagiku, Asu, Neko, Sumomo, Otomi and Hisame.
Sakura Yoshino begat Yoshiyuki, Luke, Tamaki, Kaywinnet, Shihoru, Victor, Ranpha, Maho, Licia and Aries.
Aisia begat Jun'ichi, Kotori, Anzu, Trunks, Karin, Rauny, Yuna, Scarlett, Megumin and Kurapika.
Koko Tsukishima begat Minatsu, Nanaka, Kiba, Choji, Kaya, Historia, Akari, Eve, Elina and Suzumaru.
Yukino Ouhama begat Ezekiel, Jun'ichirou, Irina, Toushirou, Nami, Nina, Yoji, Shirahoshi, Primula and Lucia.
Sayaka Mayuzumi begat Yukie, Yamato, Kazuko, Shouichi, Cookie 4IS, Akane, Clare, Taiki, Tadakatsu and Yoshitsune.
Isara Aomi begat Chisato, Kate, Rock, Shuhei, Yuuki, Hibiki, Marona, Akira, Rentarou and Shichimi.
Yoru Kazato begat Ame, Aoi, Miyabi, Ageha, Saki, Hotaro, Hans, Haruka, Byleth and Junichi.
Asa Kazato begat Sothis, Armin, Shino, Kotori, Dita, Akane, Shenhua, Aya, Serenoa and Ai.
Sae Nakata begat Junichi, Fei, Shikamaru, Ai, Miya, Asuho, Jean, Noriko, Claude and Stark.
Reina Ryuugu begat Rika, Hanyuu, Satoko, Keiichi, Shion, Eren, Rintaro, Lysithea, Mion and Simon.
Usagi Tsukino begat Mamoru, Ranta, Sousuke, Usagi, Minako, Hotaru, Tio, Ami, Peter and Hestia.
Shana begat Yuji, Riku, Zoro, Kazumi, Wilhelmina, Kureha, Popura, Seijuurou, Inigo and Shunsui.
Mikan Yuuki begat Rito, Janus, Luffy, Goten, Yami, Momo, Lala, Nana, Haruna and Kyouko.
Yuuhi Katagiri begat Minato, Danette, Nia, Jun'ichi, Ayumu, Reina, Chiyo, Mizuki, Benno and Keigo.
Kobeni Yonomori begat Mashiro, Yue, Asuna, Yukine, Hakuya, Kumiko, Airi, Akane, Natsuno and Suzu.
Illyasviel von Einzbern begat Heracles, Chloe, Miyu, Gilgamesh, Kiritsugu, Mare, Minami, Lucchini, Thor and Nezuko.
Rin Tohsaka begat Shirou, Sakura, Almus, Yumi, Yuzuru, Yoshino, Asuka, Levi, Willow and Siegfried.
Orihime Inoue begat Kazui, Rukia, Ichigo, Uryuu, Riruka, Kisuke, Kenpachi, Momo, Gin and Yuzu.
Nico Yazawa begat Agito, Griffith, Shinta, Honoka, Ruby, Kanon, You, Chisato, Chika and Kasumi.
Chiwa Harusaki begat Ai, Elehayym, Miho, Hana, Eita, Fidel, Elayne, Tokiya, Ferdinand and Haruhi.
Sakura Mamiya begat Rinne, Sena, Rokumon, Saki, Sonoko, Yukari, Escha, Fiora, Kyon and Marco.
Mumei (Hozumi) begat Makie, Ikoma, Byakuya, Kotomi, Gin, Hiei, Kokoro, Kana, Botan and Shouko.
Mylene Flare Jenius begat Minmei, Ranka, Freyja, Toki, Basara, Miki, Sonata, Yomiko, Yuuri and Hayate.
Lyria begat Gran, Rackam, Richard, Gig, Katalina, Shima, River, Tienshinhan, Rin and Io.
Kokona Aoba begat Ryoga, Hinata, Aoi, Fuu, Yume, Mist, Komari, Shanks, Logan and Kaoru.
Menma (Meiko Honma) begat Naruko, Jinta, Emilico, Satou, Goro, Matsuri, Runa, Sabo, Shiona and Welkin.
Ai Hinatsuru begat Ai, Lulu, Sanya, Ukyo, Yaichi, Miho, Lulucy, Miki, Pete and Alex.
Nadeko Sengoku begat Shinobu, Kaiki, Koyomi, Tsukihi, Karen, Tsubasa, Sodachi, Mayoi, Anakin and Raistlin.
Kirino Kousaka begat Ayase, Kyosuke, Renji, Killua, Ruri, Gon, Riesalin, Fuko, Padme and Chisato.
Mikoto Misaka begat Touma, Last Order, Kuroko, Uiharu, Misaki, Nene, Malcolm, Itsuwa, Obi-Wan and Genichiro.
Louise Francoise Le Blanc de la Valliere begat Saito, Citan, Tiffania, Henrietta, Charlotte, Taiga, Yamucha, Usopp, Iori and Umi.
Wakaba Tsukishima/Akane Takigawa begat Kou, Aoba, Momiji, Ichiyo, Mizuki, Yuhei, Kasumi, Juunanago, Haruka and Ume.
Iris Freyja begat Ren, Erwin, Firill, Ariella, Roland, Debonair, Tsugumi, Hikari, Rin and Liu.
Mitsuki Mononobe begat Tia, Yuu, Kamina, Recca, Negi, Yusuke, Kippei, Ky, Tsukasa and Elizabeth.
* * *
If I grouped my wives and children by franchise origin, it would look like this:
46 Tales of 'X': Rose, Edna, Sorey, Dezel, Zaveid, Lailah, Elize, Milla, Teepo, Lloyd, Rowan, Gaius, Leia, Jude, Alvin, Eleanor, Colette, Farah, Sophie, Law, Estellise, Marta, Sheena, Cheria, Asbel, Hubert, Yuri, Alphen, Zelos, Eizen, Velvet, Flynn, Meredy, Presea, Arche, Reid, Laphicet, Chester, Mikleo, Anise, Cress, Rinwell, Pascal, Magilou, Rokurou and Emil.
45 Final Fantasy: Rydia, Cecil, Edge, Cyan, Vanille, Shadow, Rosa, Celes, Kain, Locke, Tifa, Cloud, Zack, Eiko, Tina, Sabin, Barret, Aerith, Yuffie, Relm, Vincent, Garnet, Edgar, Rinoa, Selphie, Lenna, Squall, Yuna, Tidus, Rikku, Ramza, Auron, Zidane, Vivi, Noctis, Ceodore, Cid, Clive, Yang, Serah, Galuf, Lightning, Snow, Noel and Wakka.
45 Pretty Cure: Nozomi, Coco, Rin, Aguri, Tsubomi, Erika, Urara, Nuts, Kanade, Mana, Honoka, Nagisa, Ako, Miyuki, Mai, Saki, Seiren, Regina, Haruka, Kirara, Hibiki, Inori, Riko, Mirai, Rikka, Yayoi, Reika, Lala, Hikaru, Nao, Alice, Madoka, Elena, Kotoha, Yuko, Himelda, Megumi, Love, Laura, Nodoka, Hinata, Manatsu, Chiyu, Mayu and Komachi.
34 Fairy Tail: Rogue, Sting, Wendy, Natsu, Charles, Sherria, Lyon, Meredy, Lucy, Yukino, Leo, Brandish, Mavis, Zera, Erza, Zeref, August, Levy, Gajeel, Laxus, Juvia, Gray, Ultear, Makarov, Lisanna, Elfman, Happy, Cana, Gildarts, Mirajane, Hisui, Fried, Jellal and Kagura.
24 Da Capo/Dal Segno: Sara, Ricca, Nemu, Alice, Kotori, Otome, Yume, Himeno, Kiyotaka, Aoi, Charles, Sakura, Yoshiyuki, Tamaki, Aisia, Jun'ichi, Miharu, Anzu, Koko, Minatsu, Nanaka, Io, Noeri and Ame.
21 Naruto: Jiraiya, Gaara, Itachi, Sakura, Sasuke, Salad, Naruto, Ino, Tenten, Rin, Kakashi, Guy, Obito, Hinata, Minato, Neji, Kiba, Choji, Rock, Shino and Shikamaru.
21 One Piece: Boa, Perona, Vivi, Ace, Sanji, Nami, Zoro, Luffy, Rebecca, Robin, Carrot, Shirahoshi, Chopper, Sabo, Shanks, Edward, Marco, Rayleigh, Kaya, Usopp and Franky.
19 Bleach: Sousuke, Gin, Izuru, Toushirou, Shuhei, Orihime, Kazui, Rukia, Ichigo, Uryuu, Riruka, Byakuya, Momo, Kenpachi, Kisuke, Shunsui, Soi, Yuzu and Renji.
18 Utawarerumono: Aruruu, Kurou, Benawi, Yuzuha, Touka, Eruruu, Hakuowlo, Oboro, Camyu, Nekone, Ougi, Kuon, Anju, Haku, Oshtor, Nosuri, Rulutieh and Karura.
18 Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha: Nanoha, Vivio, Yuuno, Teana, Chrono, Vita, Fate, Caro, Alicia, Einhart, Erio, Hayate, Corona, Subaru, Rio, Kyrie, Fuka and Rinne.
16 Xenogears/Xenosaga/Xenoblade: MOMO, Sakura, KOS-MOS, Shion, Rubedo, Emeralda, Fei, Elehayym, Citan, Noah, Nia, Fiora, Sena, Eunie, Miyabi and Mio.
15 Clannad: Kanako, Ryou, Mei, Nagisa, Tomoya, Akio, Youhei, Yusuke, Ushio, Fuko, Kotomi, Kyou, Tomoyo, Yukine and Sanae.
14 Little Busters!: Rin, Komari, Saya, Sasami, Kyousuke, Haruka, Kanata, Masato, Kudryavka, Kaya, Riki, Kengo, Mio and Yuiko.
14 SAO: Asuna, Yui, Ryoutarou, Yuuki, Akihiko, Keiko, Shino, Eugeo, Karen, Suguha, Rika, Alice, Ronie and Kazuto.
13 Dragon Ball: Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Kuririn, Vegeta, Trunks, Goten, Bulma, Yamucha, Juunanago, Juuhachigo, Videl and Tienshinhan.
13 Fire Emblem: Mist, Micaiah, Alear, Veyle, Framme, Lapis, Diamant, Claude, Byleth, Hilda, Lysithea, Sothis and Cethleann.
