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Friday, April 6, 2018

Spring 2018 Anime First Impressions: Part 1

Uma Musume:  For some reason two episodes came out for this series on the same day, so we got plenty of horse racing action.  Cute girls with horse ears and horse tails race around horse tracks then do idol concerts.  It's a rather zany concept, and as a result it can never be taken very seriously, but so long as the girls are pretty and the action snaps along I have no complaints.  P.A. Works always delivers on the production side.  The question is whether such a silly plot can stay interesting for an entire season.  At least it's fine so far.  Pass.

3D Kanojo:  Soul drainingly bad.  First off, no girl would ever act like that, so it's just awful writing.  But second off, even presuming a girl would act like that, the only boys who would respond like putty in their hands are losers.  There's no use reading all about a loser's life, a protagonist has to be a hero, so who on Earth would be attracted to this show?  The girl was caught cheating red handed with her previous boyfriend, so now you want to be her next boyfriend?  What kind of idiot thinks this will work out?  When you're of way lower sexual market value than her previous boyfriend was?

Also, I'm so incredibly tired of the 'guy attracts girl by saving her from imminent death/peril/abuse/rape/whatever' plot.  This never happens in real life, and even if it did it would never work out in the long run.  Ultimately girls don't date guys out of gratitude, they date guys they're attracted to.  A loser who saves a girl from a gang of twenty motorcycle thugs who were about to run a train on her and then leave her dead in a ditch somewhere is still a loser and she'll grow disgusted with him sooner or later no matter how grateful she felt at the original moment.  She'll only feel that way at the time, which does nothing for a relationship which is meant to be for all time.

If you want to be with a girl it needs to be on the basis of her respecting you for all time.  To do that you need to put in the effort and make the real achievements that earn that respect.  You can't just stumble into a relationship without trying or proactively approaching your target, and just wait for a girl to fall for you for no reason.  You have to have money, a high status job, popularity, degrees, awards, trophies, etc, etc, etc.  You have to be a winner at life before you can be a winner at wife.

Any story that says otherwise, and encourages you to instead be a white knight/nice guy to get girls is a total fraud and practically child abuse.  You are encouraging boys to act in a way that will never get them what they want and will only lead to endless heartbreak and loneliness.  This sort of thing would only happen in fiction and it's teaching the exact opposite from the life lessons these watchers/readers/listeners need to hear.

And this guy is literally a white knight.  He charges in to help out a girl who's in trouble because she cheated on her boyfriend and gets in a fight with her 'abuser.'  This is about the worst possible advice you could ever give.  First off, girls in abusive relationships chose to be in those relationships, so they don't like you butting in and will immediately take their own abuser's side.  Second off, if you lose the fight, that makes you not only a loser, but a loser who doesn't even know his own fighting ability, which is even more of a loser than a regular loser.  Even if you win a fight, it's already been established that you're her manservant who will dive in at a sacrifice to yourself for her sake, so you've already established yourself as lower on the totem pole than her, so she'll always look down on you for it.

Maybe, just maybe, if he had called out to her something cool, like, "Become my girl and I'll get rid of this nuisance for you." Waiting for her agreement and getting her to validate you before you save her might change her frame of reference; before diving in and losing miserably, she would have thought better of you.  But just throwing yourself into a hopeless fight for the sake of a total stranger just because she's a girl?  That makes you lower than every girl on the planet, you'd do anything for anyone with tits, which makes you the absolute bottom earthworm of the world.

Once you've established your worth in the real world, by having a good career and the respect of your peers, you can branch out from that confidence like a go formation relying on mei to invade new territory.  Girls can identify your solidity and strong foundation and decide you're an evolutionary winner with whom they'd like to reproduce.  Kids from your seed will be strong and successful like you are.  You must always deal with women from a position of strength, confidence, aloofness and condescension.  You should always be better than them, know better than them, earn more than them, etc.  You must be doing a girl a favor when you pay her any attention.  She needs to be lucky that you noticed her instead of the many other girls you could have chosen.  And she needs to remain feeling lucky for the rest of the relationship, forever, so she never thinks she can treat you poorly and get away with it.  You must always be ready to walk out the door and get with a better girl who will treat you right the moment she tries to cut corners.  Any other relationship is doomed to failure, because girls do not naturally stick with guys for life.  They have to be completely overpowered, to the point that it's just unimaginable that they could do any better than you.

You have to be Satou to their Lulu.  Kirito to their Scilica.  You have to be worlds better than them in every way and treat them like children you're just barely willing to put up with because they're cute.  Never be thirsty, never show weakness, never make them think you need them.  They must always need you, but the moment you need them they'll sense weakness and dump you.  Only by never caring can you ever get what you actually want.

And the people suited to these roles are only the chosen few who actually are superior people, like Satou and Kirito.  They certainly aren't otaku loser white knights who are afraid of being insulted by random strangers.  Become a winner first before you even pay attention to girls.  If girls come flocking to you precisely because you have that cold attitude to them -- like in Oreshura where the guy prioritizes becoming a doctor over chasing after girls -- then by no means make them any concessions.  Continue pursuing your dream, like Echizen with Tennis, keep doing the thing that got the girl attracted to you in the first place, and only show her cursory, tertiary interest when it doesn't get in the way of the path you've chosen for yourself.

In such a way it's possible to pick up a girl at middle school or high school and stay with her for life, but the whole time you aren't devoted to the girl, you're devoted to yourself.  Girls can be devoted to guys, because that's all guys want from girls, but guys can never be devoted to girls.  Because girls don't want your worthless feelings, they want your powerful seed.  If they ever start to question whether you're really all that then it's all over.  In Bakuman he had to become a successful manga-ka before he could date his childhood love.  That's the way it is.  That's the way it just has to be.  Because he prioritized work he achieved his dream.  If he hadn't, he never would have.  The only difference between Bakuman and other, real world romances, is that the girl was at least honest and upfront enough to make her demands explicit and clear so the guy wouldn't be fooled.  Her love was always conditional explicitly on his success -- every other girl's love is conditional implicitly.  It's never unconditional and it never extends to losers.  Bakuman is reality.

3D Kanojo is the exact opposite of reality, whose only goal is to mislead innocent boys to involuntary celibate doom.  Fail.

Tachibanakan to lie Angle:  Random, short, and vulgar.  It tries to be funny but it's not even that.  Zero redeeming value.  Fail.

Alice or Alice: 
This show is also an ecchi short, but it's tasteful and cute (primarily because the girls like each other as well as their onii-chan) so it all works out.  Don't expect a masterpiece or anything, but a dollop of honey never hurt anyone.  Pass.

Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai:  A boring series where the side characters are just awful and the protagonists include a retard and a loser who only has luck going for him -- the luck to meet a retarded girl who's so very retarded it's possible for even a loser to win her over.  Fail.

Comic Girls:  There were some cute and funny moments, but way too much cringing, crying, and timidity.  Girls in anime need to start acting their age.  These are like three-year-olds with nice bodies, it's just disconcerting.  Fail.

Dances with Dragons:  What do you get when you cross gritty detectives in trench coats with chuunibyou dragon slayers?  Dances with Dragons.  Is it a murder mystery?  Is it about fantasy geopolitics?  Is it a fujoshi flytrap?  Or is it just a place to cast lightning bolt and fireball?  Who knows?  Who cares.  Fail.

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