"Yushis, I wanted to thank you again for saving my life." Christopher casually worked his way through the crowd to one of the independent rules judges.
"Mama only let me intervene because it was an accident, if you actually upset Tifa there will be nothing any of us can do, so please be careful Papa." Yushis remonstrated with her mortal half.
"Does that mean I'm also immune to lightning bolts and meteorites?" Christopher asked hopefully.
"If I'm in a good mood." Yushis smiled mercurially.
"Look father!" Yukino pulled on Christopher's sleeve to get his attention and brandished three golden zodiac keys in her outstretched hand. "Mother arrived here with her ten contracted spirits, but she told me the remaining three were always meant for me. When I asked Cute-sama she assured me they were scattered somewhere across the world, so I went on a quest to find them. It took all these years, but now I can follow in Mother's footsteps!"
"That's nothing." Zack interjected. "Do you know how many materia my mother came with in her backpack? And every time she mastered one a new one was born, until the whole apartment was rolling around with them, and I got to inherit them all. . ."
"My Mother's even worse!" Selphie protested. "She's always wandering around the city looking for 'draw spots,' so we never get anywhere on time. And occasionally she'll make someone stop and perform an endless ritual on them in the middle of the street until she nods happily and proclaims '100!' It's so embarrassing!"
Ganbatte Christopher! I'm always watching you. Rin Nohara thought to herself as she watched her Hokage desperately attempting to bond with all thousand of his kids in a single day with a deep and abiding smile.
I really like how addressing Yukino naturally leads into Zack describing his own related circumstances followed by Selphie chiming in with her unrelated circumstances in a humorous but perfectly natural flowing conversation. This disguises both the plot hole fillings of the previous topics as 'just part of the normal everyday flow' instead of randomly inserted sore points. Then all four children's conversations flows naturally into the Rin Nohara ending that I'd had all along -- this time as a 'show' rather than a 'tell.' Which people always say is the superior form of narration, so may as well end the story with a proper bang, right?
That's not all the editing I've done. I also moved around who gave birth to whom to more accurately reflect the parents' close ties with the child. For instance, Lucy was always close to Cana in the source work so I moved Cana over to being Lucy's daughter rather than Lisanna's, something I really should have done long ago. To accommodate the name changes other bookkeeping type sentences were added and subtracted as well.
And on top of that I eliminated two more unnecessary 'justs' from the world. They pop up like mushrooms.
When editing is so fruitful who would ever stop? I'm still only on chapter 4 of my 14th read-through and there's already been this much progress. . .
No comments:
Post a Comment