12 Negima/UQ Holder: Makie, Negi, Yue, Asuna, Nodoka, Evangeline, Konoka, Setsuna, Chao, Chisame, Touta and Kirie.
9 Bakemonogatari: Mayoi, Tsubasa, Nadeko, Shinobu, Kaiki, Koyomi, Tsukihi, Karen and Sodachi.
9 Fate/Etc.: Illyasviel, Heracles, Chloe, Miyu, Gilgamesh, Kiritsugu, Rin, Shirou and Sakura.
9 To Love ru: Mikan, Rito, Lala, Nana, Momo, Yami, Run, Kyouko and Haruna.
8 Tolkien's Middle Earth: Aragorn, Legolas, Theoden, Boromir, Frodo, Samwise, Eowyn and Gandalf.
8 Kanon: Nayuki, Yuichi, Ayu, Sayuri, Makoto, Shiori, Mai and Akiko.
8 Rewrite: Akane, Lucia, Kotori, Shizuru, Kagari, Kotarou, Haruhiko and Chihaya.
8 Cross Game: Wakaba, Akane, Kou, Aoba, Momiji, Ichiyo, Mizuki and Yuhei.
8 Love Live!: Nico, Honoka, Kasumi, Chika, You, Chisato, Kanon and Ruby.
8 Majikoi: Sayaka, Yukie, Tadakatsu, Yamato, Kazuko, Shouichi, Yoshitsune and Cookie 4IS.
8 Higurashi/Umineko: Battler, Reina, Rika, Hanyuu, Satoko, Keiichi, Shion and Mion.
7 Unlimited Fafnir: Iris, Ren, Firill, Ariella, Mitsuki, Tia and Yuu.
7 Index/Railgun: Mikoto, Touma, Last Order, Kuroko, Uiharu, Misaki and Itsuwa.
7 Inuyasha: Kagome, Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, Miroku, Shippou, Sango and Rin.
7 Code Geass: Lelouch, Suzaku, Euphemia, Kallen, Li, Shirley and Nunnaly.
7 Akame ga Kill!/Hinowa ga Yuku!: Akame, Kurome, Mine, Tatsumi, Hinowa, Suzumaru and Hisame.
6 Rurouni Kenshin: Aoshi, Hajime, Shinta, Sannosuke, Misao and Seijuurou.
6 K-On!: Azusa, Mio, Tsumugi, Yui, Ui and Ritsu.
6 Death March: Sera, Arisa, Lulu, Satou, Pochi and Tama.
6 World of Witches: Yoshika, Sanya, Eila, Hikari, Lucchini and Naoe.
6 Yuuki Yuuna: Itsuki, Yuuna, Karin, Sonoko, Gin and Sumi.
6 Star Wars: Han, Luke, Leia, Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padme.
6 Touch/Mix: Tatsuya, Minami, Toma, Soichiro, Haruka and Otomi.
6 Wheel of Time: Rand, Elayne, Egwene, Matrim, Perrin and Moiraine.
6 Sailor Moon: Usagi, Mamoru, Usagi, Minako, Hotaru and Ami.
6 Macross: Mylene, Minmei, Ranka, Freyja, Hayate and Basara.
6 Full Metal Panic!: Leonard, Yasuto, Teletha, Kaname, Nami and Sousuke.
5 Konozora: Yoru, Aoi, Ageha, Asa and Kotori.
5 Star Ocean: Reimi, Edge, Fidel, Miki and Victor.
5 Lunar: Luna, Alex, Hiro, Lucia and Jean.
5 PapaKiki: Sora, Hina, Yuuta, Miu and Kouichi.
5 Grisaia: Makina, Michiru, Yuuji, Amane and Sachi.
5 Haganai: Kobato, Sena, Kodaka, Yozora and Rika.
5 Zero no Tsukaima: Louise, Saito, Tiffania, Henrietta and Charlotte.
5 The World God Only Knows: Keima, Elucia, Shiori, Kanon and Tenri.
5 Ranma 1/2: Ryoga, Shampoo, Ukyo, Ranma and Akane.
5 Unicorn Overlord: Alain, Eltolinde, Rosalinde, Melisandre and Scarlett.
5 Granblue Fantasy the Animation: Lyria, Gran, Rackam, Katalina and Io.
5 Shingeki no Kyojin: Eren, Armin, Erwin, Historia and Levi.
4 Chrono Trigger: Marle, Crono, Janus and Lucca.
4 Hayate no Gotoku: Hayate, Nagi, Hinagiku and Ayumu.
4 Saki: Toki, Saki, Shino and Kuro.
4 No Game No Life: Sora, Riku, Schwi and Shiro.
4 Haruhi Suzumiya: Haruhi, Mikuru, Yuki and Kyon.
4 Senjou no Valkyria: Alicia, Welkin, Claude and Riley.
4 Maria-sama ga Miteru: Yumi, Touko, Shimako and Yoshino.
4 Marvel Comics: Anthony, Peter, Thor and Logan.
4 Air: Misuzu, Yukito, Kanna and Ryuya.
4 Eromanga Sensei: Sagiri, Masamune, Megumi and Emily.
4 Shakugan no Shana: Shana, Yuji, Kazumi and Wilhelmina.
4 Suka Suka: Chtolly, Willem, Nephren and Ithea.
4 Tengen Toppa Gurrenn Lagann: Simon, Yoko, Nia and Kamina.
4 Hai to Gensou no Grimgar: Yume, Ranta, Haruhiro and Shihoru.
4 Osananajimi wa Daitouryou: Yukino, Ezekiel, Jun'ichirou and Irina.
4 Amagami SS: Sae, Junichi, Ai and Miya.
4 Oreimo: Kirino, Ayase, Kyosuke and Ruri.
4 Bakuman: Moritaka, Akito, Miho and Kaya.
4 Ogre Battle: Yushis, Mizal, Rauny and Debonair.
4 Shukufuku no Campanella: Carina, Minette, Agnes and Leicester.
4 Princess Principal: Ange, Charlotte, Beatrice and Chise.
4 Steins;Gate: Rintaro, Mayuri, Kurisu and Suzuha.
4 Flame of Recca: Recca, Tokiya, Kaoru and Fuko.
4 New Game: Aoba, Nene, Ko and Yun.
4 Prince of Tennis: Genichiro, Keigo, Ryoma and Kintaro.
4 Valvrave: L-elf, Saki, Akira and Shouko.
4 Firefly: Malcom, Kaywinnet, River and Simon.
4 Senren * Banka: Masaomi, Genjuurou, Aya and Koharu.
4 Honzuki no Gekokujou: Benno, Ferdinand, Myne and Lutz.
4 Record of Lodoss War: Pirotess, Ashram, Deedlit and Parn.
4 Uma Musume: Teio, Satano, Kitasan and Rice.
4 Aiyoku no Eustia: Caim, Licia, Eustia and Siegfried.
3 The Idolm@ster: Haruka, Miki and Iori.
3 Dragon Quest (XI): Veronica, Erik and Jade.
3 Street Fighter: Chun-Li, Cammy and Ryu.
3 Kyoukai no Rinne: Sakura, Rinne and Rokumon.
3 Angel Beats: Yuri, Yui and Yuzuru.
3 Koichoco: Isara, Chisato and Yuuki.
3 Hibike! Euphonium: Kumiko, Reina and Noboru.
3 Martian Succesor Nadesico: Akito, Yurika and Ruri.
3 Ryuuou no Oshigoto!: Ai, Ai and Yaichi.
3 Dimension W: Mira, Kyoma and Elizabeth.
3 Mikakunin de Shinkoukei: Kobeni, Mashiro and Hakuya.
3 Yama no Susume: Kokona, Hinata and Aoi.
3 Outbreak Company: Myusel, Shinichi and Petralka.
3 Akaneiro ni Somaru Saka: Yuuhi, Minato and Jun'ichi.
3 Oreshura: Chiwa, Ai and Eita.
3 Anohana: Meiko, Naruko and Jinta.
3 Spice and Wolf: Lawrence, Holo and Myuri.
3 Vandread: Hibiki, Dita and Meia.
3 Hoshizora no Memoria: Asuho, Chinami and Mare.
3 Edens Zero: Shiki, Rebecca and Hermit.
3 Ro-Kyu-Bu!: Subaru, Tomoka and Maho.
3 Happiness!: Haruhi, Anri and Sumomo.
3 Kiniro Mosaic: Alice, Aya and Karen.
3 Guilty Gear: Ky, Anji and Dizzy.
3 Shinseiki Evangelion: Asuka, Rei and Shinji.
3 Hyouka: Hotaro, Mayaka and Eru.
3 Zettai Karen Children: Hyobu, Kaoru and Shiho.
3 Choyoyu: Shinobu, Ringo and Tsukasa.
3 I"s: Iori, Izumi and Itsuki.
3 History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi: Kenichi, Natsu and Miu.
3 Berserk: Griffith, Guts and Shierke.
3 Akatsuki no Yona: Soo-Won, Hak and Yona.
3 Willow: Sorsha, Willow and Madmartigan.
3 Major: Goro, Chisato and Mutsuko.
3 Spy x Family: Loid, Yor and Anya.
3 DanMachi: Hestia, Liliruca and Bell.
3 Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke, Kurama and Hiei.
