Blog Archive

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Time, Place, Occasion:

Memo to all the autists out there who can't read the atmosphere and have no clue what is socially acceptable and what isn't --  sexual harassment is not okay.

Making unwanted advances on a girl is crude, rude, and obnoxious behavior.  This is upgraded to a crime if you are doing so from a position of power -- for instance, if a girl is trying to get you to hire her, invest in her company, promote her, get a good grade in your class, etc.  It is never okay to hit on a girl when it could be taken as asking for a sexual payoff for a favor you could do her.  I don't care what your original intentions were, the fact that a girl could be forced to make that sort of choice, between her aspirations and her purity, is already defiling.

Women wish to be treated like human beings.  Like respected individuals.  Like professionals.  If they're talking about business opportunities, they don't want you to suddenly veer off into discussion of her dress, smile, or tits.  They don't want you to suddenly start pawing them.  If they are currently doing their jobs, they don't want you to compliment them on something non-business related.  They want you to respect them for doing a good job, and treat them like you would any other guy at the workplace.

How hard is it to understand that there is always a proper time, place, and occasion for different things?  If a woman is working, she wants you to restrict conversation to work.  If a woman is at a night club, a bar, or a laundromat, it's okay for you to talk about dating.  If she's using public transportation, she doesn't want to be hit on because she is trapped in the area with you against her will, and it creates an unsafe/uncomfortable environment for her.

Ideally, men should simply never hit on women, ever, period.  Women already know they are attractive and that men want to fuck them.  They don't need you to walk up and tell them.  They know that this is natural and normal and obvious.  So it's just rude to throw your interest in them in their faces like they don't already know and already have clearly decided against it by ignoring you in the first place.

Coldly approaching a woman who has given you no signs of sexual interest and suggesting you have sex together (and I don't care how the message is phrased because it all boils down to that) is verbal assault.  It's sexual harassment.  It's insulting and painful, because when before the woman was just going about her day she now has to deal with somehow escaping this crazy stalker.  And this kind of assault happens over and over and over again, to the point that women dread even going outside, because every single time there's some stupid asshole who thinks he has the brightest idea on Earth and that hey, this time she'll want to have sex with a complete stranger she knows nothing and cares nothing about.

Now, I'll provide exceptions for women who are clearly making themselves available by, say, walking their dogs in the park or waiting in lines looking bored or whatever.  Not that I think it's a good idea, but at least then, possibly, the girl has consented to being hit on.  You aren't clearly pure evil for approaching a new woman in these circumstances.

And the argument goes that, if we waited for women to make the first move, around 75% of relationships would never happen because girls judge men as losers if they aren't brave enough to make the first move.  Well, guess what, 75% of relationships fail anyway so how many of these relationships that male aggression creates even last?  How many are of any lasting value except that the guy gets more sex than before?

If a girl needs some sort of shocking proof of your masculinity in order to pay attention to you, she's probably not good, secure, or lasting relationship material in the first place.  What happens next time she doubts your masculinity?

And even if some good does come from just out of the blue hitting on women, and many happy lifelong marriages have started from a guy persistently groping and pawing a woman until she gives in, it doesn't make up for the trillions of times it didn't work out that way and instead just left women feeling degraded, belittled, dirtied, pressured, scared, hurt, helpless, etc.

Why are you willing to torture girls with endless unwanted advances every hour of the day every day of the year just so that someone somewhere gets lucky and has a bit more sex than he otherwise could have had if he had just waited for a woman's signal to go ahead?

Let women decide if they wish to be hit on.  If you're a cool enough guy they'll decide that even without you randomly flirting with them without being given any sign whatsoever this could be taken as okay.  If you aren't a cool enough guy, then accept that as your lot in life and at least don't become a public nuisance/menace.  Stop hurting people and find meaning and happiness in something else that doesn't rely on torturing girls.

A huge portion of our brain is devoted to teasing out facial and body language.  If a girl has any flickering interest in a guy, she'll throw out, even unconsciously, various verbal cues (the intonation of her voice), facial expressions (blushing, lowering her eyes, biting her lips, whatever), or body language (leaning towards you or fidgeting back and forth).  It is virtually impossible for a girl who is interested in sex with a guy to not convey this message to the guy one way or another.  So saying "what about all the missed opportunities where the guy wasn't brave enough to plow forward?"  There aren't any.  If there were an opportunity, the girl would have damn well made it clear.  Which means if it wasn't clear, there wasn't an opportunity.

If a girl claims sexual harassment against a guy, that's proof positive that she did not give out any signal evincing interest to the guy, because otherwise she wouldn't have been offended, now would she?  So the very moment a girl talks about being sexually harassed, you know what the guy did to her was inexcusable.  It's just inexcusable.

Have I come on to girls verbally and physically and been rejected?  Yes.  Did they accuse me of sexual harassment?  No.  Because there was enough of a relationship and enough of a dynamic that it seemed reasonable for me to try to advance things and they understood that.  It isn't coming on to girls that's evil, it's doing it cold turkey, with absolutely no evidence, just randomly, in outrageous ways towards women they don't even know.

If a woman is only around you because of necessity (work, public transportation, classroom, whatever), and you aren't already friends, do not hit on her, period.  There's just no excuse.  Women should have the right to exist.  They should have the right to go outside, do what they want to do, talk to people, do their jobs, and not be continuously harassed, assaulted, or insulted while doing so.  This is basic stuff folks.  This shouldn't even require being told!

Do not talk to women about their looks when you're in a setting where her looks are irrelevant.  If a woman is trying to do a triple bypass surgery, do not discuss her face or how she makes you feel.  This is madness.  Why do guys need to even be told shit like this?????????????????

If you're in an argument with a woman about tax rates, do not suddenly discuss her charming smile or alluring figure, or lack thereof.  Even more importantly, do not somehow think this has a bearing on the logic of her arguments and use it as a final smackdown in the debate.  WHY DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS?

If something seems completely unrelated and ridiculous if addressed to a man, like, "hey I need you to help me move this box, and by the way, I love your shirt."  DON'T SAY IT TO WOMEN.

Time, place, occasion.  Read the atmosphere.  Get with the fucking program, people.  Women should not have to put up with this, and no man with any sense of decency or morality would put any woman through it.  This behavior is absolutely unacceptable.  In the past a brother would have shot you over it.  In the past you weren't even allowed to approach a woman without a father's approval.  Those standards have been relaxed, but it doesn't make it any more morally right to do a crime just because no one's enforcing standards any more.  You're still just as awful as what would have gotten you shot over in the past.  And you still should be killed, whether it's the 1800's or not.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Damn, dude! This reads like an article written by a woman trying to pass as a man.
I believe there exist ways to cold-approach a girl, if you know what you are doing.