3 The Princess Bride: Wesley, Buttercup and Inigo.
3 Hunter x Hunter: Kurapika, Killua and Gon.
3 Kimetsu no Yaiba: Mitsuri, Tanjiro and Nezuko.
3 Sousou no Frieren: Stark, Frieren and Himmel.
2 Card Captor Sakura: Sakura and Syaoran.
2 Samurai Champloo: Mugen and Jin.
2 Mortal Kombat: Liu and Kitana.
2 Gokukoku no Brynhildr: Neko and Kana.
2 Xanth: Surprise and Humfrey.
2 Vividred Operation: Akane and Himawari.
2 Toradora!: Minori and Taiga.
2 Summer Pockets: Hairi and Umi.
2 Soul Nomad: Danette and Gig.
2 Scrapped Princess: Shannon and Pacifica.
2 Aishiteruze Baby: Kippei and Yuzuyu.
2 Junai Sensation: Junichi and Ai.
2 Hatsukoi 1/1: Runa and Kyou.
2 Kanojo mo Kanojo: Naoya and Nagisa.
2 Sanoba Witch: Meguru and Nene.
2 Seikai no Monshou/Senki: Lafiel and Jinto.
2 Koutetsujou no Kabaneri: Hozumi and Ikoma.
2 Rave Master: Haru and Elie.
2 Ender's Game: Valentine and Andrew.
2 Kobato: Kiyokazu and Kobato.
2 Ef: Chihiro and Mizuki.
2 Guyver: Shou and Agito.
2 Btooom!: Ryouta and Emilia.
2 A Song of Ice and Fire: Sansa and Arya.
2 Sora no Woto: Kanata and Kureha.
2 Rocket Girls: Yukari and Matsuri.
2 Myself;Yourself: Hinako and Shuri.
2 Kuromukuro: Kennosuke and Yukina.
2 Rokka no Yuusha: Hans and Adlet.
2 Baka to Test to Shoukanjou: Minami and Mizuki.
2 Sakura Trick: Yuu and Haruka.
2 Angelic Layer: Hatoko and Misaki.
2 Mononoke Hime: Ashitaka and San.
2 Zettai Bouei Leviathan: Leviathan and Bahamut.
2 Sore ga Seiyuu!: Rin and Ichigo.
2 Niji-iro Tohgarashi: Shichimi and Natane.
2 Shenmue: Ryo and Shenhua.
2 Kanata no Astra: Kanata and Aries.
2 Harry Potter: Harry and Hermione.
2 Vinland Saga: Thorfinn and Lucius.
2 The 100 Girlfriends who Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Love you: Rentarou and Shizuka.
2 Shadows House: Kate and Emilico.
2 The Book of Swords/Empire of the East: Mark and Rolf.
2 Extreme Hearts: Hiyori and Saki.
2 Triangle Strategy: Serenoa and Frederica.
2 Kamisama ni Natta Hi: Hina and Youta.
2 Isekai Nonbiri Nouka: Hiraku and Lulucy.
2 Amagi Brilliant Park: Latifah and Seiya.
2 Atelier Escha & Logy/Ryza: Escha and Reisalin.
2 Octopath Traveler: Primrose and Ochette.
2 Oshi no Ko: Ruby and Aquamarine.
2 Fatal Fury: Terry and Mai.
1 Futari Ecchi: Yura.
1 Joukamachi no Dandelion: Akane.
1 Kimi ni Todoke: Ume.
1 Sokushi Cheat: Tomochika.
1 Twelve Kingdoms: Shushou.
1 Ao Haru Ride: Futaba.
1 Rosario Vampire: Moka.
1 High School of the Dead: Takashi.
1 Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear: Yuna.
1 Shikkaku Mon no Saikyou Kenja: Matthias.
1 Shirobako: Aoi.
1 Uuchuu no Stellvia: Shima.
1 Binbou Shimai Monogatari: Asu.
1 Hikaru no Go: Hikaru.
1 Planetarian: Yumemi.
1 Kiki's Delivery Service: Kiki.
1 Freezing: Elizabeth.
1 Cowboy Bebop: Spike.
1 Shinsekai Yori: Saki.
1 Hanayamata: Hana.
1 Girls und Panzer: Miho.
1 Miyuki: Miyuki (the imouto).
1 H2: Hiro.
1 Lensman: Kimball.
1 Dune: Paul.
1 RG Veda: Yasha.
1 Bastard!: Dark.
1 Sora no Otoshimono: Beta.
1 Shamanic Princess: Tiara.
1 High School Fleet: Akeno.
1 Mahoromatic: Mahoro.
1 Shuumatsu no Izetta: Izetta.
1 Girlish Number: Chitose.
1 Boku Dake ga Inai Machi: Airi.
1 Death Note: Light.
1 Tamayura: Fuu.
1 BanG Dream!: Kasumi.
1 Battle Athletes: Akari.
1 Wake Up, Girls!: Nanami.
1 To Heart: Multi.
1 Gosick: Victorique.
1 Hataraku Maou-sama!: Chiho.
1 Locodol: Nanako.
1 Soul Eater: Tsugumi.
1 Galaxy Angel: Ranpha.
1 Yuru Yuri: Akari.
1 Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun: Chiyo.
1 Spirited Away: Chihiro.
1 Natsuiro Kiseki: Yuka.
1 Kokoro Toshokan: Kokoro.
1 Broken Blade: Rygart.
1 Schwarzesmarken: Lise.
1 Claymore: Clare.
1 Gate: Yoji.
1 Chihayafuru: Taichi.
1 Working!: Popura.
1 Phantom Brave: Marona.
1 Grandia: Tio.
1 School Days: Kotonoha.
1 Tokyo Magnitude 8.0: Mirai.
1 Tari Tari: Wakana.
1 Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Madoka.
1 Summer Wars: Kenji.
1 Non Non Biyori: Komari.
1 AKB0048: Sonata.
1 Basilisk: Oboro.
1 Katanagatari: Shichika.
1 Disgaea: Adell.
1 Baccano: Eve.
1 Youjo Senki: Tanya.
1 Hanasaku Iroha: Ohana.
1 Lethal Weapon: Martin.
1 Kitakubu Katsudou Kiroku: Botan.
1 Imouto Sae Ireba Ii: Haruhiko.
1 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim: Natsuno.
1 Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind: Nausicaa.
1 Konosuba: Megumin.
1 Suzume no Tojimari: Suzume.
1 Parasite Eve: Aya.
1 Dragonlance: Raistlin.
1 Assassination Classroom: Akari.
1 Mao: Mao.
1 The Sword of Truth: Richard.
1 Nekopara: Chocola.
1 My Hero Academia: Izuku.
1 The Ea Cycle: Valashu.
1 A Requiem for Homo Sapiens: Danlo.
1 Kodomo no Jikan: Rin.
1 James Bond: James.
1 Alien Nine: Yuri.
1 The Leatherstocking Tales: Nathaniel.
1 Gilmore Girls: Lorelai (Rory).
1 Terminator: T-800 (T2).
1 Top Gun: Pete.
1 Deverry: Rhodry.
1 Harmonia: Shiona.
1 Shuffle!: Primula.
1 Trinoline: Yuuri.
1 Dracu Riot: Elina.
1 The Eminence in Shadow: Cid.
1 Ken Tensei: Fran.
1 Shiroi Suna no Aquatope: Kukuru.
1 Sword-Dancer: Sandtiger.
1 Isekai Kenkokuki: Almus.
1 Selection Project: Uta.
1 Gunbuster: Noriko.
1 In This Corner of the World: Suzu.
1 Renai Karichaimashita: Hasumi.
1 Read or Die: Yomiko.
1 Cyanotype Daydream: Yonagi.
1 Tearmoon Empire: Mia.
1 Release that Witch: Roland.
1 Dead Rock: Yakuto.
1 Full Moon O Sagashite: Mitsuki.
1 Goblin Slayer: Orcbolg.
1 Irotoridori no Sekai: Shinku.
1 Bloody Roar: Uriko.
1 Girls Band Cry: Nina.
1 Ao no Hako: Taiki.
There wasn't an exact 1:1 correspondence between the number of names a franchise accrued and its objective worth, but there was certainly a strong correlation.
All in all the ratio stood at 405 sons to 600 daughters, roughly 40%. Not as unbalanced as one would think. Maybe there really was a place for boys in this world. Certainly a far cry from the 101:1 balance of my own marriage.
62 of my significant others' names originated from outside of Japan, the other 1044 originated inside of Japan. That was pretty much the correct weighting between Japan's worth compared to the rest of Earth.
Out of my 1106 significant others:
7 were named Rin, (7 girls)
6 Sakura, (6 girls)
5 Akane, (5 girls)
5 Ai, (5 girls)
5 Haruka, (5 girls)
5 Saki, (5 girls)
4 Aoi, (1 boy 3 girls)
4 Alice, (4 girls)
3 Kanata, (1 boy 2 girls)
3 Mio, (3 girls)
3 Yui, (3 girls)
3 Momo, (3 girls)
3 Karen, (3 girls)
3 Aya, (3 girls)
3 Kotori, (3 girls)
3 Rika, (3 girls)
3 Shino, (1 boy 2 girls)
3 Kaya, (3 girls)
3 Mizuki, (1 boy 2 girls)
3 Akari, (3 girls)
3 Yuri, (1 boy 2 girls)
3 Hinata, (3 girls)
3 Nagisa, (3 girls)
3 Chisato, (3 girls)
3 Hayate, (2 boys 1 girl)
3 Mai, (3 girls)
2 Yuuki, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Misaki, (2 girls)
2 Itsuki, (2 girls)
2 Junichi, (2 boys)
2 Jun'ichi, (2 boys)
2 Yukino, (2 girls)
2 Minato, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Alicia, (2 girls)
2 Vivi, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Yume, (2 girls)
2 Gin, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Yuu, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Nami, (2 girls)
2 Shion, (2 girls)
2 Usagi, (2 girls)
2 Aoba, (2 girls)
2 Honoka, (2 girls)
2 Sena, (2 girls)
2 Sora, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Kobato, (2 girls)
2 Miyuki, (2 girls)
2 Asuna, (2 girls)
2 Miu, (2 girls)
2 Shiori, (2 girls)
2 Subaru, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Lala, (2 girls)
2 Hikaru, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Meredy, (2 girls)
2 Akito, (2 boys)
2 Miho, (2 girls)
2 Yusuke, (2 boys)
2 Reina, (2 girls)
2 Hibiki, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Haruhi, (2 girls)
2 Nene, (2 girls)
2 Charles, (2 girls)
2 Ruri, (2 girls)
2 Edge, (2 boys)
2 Chihiro, (2 girls)
2 Madoka, (2 girls)
2 Simon, (2 boys)
2 Kyou, (2 girls)
2 Mirai, (2 girls)
2 Minami, (2 girls)
2 Komari, (2 girls)
2 Oboro, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Rebecca, (2 girls)
2 Fuko, (2 girls)
2 Megumi, (2 girls)
2 Miki, (2 girls)
2 Iori, (2 girls)
2 Rinne, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Leia, (2 girls)
2 Io, (2 girls)
2 Ichigo, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Elizabeth, (2 girls)
2 Kaoru, (1 boy 1 girl)
2 Mitsuki, (2 girls)
2 Lucia, (2 girls)
2 Cid, (2 boys)
2 Hiro, (2 boys)
2 Yuna, (2 girls)
2 Shinobu, (2 girls)
2 Natsu (2 boys)
2 Nodoka, (2 girls)
2 Hina, (2 girls)
2 Kanon, (2 girls)
2 Nia, (2 girls)
2 Kasumi, (2 girls)
2 Sousuke, (2 boys)
2 Haruhiko, (2 boys)
2 Charlotte, (2 girls)
2 Claude, (2 boys)
2 Ruby, (2 girls)
and the rest (the remaining 869) had unique names. Though to be fair, many of those names were spelled differently but were pronounced exactly the same, so it was hard to say just how unique they really were. Taking those into account:
Kyousuke/Kyosuke, (2 boys)
Chrono/Crono, (2 boys)
Yuji/Yuuji, (2 boys)
Yuki/Yuuki, (1 boy 2 girls)
Yuri/Yuuri, (1 boy 3 girls)
Yuna/Yuuna, (3 girls)
Shirou/Shiro, (1 boy 1 girl)
Sera/Sara/Serah, (3 girls)
Coco/Koko, (1 boy 1 girl)
Ricca/Rikka/Rika, (5 girls)
Sherria/Cheria, (2 girls)
Cana/Kanna/Kana, (3 girls)
Kyrie/Kirie, (2 girls)
Riku/Rikku, (1 boy 1 girl)
Mine/Myne, (2 girls)
Kou/Ko, (1 boy 1 girl)
Ryo/Ryou, (1 boy 1 girl)
Touma/Toma, (2 boys)
Kurou/Kuro, (1 boy 1 girl)
Lloyd/Loid, (2 boys)
there were actually only 830 unique names. Out of 1106 that was still over 75% so not bad. On Earth as well it was common for popular names to be widely shared. And with the addition of middle, last and nicknames, everyone was safely individually identifiable again.
It felt like a lot of overlap, but once you understood their different franchise origins and got to know them better it really wasn't that difficult to distinguish them. Aoba from New Game and Aoba from Cross Game were very different people.
I had a long lifespan, so the challenge of getting to know and hang out with each and every one of these wives and children would do a good job of keeping me occupied. I'd only scraped the surface of my potential relationships, not only with my kids, but also with my wives. Though I'd lived here for 142 years, that essentially meant I'd been dating each of my wives for less than two years. We were still practically on our honeymoons. The power of polygamy was truly a fearsome thing.
Chapter 57:
I had to wait 18 more years for my tenthborns to grow up enough to complete my master plan. Thankfully nothing untoward happened inbetween. Levy had mastered enchantment magic, which she'd taken an interest in as an extension of solid script spells. It was useful for virtually everything. For instance, if you entered the 'remove body hair' enchantment zone, you could get the instant shave people always dreamed of. There were also 'de-odorize' enchants, 'zap all bugs' enchants, 'don't feel hungry for the next 12 hours' enchants, 'don't feel sleepy for the next 12 hours' enchants, enchantments that set your room to whatever exact degree temperature you wanted, enchantments to style your hair, enchantments to block out noise coming from outside, and so on. She soon became the wealthiest person on Eden as everyone flocked to pay for her services.
Whatever annoyed you in life, there was an enchant for that. And the best part was the enchant lasted for a full year or your money back. Levy's solid script used to produce temporary phenomena, but combined with the glyphs she'd studied from Fried and the helpful hints from Mavis, Rin Tohsaka, Sara Chrysalis and other mages at the Research Institute, their lifespan had increased this far.
Lucy's books were made into popular and successful anime. With the public's encouragement she was already working on more.
Simply for novelty's sake, I cajoled my wives into a threesome with me of every possible combination between the 101 of them (there were 5,050 total), and then one-upped it with a foursome of every possible combination, which we were still working on (since there were 166,650). I felt the benefits of polygamy would never be truly plumbed until this final frontier was conquered, and luckily, after 150 years, all my waifus knew and loved each other enough that they weren't entirely averse to the close bodily contact involved. It took a great deal of daring to insert Cute-sama into a threesome (and then a foursome!), but she did say to treat her like a normal girl, so all I could do was happily comply with her directive. When it was my turn to fondle Rose's breast in my left hand and Cute's in my right, Rose gave me a knowing look that I couldn't help but own up to with a smirk.
I decided the city had become large enough to merit some grandiose building projects, so I renovated the shrine into a monstrous palace with a marble statue of Cute-sama towering up from its central point. Around her were marble statues half the size of our Creator (though still enormous and exquisitely detailed such that anyone could immediately tell them apart from ground level) of the primogenitures of Paradise, her 100 sister-wives and 1 husband, who looked outwards across town in a protective square around her, ever-vigilant that her Law be honored and upheld. With Siri to do the work all I had to do was design my new imposing edifice and then away the AI went. I of course banned any other buildings from competing with the skyline that my new Shrine dominated. Let Paradise, let Eden, let the entire galaxy always know who had made their lives possible. Let all our names be remembered for eternity. It still wouldn't be honor enough for how well we had done our jobs to get things this far.
I told Sora again and again how grateful I was for her love. We had married even before we arrived on Eden, and she had taken care of our home, the mansion, and raised my children like the perfect housewife ever since. Unquestioningly, uncomplainingly, she had done everything I asked and asked nothing in return. When I told her how guilty I felt for only giving 1% in return for her 100%, she shushed me with a kiss on the lips and assured me Cute-sama had removed all jealousy from her heart, so it had never been a problem. Such was the quality of my chosen ones.
I was aware nothing lasted forever, though, and I was blessed to have gotten this far without any additional losses from either my wives or children. That was why I called for a family reunion in the year 160 E.T., now that my tenthborns were full grown enough to look the way they should to my augmented reality glasses.
I gave everyone their most iconic costume as they walked in the ball room door and instructed them to change. Courtesy of Siri clothes could always be churned out, of any difficulty level, at will. Yuna held a concert in her songstress dressphere, singing 'Real Emotion' and '1,000 Words' (I had asked her to do so because it matched our 1,000 children), while everyone partook of Siri's variegated cooking. The buffet was enormous and covered all possible appetites, decked in every known sauce. Alcohol flowed freely, again of every known type, alongside drinks of a more cowardly sort.
Once everyone had gotten into a good mood I took Yuna's place on the stage. "My dearly beloved, we are gathered here today for a simple and a profound reason. We've never taken a family portrait together. Now we shall. I've hired a professional photographer to arrange things, so it's our job to do whatever he says. This is also being recorded in 3d for a virtual reality experience equivalent to the photo, so no details will be lost. This comes in two stages. The first stage is the full family together, aside from those living in exile, all 1,099 of us. It's going to take a long time to set up, but you're all grown-ups so I trust you can gaman through it. The prize is an everlasting, irreplaceable memory, that yes, we once all were here together, and yes, we all are one united family, and yes, we really are this handsome and beautiful when we dress to the nines."
The crowd gave out a shout and a fierce round of applause in favor of this assessment.
"Once the full portrait is done, we're splitting into our 101 nuclear families. I'm going to take a photo with my wife in the back row as we happily overlook our ten beloved children who are facing the camera in the front row. I want the ten of you to hold hands all across the line, as one united family. Even if you don't mean it, think of it as a favor to the mother who raised each and every one of you with infinite tender care. Pretend for our sakes so that we can look upon a dream of a happy home every now and then, okay? The photographer will decide the perfect arrangement of who goes where, so please follow the instructions."
"I will also be looking at the full family gathering and the 101 individual gatherings before I line up alongside you. Don't mind me, I'll join you before the picture is taken, it's important for me to remember this moment precisely as it happened, looking at it, not away from it, for the same reason the photos themselves are important." With a perfect memory and augmented reality, I wanted to see for once in my life the full lineup of all my favorite characters in fiction in all their favorite outfits together, so that I could then see it as many times as I wanted for the rest of my life. I couldn't do that while looking at the photographer.
Characters from live action shows naturally looked like the actors who had played them, while characters from books took after their descriptions or cover art. They stood out dramatically from the crowd, but that was the choice I made when I branched out into the real people category. Cute's miracles couldn't save me from myself.
The worst aspect of the augmented reality goggles were the inhuman creatures like Happy, Rokumon and Teepo. It wasn't so much that they looked completely inappropriate alongside the rest of their family, the real problem was that they were so small I could barely see them. At least Charles was generously presented in her transformed state and Shirahoshi had been shrunk down to human size for my sake. Oh well, you live by augmented reality, you die by augmented reality. Some of my family were flying puppets and cats. So sue me.
"Once the photos are taken, I thought it would be fun if the 100 different families competed with each other in a board game tournament. Each family has to choose what to do each move as a united group. The first round will be Carcassonne. The second round will be Settlers of Catan. The third round will be Monopoly. The fourth round will be Sorry. The fifth and championship round will be Clue. Cute's family has graciously opted to be the judges and rules managers in case of disputes, since they're a little too omniscient for their own good. If the games take too long and we run out of time in the day, don't worry, the party can extend into tomorrow or the next day and no harm will come from it. Food and drink at the buffet will be available around the clock. The winning family will officially be crowned 'Best Family.' Here's the trophy waiting for the winner. I'll mosey on through all the families and play alongside whoever I feel like at the moment, since I technically am part of every family. If you lose, you're free to go back to your apartments and change out of your clothes. You're also free to stick around and cheer on the winners. Even if you lose a board game, please don't lose your self-esteem, these games are rather chance based and aren't meant to be taken seriously. It's more about the journey than the result."
"Before you leave, be sure to take your copy of the photos and VR tape. The named care package also includes one of my favorite songs that I think matches you best. You'll have worked hard for them, and there's no telling when they'll become the only thing we have left of each other, at which point their value will dramatically increase. Any questions?" I looked around at the enormous crowd in front of me, my mouth a little dry from such a sustained speech. As Mayor I had to do a lot of public speaking so these sorts of things came naturally to me.
There were no questions, so I handed all further instructions over to the photographer. It was the little things that ended up mattering the most. Such a simple thing, a family photo, but out of such things Paradise was made.
* * *
Girls' Side:
"Yushis, I wanted to thank you again for saving my life." Christopher casually worked his way through the crowd to one of the independent rules judges.
"Mama only let me intervene because it was an accident, if you actually upset Tifa there will be nothing any of us can do, so please be careful Papa." Yushis remonstrated with her mortal half.
"Does that mean I'm also immune to lightning bolts and meteorites?" Christopher asked hopefully.
"If I'm in a good mood." Yushis smiled mercurially.
"Look Father!" Yukino pulled on Christopher's sleeve to get his attention and brandished three zodiac keys in her outstretched hand. "Mother arrived here with her ten contracted spirits, but she told me the remaining three were always meant for me. When I asked Cute-sama she assured me they were scattered somewhere across the world, so I went on a quest to find them. It took all these years, but now I can follow in Mother's footsteps!"
"That's nothing." Zack interjected. "Do you know how many Materia my mother came with in her backpack? And every time she mastered one a new one was born, until the whole apartment was rolling around with them, and I got to inherit them all. . ."
"My Mother's even worse!" Selphie protested. "She's always wandering around the city walking the dog and looking for 'draw spots,' so we never get anywhere on time. And occasionally she'll make someone stop and perform an endless ritual on them in the middle of the street until she nods happily and proclaims '100!' It's so embarrassing!"
Ganbatte Christopher! I'm always watching you. Rin Nohara thought to herself as she watched her Hokage desperately attempting to bond with all thousand of his kids in a single day with a deep and abiding smile. She wondered idly how many more decades it would take before he realized Christ-(opher)-mas was celebrating him.
Chapter 58:
"Good lord that was a lot of sex." I sighed in relief, finishing my final foursome after 471 years of effort. The year was now 614 E.T. and I was finally able to do something else with my life. The waifus who didn't want to wait around so long between turns had all taken advantage of cold sleep, but I had had to live through each and every day so that the endless turnstile could keep turning. Had it been worth it to devote 3/4 of my life to threesomes and foursomes? Of course. What else should boys devote their life to than that? It's why I had wished for 100 waifus in a harem in the first place, why not devote my life to that one wish's fulfilment? It would have been a waste of a wish otherwise.
Every imaginable combination of everything good in this world. Every imaginable blend of flavors my beautiful girls could emotionally and physically provide. And with a perfect memory, I could still taste them all, in fact, I could relive them like they had happened that very minute whenever I wanted. Cute's miracle guaranteed these foursomes for life, not as one-off, long lost events that faded away as quickly as they occurred. So not only did I have the best foursomes with the best girls of all time, I had them for all time. You could call this a 471 year investment for glorious sexual reliving over the next millennia. Especially since I couldn't ask these girls to accompany me forever, by having these memories locked down and in place, I could say goodbye without ever truly parting with them. If I ever missed any of them, I could recall one of the thousands of foursomes I had partaken with them and feel like they were right by my side again. And with this many different precious memories of them, it would never feel too old or repetitive to dredge up again.
"I'm so tired of breasts and buttocks!" Nekone agreed as she sat still impaled by my waning penis atop me. "And all of them bigger than mine, mocking me wherever I look or touch! Why does Anii-sama have to include me in every stupid idea?"
Come to think of it, she had been at the end of her rope when I announced my plan to impregnate her for a tenth time too. . . had it become a sort of fun minigame to see how far I could stretch this poor girl's patience somewhere along the way?
Haruka Saigusa kissed Nekone on the cheek in solidarity. "Look at it from my point of view. I'm always outnumbered by pettankos and reminded I don't suit Christopher's tastes at all."
Somehow I'd managed to prolong Haruka's inferiority complex another 600 years.
Rin Nohara posing as a cat-eared, gray-haired Mio kissed Nekone's other cheek. "I'm so bland I can't even be myself, doesn't that make me the most pitiable?"
"What are you talking about!" Nekone glared at the imposter. "You're the only girl who's still novel to him after 614 years, competing with you is the scariest challenge of all!"
"I love all your bodies." I meekly interceded.
"But honestly, if you'd known about Mio ahead of time, would you really have selected a minor side character like me?" Rin challenged me with yellow cat eyes, creating a strange battlefield where the more I complimented her the angrier she'd become.
"After getting to know you all this time, there's no way I'd trade any of you for anyone, no matter how well they were written. Another girl from another story I may have a month of memories with, but when it comes to you all that's measured in millennia." I held up my free hands to pat Mio's catears and Haruka's sidetail devotedly.
"Actually, divided by 101, 614 years is only 6 years of memories. A sufficiently well made game can be played for a year, so that's no guarantee at all." Nekone used her intelligence far too effectively.
"You know, if you'd asked, I could have dressed up differently and wore my hair in different styles." Haruka piled on. "You didn't actually have to marry 101 girls to get these various looks."
"You two are still being overly manipulated by his smoothtalking. The important thing is he never actually denied that he would have gone with Mio if he'd met her first!" Mio glared at me for liking Mio.
Though if I'd actually known at the time, I probably would have preferred Mio's mother Nia. . .or maybe both. . .a mother-daughter threesome would have topped that time I got with Nemu and Yume in salaciousness. . .speaking of daughters, Umi would have been nice too. . .
Three girls started punching me for the daydreaming look on my face.
"I only want you, past, present or future, I swear to Cute!" I shielded myself from yet another life threatening beatdown. "Things have gone so well with all of you, so much better than I could possibly hope or imagine, there's no way I'd prefer a gamble on the unknown! I'm glad I chose you! Lucky! Fortunate! Blessed! No one else could top this! The least of you towers a thousand leagues over the best alternative! Whose statues stand at the top of Paradise? Who am I encouraging people to emulate even now?"
The three seemed a little mollified when they considered that point. If I'd actually changed my mind about any of them, I wouldn't have deified them as far as the rest of the populace was concerned. In a city of millions, they still stood above the entire skyline, no one else. They were God's chosen sentinels, and everybody on Eden knew it, learned it in history class, and breathed it every time they looked out the window.
"No more stories better than ours." Nekone put her hands gently on either of my cheeks and made me stare deeply into her red eyes.
"I'll never cheat on you in any way, shape or form." I swore.
"I can't believe he has the gall to say that in this situation." Haruka sighed, snuggled up against my left side while Rin-Mio hugged my right.
"We're going to have to tell Elf to tone down the quality of her heroines." Nekone warned her bedmates.
"It's an endless parade of rivals!" Haruka sulked. As people who had emerged from pure imagination, it was no use telling them they were only worried about figments of the imagination. In fact that might make them more worrisome than the real people walking the streets.
"So what are we doing next?" Rin Nohara asked curiously.
"I guess it's back to the 100 girls in 100 days cycle. You complain about foursomes now, but you'll miss me when you have to wait so long, with foursomes we got to have sex more often you know." I replied.
"Most of the sex we got was with each other, not our husband, so I'm not sure that really counts." Haruka complained.
"I was thinking more about our lives in general." Rin Nohara protested down a more meaningful tangent. "We've given you the children you wanted and the sex you wanted, so what do you want from us next? What do you want from me next?"
"Well, next on the agenda is conquering the universe." I proposed.
"Our descendants can do that. What should I be doing?" Rin insisted.
"I guess the last thing I want from you, from all of you, is your understanding and affirmation. If you understood me and the things I care about fully, and then, even after fully understanding them all, approved of everything, then I could accept you fully in turn as a part of myself. As a fully extended, fully connected bond of trust." I explained.
"So we just have to call you halla?" Nekone asked. Nekone liked to read a lot so of course she'd read 'A Requiem for Homo Sapiens' by now.
"That and not hit me, which clearly indicates disapproval." I smiled at our ability to communicate whole books' worth of concepts with single words due to cross-pollination of source work memories.
"I feel like smart waifus have an advantage in this task." Haruka complained.
"Actually I think observant waifus are the best off." Rin Nohara, the most observant, bragged a little.
"Cute-sama is the best off either way." Nekone wailed. "She reads his mind and knows everything!"
"No, it's Wendy who is best off. Remember when they spent that month together all alone? She must have understood him then." Haruka Saigusa connected the dots.
"It's anyone who can get him to open his heart and talk about his past." Rin Nohara pointed out. "If we don't know him he can't possibly be sure we really love him."
"I understand Riki, he's the one who wanted me to think that was his past, so why does that set me behind?" Haruka complained at the unfairness of her life.
"I didn't want any of you to have to dishonor or betray the memories of your loved ones, I loved the yous who loved those people already, it was fundamental to your identities." I explained the purpose of my wish.
"Who has he told about his life on Earth? We could interrogate them." Nekone seized upon the quickest and easiest solution.
"A secret between them would be their most precious possession, the other waifus would never tell us." Haruka quickly saw the problem.
"Divulge all your secrets!" Rin Nohara shook me like a tree. I laughed and enjoyed the rippling contact with three different beautiful nude girls.
"Frankly there’s nothing to say about my past life. Having no power, unable to influence anyone, none of my decisions ever mattered, so essentially I never truly lived." I turned Rin down. None would profit from my regaling tales of old Earth. My true self was nothing but my values, only by seeing the beauty in what I valued could anyone approach that inner core I thought of as 'me.' And I'd already broadcast those values to everyone on the planet freely and incessantly, they were carried by the very names of all my children and taught in class every day. The next step wasn't for me to make.
"At least tell us how many second stage waifus you already have." Nekone liked to read a lot, so of course she'd read Lensman already, and was able to condense difficult concepts from entire series into single sentences when talking with me thereby.
"You're all precious to me." I avoided that sandtrap.
"You said to 'understand me and the things I care about fully,'" Rin Nohara made use of the perfect memory she'd been given by Cute. "If you won't cooperate on your side, I need only understand the things you care about instead. They can't run away or hide. I'll watch every anime, read every book, listen to every song, play every game, and then come back before you and ask you again."
Haruka and Nekone nodded at the wisdom of that plan. "We could even do it together and talk about what we don't understand to each other." Haruka suggested a little hopefully. Suddenly this trio of girls, who had ended up my last lovers by pure rolls of the dice as to who would go next, were becoming a true triumvirate before my eyes.
"Suppose we do love you down to your very core, and you love us enough to acknowledge our genuine love for you, what then?" Rin challenged me again.
"What else? We proselytize the things we both affirm to everyone else. As much as we can, as deeply as we can, to as many as we can, starting with our own children, so that they can love it too." I gazed upon the internal blazing starscape of the future.
"So the greed stretches on and on." Rin Nohara bit her lip, realizing what she'd gotten herself into by marrying me.
"I guess it wasn't about the four hundred years of foursomes after all." Nekone seemed to be struggling with the concept that I wasn't a wholly depraved individual.
* * *
Kuon sat opposite me in my mayor's office, going over the details of world governance in a well-worn routine after 600 years. She was wearing her peridot, spinel, amethyst, moonstone and onyx gemstone bracelets from our 200th, 300th, 400th, 500th and 600th year anniversaries, a tradition we'd had to invent ourselves given there was no precedent on Earth for our situation.
"Congratulations on completing your long-held dream." Kuon politely acknowledged the fact that she'd known me longer as a sex demon than anything else. Thank goodness for perfect memories or she would have forgotten everything else about me entirely.
"It was as wonderful as I'd imagined it to be." I reminisced happily. The best one had been when my three cousins, Sakura Yoshino, Nayuki and Sugu had lined up fully nude and lay down on their backs for me so that I could penetrate all three of them simultaneously, one with my left hand, one with my right, and the middle with my penis. Whenever I came they would switch who went in the middle but the penetration never stopped for any of them until the whole night was exhausted. With blonde hair, blue hair and black hair, continuous cries of ‘Onii-chan,’ and a perfect range of breasts from tiny to medium to large between them it felt like I was experiencing everything life had to offer in microcosm. But foursomes weren't only about the unique positions and sights you could see, they were the melding of four minds, four hearts, and four souls. They were chemistry, producing new compounds that acted differently from any one element alone. A sort of fractal infinity that came about by putting things in new situations and environments rather than trying to endlessly add on to what you already had. A new way to multiply life.
"Whenever I wish for things, God punishes me by granting some twisted mockery of the wish to hurt me with, so why do you always get exactly what you want?" Kuon frowned bitterly.
"Because Cute-sama is better than Uitsualnemetia?" I conjectured.
"I wonder if I wished upon Uitsualnemetia to overthrow Cute, since in my story wishes really were granted, and Cute promised to recreate us with our full powers intact, wouldn't she be required to. . ." Kuon mused until I put my hand over her mouth.
"Let's not find out." I suggested gently.
"I'm sorry." Kuon reflected, her tail drooping at the realization of how far her jealousy was taking her.
"To be fair, your white-haired evil self is really cute, so I wouldn't mind so much." I gibed.
"Ahem." Kuon's tail wagged with a little more spirit. "Other than our lives changing from the last four hundred years, I wanted to talk to you about the problem of discrimination. Because we treat our children better than our grandchildren, and our grandchildren better than our great-grandchildren, and everyone takes after us as an example, we've created this weird hierarchical nobility. And since no one dies, the class stratification keeps expanding further and further. I've seen grandchildren demanding great-great-grandchildren marry them just because they're of purer blood."
"That doesn't make any sense. Everyone is descended from the same top rank echelon, no matter how much the blood mixes it's exactly as pure." I objected.
"They'll say they're closer to the ideal original mix and thus better." Kuon quickly continued.
"But then why have children at all? Why not clone everyone forever? The point is to stray from the original mix to see if chance can come up with something better. We already have enough of what came before." I parried.
"Good. Now repeat that at your next public speech and convince the purebloods." Kuon put down her sheet of paper.
"Nobility is great, hierarchy is great, but it comes from the soul. The great-souled shine with a worth no title or raiment can wax or wane. You can see them from across the street, or at least after watching them for a while, seeing everyone they meet feel better about themselves and the world than they felt before. The children I banished are much purer than they are, do they think those off-worlders are better people too?" My bewilderment at their irrationality expanded the longer I considered it.
"But we do, in fact, treat our children better simply because they're our children." Kuon pointed out.
"It's my obligation as a parent to love someone who is born into this world loved by no one, because they haven't had the chance to meet or impress anyone yet. Otherwise they'd be totally alone and unloved. It's a sacred trust. It doesn't have anything to do with their closeness to Eden's origin." I sighed.
"But you do at least hope that our kids are better than their kids, right?" Kuon smirked.
"Well, yeah." I shrugged helplessly. "Otherwise that would mean we weren't as good at providing a wholesome environment for our children as they were. I need as many of my children to stand out as possible or my self-esteem would be shattered."
"You have the fragilest self-esteem in the universe." Kuon pointed out mirthfully.
"So what, like a proper king, I treat all my subjects equally? Or else I have to start calling everybody the duke of somesuch and the earl of whatnot?" I asked for input from my lieutenant, who supposedly was supposed to be sharing the burden of rule with me.
"Create a new hierarchy, an officially recognized one, that anyone can aspire towards. An order of the golden ribbon or something, that people from any generation can earn, based on something genuinely meaningful they accomplished." Kuon advised.
"That would certainly make the purebloods with no golden ribbon look ridiculous, but any awards I give out will have the same taint of bias, like, 'oh go figure he chose that guy.'" I pontified.
"This is tougher than it looks. Golden Ribbon bearers can't just be sports champions or quiz champions or the like, it's supposed to represent inner nobility. Really I'd like it to be awarded to people with the happiest homes. In this world of plenty the emotions you give others are your only true feats." Kuon sipped her tea. She'd been able to glug her beloved sake for the last four hundred years now that we weren't giving any fetuses alcohol syndromes, but during work hours I still restricted her options.
"But how on Eden do we know who has the happiest homes objective--" Then I stopped and hit myself on the head.
"There is one person who knows everything objectively." Kuon realized at the same time as me.
"The person you were trying to kill off a few minutes ago." I pointed out.
"I'm sorry!" Kuon asked for forgiveness again.
"In the interest of looking unbiased, though, we're all excluded from the honor." I decided.
"Which conveniently means we don't have to ask Cute-sama whether we failed, or embarrass some of us by losing to our own kids." Kuon agreed, liking the sound of that.
"Not that we would fail." I quickly corrected.
"Oh of course not." Kuon quickly agreed. "The next item on the agenda is the off-worlders you spoke of. I wanted to know if you were really okay with sending more and more people--"
"Stop! I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know anything about Modernity, Sheol, Anarchy Park, Thugville, the People's Republic or Opium Den, good or bad. It's their planets and up to them to make of them whatever they wish. The policy will continue as before. For all I know they're all doing way better than us and making our planet look like a laughingstock or some sort of pre-Hell." I stopped her short a second time.
"But you do know all those people are going straight to Hell after they die, given that Cute-sama is here not there, so even if we are a pre-Hell compared to them. . ." Kuon protested weakly.
"Maybe it's worth it to them. Or Hell won't be so bad and they'll get out quickly because they're only doing minor sins. Heck, maybe they'll convince Cute she's wrong and they're right by living so well she can't deny them any longer." I shrugged.
"I think that's quite the stretch given that Cute hasn't budged in 500 years. . ." Kuon pressed.
"Maybe Gods think in different timeframes than mortals." I stubbornly countered.
"Okay dear. I'll leave these reports full of mortality statistics, birth rates, per capita gdp, life expectancy, education levels, technological sophistication, height, weight, crime and all the rest in this wastebasket here. In case you're curious." And Kuon chucked all the papers away. "Meanwhile, a lot of people have been petitioning me about this, so now that you can drag your mind off of foursomes for a second, our nation is in want of a flag and an anthem. After six hundred years I think our population is big enough to merit one, right?"
"I guess we're no longer the only nation around, what with Thugville and all, so we do need some marker to distinguish us from them. . ." I admitted. "Okay, how about the flag is white, with a circle in the center. Only this time it isn't red, but gold, because we aren't Japan, we're Japan's ideals."
"Somehow I feel like this is showing favoritism to Nekone." Kuon complained, but nonetheless wrote the answer down.
"We can fly the flag over all our public buildings, to denote which buildings represent and serve our united will. If private places or people want to display their patriotism they can always join in, but that would be up to them." I dictated. "As for the national anthem, it should be 'After you Sleep,' from Heaven Burns Red. The song is beautiful, quiet, sad, but powerful, hopeful, and ever-rising. The crescendo bespeaks of an undauntable, triumphant purpose. Armies could march to war listening to that anthem, and children could fall asleep listening to it on their mother's lips. We can play it before any athletic match or any of my official appearances as Mayor."
"You'd better hope your speeches can live up to that intro." Kuon smiled, writing it all down. "So what about our national animal?"
"Let's carry on the nobility that dates back to Rome and make it the eagle." I made another easy and quick decision.
"National flower?" Kuon went down the checklist.
"What else but a sakura tree in full bloom?" I replied instantly.
"The national seal?" Kuon continued.
"The hundred of us standing around Cute elevated above, like our statues." Again the answer was obvious.
"And our pledge of allegiance?" Kuon asked.
"I hated giving the pledge of allegiance in class. No one should be obligated to swear an oath to anything, especially if it's an obvious lie." I quibbled.
"Treat it like the national motto or the Lord's Prayer, then, some shorthand thing people can recite if they really love their homeland. We won't make the kids recite it, we can just let them know what it is, like 'In God we Trust,' or 'E Pluribus Unum.'" Kuon offered.
"Strangely both of those already fit really well." I commented, musing on what could summarize Eden pithily enough. "Okay, how about, 'I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the Galactic Empire of Eden, and to the values, for which it stands, one nation, under God, with beauty, truth and love for all.'"
Kuon smiled again, writing it down word for word. "Maybe your speeches really can live up to our anthem."
* * *
"Cute-sama, I'm sure you overheard our conversation already, but could you find out who was encouraging and inspiring the other people in their vicinity the most, by reading everyone's emotions in real time as they encounter each other, and then give the top 1% a golden ribbon?" I went to the shrine to put Kuon's plan into operation. Government worked a lot better with a Panopticon.
"I will if you give me five more angels." Cute generously offered in turn. Oh snap! The protection of four hundred years of foursomes was no longer available to fob her off with!
"Do you think good angel names grow on trees?" I wailed.
"All I know is everybody else has ten children and I have five." Cute cutely counted very low and simple numbers.
"But think about it, they're demigods, surely they count double!" I excused myself.
"If you had given me Ayu, Charle, Camyu, Nephren and Ithea we'd already have a full allotment of winged girls." Cute pointed out impatiently.
"But those girls had close ties to their mothers in the source works and couldn't be spared." I explained.
"Do you want your golden ribbons or not?" Cute pouted.
"Could we at least make them quintuplets?" I gave in, like I always did, to that puffed cheek. Who these mystery five could be was totally beyond me, but maybe I could figure something out in the year it took for her to give birth to them.
"There is a winged girl whose name you haven't used yet, though it wouldn't be unique." Cute bailed me out seeing that my mind really had drawn a total blank. And since no babies could be made until I was satisfied with their names, Cute had a huge incentive to move things along this time.
"Kanade from Angel Beats. I thought of her too, but is that really okay with you? Her personality was almost robotic--" I objected.
"No, it was from a book much more obscure than that. So obscure I'm the only person who remembers it anymore, and that only because I remember all things that have ever been. Rei was a girl with black butterfly wings chased with violet." Cute explained.
"If you miracle up a copy I'll definitely check this girl out, but that still leaves four more. . ." I pondered.
"Never mind the wings. Read 'Dead Enders', 'Choice Givers' and 'Followers and Emulators', and I guarantee you'll want all five of these girls to be your daughters. I want all five of these girls to be mine. You let the demigods govern our satellite cities all around the world, so all five of them will have a very special role on Eden. Presumably when we go into space they'll start governing whole planets or galaxies of their own as your regional administrators. In that case, more than having wings, more than having unique names, it's okay to name them after wise people you'd want to rule the world." Cute-sama advised.
"If you guarantee I'll like them despite all the rules they break, I'm sure I will. So what should we call them?" I asked, more curious than I'd been about anything in ages. What kind of book, what kind of girls, won the endorsement of God?
"Rei, Chiharu, Kotone, Aiko and Shiori."
Chapter 59:
Girls' Side:
Shiori Amsynth was the last child of God and her partner, the progenitor of this universe, Mayor Christopher the First of his name. She had over 1,000 older siblings but 0 younger siblings. She could look to her left and see an endless string of varied personages, but on her right there was nothing but a cold void. She was the end of the line. That made her very much akin to the alpha and omega of this world, which meant it was up to her to summarize and encompass its meaning. Being such a historical figure meant she always had taken a strong interest in history, so she had thrown herself into her studies whenever that class period arrived in school.
Eden had no history, as history was the study of change over time, but nothing in Eden had ever changed. It was still run by its founders after all this time, and they had maintained the same culture and laws throughout. Eden hadn't yet left the garden of Eden. So aside from a brief introduction of Eden's founders and founding principles perforce the study of history was the study of their origin world, Earth, which mostly meant a study of every wrong thing Earth did in its long but inglorious course. Basically, if you learned how Earth messed up in every single way imaginable, which led to all of its cultures and empires eventually falling apart, you could choose not to do any of those things and by order of elimination end up at perfection.
In first grade humanity's mistakes were pretty obvious, because history covered the uncivilized, illiterate regions of the Earth and how they developed before coming into contact with the wider world -- the Eskimoes, Maoris, Australian Aborigines, Amerindians (North and South), Africans and the like. It was pretty jarring stuff for a young innocent child to hear about, but nothing a demigod couldn't handle. It was an unrelenting horror show of human sacrifice, torture, self-mutilation, slavery, endless petty tribal warfare and cannibalism. It was hard to believe these people were actually sentient, fully evolved human beings and not just another branch of apes. They certainly didn't act like anyone she knew.
Second grade focused on a slightly superior region and culture, the Indian subcontinent, which accounted for a surprisingly huge fraction of humanity's total population, despite never achieving anything of note with it. There she learned of silly religions like Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism that trapped the populations into a false sense of complacency (the idea that you were born into a caste and could never deviate from it so there was no point trying hard or being ambitious in life, or that everything in this world was illusion so nothing was worth achieving in the first place, or utter pacifism which meant you were no better than bugs and should let anyone and everyone trample over you). It's no wonder people raised like this never won any wars against the wider world, had a ridiculously low Olympic medal to population ratio, was poverty stricken and backwards.
Third grade focused on the Muslims of the Middle East and North Africa, a terrifyingly effective religion and culture that nevertheless only exported death as its legacy. Eventually these Muslims had spread to all corners of the world and then destroyed the world in nuclear fire, perfectly in keeping with their religious mandate to wage jihad on the infidel and to die as martyrs in order to reach Paradise which was chock full of virgin brides. (Actually her father's and Islam's idea of paradise weren't that far apart from each other.) The history of this region was a history of unrelenting war on all their neighbors all the time. A ring of fire surrounded Islam's borders -- wherever Muslims went there was conflict, with whoever they met, and wherever the Muslim diaspora traveled there followed horrendous levels of crime -- rape, murder, vandalism and all the rest that made life unlivable in their vicinity. Islam was what you ended up with if you left women completely out of the equation. Harems, crimes and wars of conquest were what all men wished for and would eventually focus on if left to their own devices. Sidelining women, covering them up and keeping them locked in their homes, silencing them, ignoring their wishes and refusing to even educate them so they couldn't effectively articulate the thoughts and feelings in their hearts, let the primordial instincts of men run rampant and drown the world in blood and fire.
Fourth grade covered the grandeur and majesty of ancient Greece and Rome. Finally instead of reading old deranged religious texts they were able to survey cogent and rational deeds and men. Their textbooks were straight from the source: Tacitus, Herodotus, Plutarch, Plato, Aristotle, Aeschylus, Virgil, Lucretius and all the rest. Because Greece and Rome were so great it was all the sadder that they, too, went away. Gibbon described their decline and fall in great detail, but ultimately it came down to selfish, shortsighted decisions by one leader after the next killing the golden goose of the people's spiritual virtue, martial prowess and economic productivity for temporary local gains like peace in their time, luxurious living through debasement of the currency and increased taxation, or winning a power struggle by starting a civil war and defeating some rival claimant who was basically the exact same as them and would have ruled just as well, in the process destroying half the empire. They took what should have been an unassailable ascendancy and degraded it by stupid personal vices all the way down to the point where random barbarian tribesmen started outcompeting them, who took advantage of the situation to sack and pillage the now supine and listless land they had previously always admired and feared. The Byzantine Empire lasted a while longer, but the same stupid mistakes kept hounding them. A war with the Catholics over which form of Christianity was correct while Muslims amassed at their door had to be the height of human stupidity. They also managed to exhaust themselves warring with Persia before the Arabs took advantage of the situation and conquered both them and Persia, basically unopposed.
Shortsighted decisions all. Anyone with a brain at that time could have seen the need for unity and strength in the face of the uncivilized world ranged all around their border, but ceaselessly the civilized world fell into infighting. There was even a war fought over whether the green or blue chariot teams were the proper fandom. Shiori wasn't kidding. Rome fought a civil war over chariot squads. It's no wonder such a culture sank into oblivion, never to be seen again.
Fifth grade dealt with the beautiful but tragic Orient. There, time and again, an invention would be made, only to be buried again by the next Emperor. Or an art style would emerge, only to disappear after losing favor in court. China would be united after a long and bloody war, only to immediately break apart again due to a single Emperor's bad decisions. Every time the Far East looked like it was getting ahead, every time it looked like a land of scholars, prosperity and philosophy, they would inexplicably reverse course and return to ruthless barbarism. Slavery, eunuchs, foot-binding women, purdah, piracy, the entire wealth of the nation robbed to support harems and palaces for a single despot, and like usual, the same old infighting over meaningless differences all while the Mongols gathered on the border. China and Japan's history didn't move forward in a line, but inexplicably went in circles. In the 1600's Japan was a land of rifles and cannons, but in the 1700's it was back to swords and bows. It was dizzying.
Sixth grade covered the exciting developments of the Renaissance and the Age of Exploration in Europe. There the first glimmerings of a connection between modern reality and humanity's past began to take shape and form. Europe took advantage of the powers of capitalism and science to outcompete their neighbors not just with military might, but also with population growth via increasing crop yields, trade networks, the printing press which allowed them to record and disseminate all useful innovations between each other, and a passionate missionary zeal to spread their superior religion and culture to the rest of the world, which they rightly perceived as shrouded in darkness. These Europeans in their glorious galleons travelled the world only to find skull racks and feasting on other people's brains. Bare breasted women poked full of bones and metal and hair encased with mud as decoration. Lands with little or no domesticated animals or crops because the people had been too stupid and wasteful with the native flora and fauna, never thinking to cultivate instead of exterminate the lower life forms. And into all these backwards regions of mankind, which had been perpetually frozen in time, never doing anything since she had learned about them in first grade, the flowers of new nations bloomed like the United States, Australia, New Zealand and Canada. Nations which went on to contribute massive wealth, new technologies, new artistic masterpieces, new crops, new ideas, new everything to the world. They created a new world vastly superior not only to what they had found on arrival, but even the old Europe they had left behind. This was an old Europe not far removed from the Black Plague and the 100 Years' War, Russia being conquered by the Mongols, Spain by the Moors and Hungary by the Turks. It was a relief to get away from it all and start over with an open frontier whose only challenge was malarial swamps and naked men wearing war paint.
Seventh grade covered the Industrial Revolution, the Protestant Reformation, the American and French Revolution, Napoleon, the American Civil War, Catherine and Peter the Great, and all things European. There was a lot to learn from Tolstoy, the collected plays of William Shakespeare and Hume's History of England, a sort of companion work to Gibbon's Roman history. Lots of bad stuff still occurred during this period, like the 30 Years War where the Christians yet again decimated their population fighting over how many angels could dance on the head of a pin and similarly inane disputes. But overall it was a hopeful story of mankind throwing off the shackles of superstition and embracing reason and progress as their driving purpose in life. The world seemed limitless back then, with natural forces being systemically categorized, explained and then brought under control. Disease was no longer a curse given by God to the sinful, but a microorganism that could be controlled via clean water and regular bathing. Kings were no longer God-given rulers of mankind, but people given legitimacy by the social contract of their subjects, who agreed to be ruled by them so long as their reign was just. Slavery and serfdom were voluntarily set aside as antiquated customs beneath human dignity. Nations were based not on marriages between various noble families with large land inheritances, but by the natural borders of the people's beliefs, language, customs and ethnic ties. Mankind harnessed the nigh-Godlike power of steam, coal and steel.
Eighth grade saw the end of regional history as the world entered a new global era, where all people's developments were in line with events from all over the globe. No one could escape modernity anymore, which became clear with the First and Second World War. Humanity was all connected whether they liked it or not. Following those two horrendously destructive wars, where all old Empires and old ideas came to an end, there followed an extremely tense Cold War, then a War on Terror, followed by a war to maintain the 'rules-based order,' whatever that was. The world never really stopped warring ever since that stupid archduke had to go and get himself killed. There were pandemics like the Spanish Flu and Covid-19 that swept the entire world, Great Depressions that toppled regimes spanning oceans, and talk of Global Warming where everyone everywhere was responsible for wildfires and hurricanes occurring on the other side of the globe. There were some benefits of globalism, like the World Cup and the Olympics, where the whole world came together to celebrate human excellence and fair play, or the spread of otaku art from the narrow confines of Japan to the entire world, or the movies of Hollywood airing in theaters all across the Earth, or one small step for man also being one giant leap for mankind, but all in all it was hard to say if the balance had been positive.
Ninth grade was the study of Earth's denouement. There history ended, because the Earth ended. It was easy to blame the Muslims, because the Muslims had in fact destroyed the world, but it wasn't really about them. Just like how Rome's inner weakness invited their barbarian conquerors, the decay of personal virtues, the rise of parasitism over productivity, and the decline of the nuclear family opened the door to what should have been an easily solvable challenge. Weakness invites aggression. Strong cultures, strong people, never had to worry about what some evil outsider might be plotting or thinking, because none of it would succeed anyway. Only weak people, like weak immune systems, fell prey to predators. The excesses of toxic masculinity were thoroughly documented in third grade, and its mirror was the excesses of toxic femininity which ruined mankind in ninth grade. For some reason male leadership faded away in this era, and whichever men who did rule did so by parroting the thoughts and feelings of women. Excuses were made for the inexcusable, everything was tolerated, forgiven and justified. You literally could not do wrong. Criminals could do ten felonies without serving a day in jail. You could sleep around with ten different men in a year, kill your own babies, betray your marriage vows, manipulate and pervert children into demented and self-destructive lifestyles, shatter your body and brain with toxic substances -- it was anything goes. Anything that weakened yourself, your bonds with others, society, or your relationship with God was accepted or even commendable. You were still a special and beautiful snowflake no matter what you did, deserving of sympathy and charity. The only unforgivable sin in this brave new world was the refusal to conform to the latest fad, the most womanly sin imaginable. If you ever disagreed with the ruling consensus you were banished and demeaned as subhuman. It was to the point that serial killers and terrorists would vociferously make clear they weren't like those bad people, the racists or sexists, they were killing and eating their victims for purely personal reasons. On the totem pole of human goodness, the serial killers were far higher status than the people who clung to reason, truth or God and refused to step on the fumie of whatever the prevailing fashionable belief of the day happened to be.
Her father had been one of those lowest status sewer rats, the gutter trash of society, for refusing to believe the unbelievable, and his life had been made impossible, miserable, and ultimately extinguished by that merciless world. That one criminal act was enough to justify the end of the world right there. Considering what that same person had created in Eden when given the chance, it was hard to believe how insane Earth had become. How many millions of additional people had been likewise tormented and crushed underfoot by that mindless conformity all across Earth's final century? How many tortured for the sin of being right and demanding more from humanity than this putrid rotting fruit? How many brilliant lights were extinguished, snuffed out, their creations never seeing the light of day, because they would not toe the party line?
In the end the Muslims had been the coup de grace, a mercy killing, for which the Earth should have been thankful. It had become such a disgrace, such a mockery of what had come before, of all those inventors and philosophers and statesmen who had brought humanity all the way to outer space, only to see it end in zonked out zombies, conmen and clowns, that nukes were a step up from the status quo.
Tenth, eleventh and twelfth grade still had history courses, but they were based on the freedom of self-study. You could delve deeper into whatever era or topic you liked and learn all about the Ottomans, the Hapsburgs, the Vikings, Southeast Asia, ancient Israel, Egypt, Mesopotamia or whatever. Places and times that ultimately didn't make much of an impact on the world's history, and usually disappeared forgotten by even the people who lived there. Shiori had focused on the U.S.S.R. and related communist entities for 10th grade, reading a neverending fount of wisdom about the human condition by Solzhenitsyn. 11th grade had been Japanese history, because Eden was seeped in its culture so it made sense to learn the names of every last warlord and poet from that corner of the world despite their ultimate insignificance. And for 12th grade she learned about Latin America after the revolutions of Bolivar which set it on a separate course from Europe thereafter. Other than flamboyant dances, food, music and architecture it was a pretty sorry course, though. Lots of dictators, guerilla wars and narco gangs. Lots of murder, poverty and pollution, but not much else. At least they were good at soccer.
Eden had no college, so the later years of high school tended to allow more range and freedom of academic thought than usual. Another way of saying it was the people of Eden were smart enough to condense all of school, including college, into the first eighteen years of life, so that they could then go out and actually live while they were still young enough to enjoy it. Shiori was satisfied that any history worth knowing she had already learned, that school had done its job, and she didn't need it anymore. Endless extra years of education weren't a strength, they were a crutch, an excuse to not become an adult and do something meaningful with your life. She knew that men and women had vital contributions to society and neither of them could be spared without disastrous consequences. She knew why the family, which included a man, a woman and children, was the elementary particle of human existence and not the individual, which was prone to mental and emotional imbalances on one side or the other. She knew why Father should continue ruling the world, because the already played out alternatives had all been unthinkably awful. She knew why it was important that she fall in love and start a family of her own sooner rather than later, so that she didn't get lost in a maze of hedonism and self-indulgence, but instead took up an overarching purpose and duty that could help shape her legacy and contribution to the community, whose gratitude would taste sweeter than any drug. She knew that when it came time for her to rule over a galaxy or two, she would be a selfless but stern ruler like all the best examples history had provided, the rulers who had made their empires flourish instead of decay. She knew that teaching history to the kids who followed after her, her own children included, was a good way to keep that talent sharpened until the day of its necessity arrived. She even knew about Shiori Rin, the wonderful girl she had been named after and hoped to match someday.
She knew who she was and who she was meant to be. Shiori Amsynth, the last child of God, and the first of the coming Galactic Empire, which would make all of human history worth it.
The only problem was the quintuplets were all in the same grade and classroom, so it was hard to stand out and get a boy's attention. Shiori was as beautiful as Helen of Troy, another demigod like herself, but what was the use when Rei, Kotone, Chiharu and Aiko were too? Wherever a boy looked there was a demigod! Actually that wasn't the real problem. The real problem was every last boy in her class was a coward who thought a demigod was too good for him, so wouldn't even approach her. Didn't Cute, a full blooded God, marry a mortal man? Why didn't they try to repeat that fairy tale, didn't they want to seize that pleasure for themselves? Here she was, as cute as a button, eager to fall in love and start a family. And over there -- on the other side of the classroom! -- clustered the boys as they talked about baseball, anime and video games between each other. She was eighteen and about to graduate! Her father was going to throw her off a cliff in two years at this rate! (Though the execution method would have to be altered a bit for her, given that she had angel wings and could fly at will. . .Shiori learned in French history that the guillotine had been invented as a method to elegantly execute nobility who deserved better than a common headsman, so no doubt her noble neck was destined for that.)
She decided to consult her father, who seemed well versed in romance, given that he had successfully managed 101 wives for 600 years, during class together. Father made time for all of his children in this manner, being there for them two hours out of every day, during "Arts, Literature, Philosophy and Morality" class. She wondered how many of his other decisions were deviously well intentioned like this, always finding an excuse to love the people he wanted to love as somehow a part of his duty. Actually, since all her sisters were in the same boat (Thank God! It would be too humiliating if she were the only single quintuplet left!), it would be better if they all confronted him together. How could he execute them when they were doing all they could to be pleasing but no one would dare look them in the eye much less confess?
Rei, Shiori telepathically sent to her closest sister. I have a plan to avoid the guillotine. Can you convince all the sisters to cooperate?
* * *
"Otou-san, Chichi, Chichiue, Tou-chan, Papa," The quintuplet angels ambushed me at the front of my desk, all calling me by their favored terms, in a cuteness collision that threatened the fabric of the universe.
"What is it?" I kept a poker face, trying to maintain my dignity as world ruler.
"You wooed a God, so surely you know. Tell me, how do divinities and mortals get together? We need your help!" Shiori pleaded.
Thinking back, wasn't it Cute who wooed me? If she hadn't made her intentions known, I never would have dared to make a move on her. Oh. That kind of explained everything about these five pensive faces in a nutshell.
"Have you considered proactively hugging a guy and offering to marry them?" It had worked for Cute, after all.
"That's way too embarrassing!" Shiori blushed, scandalized. The other girls nodded in synchrony. Well, they were clairvoyant quintuplets, so synchrony was to be expected.
I pondered the matter a little longer, not wanting to let my littlest girls down. That was when my perfect memory came to the rescue, and I recalled a similar story to this situation. In Hinowa ga Yuku!, a princess who had every quality in a woman imaginable, from beauty to grace to kindness to good cheer, including a love of country and a core of inner iron to do what it took to help that country, with a talent for singing on top of it all, had been a similarly remote existence, a romantic prospect that men could only yearn for from afar. But Hisame had married her in the end, despite being a lowly peasant who could never dream of such a match. How had such a thing come to be? He had won her fairly in objective competition, and she had pledged to fairly join with whoever might be the winner and never complain of the result whoever it might be. If these girls were willing to do the same, to pledge on their honor to make such a match work, suitors would start appearing from all corners of Eden. And if the competition was rigorous enough, all five of them would come away with a suitor worth having.
"How about a contest, with your hand as the prize?" I summed my cogitation up.
The girls gasped, struck by the romanticness of it all. In how many stories had princes slain dragons to win over their fated loves? Perseus and Andromeda. Sleeping Beauty. Lodoss War. If it were the winner of a contest, there's no way he'd be some irresponsible schlub. He'd have to be the prince they'd all been waiting for.
"So what kind of contest?" Shiori eagerly asked, assuming her Dad was omniscient, always knew best, and had the answer to every thorny question readily available. I couldn't let that face down!
"Jousting?" I pitifully proffered.
The girls giggled nervously. Their fated marriage partners settled by a jousting competition, a sport exactly zero people were skilled at in the entire world? That was as good as a roll of the dice.
"It can't be some generic skill. Skill at something and being a good person aren't related at all." Chiharu rejected.
"Yeah, it doesn't matter if you're good at sports, or cooking, or war, or making money. What I want is someone who's good at loving me and my children. Someone who will help me rule and raise children I can be proud of." Kotone concurred.
"An objective contest that shows you have what it takes to love someone for life." I wondered what that could possibly be.
"Hmmmmmm." All the quintuplets harmonized.
"It should be a history quiz." Shiori's clouded face cleared up like a falcon diving for its prey.
"How is that different from a swimming contest?" Aiko asked, not confrontationally, but earnestly desirous to understand.
"History is the study of mankind's struggle to excel, for their virtues to vanquish their vices, and the qualities it takes to do so. Anyone who knows history, who truly understands it, would have to have learned those lessons along the way. And if you've learned those lessons, I know I could trust my body, heart and soul to that man, whether he can play the tuba or not. Sight unseen, I will, without qualification, trust him to do what's right." Shiori swore.
"Even if the guy is already married to someone else?" Rei asked, the biggest pitfall to an objective contest with open admission looming ominously.
"If it was good enough for Mother, it's good enough for me." Shiori's jaw took on a determined cast. That's the spirit! I cheered for her in my heart. All marriages started with faith and determination, the partner was less important than the attitude you took towards said partner.
"I'm not going to be a history teacher." Rei announced. "History is not the highest priority for me. But I'll marry one of the five highest scoring participants in a history quiz. Because I trust Shiori. If she thinks a good guy will appear for me, then I'll take him. It's not like I found one any other way."
"On the bright side, we at least get to parcel out the guys we prefer out of the top five, so there's some chance at compatibility." Chiharu resigned herself.
"I want to marry and have kids." Aiko spoke plainly.
"I want to have sex and romantic candlelit dinners." Kotone impishly followed up.
And so the word went out that five 18 year old demigods were offering their hands in marriage to anyone who wanted to help rule the cosmos together for eternity and could score well on a carefully constructed, currently confidential history exam. Since no one wanted to marry a guy just for being good at studying, the test would take place in one week, before anyone could prepare anything other than their hearts. The wedding invitation included a picture of the five quintuplets smiling in winsome garb, in case any boy didn't understand what sort of prize was on the offing. Dragon slaying had evolved to a new pinnacle.
* * *
"Our last daughters are wed. I have nothing left to worry about in life!" I shouted gleefully the moment Cute and I left the Shrine together, where both of us had participated in rather major roles to make it all official. The five newlyweds had already escaped to their honeymoon suites situated near the top of our Burj Khalifa mansion, leaving us peons to clean up the party grounds behind them. I hugged Cute-sama as hard as I could, all the relief in my body pouring out into my embrace of hers. The mandatory marriage law had done its job. Without actually killing anyone, it had spurred everyone to decisive action, and let them start down a path they'd never regret.
"I raised them well." Cute bragged.
"You're the best!" I agreed.
"And so are you." Cute gently replied.
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